The Oyster Catcher (21 page)

Chapter Thirty-eight

The next evening I pull into the drive and notice it straight away. The hooker is missing! There’s nothing there. My heart starts pounding. How will I tell Sean about this one? Then just as I’m about to get back into the van and go and call the Garda, the hooker comes into sight, round the corner of the bay. Its big red sails are full and fat. Sean is sitting with his hand on the rudder, but when he sees me he stands up and throws his hands in the air.

‘They’re ready!’ he shouts at the top of his voice. ‘They’re feckin’ ready!’ and a huge surge of excitement bubbles up in me and I run down to the water’s edge. I can see the sheer joy on his face. He’s smiling like he’s won the lottery. And his back looks to be holding up well too.

‘Get a life jacket, quick!’ he shouts and without giving it a second thought I run up to the shed and put the life jacket over my head and do up the ties. I run back to the shore. Grace is bouncing up and down the shore. Oystercatchers fly off and land again. The heron is there, flying slowly and steadily by the side of the boat. He pulls up at the little jetty and throws the rope to me.

‘You have to come and see, they’re perfect!’ he grabs my arms and I wonder if he’s going to hug me but instead he turns to help me into the boat. I’m shaking but take his hand and let him guide me.

‘Sit up here beside me,’ he says and we sit either side of the rudder. Sean flicks and pulls at the ropes, just like he taught me on my sailing lesson. But I’m still clinging to the sides for dear life and I keep focused on the shoreline. He unhooks the rope and pushes us away from the jetty.

‘OK?’ he asks, still beaming, and I nod. We say nothing until we’re out in the middle of the bay.

‘Here, you take it,’ he pushes the rudder towards me. At first I shake my head, but he does it again and so I quickly let go of the boat side and grab the rudder. It’s harder than I was expecting. The wind is in Sean’s hair, making the curls bounce this way and that. He looks alive and happy, really happy.

‘There, now you’re in control. You decide where you want to go,’ he puts his hand over mine just for a second or two helping to push me out round the headland from where I took the pictures of Seamus and Padraig. The seals are there to greet us, bobbing up and down playfully.

‘Right,’ Sean takes over the rudder and puts us right in the middle of the second bay. Then he drops the anchor.

‘Look,’ he says, standing in front of me with one foot on the side of the boat. It’s swaying to and fro and I’m feeling uneasy again. ‘There’s nothing to be scared of. Nothing will happen and if it does, I’m here.’ He gives a little shrug. He pulls off his raincoat with a slight wince. Underneath is his wetsuit. He pulls out his knife, the one from the box of photos, and puts it in his mouth.

I tentatively look over the edge. The water is as clear as can be and I can see all the way to the bottom. There are layers and layer of round shells.

‘Splash!’ the boat sways from side to side and I catch my breath and cling on. But like Sean says, he’s there. He comes up from under the boat, his hands full of the oysters.

‘Here,’ he hands the round, wet shells to me and I let them tumble at my feet. Then he grabs the edge of the boat and swings himself in.

‘You see the different shape,’ he says brushing away the water from his face. ‘They’re flatter, rounder.’ He picks one up and so do I. ‘Its shell is harder. It has to be to survive in the wild.’ He looks straight at me and I quickly look at the oyster. The shell is ridged with a slight blue-green sheen. ‘And they’re harder to open, a lot harder.’ He pushes in the knife with force and then slides it and twists it until it gives a really loud ‘pop’. He looks up at me again and we smile together. He slides the knife along the top shell and opens it up. The flesh inside is plump and creamy. He flips it over and the juices run.

‘Sunny side up,’ he says. ‘You try. Hold it in the palm of your hand. Put the frill into the base of your thumb.’ I watch and follow. ‘Now squeeze the knife into the hinge.’

He’s right, they are hard to open. I grip the knife harder and suddenly the hinge breaks and I slide the knife along the inside of the top shell, cutting through the muscle.

‘Did you ever think you’d be doing this when you came to Ireland?’ he watches my hands.

‘There’s a lot of things I never thought I’d do before I came to Ireland.’

‘Not all bad I hope,’ he looks up at me and it’s November the Fifth in my stomach.

‘No, not all bad.’ I pull off the top shell and flip the oyster inside over with a proud smile. ‘I thought I was safe you see, with Brian. Life was mapped out. I thought that was what a good relationship was,’ I find myself saying, and feel he understands.

‘You don’t need to feel safe,’ he says as I move the oyster towards his lips. ‘You need to love and be loved back.’ He doesn’t take the oyster from me, instead I put it to his lips and tip it up, some of the juice trickles down the side of his mouth. I take away the shell and he chews and swallows. I open another oyster and hold it to his lips.

‘Impressive,’ he says and catches hold of my hand and looks me straight in the eye. My breathing is heavy and slow. My whole body is aching with desire.

‘You don’t need to learn how to open oysters,’ he says softly. ‘You need to learn how to eat them.’ He takes my hand and guides it to my mouth. He is up on his knees in front of me. I can smell the saltiness of the sea and the minerals. He moves it closer still so the fringed edge of the shell is sitting on my bottom lip. Our eyes are locked together. I can taste the briny liquid. I lick the juice from my bottom lip and then suddenly he tips the shell up and I open my mouth just enough to let it in. It’s soft and meaty. I bite down and suddenly there is a rush of the sea on my tongue, a blast of the Atlantic and a faint metallic taste. Then his mouth is over mine and wave after wave of pleasure washes over me.

I feel like I’ve woken up after a hundred-year sleep. What in God’s name just happened there? I’m sitting in the boat, life jacket and the rest of my clothes back on. I mean, I know what happened. The most fantastic sex I’ve ever had just happened. I can’t help but keep glancing sideways at him to find he’s doing the same to me. I’m smiling and it won’t leave my lips. I’d forgotten what it was like to enjoy life, enjoy sex. To say that my sex life with Brain was boring compared to that is the understatement of the century.

‘I didn’t mean for that to happen,’ Sean says.

‘But I’m glad it did,’ I say boldly.

‘Me too,’ he smiles back and I feel relieved and emboldened some more.

‘That was the loveliest time I think I’ve ever had. I won’t forget this afternoon, ever.’

‘It wasn’t just about the sex y’know, English. I’ve wanted to do that for a long time. I hope you don’t think I pounce on all my employees.’ He steers the boat round the bay.

I shake my head.

‘I didn’t plan to fall for you.’ He looks from me out to sea again. ‘It just happened. It was hard to resist. You’re very beautiful, funny, and bloody gutsy. I just couldn’t help myself.’

I’m not blushing, I’m feel like I’m blossoming. The empty feeling has gone. I feel happy. I want to make plans.

‘And you are a dreadful patient, infuriating and unbelievably fanciable,’ I shake my hair out in the wind. Who is this woman and where is the old Fi? I feel almost serene, but there’s a nag at the back of my mind. I have to face facts. No matter how much I enjoyed my afternoon of lovemaking with Sean, he is in ‘an arrangement’ and this can’t happen again. Oh, and of course Margaret must never ever find out about this either. It would break her heart and our friendship. But I’ve kept enough things locked away inside during my growing up and throughout my time with Brian, this can go in there with them and I’ll just bring out the memory when I want to enjoy it. However I wouldn’t say no to a repeat performance, here and now, just to go in the memory box, and I wonder if he’s feeling the same.

Sean couldn’t deny the happiness he was feeling. It was like a new beginning, a fresh start. The heron was keeping pace with the boat and right now Sean felt he was flying with him. He felt free from thoughts that had kept him prisoner. The guilt about the crash. Not being able to make it right. But now, he felt anything was possible. He had to speak to Nancy and explain. They were both adults. Theirs had been a relationship of convenience. He’d found love and he had to take a chance on it. Fi was holding her hat in her hand and letting her worries be taken by the wind. He mustn’t let this happen again until he had finished with Nancy. It wasn’t fair on either of them. He turned the boat round the headland and headed for shore. There, in the distance on the driveway was the black BMW. He had from here to there to work out what to say. 

Chapter Thirty-nine

My happy bubble is burst. In its place guilt is pouring in. But I remind myself, I’m not the only one with a secret around here now. And now more than ever I need to tell Sean about Nancy’s betrayal.

‘Well, well. Out on the boat? I thought you didn’t “do” water.’ Nancy is tapping an envelope with her bright red acrylic nails as I walk up the bank towards the cottage.

‘There are a lot of things I didn’t used to “do”,’ I say and I just don’t recognise my own confident voice. I keep walking, my fingers holding the little pearl necklace round my neck. I leave her standing on the shore; partly because I feel so guilty and partly because I don’t want to see them together. I go into the cottage and although it’s still quite warm outside I put turf on the fire. I hear Nancy and Sean approaching. They appear to be having words. I tense up and decide to head straight for the shower. I don’t want this lovely feeling that’s still glowing away inside me to leave just yet.

‘Ah Fi,’ Nancy catches me on the way to the bathroom. I don’t want a confrontation but if it comes to it, I’ll say here and now what I heard her saying on the phone; how she’s cutting Sean out of the oyster deal.

‘This came for you while you were having your … sailing lesson?’ she smiles tightly and holds out a cream envelope.

That puts me on the back foot. I frown. I haven’t received any post in nearly three months. No one knows I’m here.

‘Well, I’m guessing it’s for you.’ She’s still holding it out to me. I have no option but to take it from her, like the poison chalice or maybe even the black spot. I look down. I recognise the handwriting straight away and the humiliation and shame I felt when I first came here comes flooding back.

‘It says for Fiona Goodchild,’ Sean’s looking over my shoulder and I can feel his breath on my neck and feel like melting into the same pool of passion I’ve just stepped out of. ‘Dooleybridge Oyster Festival’, he reads out loud. ‘Looks important.’ Sean puts his arm around me to take the letter. I turn to look at him and he returns my look. It seems we’re there for just a second or two longer than we should be and I find it hard to tear myself away, him with his arm around me and his hand on the letter, his breath on my neck. But I must and I do, furious with myself as I feel my cheeks starting to flush, giving me away.

Nancy tilts her head slightly and narrows her eyes. I know she’s seen something in that look and she knows I know that.

‘By the way, Fi,’ she finally says. My stomach tightens. ‘Dan was asking after you in the pub today. Says he hasn’t seen you for a while. I said you’d be at the Pearl Queen selection party,’ she smiles sweetly, too sweetly.

‘Well, I’ll be there helping out,’ I bluster.

‘I think he was hoping for a date. You haven’t been stringing him along, have you?’ Nancy says mischievously and tuts. ‘No one likes a tease,’ and she snakes her arm around Sean’s shoulders.

My throat goes dry. ‘No.’ This is too uncomfortable for words. ‘It’ll be lovely, I’m sure,’ I find myself saying as if it’s going to throw her off the scent.

‘Good,’ she claps her hands together. ‘I love matchmaking.’ Her eyes sparkle but not with pixie dust, more poison. She’s marking my card. Sean pulls away from Nancy suddenly looking thunderous. Nancy looks like a cat whose mouse has got away and is determined to get it back. Sean’s obviously regretting what just happened. Maybe it was nothing more than a moment of madness, a wonderful moment of madness.

‘I’ll take that. I’ll sort it out.’ I take the envelope from Sean and shove it in my back pocket. Sean tuts and goes to put on his boots by the door.

‘Someone you know?’ Nancy is still keeping her eyes on me.

‘Someone I used to know more like,’ I say quietly. Nancy looks in Sean’s direction. He’s opening the door and Grace rushes out.

‘Looks like someone’s keeping secrets,’ she says loudly and cattily.

‘Maybe I’m not the only one with a secret,’ I say quietly back, out of Sean’s earshot. ‘Just when were you planning to tell Sean about your deal with Henri?’ We hold each other’s glare. I pull away and slip off to my room and push the letter into the drawer by my bed. There is no way I can face whatever it is that Brian has to say right now. I don’t want to think about it. I push to the back of the drawer, my cheeks burning with humiliation. I don’t need to be reminded of what a fool I feel.

For a small cottage it’s amazing how Sean and I manage to avoid each other for the next week. Sean has taken over the farmers’ markets and is back giving lessons at the sailing school. He says it frees me up to get the Pearl Queen night ready with Margaret, but I think he just doesn’t want to be anywhere near me.

We’re holding the competition in the library where we can push back the book shelves like they do on court days. Dan’s hosting it from the podium used by the magistrate and the contestants will walk up the middle of the room. They’ll use the space behind the book shelves at the back as a green room. I’m baking up a storm in the cottage kitchen; sausage rolls, mini pasties, ham sandwiches, and tuna and cheese puffs.

A car horn beeps on the drive and I run to my bedroom and look out of my window. Margaret’s getting out of the car, holding her coat around her against the wind. I can see her looking around for signs of Sean. Once again that guilt takes hold of me. How could I go from feeling so positive about life to feeling this low again?

I take down the dress that Maire’s altered for me from my wardrobe door. In return I’ve made another delivery of oyster shells to Maire in the shop. Then I go to the kitchen and pick up the trays of sausage rolls. I open the front door and Margaret sails in on a gust of wind and excitement.

‘Oh wow, you’ve done an amazing job here,’ she says slipping a sausage roll into her mouth. ‘I can do your make-up again tonight if you like.’

‘D’you know, I think I might have a go at it myself tonight,’ I say as we head to the door.

‘Cool,’ she says, still chewing on the sausage roll. ‘Use my stuff, whatever you want.’

‘Thank you.’ I want to tell her what a good friend she’s been and what a crap one I’ve been. But I can’t.

‘Are you OK, Fi?’ she asks before we head to the car.

‘Yes, fine,’ I say, checking on Grace and keeping my blushes to myself.

‘You seem … different,’ says Margaret, helping herself to another sausage roll.

‘No, don’t be daft, I’m grand,’ I say realising I’ve slipped into local-speak.

‘Hey, is there something you’re not telling me?’ She’s expanding further with hot air and excitement by the moment.

‘No, there’s not, nothing, really … Now, come on,’ I usher her out, our arms full of bite-size morsels. ‘And don’t eat any more on the way!’ I say bossily, deflecting attention from my guilty secret. Margaret keeps looking sideways at me all the way to the library.

I’m clearing down the last remaining books from the librarian’s desk and arranging the sausage rolls and tuna puffs on it. Rose and Lily are going to do teas and coffees.

‘I’ve got it!’ Margaret shouts.

‘I wonder if we should’ve offered a bar,’ I say looking at the table of food. Margaret waves away my worries.

‘They can have a drink afterwards. Otherwise they’ll be up and down to the bar and we’ll never get the important business done. The festival is only a week away and we need to crown a Pearl Queen. Anyway, are you listening? I said I’d got it!’

‘Got what?’ I look around her. Raffle tickets, money box, microphone. I can’t think of anything we’ve missed.

‘It’s Dan!’ she beams. I look round. I hadn’t seen anyone come in.

‘Where?’

‘Not here. But it is, isn’t it?’ She’s grinning and clutching a poster for the event to her chest, sellotape in each of the corners.

‘Sorry Margaret, what are you talking about?’ The poster’s stuck to her. I peel it away.

‘You and him.’ She rolls her eyes from side to side. ‘You finally got it on!’ she announces and my mouth drops open, just as the door blows itself open, blowing the poster up into my face.

‘I knew it,’ Margaret mouths as she grabs the poster back off me and slides out to put it up outside. I have no idea where to go with this. Do I just keep denying it or do I let her think it’s Dan? Maybe then that’ll be an end to it.

As we head back to the pub to get changed, Margaret links her arms through mine, chuffed to bits she thinks she’s found out who’s put the glint in my eye. Wickedly, I decide not to dissuade her. Not for the time being anyway.

‘It was just a one-off,’ I say as she tries to quiz me some more, swallowing hard trying to get rid of the bitter taste of lies from my mouth.

‘I think it’s lovely.’ Margaret has got a soft, dreamy look on her face as she takes down her dress from the back of her bedroom door. ‘I just hope Sean decides to finally have a moment of madness with me.’

I am cringing inside.

‘Just going to use the bathroom.’ I stand up, grabbing my own dress and take it with me.

I slide my altered wedding dress down over my hips and it hugs me in all the right places. It feels perfect, not like before. Before, this dress made me feel like someone I wasn’t. Now it feels like me. Shorter, simpler, stripped of all the unnecessary trimmings. I love it.

I pull out the shaving mirror and put on some tinted moisturizer, then a dusting of eyeshadow, mascara, and a light pink lipstick. I finish it off with a lick of lip gloss, smack my lips together and then look in the mirror. There is a smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. I feel happy with how I look. I wonder if Sean will turn up this evening. My whole body aches for him all over again. I want to tell him that there’s nothing going on between Dan and me. But I know I’ve got to keep away from him. I can’t let what happened on the boat happen again. I run my hands over my hips and go back into Margaret’s room.

‘Wow!’ I say as Margaret turns to me.

‘Wow yourself!’ she beams back. Margaret is wearing a deep blue short dress with a long fish tail at the back. She’s got pale shimmering tights on, blue high heels, several hairpieces, and matching diamanté earrings and tiara.

‘You look fantastic,’ she says staring at me, her mouth open. ‘Where did you get that dress from?’

I look down at it. My hand touches the little pearl around my neck.

‘It was my wedding dress. Maire altered it for me.’

‘It’s so you! It’s perfect!’

‘The only thing I’ve realised is I don’t have any shoes to go with it.’ I look at my feet. ‘I threw away the matching shoes.’

‘I’ve got just the thing,’ Margaret says and dives into the bottom of her wardrobe. ‘Here!’ she pulls out a pair of shoes and turns to me. She’s holding a pair of light pink ballet-style pumps.

‘Oh Margaret, they’re perfect!’

‘They’re yours. I’ve only worn them once. They’re not me, but they’re definitely you,’ she smiles. ‘Right, let’s go and get this party started,’ she says, scooping up her little clutch bag. I slip on the shoes and she hangs on to my arm for dear life as she totters down the stairs and out into the bar.

There’s a wolf whistle from Mad Frank and Patsy gives her a proud hug.

‘We’ll be over now. Good luck love,’ he shouts after us as we totter out into the drizzle. Margaret holds her clutch bag over her head and we clip-clop our way to the library.

Freda arrives and takes up her post by the door. Contestants from outside the area turn up and Freda directs them to behind the screen of books. Even Rose’s sister, Lily, has decided to enter. I think it’s the chance of dinner for two with Dan that has brought in a lot of the contestants.

‘Not entering yourself?’ says Mad Frank as he sidles into the row of seats behind me. The library begins to fill up. Margaret slips out from behind the book screen to see me.

‘All OK?’ She bobs down as if trying to hide herself from the public. Freda and John Joe’s family are here supporting their daughter and a daughter-in-law-to-be, who are entering. Rose and her brother, parents, and the kids are there supporting Lily. Joan from the Spar shop, who’s six foot tall with American football player’s shoulders is taking part along with the girls from the hairdressers. All of them are short with matching hair colour and Siobhan, the owner, has decorated her thick glasses with tinsel for the occasion. There’s Brid from the bank who’s wearing a brooch in her suit lapel, and Deidre, one of the school teachers, who’s heavily pregnant with her sixth child, but has brought a huge following from her class. Even the local vet and the Polish basket maker from Galway market have come. Gerald brings in Grandad and Freda negotiates him a place down the front after much chair moving.

‘Brilliant turn-out,’ I whisper to Margaret.

‘Oh I need another wee. It’s the nerves.’ She looks around. ‘Is he here yet?’ she whispers, not taking her eyes off the room.

I shake my head before realising she’s not talking about the same person I am.

‘Oh, no,’ I shake my head again. Just then my heart gives a lurch as Sean appears in the doorway. His hands are shoved into his pockets. People turn to look at him. He spots me and I spot him. I raise my hand in a half wave and he starts to make his way towards me.

‘Oh look, there he is,’ says Margaret standing up straight. ‘Dan, over here!’ Dan’s standing in the doorway behind Sean. He rubs his hands together and smiles round at the gathered audience.

‘Excuse me,’ he says and pushes past Sean towards Margaret. Sean’s face darkens as Dan passes him. He slides into the seat next to me and stretches out his long legs and rests his arm around the back of my chair.

‘So, we all set?’ Dan looks around at the makeshift venue. ‘Would you do me a favour?’ He hands me his camera. ‘I need plenty of shots for this chapter in the book.’

‘Sure,’ I say. I’m much happier hiding behind the camera than I am in front of it. 

‘I’m going back there,’ Margaret points to the makeshift green room but she’s looking at Sean. ‘Enjoy yourselves,’ Margaret winks and disappears.

‘No, wait.’ But she’s gone, leaving me with Dan, with his arm still around my chair.

‘Actually, I’ve got to check on the um … food,’ I point towards the desk where Mad Frank is now tucking into the sausage rolls. I brush past Dan and he grins.