The Oracle's Queen (48 page)

“I don't know. I guess I was ashamed.”

“Of what?” asked Ki.

Tamír hung her head. They couldn't know what it had been like, to not be enough, to not be
seen
.

“Forgive me, Tamír. I should never have let you go alone.” Arkoniel sighed. “You can't reason with a spirit like that, any more than you could with Brother.”

“Then why did the Oracle tell her to do it?” Ki demanded.

“I can't imagine. Maybe Tamír misunderstood.”

“I don't think so,” Tamír whispered.

“Damn Illiorans!”

“You mustn't blaspheme, Ki,” Arkoniel chided.

Ki stood up and wiped his face. “I'm staying with you, in case she comes back. Don't even try to talk me out of it. Can you walk?”

Tamír was too tired to pretend she didn't want that.

“Stay here,” said Arkoniel. “I have protections on this room, and I'll keep watch outside. Rest well.” He went out, closing the door behind him.

Tamír let Ki tuck her into Arkoniel's bed, and caught his hand when he was finished. “Sleep with me? I—I need you.”

Ki climbed in under the covers with her and pulled her into his arms. She put an arm around his waist and relaxed against his shoulder. He stroked her hair for a few minutes, then she felt the warm press of lips against her forehead. She brought his hand to her lips and kissed him back.

“Thank you. I know this isn't—”

Lips against her own cut off the apology. Ki was kissing her,
really
kissing her. It lasted longer than any brotherly peck they'd shared before, and was far softer yet more decisive than his awkward attempt in Afra.

E
ven now, with Tamír safe in his arms, Ki kept reliving that awful moment when he was so certain he wasn't going to reach her in time. Over and over again, in his imagination, he felt what it would have been like if she'd died. His own tears earlier had shamed him, but this sudden
impulsive kiss did not. He wanted to do it, and she was responding. So was his body.

Tamír. This is Tamír, not Tobin
, he told himself, but he still couldn't quite believe what he was doing.

When it ended they stared at each other, wide-eyed and unsure, and she gave him a hesitant smile.

It did something to him Ki couldn't explain, and he kissed her again, lingering a little longer over it this time. His chin bumped the cut on hers and he tried to pull back, but the arm across his chest tightened and he felt her leaning into him. He buried his fingers in her hair, snagging a braid. She flinched as it pulled, then chuckled.

At the sound of it, he felt like something that had been dammed tight in his heart let go at last. He combed his fingers through her hair more confidently, then stroked his way down to her waist. She was still fully clothed, wearing the dress she'd put on for Nari at supper. The skirt had ridden up a little. He could feel her bare leg warm against his through his breeches. No, this wasn't any boy in his arms. It was Tamír, as warm and different from his own body as any girl he'd ever bedded. His heart beat faster as he deepened the kiss and felt her eager response.

T
amír felt the difference in Ki's touch and the unmistakable press of his arousal against her thigh. Unsure what she wanted or where this would lead, but determined nonetheless, she took his hand and pressed it to her left breast. He cupped it gently through her bodice, then tugged the lacings and chemise aside and slipped his fingers inside to caress her bare skin. Rough and warm, his fingertips found the scar between her breasts and traced it lightly, then brushed across a nipple. He'd never touched Tobin like that. It sent warmth spiraling down through her to blossom into a new sensation between her legs.

So this is what it's like?
she thought as he kissed his way down to her throat and bit her gently on the side of the neck.

She caught her breath and her eyes widened as the feeling between her legs flared stronger. Just as before, she could still feel the phantom shape of her male body, but with something much deeper, in places only a woman had. If she had both bodies at once, male and female, then both were awakened by Ki's hands and lips against her skin.

It was too much, too unsettling, that dual sensation. She pulled back a little, heart pounding, her traitorous body at once yearning and afraid. “Ki, I don't know if I can—”

He withdrew his hand and stroked her cheek. He was breathless, too, but smiling. “It's all right. I'm not asking for that now.”

That? Bilairy's balls, he thought I meant fucking!
she realized with dismay.
Of course he did. That's what he does with girls
.

“Tamír?” He gently urged her head down on his chest and held her tight. “It's all right. I don't want to think about anything but you being here right now, alive and well. If you'd—died tonight, like that?” His voice went husky again. “I couldn't have stood it!” He fell silent a moment and his arms tightened around her. “I was never scared like this for you in battle. What do you suppose that means?”

She found his hand with her own and clasped it. “That no matter what, we're both still warriors, before all else?” Somehow, that was comforting. At least in this, she still knew who she was.

She could still feel the hardness against her thigh, but Ki seemed content just to lie next to her, as they used to. Without thinking, she shifted her leg a little to get a better sense of his body.

It's bigger than what I had
, she thought, then froze as Ki let out a soft sigh and shifted a little against her.

A
rkoniel sat in the doorway of his workroom, gaze fixed on the tower door, and wondered if he dared leave long
enough to fetch Tharin. He ached here and there from his tumble down the stairs and his ears were still ringing from the spell he'd cast to seal the door.

No, he decided. He'd stay until dawn, then go down and make certain the others didn't worry at finding Tamír's bed empty.

And what will I do if Ariani does come looking for her child again?

It had been Ki who'd saved Tamír, not him. He'd only driven the ghost off after Ki had her safe.

Blessed Lightbearer, what was your purpose, putting that into her mind? You couldn't mean for her to die, so what was it you were trying to show her? Why open up those old wounds now?

His bruised limbs were beginning to stiffen. He stood and paced the corridor, pausing a moment outside the bedchamber door. All was quiet inside. He reached for the latch, thinking to check on them, then drew it back. He stood there a moment longer, debating, and cast a wizard eye instead.

Ki and Tamír were fast asleep, wrapped in each other's arms like lovers.

Lovers?

Arkoniel took a closer look. They were both still dressed as they had been, but he could make out the faint smiles they both wore in sleep. Ki had a smear of dried blood on his chin that matched nicely with the cut on Tamír's chin.

Arkoniel dispersed the spell and turned away smiling.
Not yet, but there's been a change. Perhaps some good will come out of this night, after all
.

K
i had intended to get Tamír downstairs to her own bed before anyone noticed they were gone, but instead he fell asleep, and woke just after dawn with Tamír still in his arms. She didn't stir when he tilted his head back to see if she was asleep.

Her face was half-hidden behind a fall of black hair. The cut on her chin was scabbed over, the area around it bruised and a little swollen. She'd have a new scar there, to show for last night's adventure.

Even in daylight, Ki felt a chill as he thought of the spirit haunting the tower room. He'd never met Ariani in life. Last night he'd seen no sign of the woman Arkoniel described, only a vengeful specter. He unconsciously tightened his arm around Tamír's shoulders.

“Ki?” She gazed sleepily at him for a moment, then gasped and sat up, taking in the fact that they were still in bed together. The lacings of her bodice were still undone, showing the swell of a breast.

Ki looked hastily away. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stay all night.”

He started to untangle himself from the bedclothes, but the way she colored and looked away made him stop. He stroked the hair back from her cheek, then leaned in and kissed her on the mouth again, the way he had last night. He did it as much to reassure himself as her, and was glad it still felt right in daylight. Her hand came up to cradle his cheek and he felt her relax against him. Blue eyes met brown and widened in unspoken acknowledgment.

“I'm sorry about Afra,” he said.

She closed a hand over his on the comforter. “I'm sorry about last night. I just hoped—Well, I suppose I'll have to try again. But I'm not sorry about—” She waved a hand at the rumpled bed.

“Neither am I. First decent night's sleep I've had in months.”

She grinned, then threw back the covers and got up. Ki had another glimpse of those long bare legs before her skirt fell into place. She was still very slender and coltish, but those were girl's legs now, the muscle subtly rounder on the long bones, though just as taut. How could he not have seen it before?

She turned and caught him staring. “You look like you swallowed a fish bone.”

Ki climbed out of bed and went to her, looking her over again, as if he'd never seen her properly before. She was just a handspan shorter than he was.

She raised an eyebrow. “Well?”

“Nari's right. You have gotten prettier.”

“So have you.” She licked her thumb and rubbed at the dried blood on his chin. Then she ran a finger over his sparse moustache. “This makes my lip itch when you kiss me.”

“You're the queen. You can ban beards if you want.”

She considered this, then kissed him again. “No, I think I might get used to it. We don't want anyone saying that all my court turned into girls along with me.”

Ki nodded, then voiced the question hanging between them. “What now?”

She shrugged. “I can't take a consort until I'm sixteen, but that's scarcely two months away.” She stopped, blushing hotly as she realized what she'd said. “Oh, Ki! I don't mean to—That is—”

He shrugged and scratched nervously at the back of his neck. Marriage was too big a thing to contemplate right now.

Her eyes still held a question. He took her face between his hands and kissed her again. It was chaste, as kisses went in his experience, but his body warmed to it and he could tell by the way her eyes fluttered closed that she felt it, too.

Before he could think of anything to say, Arkoniel knocked and came in. They jumped back from each other with a guilty start.

Arkoniel grinned. “Ah, good, you're awake. Nari was a bit frantic, finding your bed empty—”

Nari pushed past him and gave the two of them a narrow look. “What have you two been up to?”

“Nothing you need upset yourself over,” Arkoniel assured her.

But Nari was still frowning. “It won't do, her getting a big belly so young. She hasn't the hips for it yet. You ought to know better, Ki, even if she doesn't!”

“I suppose you have a point,” said Arkoniel, looking like he was trying not to laugh.

“I didn't do anything like that!” Ki objected.

“We didn't!” Tamír exclaimed, blushing scarlet.

Nari shook a finger at Tamír. “Well, see you don't, not before you know how to keep from catching. I don't suppose anyone's even shown you how to make a pessary yet?”

“There's been no need,” said the wizard.

“Fools, the lot of you! Any girl who has her moon times ought to know that. Out, you men, and leave me to have a proper chat with my girl.”

She all but pushed Ki and Arkoniel from the room and shut the door after them.

“I know what a pessary is!” Ki grumbled. His sisters and the servant women had sat around the fire, making the little hanks of wool and ribbon and soaking them in sweet oil. With the whole household sleeping all but on top of one another, there'd been no mystery as to their use either. If a girl didn't want a baby, she put one up her cunny before she bedded her man. The thought of Tamír in that
light still left him feeling very odd. “I only kissed her. I wouldn't touch her like that!”

Arkoniel chuckled and said nothing.

Scowling, Ki folded his arms and settled himself to wait for Tamír.

She emerged at last, looking a bit pale. Nari leveled an accusing finger at Ki. “You just keep your trousers laced!”

“I will, damn it!” he called after her as she stomped off downstairs. “Tamír, are you all right?”

She still looked a little stunned. “Yes. But I think I'd rather go into battle naked than have a baby, if all Nari says is true.” She shivered, then straightened up and glanced over at the tower door. “Is it locked?”

Arkoniel nodded. “I'll open it, if you like.”

“I have to try one more time. You two can come up with me.”

“Just try and stop us,” Ki told her, not meaning it as a joke.

Arkoniel touched the door and it swung open. “Let me go first and remove the ward from the upper door.”

Ki followed close behind Tamír as she climbed the stairs, and was surprised at how ordinary it all looked in daylight. Dust motes glinted in the shafts of early-morning light, and he could smell the sweetness of balsam on the breeze that stirred through the arrow slits.

More brightness greeted them as Arkoniel opened the door to Ariani's room, but Ki stayed close beside Tamír and scanned every corner suspiciously. The shutters on the west window were still open and Ki could hear the sound of the river below, and the calls of birds in the forest.

Tamír stood in the middle of the room and turned slowly around. “She's not here,” she said at last, looking more forlorn than relieved.