The Ongoing Reformation of Micah Johnson (13 page)

Micah couldn’t even apologise again. He felt like he had destroyed his last ally and pushed Dec too far for him to ever find his way back. When Micah didn’t say anything, Dec looked at him sadly and walked back into the main building.

MICAH ATE
by himself at dinner. He grabbed a tray, avoided all eye contact, and disappeared into the twilight. As it quickly became night, he sat under a tree and chewed morosely at his food, which didn’t seem to have any taste whatsoever. He knew Jack was probably wondering where he was but thought he’d survive just fine without him. He’d probably bond with some new guys and let Micah become the total pariah he deserved to be.

He didn’t know where Dec was or if he was even still in the camp. What troubled him more was that Dec hadn’t sought him out. Dec could never let an argument rest with any of the GetOut kids.

But then, Micah had never seen Dec so angry. And Micah should know, because he had pushed Dec close to the edge plenty of times.

“You gonna hide out here all night?”

Micah actually jumped, and cursed himself for looking so stupid.

“I actually called your name. You didn’t hear me,” Kyle said apologetically.

“Oh. Sorry. I wasn’t expecting anybody out here in the loser’s circle.”

“I don’t think it’s the loser’s circle. But it seems to be home to the self-pitying brigade.”

“Excuse me?” Micah asked.

“You heard me.”

“If you came out here just to piss me off—”

“Then I guess I succeeded,” Kyle said. “Doesn’t mean I’m wrong.”

“What, was your dad having a laugh, telling you all about me?”

“What’s my dad got to do with anything?”

“He doesn’t like me.”

Kyle snorted. “He doesn’t like anybody when they act like dickheads. I can tell you Boyd’s not high on his list either.”

“Yay for equality.”

“Yes, yay for equality.” Kyle sat beside him on a dank tree root. “Because at least he’s fair.”

“Did you see what happened at that talk?”

“Yes,” Kyle said. “Boyd was being a fuckwit. You don’t have to convince me of that. I’ve known him for years.”

“Poor you. How?”

“His mum is friends with mine.”

“That must make parties fun.”

“You just have to know how to deal with him, that’s all.”

“So I should have just shut up?”

Kyle picked at the bark of the root as if it were far more interesting than Micah. “Maybe you could have just waited a sec to see how Declan and the other coaches reacted. Instead you rushed in there and made it even worse. Maybe if you’d given Dec enough time, you would have seen what he was saying put into action—defusing instead of a near punch on.”

“Come on, you’re seriously telling me if that was said to you in a game, you’d just back off?”

“With the sport I play? We might have to. We have metal bats. You can do far more damage to someone than with a fist.” Kyle gave him a grin.

Micah twisted his mouth in some representation of a smile.

“There you go!” Kyle crowed. “Was that painful at all?”

“Yes,” Micah said.

“I thought so. I don’t think that muscle’s been used in a while. But at least I know you
do
have a sense of humour buried in there somewhere.”

Micah took a deep breath. “I feel like I lost it in the last six months, and I don’t know how to get it back properly.”

“You’ve had a tough time.”

Micah groaned. “I guess you know everything.”

“Well, yeah.”

“And you probably think I’m a major fuckup and a slut to boot.”

“I haven’t said a word.”

“You didn’t have to,” Micah said.

“No, I think you’re just guessing the worst. And you’re not a slut because you blew some guy. We all have our own stories. I’m just lucky mine isn’t as well-known as yours.”

“Want to tell me?”

Kyle laughed. “No, not just yet. I’ll save it for another night when I have to come out here and counsel your sorry arse.”

Disappointed, Micah’s thoughts turned inwards again. “I think I really fucked up.”

“You only think so?”

Micah didn’t know why he found it so easy to open up to Kyle. Maybe because he was gay too? He didn’t feel as reserved around him as he did straight boys. Kyle at least had some understanding of certain aspects of Micah’s life, and why he might react—or overreact—the way he did sometimes. “Okay, I know so. But what I’m pissed off about the most is that I upset Dec.”

“You really think a lot of him, huh?”

“I keep letting him down. And he’s never let me down, even when I’ve given him plenty of reason to.”

“Then if he keeps doing it, I doubt today’s little drama will drive him away.”

“You really think that?”

“My dad thinks a lot of him. And that says something.”

Micah didn’t know how to take that, especially as he didn’t know how much he thought of Marks at the moment. Of course Kyle would think well of him; he was his dad! “Can I ask you something?”

“I guess.”

“About your dad.”

“Don’t go asking me for ways to butter him up. It doesn’t work with him.”

“No, not that. But thanks for that mental image.”

Kyle laughed. “You’re welcome. So what’s the question?”

“It’s just, you’re gay—”

“Yes.”

“And your dad—”

“What about him?”

“Well, I don’t know him at all, but he doesn’t seem to be very supportive.”

Kyle immediately looked put on the defensive. “How?”

“Just, he knows what’s going on with Boyd—”

“Look, just because he’s not beating Davies over the head with a rainbow flag and screaming ‘Bigot!’ doesn’t mean he’s not supportive. It’s the long-term goal that matters.”

“That’s Dec’s philosophy too.”

“All coaches seem to like it.”

“It pisses me off.”

“Well, same here when my coaches apply it.”

“I thought you didn’t play football?”

“I don’t. Baseball. I gave you a huge clue earlier, what with the metal bats and things. I guess you don’t listen when the subject is something other than yourself.”

“Wow, that’s harsh.” But Micah didn’t feel offended. There didn’t seem to be any bite to Kyle’s words. “But, baseball? What, are you a wannabe Yank or something?”

“Um, I’m trying to be nice here. Maybe you could try in return?”

Slightly chastened, Micah nodded. He would leave his opinions about how baseball wasn’t a real sport for another day. “Sorry.”

“Look, my dad, I was scared when I came out to him. But you know what? It didn’t faze him. At all. And he’s always been on my side. He can be gruff, he can hardly ever talk, but he’s fair. He’s always been fair. But if you piss him off, it will take a lot to get you off his shit list.”

“So you’re saying—”

“Don’t get on his shit list.”

“I’ll try not to. You don’t think I’m already on it?”

“You’re edging closer to it,” Kyle said.

“I’m on it, but in pencil?”

“Yeah. Just don’t let it become ink.”

“Any other sage words of advice?” At Kyle’s look, Micah put his hands up. “I’m serious!”

Kyle stared him down. “Maybe lose the arrogance? Even just a little bit? I mean, I’ve been working here for a few years now, as just one job of many I need to work in order to have money to play
my
game. Some sports don’t get all the money thrown at them like the AFL does. And yet these guys come here every year, and they’re all strutting around like they’re warriors entering the coliseum. And they’re just jocks. That’s all they are.”

“Says the baseball player,” Micah pointed out.

Kyle laughed. “Okay, maybe I’m a jock, but we don’t have the arrogance you guys do.”

“Not all of them do. You praise your dad.”

“My dad
is
a little bit arrogant. At least, when he was a player.”

“Okay, but Dec isn’t.”

“He knows he’s good. Or used to be, when he played.”

“There’s a difference between knowing you’re skilled and being arrogant. Dec actually doesn’t have an arrogant bone in his body. He’s one of the good guys.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Micah said, firmly. “I wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for him.”

“And you’re thankful for that? Because it seems like you don’t even want to be here.”

“I
do
want to be here. I’ve just had… a rough year.” Micah didn’t want to get lost in those thoughts again.

“Well, join the club.”

“You don’t seem to like it here. Is the money that good?”

“Let’s just say it helps. The baseball players of Australia don’t get feted like footy players. There’s not millions of dollars being paid into drafting camps for us. I have to pay my own way, and for that I need to be here. It’s not handed to me on a plate.”

Micah thought he sounded bitter, but could he be blamed for that? Micah was here, with his training being paid for, and he was whinging about it. For fuck’s sake, he sucked. “Okay, I get it. We both feel sorry for ourselves and think the other one isn’t showing enough sympathy.”

This brought out the first smile on Kyle’s face. “I guess so.” He dropped his voice and leant in conspiratorially. “So, Declan Tyler really is all that?”

“He is. I swear.”

“He’s hot,” Kyle admitted. “Too bad he’s taken.”

“Being hot is just one of his many good qualities. And his partner is a good guy as well, once you get past the exterior he likes to put on.”

“So he’s like you, then?”

Micah flushed in the dark, glad Kyle couldn’t see. He changed the subject quickly. “So you think Dec’s hot, even though he’s an arrogant football player?”

“Unfortunately good looks cover a multitude of sins. You’re an arrogant footy boy.” Kyle paused, and an air of expectation fell between them. “But I still think
you’re
cute.”

And he fled before Micah could say anything.

But Micah was unable to wipe the dorky smile off his face as he had a quick shower to finally wash away the grime of the day and make his way to the dorm room for bed. Okay, so maybe things were still frosty with Dec, and Boyd was still a major problem, but the camp was looking slightly better than it had an hour before.

When he got back to his room, the lights were out and snores let him know everybody seemed to be asleep. He could thankfully slip beneath the sheets without having to deal with Boyd, and think back over how he wished he had grabbed the opportunity to try to kiss Kyle, before he finally drifted off as well and his snores joined the cacophony in the tiny room.

IT WAS
amusing to watch the guys wake up in the morning and try to manoeuvre around without exposing their woodies to everyone else. Micah was uncomfortably aware of his own, which was straining due to excessive fantasies of Kyle revolving through his head. He pretended to be dozing until everybody else left the room and then got together his stuff for the shower. That would also give his main adversaries time to stop being naked before Micah showed up and caused them to lose their shit.

As a result, Micah almost had the bathroom completely to himself—not that the other boys should have worried, as there were separate shower cubicles with doors on them and everything. Although they probably would have thought Micah capable of using his superpowers of homosexuality to crawl upside down along the ceiling and watch them fondle their bits from above.

There were only a few stragglers in the breakfast queue when he arrived, still half wet. Micah could see Dec sitting at the coaches’ table and quickly looked away. He wanted to talk to Dec and apologise when there was less of an audience.

He shoved some Weet-Bix in a bowl and splashed milk on it, grabbed a banana and a piece of toast as well. As he was about to leave, Kyle appeared behind him.

“Morning.”

“Morning,” Micah said. “I meant to ask you, where are you sleeping?”

“You interested?” Kyle asked, with a flirty grin.

“I’m not that kind of boy.”

“The rumours are very disappointing, then. Just as well. There’s a dragon guarding the entrance to my room.”

“Your dad?”

“You catch on.” Kyle looked over the piles of food set out on the table. “Ugh.”

“There’s not much choice.”

“No.”

“And poor you, having to share a room with your dad.”

“It’s not too bad.”

“Seriously?”

“He sleeps like the dead.”

“So”—Micah couldn’t believe he was actually suggesting this—“you could maybe sneak out?”

“Why?” Kyle asked, unable to hide the huge grin that quickly crept across his features. “You have a plan?”

“Not yet.”

Micah was suddenly jostled aside by Boyd. “Watch it!”

Boyd ignored him. “Oh, hey, Kylie!”

“Boyd,” Kyle said as if Boyd hadn’t just insulted him.

“Is that your private nickname?” Micah asked, pointedly.

“Just a joke between friends,” Boyd said. He pretended to be scrutinising the table for a second helping.

“Didn’t sound too friendly,” Micah said.

“Ignore him,” Kyle said. He pulled Micah off to an empty table while Boyd remained with the food.

“I’m fucking sick of him,” Micah grunted, throwing down his tray. The milk slopped out of his bowl.

“Well, at least you only have to put up with him for three days. He’s in my life permanently, remember?” Kyle said, sliding onto a chair.

Micah had to concede the point. “You should have seen him practically crawling around on his stomach this morning so I wouldn’t see his boner through his undies.”

“You wouldn’t have been able to contain yourself, would you?”

“Oh no, it would have turned into a porn film orgy. Cocks aplenty!”

Kyle screwed up his nose. “Gross. But you’ll survive Boyd in the end. Isn’t that the most important thing?”

“Not if it means shutting up every time he gets to mouth off.”

“You have to pick your battles. Sometimes it’s just not worth it.”

Micah remembered Dec saying the very same thing to him once. And he had a good feeling about Kyle, just like he had with Dec and—eventually—Simon and Emma. These were people he could trust, and their judgement had to be good for something. “And how do I know when it’s worth it?”