The Outlaw Bride (20 page)

She understood what he was about to tell her before he spoke the words. His feelings were carved into every line of his face. But she couldn’t risk hearing the words. Couldn’t risk what they would do to her.

She lifted a hand and pressed it against his lips. “Don’t. Don’t say it.”

He gently grabbed her wrist and pulled it away. Determination set his mouth in a tight line. “I love you.”

The words cut into her and robbed her of breath. “No you don’t,” she whispered, shaking her head. “You can’t.”

“I can, and I do.”

Her heart became a battleground, joy and pain wielding their weapons of desire and truth. She couldn’t speak, could only lie there beneath him and watch eager anticipation light his eyes from the inside.

His smile faltered slightly. “This would be a good time for you to say you love me, too.”

Her soul lurched, reaching for him. She pushed it back and swallowed the words before they jumped out of their own volition. “I can’t.”

His face tightened for an instant. Then, as if he came to his own conclusion on the matter, he relaxed, the hint of a smile softening his gaze. “Yes, you do.”

She closed her eyes to hide the truth. He was right. She did. She loved him with an intensity that scared her and filled her and made her shake. But she couldn’t tell him, couldn’t say the words and then walk away. He deserved better than that.

She pulled her lips in and pursed them tightly, managing a small shake of her head. “No.”

Connor smiled. She really was a horrible liar.

His hand slid down the length of her body until he found the soft mound of curls between her thighs. He cupped his hand over her warmth.

She grasped his wrist. “What are you doing?”

He placed a gentle kiss against her mouth, then murmured his answer against her lips. “Loving you.”

“Stop it.”

One finger slipped inside her hot, slick center.

“O-oh.”

He smiled and slowly withdrew, nibbling at her ear. His fingertips played lightly at her opening, touching then retreating, teasing her until her breath came in short gasps.

“Connor…”

“Do you want me to keep going?”

She arched her hips against his hand. “Oh, yes…please.”

He pressed his mouth against her ear. “Then say the words.”

She writhed beneath the torment, seeking the release his touch promised. “I said please.”

He chuckled low in his throat and slipped his fingers inside her once again. She shivered in response. “Not quite the ones I was looking for.”

“Connor…I can’t…please.” Her breathing grew more labored and he withdrew once again.

“Yes, you can.”

She opened her eyes and sent him a silent plea. He could almost hear her begging him to let it alone. His resistance faltered. He wouldn’t force the words out of her. If she wouldn’t give them willingly, he would content himself with the knowledge they existed in silence.

He lowered his mouth to hers and shifted his weight to rest where his hand had been. She was ready for him. His erection throbbed hard and urgent, desperate to feel her soft, tight walls close around him.

He entered her slowly, watching her as he probed the warmth between her legs. He pushed just beyond it and stopped, fascinated by the play of emotion that flashed across her face.

“Oh…” Her eyelids fluttered closed. She bit down, her teeth scraping against her bottom lip and she thrust against him, bringing him further into her. Connor let out an expletive as her legs tightened around him. A shiver vibrated through her body and into his.

He leaned down and kissed her, hot, teasing. “More?”

She arched against him. “More. All.”

Inch by glorious inch he pushed inside of her, filling her until she surrounded him. She became all there was. The beginning, the ending, the in between. Connor could no longer discern where he left off and she began. Nor did he care.

He moved within her and she met his thrusts. Their bodies moved as one, timeless, endless. Tension built inside of him like a coiled spring. She tightened around him, a soft exclamation expelling with her next breath. He quickened his pace, driving harder.

She moved her hips, undulating against him, burying him deeper, driving him to the brink and threatening to push him over. He held on for her sake, fighting for control, wanting to give her pleasure before he lost himself in his own.

Tension built inside of him like a coiled spring. She tightened around him, her hands on his buttocks, urging him on. Tremors shook her body and she called out his name in passionate abandon.

He shattered, from the inside out, torn apart mind and soul and then put back together, different than he had been before.

Piece by piece he came back to earth, became aware of the things around him. Their uneven breathing. Their sweat-slicked bodies and tangled limbs.

He gathered her in his arms and rolled to his back, taking her with him.

“I do, you know,” she whispered against his neck.

He trailed a hand down the ridge of her spine. “I know.”

“I just can’t say it.”

“Okay.” His arms tightened around her. Connor closed his eyes tightly and held on for dear life, lost, and not sure if he wanted to be found.

***

Katherine awoke cuddled in the warm alcove of Connor’s body, relishing the feel of his arm wrapped protectively around her, holding her close. She pressed her face more fully into his chest and stretched. Stiff muscles resisted then gave way to the movement. A satisfied moan inadvertently escaped from her lips. They had dozed, then awoken, then made love again, a cycle that continued until exhaustion claimed them and they succumbed to sleep.

A small itch tickled her nose and she rubbed it against Connor’s warm skin. He smelled of sleep and male, an intoxicating blend that made her crave him all over again.

She looked up to find him staring down at her, an amused expression lighting his face. The early hint of morning sunlight seeped through the window and slashed across the bed, intensifying the blue of his eyes.

“Hi,” he whispered. A tender smile spread across his face and touched a soft place deep inside of her.

She stretched again, relishing the friction of her bare skin against his, and placed a gentle kiss against his lips.

“Hi,” she answered, murmuring the words against his mouth—a mouth that had given her endless pleasures through the night and well into the morning.

Connor growled and rolled her back onto the mattress, half covering her body with his. Sleep and their lovemaking had mussed his golden hair. Emboldened, she reached up and ran a hand through it, then pulled him down for another searing kiss.

“You keep that up,” he said, finally coming up for air, “and I may never let you out of this bed.”

She laughed and curled into his body, letting his warmth seep into her. “Now there’s an interesting proposition.”

His mouth rested near her ear, sending little shivers down her body. “No regrets, then?”

“No,” she murmured into his neck. “No regrets.” She ignored the sharp jab of her conscience. She would save any regrets for later. She didn’t want to ruin this moment or taint its memory when it fed her in the years to come. Later, regret would visit her in abundance, swallow her whole. But for now…for now she wanted the moment of happiness to last as long as possible.

“I want you to stay.”

Her heart stuttered and the moment came to a shattering end. She pulled away, just enough to peer up at him. The wall Connor had built to protect himself, the armor he wore around his heart, had been stripped away. She could see it in his eyes, in the softness of his gaze. Guilt stabbed her in the chest and buried the blade deep. She had done that. And for what? To break it again? To give herself a memory to stave off the loneliness she deserved? The truth dealt a stinging blow, awakening her to reality.

“What?”

“Stay,” he repeated, tucking a stray curl behind her ear.

She blinked. Perhaps she had misunderstood. “Here? With you?”

A hint of impatience darkened his expression. “No, out in the barn with the horses. Yes, here with me. And Jenny. I want us to be a family.”

Daggers of pain sliced through her, shredding her heart. She rolled off the bed, gathering the twisted sheet around her. She kept her back to Connor, unable to look at him. It was too easy to believe everything would be okay when she peered into his eyes.

“You know I can’t.” Her desperate whisper resonated through the quiet room.

The ropes beneath the mattress creaked as Connor moved closer. “I love you, Kate. And I know you feel the same way, even if you won’t say it. I want us to be a family.”

Anger burst in her chest. How dare he dangle the only thing she’d ever wished for in front of her, expecting her to grasp it with both hands. Why couldn’t he just leave it alone? He knew she wouldn’t do it. Why couldn’t he just let her have this one night?

“I thought you didn’t want to get married,” she reminded him. “You’ve been harping on that since I arrived here.”

“I didn’t. Now I do. Isn’t a man entitled to change his mind if the right woman comes along?”

“I am not free to marry you.”

“You can be.” His hand slipped beneath the mane of hair trailing down her back. One finger traced a line along her spine. Tingles followed the path and Katherine had to close her eyes and fight to retain her composure. “I know it won’t be easy, Kate, but we can do it.” He sounded so sure, so convinced.

He had no idea.

“No,” she answered, her voice cracking. She struggled to control it. “I can’t.”

It was a nice dream, but it wasn’t hers. It belonged to someone else. To someone who hadn’t made all the wrong choices. To someone who didn’t have blood on her hands and lies propping up her conscience.

His touch stilled. The onslaught against her skin halted. “You’re serious?” His hand fell away and the mattress shifted.

“You don’t understand. My husband—”

“—will never hurt you again. I’d kill him first.”

“No!” She had seen how that could end. Grant had been a good man, a strong one. He’d even killed Rogan’s brother. But he’d been no match for her husband’s ruthlessness. The man would stop at nothing to get her back. She would not stand by and let Connor be his next victim.

“Dammit, Kate!” Connor pushed himself up on one elbow. “Are you telling me, after last night, you can just walk away? That it meant nothing?”

Her heart split in two at his words. She opened her eyes and gazed down into his, pained by the confusion warring with frustration she saw in them.

“It meant everything,” she whispered.

“Then stay. We’ll figure this out.”

She shook her head.

Connor got out of bed and slid into his denims before walking to the window, staring out in silence. Her gaze greedily devoured the sight of him, shirtless, his back muscles shifting beneath the smooth skin as he ran his fingers through his hair. God, she still wanted him. How long before that torment would leave her? Weeks? Months? Longer? Would she live out the rest of her days remembering his touch? His kiss?

“Then at least tell me why. I deserve that much, don’t I?”

She couldn’t take her eyes off him, strong and hurt and prideful. He loved her. In spite of all her lies, he saw through to who she really was beneath all the bad choices and guilt and regret.

She knew then he would never let her go. He would stand his ground and fight to the bitter end. And it would be bitter indeed, because eventually Rogan would figure out where she was. He always did. And she would have more blood on her hands. Only this time the stain would never wash away, never fade.

She needed him to release her. And there was only one way she knew of to make that happen.

She took a deep breath and let the truth out. “My name is Katherine Slade. My husband is Rogan Slade.”

Connor shook his head, as if by doing so the words would rearrange themselves and become something else. They didn’t.

“You’re a Slade?” But no, not just any Slade. She was the wife of the man who had murdered his brother. Suddenly it all made sense. The secrets, the evasiveness. All of her lies culminated in one horrible truth.

She was a Slade.

And then it dawned on him, slowly, sinking through the miasma of pain that wracked his body. She was the woman. The one on the stagecoach. The one they were looking for. She’d been under his nose the entire time.

He crossed the room and grabbed her by the arms, hauling her against him. Tears filled her eyes, spilling over, seeping into his heart and stinging its tattered edges. “Why did you come here?” It was no accident. Not even Fate was that cruel a mistress.

Her face paled and she swallowed. When she spoke her voice was barely more than a whisper. “Your brother sent me here.”

“My brother is dead!”

“I know!” The words came out in broken sobs. “He died in my arms.”

“What?” His grip loosened, but she continued to lean into him.

“He tried to save me, but he was wounded. I couldn’t help him. I tried, but he wouldn’t stop bleeding. He asked me…he…” She hiccupped, unable to catch her breath.

He pushed her away, her words scalding his skin, and stumbled back toward the door. He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut as if he could block it out. It couldn’t be true. This couldn’t be happening.
Oh God, please don’t make this true.

But it was. The look on her face said it all.

“You’re one of them,” he whispered, defeated. The words tasted like bile in his mouth.

“I’m sorry. Oh God, I am so sorry…” Her hand clenched at the sheet still draped loosely about her naked body. Part of him wanted to go to her, comfort her. She seemed so broken, so lost. He quashed the feeling. “Please, Connor…”

Please what? Forgive her?

“All this time, living here, you—” He stopped, choking on the images of holding her in his arms, the feel of her moving beneath him, the rightness of it. “And last night? Was that just another lie?”

She shook her head. Fiery gold curls bounced around the frame of her tear-stained face. “No! It wasn’t like that at all.”

“Then how the hell was it?” he shouted, desperate, enraged.

“I had to come here. I had to make sure you were—”

He cut her off. “What? Broken? Destroyed? Well, congratulations! Because we were—me and Jenny both.”

The mention of Jenny’s name broke her. She sank to the floor and curled in on herself. A small moan filled the room.

He closed his eyes. The sight of her like that slashed through him with such force he wondered a man could survive that much pain.

He had to get away. He made for the bedroom door and stumbled outside of the house into the cold October sunrise. The wind whistled through the center of his bare chest. He felt empty now, ripped apart. He fell to his knees, unable to go any further.

She reappeared, a minute later, an hour, he didn’t know. Her hair was still tangled from their lovemaking; the ravages of truth scarred her face, still beautiful even in its treachery. She’d pulled on the yellow calico, but it gaped in the front where she hadn’t finished with the buttons. She’d gathered her composure, but even he could see through his own pain enough to know it hung by a thin thread.

“Let me explain. Please.” She knelt on the ground in front of him and reached out, his shirt dangling from her fingertips. “There’s a letter—”

He batted her hand away. “Don’t. Don’t touch me. Don’t say another damn word. I’ve heard enough.” What was left? She was a Slade. And fool that he was he’d let her into his heart. Let himself fall in love with her.

And she’d betrayed him.

Everything they’d shared, everything he believed in, was gone in an instant, leaving him empty and raw inside.

He didn’t need to know anything else.

“I want you out of here. Today.”

***

The horses picked their way carefully through the path marred by undergrowth and still slick from the morning frost. Thin shards of sunlight struggled through the thick trees to cast a weak light over the moss and lichen.

Katherine inhaled and let it out slowly. Warm breath merged with the colder air, creating a white cloud. Ice dripped through her veins. She was numb from the inside out.

It had taken only minutes for her to pack. She was carrying nothing more than what she brought with her. Emily’s clothes went back into the trunk that had held them for the past five years. Along with all her hopes and dreams for a normal life.

She should have known better.

People like her didn’t get happy endings.

“Can we stop by the church?” she asked, calling ahead to Connor. He didn’t answer. “I want to say good-bye to Jenny before I leave.” Connor had paid her what he owed, money that now felt dirty and tainted. But she had taken it just the same. She would use it to pay the Hewitts, and whatever was left to take the next train out of town. She didn’t care where it was going. It hardly mattered.

Connor glared over his shoulder at her when she spoke Jenny’s name, silence his only answer. She touched her pocket where Grant’s letter rested. She would give it to him just before she left, along with the message that went with it. Her last act of contrition—but it would never be enough. The damage the truth had done was irreparable. Pain rifled through her. She wished she could accept her fate with grace and dignity. It was all she could do not to beg Connor to forgive her. But she didn’t deserve it.

She was a Slade.

In Connor’s mind she might as well have pulled the trigger that killed his brother.

They rode through the thick canopy of trees, crows cawing overhead. Their relentless squawks punctuated the silence, echoing around them in the empty air.

As they reached town, Katherine watched the large crowd in front of the church. Throngs of cheerful parishioners in their Sunday best milled near the front steps. Their chatter mixed with laughter. Children raced about, weaving around the clustered adults, their squeals carrying on the breeze. Neighbors called out greetings to each other as buggies pulled alongside the pathway and unloaded their passengers. Jenny would already be there with the Holkums. Would she wonder where her father and Kate were? Church bells pealed through the air, reverberating in her chest.

Connor reined in his horse outside of his office, not bothering to look at her. “You want to say good-bye to Jenny, go on ahead.”

His dismissal cut through her like a jagged blade. She had been successful. He wanted nothing more to do with her. It was a hollow victory.

Katherine left her bag tied to the back of her mare and dismounted, walking down Main Street to the church at the far end. By now, the front yard was deserted. The parishioners had filed in and taken their seats in the pews. For a moment, she hesitated, not wanting to disturb the sanctity of the church. But she couldn’t help herself. She had a few precious moments left to spend with Jenny, and her selfish heart wanted to use every last one of them.

She walked up the steps to the church. Reverend Sangster’s resonating tone stopped mid-sentence. Katherine opened her mouth to apologize for the interruption when cold steel pressed against the soft hollow beneath her ear.

“Hey there, Katy-girl. Miss me?”