The Oxford dictionary of modern quotations (88 page)

of merchandise. The company begged him to favour their special case, since

his own voice had been reproduced by this means. So he wrote the

following: "Sirs, I have tested your machine. It adds a new terror to life

and makes death a long-felt want." He was asked to amend this, as the

public might misconstrue it; but he answered that it was not open to

misconstruction. "The immortalism must stand," said he; but it was not

used as an advertisement by the company.

Hesketh Pearson Beerbohm Tree (1956) ch. 19

He [Israel Zangwill] is an old bore. Even the grave yawns for him.

In Max Beerbohm Herbert Beerbohm Tree (1920) appendix 4

He [Beerbohm Tree] approved cheerfully enough of everything until he came

to the collection of damsels that had been dragged into the theatre as

ladies in waiting to the queen. He looked at them in pained and prolonged

dissatisfaction and then said what we have all wanted to say of the

extra-women in nearly every throne-room and ball-room and school-room

scene since the theatre began. "Ladies," said Tree, peering at them

plaintively through his monacle, "just a little more virginity, if you

don't mind."

Alexander Woollcott Shouts and Murmurs (1923) "Capsule Criticism"

20.31 Herbert Trench =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

1865-1923

Come, let us make love deathless, thou and I.

Deirdre Lived and Other Poems (1901) "Come, let us make love deathless"

20.32 G. M. Trevelyan =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

1876-1962

Disinterested intellectual curiosity is the life-blood of real

civilization.

English Social History (1942) introduction

It [education] has produced a vast population able to read but unable to

distinguish what is worth reading, an easy prey to sensations and cheap

appeals.

English Social History (1942) ch. 18

20.33 Lionel Trilling =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

1905-1975

Immature artists imitate. Mature artists steal.

In Esquire Sept. 1962. Cf. Igor Stravinsky 210:16

20.34 Tommy Trinder =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

1909-1989

Overpaid, overfed, oversexed, and over here.

Describing American troops in Britain during World War II, in Sunday Times

4 Jan. 1976

20.35 Leon Trotsky (Lev Davidovich Bronstein) =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

1879-1940

Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man.

Diary in Exile (1959) 8 May 1935

Civilization has made the peasantry its pack animal. The bourgeoisie in

the long run only changed the form of the pack.

History of the Russian Revolution (1933) vol. 3, ch. 1

You [the Mensheviks] are pitiful isolated individuals; you are bankrupts;

your role is played out. Go where you belong from now on--into the dustbin

of history!

History of the Russian Revolution (1933) vol. 3, ch. 10

Where force is necessary, there it must be applied boldly, decisively and

completely. But one must know the limitations of force; one must know when

to blend force with a man�uvre, a blow with an agreement.

What Next? (1932) ch. 14

20.36 Harry S. Truman =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

1884-1972

I never give them [the public] hell. I just tell the truth, and they

think it is hell.

In Look 3 Apr. 1956

I used to have a saying that applies here, and I note that some people

have picked it up: "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."

Mr Citizen (1960) ch. 15 (see also Harry Vaughan 22.6)

A politician is a man who understands government, and it takes

a politician to run a government. A statesman is a politician who's been

dead 10 or 15 years.

In New York World Telegram and Sun 12 Apr. 1958

It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it's a depression when

you lose yours.

In Observer 13 Apr. 1958

All the President is, is a glorified public relations man who spends his

time flattering, kissing and kicking people to get them to do what they

are supposed to do anyway.

Letter to his sister, 14 Nov. 1947, in Off the Record: the Private Papers

of Harry S. Truman (1980) p. 119

I didn't fire him [General MacArthur] because he was a dumb son of a

bitch, although he was, but that's not against the law for generals. If

it was, half to three-quarters of them would be in jail.

In Merle Miller Plain Speaking (1974) ch. 24

When the decision is up before you--and on my desk I have a motto which

says "The buck stops here"--the decision has to be made.

Speech at National War College, 19 Dec. 1952, in Public Papers 1952-53

(1966) p. 1094

Wherever you have an efficient government you have a dictatorship.

Lecture at Columbia University, 28 Apr. 1959, in Truman Speaks (1960)

p. 51

20.37 Barbara W. Tuchman =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

1912-1989

Dead battles, like dead generals, hold the military mind in their dead

grip and Germans, no less than other peoples, prepare for the last war.

August 1914 (1962) ch. 2

No more distressing moment can ever face a British government than that

which requires it to come to a hard, fast and specific decision.

August 1914 (1962) ch. 9

For one August in its history Paris was French--and silent.

August 1914 (1962) ch. 20

20.38 Sophie Tucker =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

1884-1966

From birth to 18 a girl needs good parents. From 18 to 35, she needs good

looks. From 35 to 55, good personality. From 55 on, she needs good cash.

I'm saving my money.

In Michael Freedland Sophie (1978) p. 214

20.39 Walter James Redfern Turner =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

1889-1946

When I was but thirteen or so

I went into a golden land,

Chimborazo, Cotopaxi

Took me by the hand.

The Hunter and Other Poems (1916) "Romance"

20.40 Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens) =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

1835-1910

"The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" ...was made by Mr Mark Twain, and he told

the truth, mainly. There was things which he stretched, but mainly he

told the truth.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884) ch. 1

There was some books....One was "Pilgrim's Progress," about a man that

left his family it didn't say why. I read considerable in it now and then.

The statements was interesting, but tough. Another was "Friendship's

Offering," full of beautiful stuff and poetry; but I didn't read the

poetry.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884) ch. 17

All kings is mostly rapscallions.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884) ch. 23

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? and ain't that a big

enough majority in any town?

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884) ch. 26

If there was two birds setting on a fence, he would bet you which one

would fly first.

The Celebrated Jumping Frog (1867) p. 10

I don't see no p'ints about that frog that's any better'n any other frog.

The Celebrated Jumping Frog (1867) p. 16

An experienced, industrious, ambitious, and quite often picturesque liar.

Century Magazine Dec. 1885 "Private History of a Campaign that Failed"

Be virtuous and you will be eccentric.

A Curious Dream (1872) "Mental Photographs"

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more

deadly in the long run.

A Curious Dream (1872) "Facts concerning the Recent Resignation"

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man

looked honest enough.

A Curious Dream (1872) "A Mysterious Visit"

Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.

Following the Equator (1897) ch. 7

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three

unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and

the prudence never to practise either of them.

Following the Equator (1897) ch. 20

"Classic." A book which people praise and don't read.

Following the Equator (1897) ch. 25. Cf. Twain's speech to the 19th

Century Club in New York, 20 Nov. 1900, in Speeches (1910) p. 194: "It's

a classic, just as Professor [Caleb] Winchester says, and it meets his

definition of a classic--something that everybody wants to have read and

nobody wants to read."

Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to.

Following the Equator (1897) ch. 27

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not

succeed.

Following the Equator (1897) ch. 28

There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is

cowardice.

Following the Equator (1897) ch. 36

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

Following the Equator (1897) ch. 39

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the

heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.

Following the Equator (1897) ch. 45

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week,

sometimes, to make it up.

The Innocents Abroad (1869) ch. 7

They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy; foreigners always spell

better than they pronounce.

The Innocents Abroad (1869) ch. 19

I do not want Michael Angelo for breakfast--for luncheon--for dinner--for

tea--for supper--for between meals.

The Innocents Abroad (1869) ch. 27

Lump the whole thing! say that the Creator made

Italy from designs by Michael Angelo!

The Innocents Abroad (1869) ch. 27

That joke was lost on the foreigner--guides cannot master the subtleties

of the American joke.

The Innocents Abroad (1869) ch. 27

If you've got a nice fresh corpse, fetch him out!

The Innocents Abroad (1869) ch. 27

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

New York Journal 2 June 1897 (correcting newspaper reports which

erroneously said that he was ill or dead, confusing him with his cousin,

James Ross Clemens, who had been seriously ill in London)

He [Thomas Carlyle] said it in a moment of excitement, when chasing

Americans out of his backyard with brickbats. They used to go there and

worship. At bottom he was probably fond of them, but he was always able to

conceal it.

New York World 10 Dec. 1899, "Mark Twain's Christmas Book"

What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had

said it before.

Notebooks (1935) p. 67

Familiarity breeds contempt--and children.

Notebooks (1935) p. 237

Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and

how little we think of the other person.

Notebooks (1935) p. 345

Adam was but human--this explains it all. He did not want the apple for

the apple's sake; he wanted it only because it was forbidden.

Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894) ch. 2

Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep

a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our

race. He brought death into the world.

Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894) ch. 3

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is

nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894) ch. 5

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat

has only nine lives.

Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894) ch. 7

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.

Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894) ch. 10

As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.

Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894) ch. 11

Put all your eggs in the one basket, and--watch that basket.

Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894) ch. 15

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894) ch. 19

It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of

opinion that makes horse-races.

Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894) ch. 19

There is a sumptuous variety about the New England weather that compels

the stranger's admiration--and regret. The weather is always doing

something there; always attending strictly to business; always getting up

new designs and trying them on the people to see how they will go. But it

gets through more business in spring than in any other season. In the

spring I have counted one hundred and thirty-six different kinds of

weather inside of four-and-twenty hours.

Speech to New England Society in New York, 22 Dec. 1876, in Speeches

(1910) p. 59

There's plenty of boys that will come hankering and grovelling around you

when you've got an apple, and beg the core off of you; but when they've

got one, and you beg for the core and remind them how you give them a core

one time, they say thank you 'most to death, but there ain't-a-going to be