The Other Other Woman (39 page)

That Friday he texted me after lunch.
Hey, how goes it today?

I’ve been better.

He called me right away.

“Hey, sweetie”

“Hey.”

“What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean, what’s wrong? What do you think is wrong, Matt? This whole thing is wrong.”

“When we talked earlier in the week, I thought you were okay. What happened?”

“No, I am definitely not okay with this. Not at all.”

“I don’t understand why you are so upset. Nothing has really changed.”

“You broke up with me. Am I not allowed to be sad or upset about that?”

“No, I didn’t! That’s not what I meant!”

“What!?”

“I never said we were breaking up, just taking a step back.”

“What planet are you on, exactly? When you don’t want to sleep with your girlfriend and you tell her it’s because you are going back to your WIFE, how is that just a step back?”

“I told you I just need you to bear with me and be my friend right now.”

“You know, why did you even take me to the winery? Why did you spend the whole goddamn day getting my hopes up that everything was fine and then do that?”

“Because I wanted to see you and spend time with you.”

I heard his office phone ringing. “Listen, babe, I’ve got to take this. I’ll be back.”

“Fine.”

I hung up. A little while later a text arrived.
I will need to call you back later to finish convo. Don’t be sad, babe. Just because I am overloaded with drama at this moment.

Like any normal person would, I assumed I would hear from him later that night or at least early Saturday. But I didn’t hear a single word from him all weekend. Hate really doesn’t even cover what I was feeling for him. It was hate mixed with the most overwhelming sadness I had ever felt in my life. How could everything we had together, including our long friendship, be reduced to this in just a matter of months? Someone who couldn’t wait to hear my voice and laugh with me first thing every morning was now trying to avoid talking to me at all costs. And I had no idea what I had done wrong.

I was so upset most of the time. I was having a very hard time hiding it, especially from my kids. My oldest told my mom that whenever she would go to bed she knew I was crying in my room.

Tattletale.

One afternoon, we were standing in my kitchen when my mom asked me what was going on. She knew how relieved I was in general over my impending divorce. I lost it and ended up telling her everything. I figured she would be pretty angry with me for breaking up my family over some other man. Even though by that time, she saw how dependent Nate was and agreed our split was for the best. But she couldn’t say much when she saw the tears pouring down my face. Her daughter who never, ever cried. She simply said, “Well, did I ever tell you about Kenny?”

“Kenny? That guy you dated for like three years?” I was just a young kid at the time, but I totally remembered him being this super fun guy that used to let us wrestle him.

“Yep. Same situation.”

“He was married?!”

“Yep.”

“What happened?”

“We broke up but he wouldn’t leave me alone. He kept promising me he was going to leave her. He was a cop, so he would find every man I tried to date and run them off. He kept following me around, and I finally told his wife. She was pregnant, so she stayed with him anyway. He’s the reason we moved here. I had to get away from all that.”

“Holy crap!”

I was speechless. And suddenly, I didn’t feel so stupid and ashamed anymore. My situation was more common than I ever realized.

At 8:45 a.m. Monday, he texted. He knew I was going to be pissed.
I had an even more drama filled weekend. I’m sorry I was too busy to talk but I really had no big block of time. So I can continue our talk today when we have time.

A text saying so would have made a big difference.

Yes, I am sorry about that. I was helping my son’s best friend. His girlfriend was attacked by 2 sleazy guys on Friday.

Oh come on. That had to be complete bullshit. What was he doing, cradling the kid in his arms, comforting him around the clock, so he couldn’t reach his phone? Brooke said he still managed to get his hair trimmed up a little.

That’s terrible. You still should have let me know. I could have spent a lot less of my weekend being upset. Again.

Well, I’m sorry, again. I’ll call you at 11:30 when I head to lunch appt.

Jules was livid. “How is it that he manages to always be the victim? He acts like a completely heartless bastard, and yet, we are supposed to somehow feel sorry for him. Poor baby has so much drama in his life! I know you love him, Mal, but I fail to see any reason to at all. He is a terrible person.”

Even my 60 year old mother said, “What a fucking drama queen.”

Brooke was only slightly more understanding. “I think you just need to tell him what you want from him, but be prepared for him to tell you ‘No.' Then you need to move on. But you can’t keep going on like this. It’s not right for him to keep stringing you along like this forever.”

When we finally spoke, I raked him over the coals for not calling me or letting me know what was going on over the weekend. “You knew how upset I was on Friday. And you couldn’t send one two-second text to let me know that you had a situation going on? You weren’t ever alone for two seconds? Not to pee, not running errands, nothing, huh?”

“Well, yes. I was, but like I said, I didn’t have a block of time.”

“I don’t understand how you can claim to care about me so much, Matt. I really don’t.”

“Mallory, I’m sorry. I don’t keep my phone on me at all times on the weekends. I know I should have let you know. I just got caught up trying to help this kid and I thought about calling you several times, but I didn’t do it. I was just hoping you would understand.”

“You keep saying how you want me to be your friend right now, but you can’t even extend me the same courtesy.”

“I know. You’re right. I’m really sorry,” he said, seemingly apologetic. “But I'm here now, so let’s talk.”

“I don’t know what there is left to say, Matt. I don’t understand what is going on down there to make you act this way toward me suddenly, and I’m obviously not going to get any straight answers from you.”

“I have told you exactly what’s going on. That I’m mixed up right now and I want some time to decide what the next steps are. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. I do. I still want to talk to you. I still want us to be just like we are, but it’s hard for me when I know I’m upsetting you all the time. It makes me just not want to make it any harder than it already is. I don’t want to hurt you, Mal.”

“Then stop hurting me.”

“I’m not trying to. Please… just give me some time. You’ll see, this is not the end.”

I was going to start the big ugly cry again so I quickly got off the phone. I realized I never actually told him what I want like Brooke had advised me to. So I sent him a pathetic, desperate, last-ditch effort text.
Here’s the bottom line for me. I want to see you in whatever capacity I can. If that means you stay with your wife and we continue on as we have, fine. If that means you leave and we see each other “legally” even better. But I was not prepared for the idea of giving you up entirely, and that is what’s breaking my heart.

Don’t give up on me yet, babe.

****

The City of Oaks Marathon took place the second weekend in November. There was no way was I running in it, but the course went right by our house so I did enjoy being a spectator. It was great fun to sit out there with the neighbors, drinking mimosas and eating junk food while watching other people sweating and trying not to die for a few hours. Nate was coming to pick up the girls for a little while that afternoon. It did not occur to me that he would not be parking in front of the house as he always did because of the various road closures. I was upstairs doing laundry by that time, checking out the window for him periodically. Unfortunately, I was unable to hear that he had already come in and was downstairs going through my phone. It had been over five months since we had separated, but he still had no respect for my privacy. I knew right away what had happened when he came flying up the stairs screaming and literally chucked my phone at my head, “If you want to be with him, then just go ahead! Have a great life!!!”

“What the hell?” I asked, ducking. “Oh, been going through my phone, have you? That’s real classy.”

He grabbed the girls and rushed out of the house, mumbling that he was sorry. When I scrolled back to see exactly what was in there–because I still was in the habit of deleting or at least still moving most incriminating texts–it was obvious that he had seen the part about me still wanting to be with Matt whether he was married or not. There was no explanation that was going to get me out of that one. He knew we had obviously been an item, even if we weren’t now.

He ended up having a little bit of a nervous breakdown. Not full blown, exactly, but he was sent for medical attention and it was a little scary that week. He missed work and was on such heavy medication that he wasn’t able to see the kids at all. It was a good week and a half before he could even ask me any details about Matt. When he did, I tried to be as honest as possible without saying too much… that I had developed very strong feelings for him, which amounted to exactly nothing because he broke up with me anyway.

Nate was relieved to learn that I wasn’t with him anymore. I think he thought it would help his chances for reconciliation, but it wouldn’t. I still didn’t want to be married to anyone, and definitely not to him. Once he knew the few details I was willing to give him, he had trouble understanding how someone who seemed as honest and straightforward as I was could put up with Matt’s brand of nonsense in the first place. I couldn’t argue. I didn’t understand it either. He said he felt sorry for me, that I shouldn’t have been treated this way. Although deep down, he probably felt I deserved every bit of it, and I’m sure he was right. It was the first time we had been able to talk as friends since the split, and it was kind of nice feeling like I actually had him on my side for once. It helped to change the way we related to each other, which was beneficial for everyone. So I was somewhat glad that he knew.

Over the next few weeks, work became very busy. One of the members of our team gave her notice that she was going to leave, and it created additional work for everyone. With the end of the year’s tax selling, most days were so busy, that I often ended up taking work home. It couldn’t have come at a better time because I desperately needed the distraction. I was doing everything in my power to keep my mind occupied on anything other than Matt. I started looking for meet up groups online for people with similar interests; even started browsing through online dating sites, but it was futile at best. He was still all I could think about, and I still spent the majority of my time crying like an idiot. But I promised myself that I wasn’t going to engage him in any further conversations about “us.” He knew where I stood and I was not going to beg him to come back, at least not more than I already had. We continued to talk about “safe” subjects like politics and work-related issues on a somewhat regular basis but not nearly as often as we used to. Instead of speaking every day it was more like every four or five days.

Thanksgiving officially marked the end of Matt’s 30 Day Mindfuck. I hadn’t heard a peep out of him over the holiday weekend, so by Sunday night I broke my promise. I was feeling like I wanted to fight. Who did he think he was, anyway? I texted him a simple,
What’s up?

Hey, just watching TV. Had a great weekend with the kids. You okay?

Yeah, I’m fine. Lovely Nate-free holiday, but I think I broke my finger. Was bummed not to hear from you, but I guess this is all we are now?

Sorry about the finger… well I’m sorry (again) that you were disappointed… had 3 kids, 5 cousins, parents, etc. to deal with.

Seems like we talk less and less these days. Is that what you want? I have to ask you if you had any intention of actually seeing me again or if this “30 day” thing was just a ruse to get me to take a hint and get lost. I’m usually pretty good at taking hints but you are also really good at saying things to keep me around.

Not a ruse, my plate is full and I cannot balance my life until I make changes. That was the honesty I wanted to convey.

But I never asked you to make any changes. I have patiently waited for you to make them in your own time. It’s just such a shame to me. I wish I knew what went wrong. I loved what we had. You know what kind of person I am and that I genuinely care for you. No matter how “full” my plate got, I wouldn’t treat you this way. But you are not me.

I know who you are and that is why I was first attracted to you. But I cannot multi-task as well as you.

In that case, I hope your other “tasks” are worth it. The problem for me is that you’ve never been able to just come out and say “it’s over.” So there is always a part of me that wants to believe we’re not. But it’s like forcing someone to quit instead of firing them. I very much want to move on if there is nothing left here. I don’t have a problem with being just friends per se, but it’s the uncertainty I can’t stand.

OK, well let’s talk tomorrow then and decide. Even though 30 days is not over and I wanted to figure this out with no rash decisions.

You are already in bed, aren’t you?
It was almost 10 p.m
.

No, but watching TV with my son.

I was joking.

I know, dear. Bed now.

The next day, I heard nothing. He must have been really looking forward to this conversation. In all fairness, he had headed up to Tennessee that morning, but we could have easily talked while he was in the car. Around dinner time I sent him a message:
*Taps foot impatiently*