The Only Shark In The Sea (The Date Shark Series Book 3) (5 page)

“Steph was worried and she’s glad you’re okay.” It wasn’t a lie, but not sharing her discomfort over him staying longer pricked at him as he sat back down on the couch.

Natalie twisted the sleeves of her long sleeved shirt in her fingers. “That’s nice of her to be concerned.”

Vance chose not to comment on Stephanie further and instead changed the subject. “There’s no way you’re gonna go to sleep now, right?”

Natalie shook her head heartily.

“Well, how about some TV then?” When she gave him a confused look, he said, “Unless situations on TV affect you like they do in real life. Intimacy and violence, I mean.”

“No,” Natalie said quietly. “I can handle TV. It’s not real, distant enough maybe. TV is okay.”

Vance nodded, relieved TV wasn’t an issue for her. He didn’t want to leave when she was still scared, but he didn’t really feel comfortable sitting around staring at each other all night either.

“Um, well, I have some movies recorded on my DVR. We could try one of those, I guess,” Natalie said as she picked up the remote and began surfing through programs.

Vance didn’t give any input. When whatever she chose started playing, he didn’t pay it much attention. Instead, he took stock of Natalie. The way she clung to Gypsy made him glad she had at least one reliable friend, but it saddened him that she had no one else to call when she faced a crisis. Vance had known from the beginning that he would have to build trust with Natalie before she would tell him anything, but he was beginning to suspect she needed a real friend just as badly. Vance had always kept a very strict line between himself and his patients. He had to. Would rescuing Natalie from her past mean crossing the line?

Chapter 6

The Reason

Natalie was beginning to regret ever calling Guy Saint Laurent. That was a repeating thought the whole way home that night. Two sessions a week with Vance for the past three weeks, the almost break-in, having to sit through a follow-up meeting with Guy, and the usual stress of getting through another work week
literally
untouched was too much for her to handle.

Part of her wanted to tell Vance she’d changed her mind. It was tempting. The fact that she had to sit in her car for ten minutes to avoid two of her neighbors talking on the front steps of her apartment building convinced her not to make the call. She couldn’t keep living like this. Living? She scoffed as she finally got out of her car. She hadn’t done any actual living in a long time…if ever.

Once the path to the building was clear, Natalie hurried up the walk, shoved her key in the lock, and slipped inside as fast as she could. The usual sigh of relief that escaped once she was safely inside the building stuck in her throat as she turned around to find the balding guy from a few weeks back standing only a few feet in front of her.

Panic that he was stalking her almost sent her running. The stack of mail in his hand, and the fact that he was standing in front of the rows of mailboxes, held her in place. The guy looked nearly as startled as she did, but laughed it off a second later.

“Sorry, I seem to be making a habit of jumping out at you.”

“It’s, uh, sorry. It doesn’t really take much to startle me,” Natalie admitted. Surprised by her own voice, she clutched her purse against her chest even tighter.

He glanced down at the mail in his hands before looking back up at her. “The mail carrier seems to be a little off lately. I ended up with a few pieces of your mail again. I was going to bring it up to you, but here you are.” The serendipity of the situation seemed to put him off balance.

“Oh, you can just put it back in the mail slot if it happens again,” Natalie said as she snatched up the offered letters. “You don’t have to trouble yourself with delivering it, really.”

Natalie sincerely hoped that was the end of the conversation and he would leave, but to her dismay, he tucked his own mail under his arm and said, “It’s no problem. I’m Howard, by the way.” He extended his hand, but dropped it when Natalie backed up in fright.

“Natalie,” she whispered, even though he already knew her name.

Thankfully, he seemed to sense that he was pushing her limits. Nodding and taking a step toward the stairs, he said, “It was nice seeing you again.”

All Natalie could do was nod. Used to feeling like she had disappointed someone, not to mention coming off as socially inept, she only sighed in relief as he walked away. It took her a good two minutes to compose herself before she was ready to move again. In all reality, she probably would have stood there for longer, but a different resident was making his way toward the door and she ran to escape another potential interaction.

When she finally made it to the safety of her apartment, she collapsed on the couch with no strength to even think about making dinner. Gypsy sat at her feet, too small to climb into her lap, but eager for some attention. As Natalie reached down to pick her up, she smiled for the first time that day. Natalie sat there enjoying the love of the only living creature she could bear to let touch her.

Sometime later, Natalie’s stomach growled, which seemed to remind Gypsy that she was hungry as well. Feeding Gypsy wasn’t an issue. Feeding herself was bound to be a bit more of a problem. Especially since Natalie had been too wiped out to stop at the grocery store on her way home. She supposed that for normal people, ordering in would be a simple solution. The idea of opening the door to a stranger and having to interact with him made her skin crawl.

Cereal it was.

Natalie finally forced herself up from the couch to feed Gypsy. The little ball of wrinkles and fur scampered after her as she scooped out the dog food and was nearly bowled over by Gypsy’s eagerness when she set it down. It made Natalie laugh to watch her little dog start devouring the food before the bowl even hit the floor. Every speck of kibble was gone before Natalie managed to make a bowl of cereal. She shook her head as she carried it back to the living room, Gypsy in tow.

The sound of her phone ringing nearly caused her to drop her spoonful of cereal as she scanned her recorded TV shows. Frozen with the spoon midway to her mouth, she stared at her phone. Vance’s face appeared on her screen. Confused, but unusually worried, Natalie set down her cereal and picked up the phone. She hesitated for a good twenty seconds before finally sliding her finger across the screen.

“Hello?” Her voice was barely loud enough to hear.

“Natalie,” Vance said, his voice sounding different than usual. “I have a proposition for you.” He paused, maybe waiting for her to say something, but when she remained quiet, he continued on. “Steph and I had made plans a few weeks ago to meet our friend Sabine at
Sansa’s
tonight, but Steph hadn’t realized it was the same night she had a training class she’s required to attend for work. Our reservation is for three and she suggested you take her place.”

Completely overwhelmed by the rush of information and the idea of leaving her apartment, all that came out of her mouth was, “I…uh…that’s, um, what?” Still shocked by this whole conversation, it took Natalie a few seconds to respond. “What is
Sansa’s
?”

“It’s this place where you have dinner and take a painting lesson. Steph found it a few years ago and loves it even though no amount of lessons are ever going to turn her into Picasso,” he said with a chuckle. “Something she would freely admit, I promise.”

“I…” What had Natalie ever said that made Stephanie or Vance think she would want to go out to dinner with them and Sabine—whom she had never met—and paint?

Clearly sensing her hesitancy, Vance said, “Natalie, if this is too much, it’s okay to say no. It’s a big request for you, and if you’re not comfortable, you can try something like this another time.”

“Did Stephanie really ask you to invite me?” Natalie asked quietly.

“Yes,” Vance said, but there was a hint of deceit in his voice. “Honestly, she wouldn’t have if Sabine weren’t coming too, but she really does like you and she thought this would be good for you. I happen to agree. Plus, Sabine wants to meet you.”

“She does?” The disbelief in her voice was obvious. “Why?” Why did this Sabine person even know anything about her?

“Steph has stuck to her agreement not to discuss anything we talk about during our sessions, but she has mentioned you to Sabine and how she’s enjoyed getting to know you. Steph may not advertise it, but agreeing to this arrangement wasn’t easy for her and Sabine knows her well enough to understand that. It says a lot about you that Steph’s willing to go along with it and become friends with you.”

Even though the idea of going out with Vance and Sabine terrified her, Natalie didn’t doubt Vance’s assessment of his girlfriend. That alone made her hesitate against immediate rejection. It was his assessment of her that had her shaking her head. There wasn’t anything special about Natalie and the idea of leaving her apartment had her anxiety soaring.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” she whispered to Vance.

Vance’s voice was soft as he said, “I know this is a huge step you weren’t planning to take so soon, but I think this could be really good for you, Natalie. And just so you know what it’ll be like, the dinner portion is very casual. You won’t be near anyone other than Sabine and me. During the painting portion, we’ll each have our own areas to work in and I’ll let the instructor know she needs to keep her distance if you decide to go.”

“Have you been before?” Natalie asked in surprise.

Her response made Vance chuckle. “You’d be surprised how many interesting experiences I’ve had with Steph over the years. She loves to try new things.”

For what seemed like forever, Natalie was incapable of saying anything at all. The invitation was surprisingly tempting…but equally terrifying. This was what she wanted, right? It was the reason she had called Guy in the first place. Could she really do it, though? Could she face going out socially and being around strangers where she might not be able to hide?

“Natalie,” Vance said softly, “you can do this.”

“Can I?” How could he be so sure when she wasn’t?

His response was immediate. “Yes.”

Closing her eyes, Natalie took in a deep breath. She made it through work every week. It was terrible and she felt like her heart was going to give out each morning, but she did it every single day without falling to pieces. This couldn’t possibly be any worse, right?

“Okay,” she said, biting her lip hard a second later.

“Are you sure?” Vance asked.

He didn’t seem surprised by her response, which caught Natalie off guard. Why did he have so much faith in her? Shaking it off, she said, “No, but I’m going to try all the same.”

“Good,” Vance said. “I’ll be by to pick you up in thirty minutes.”

She hung up a few seconds later and sat on the couch, waiting for the reality of what just happened to hit her. It did. Panic choked her and she feared she would start hyperventilating. It wasn’t until Gypsy jumped up and starting licking her face like a maniac that she got hold of herself. She was going out…with friends…like a normal person. She’d never been more scared in her life, but she stood up from the couch and took a deep breath. If she was going out, she should probably wash the dog slobber off her face first.

Chapter 7

The Last Time

The ride from her apartment to
Sansa’s
was quiet. That was fine with Natalie. She was too busy freaking out to say anything, anyway. By the time they pulled into a parking space near the restaurant-slash-studio, or whatever it was, Natalie was nearly ready to run back to her apartment, but Vance had become a strangely steadying force.

“I think you’re going to enjoy this,” Vance reassured her before stepping out of the car and rushing around to Natalie’s side. He opened the door slowly so as not to startle her.

Trembling with fear and just a little bit of excitement, Natalie forced herself out of the car. As soon as she was on her feet, she wrapped her arms around her middle and scanned the immediate area for potential interactions with strangers. There were two women walking toward the doors, but they were clear across the parking lot and didn’t pose any real threat. The rest of the area was clear. Natalie had almost come to terms with what they were doing when a gorgeous blonde caught Vance’s attention.

“Sabine,” he said with a warm smile. “Thanks for coming.”

Once she returned Vance’s welcome, Sabine turned to Natalie with a smile. “I assume you are the Natalie I have heard so much about.”

Fear that Stephanie hadn’t held up her end of the confidentiality agreement tried to edge into her mind but she remembered what Vance had said and managed to say, “I hope I don’t disappoint.”

“I doubt that is possible,” Sabine reassured her.

Her French accent and the easy confidence behind her words were somewhat distracting, but Natalie found herself relaxing. Despite being new at trusting people, she accepted Sabine’s friendliness and tried very hard not to let her ever-present panic escalate any further.

Seeming used to taking control, Sabine glanced at them. “We are all ready to go in, yes?”

Vance glanced over at Natalie before nodding. “Let’s go.”

Neither one made a move to leave until she took the first step. Amazed by their patience, Natalie almost managed a smile by the time they got to the front door. Shock replaced everything else when they stepped into the building.

Natalie wasn’t really sure what to make of the space. She took in the high wooden tables and stools paired with large easels. Each easel was already equipped with a blank canvas, set of paints, and paintbrushes. The tables had place settings for all the guests, and most were already filled. Three empty spots in the far corner of the restaurant called to the newly arrived trio.

“Those must be our seats,” Vance said. He directed Natalie toward the empty table with the patience of a saint. Not usually one to chatter, Vance seemed to be trying to ease her tension when he said, “I wonder what we’ll be painting tonight. Last time I was here it was with Steph and Charlotte and we had to do a still life of fruit.” Vance shook his head. “I hope it’s something more interesting tonight. It felt like we were here forever last time.”

“I hope it is not a live model again. That last one was not enjoyable to paint.” She shook her head. “He would not hold still and the instructor kept having to reposition him. It made it impossible to get an accurate picture.”

Vance snorted. “You’re the only one concerned with getting a really accurate image.” He rolled his eyes at her, but laughed all the same. A notification sounded from his phone and he pulled it out of his pocket. “It’s from Steph. She’s on a break from her training and wanted to see how things were going. I’ll be right back.”

He stepped out to the sidewalk to talk a few seconds later and Natalie couldn’t help stealing glances at him. It wasn’t that she thought he was lying when he said it was Stephanie’s idea to invite her, but she doubted it was an enthusiastic offer. Not that she blamed her.

Since Natalie had no clue what she was supposed to be doing, she followed Sabine over to the easels when she stood and copied her as she got her supplies set up. As they worked, Sabine asked, “Do you mind if I ask why you do not like to be touched?” She looked over at Natalie, her expression absent of judgment. “If you do not wish to discuss it, please tell me so and I will not ask again.”

The question spiked Natalie’s anxiety, but Sabine had been so accepting all night, she wanted to at least make an effort to repay her kindness. She disappointed people so often.

“My parents didn’t believe in outward displays of affection. It makes you look weak, my dad would say, and he lived what he preached,” Natalie said, the mantra slipping past her lips with practiced ease. The familiarity of it turned her stomach, but it was so ingrained in her that it was impossible to abandon, whether she believed the same or not. Her views on many things differed greatly from her parents, but she struggled to shed those teachings she was raised with.

“So your parents never touched…held hands or kissed in front of you?” Sabine asked.

“No, and they never touched me either.” Her words came out laced with bitterness. It wasn’t just that they’d left her craving the comfort of human touch. They’d also embedded the concept so deeply into her that even before everything had fallen apart she had become so fearful being touched would ruin her that she shied away from those few people willing to extend her compassion or kindness.

Sabine set out several tubes of paint, but her focus remained on Natalie. “What do you mean that they never touched you?” She moved on to choosing paint brushes. “Were there no playful hugs or kisses? No tucking in at bedtime when you were small?”

“It went beyond that,” Natalie said, surprised she continued to talk. “My mother got to the point that she would barely touch me at all. Not when I was hurt or crying or needed help with something. She treated me like a leper. I mean, I understood why but…” Even when she tried very hard, Natalie couldn’t remember ever being hugged by her mother or held in her arms. She wasn’t hit or spanked, but there were times she would have been happy with even contact born of anger.

“I can see why being touched now is so difficult.” Sabine’s voice held heaps of compassion not weighed down by judgment or pity. “All children need to know they are loved and cherished. Not having that is…difficult.”

Natalie shook her head as the deep understanding in Sabine’s voice comforted her more than she would have ever expected. “I agree completely.”

Natalie turned when a noise to her side startled her with its nearness, but stopped when she found Vance standing just out of reach. The expression on his face said he had heard everything, and she thought she might have recognized the smallest hint of hurt as well. She hadn’t planned to confide in Sabine, and she certainly never intended to make Vance feel as though she didn’t trust him. Her mouth opened to speak, but she didn’t know what to say.

Whatever Vance had been thinking, he brushed it away and said, “Looks like we’re about ready to start.”

Natalie hadn’t even noticed the instructor setting up at the front of the room, but paid close attention when she started talking. Much of what she said went right over her head as she talked about colors and equipment, but Sabine made sure she had everything she needed. Natalie wasn’t the only one who was pleasantly surprised when a docile cocker spaniel was set down in the center of the easels as the subject of the lesson. Natalie quickly became absorbed in her effort to capture the dog on her canvas. She thought she was doing fairly well with her beginner strokes until she happened to glance over at Sabine’s canvas.

Vance must have noticed her shock at seeing the detailed replica, because he leaned over toward Natalie and said, “Just ignore Sabine’s painting. She always makes everyone else feel like two-year-olds finger painting, but she’s had painting lessons since she was five, so I try not to hold it against her.”

It was difficult to maintain her usual anxiety surrounded by Sabine’s quiet understanding and Vance’s unfailing support. It was something Natalie had never before experienced. Even when she was in high school, no one had ever treated her like this. The small town she grew up in was too close, too quick to judge and place blame. Friendship was always conditional. Failing to meet those conditions left scars.

Natalie was surprised when the instructor announced it was time to wrap up their painting. The time had passed more quickly than she expected and Natalie had to admit she had enjoyed herself tucked away at the edge of the room away from all the other would-be painters. As they washed out their brushes and capped tubes of paint, the prospect of the rare night away from the security of her apartment ending dulled her mood.

Both her companions had taken notice, and on the way out Vance asked, “Would you like to do this again? Steph drags one or two people here pretty often and she’s always looking for volunteers.”

One corner of Natalie’s mouth turned up even though she still wasn’t convinced Stephanie considered her a friend. “Actually, yeah, I think I’d like to do this again.”

Vance smiled, clearly proud of her progress over the last month. “I’m glad to hear that.”

Silently wondering if she would ever be able to do something like this one her own, she didn’t realize Sabine had moved closer to her until she was right in front of her. Natalie almost stepped back in fright, but Sabine’s concerned expression held her in place. She braced herself for whatever she was about to say.

“The actions of our parents are often difficult to overcome, but you are in capable hands with Vance,” Sabine said seriously. “I know that is likely not the only thing holding you back, but it is somewhere to start, yes? You will not find judgment with Vance.”

“I’ve noticed that about him,” Natalie said.

Sabine glanced over at her friend, who was carefully placing the finished paintings in the trunk of his car. “I know it has been difficult for Stephanie to accept you and this situation, but she is more like you than you realize. Being with Vance, having his unconditional acceptance, has freed her in so many ways. There is much she still struggles with, but I do not tell you this to tell tales. I mention it only so you may better understand that if anyone can help you overcome your past, it is Vance. Trusting him will not be something you regret.”

“The last time I trusted someone, it didn’t turn out well,” Natalie admitted. Fear that attempting such a thing again would do more damage than she could hope to survive began to cinch itself around her so tightly.

“Vance knows the weight of holding someone’s trust,” Sabine said. The earnest tenor of her voice held weight as well, but a lifetime of brutal judgment and the consequences of failure was not something she would escape any time soon.