The One We Answer To: A Shifter MC Novel (Pureblood Predator MC Book 3) (41 page)

“I love…this…” I say, wishing I was better with words.

Mia laughs. “Yeah. I love this too. And you know what? I was right. The quiet ones
are
the fiercest.”

A
FLASH
OF
crimson lightning illuminates the night forest. My bloodmate’s sitting huddled against a hemlock tree, knees pressed to her chest, sobbing, trying to explain—

Her lips are moving. But I can’t hear.
 

Not a fucking thing.
 

Not even the thunder crashing right overhead, so close it makes my lengthening fangs rattle.
 

My son?

My unborn
son
?

It doesn’t make sense. It can’t—

My mind empties of thought. Reason.
 

Control
.

Lily’s screaming something at me, her face a mask of terror because I’m rushing at her, the red haze throbbing behind my eyes mirrored in the red lightning overhead, I’m drowning in a sea of blood red, a sea of blood, of death and loss, sinking beneath the raging blood waters, drowning, fucking help me and the tightness in my chest makes my lungs burn and I can’t breathe and I don’t care, I want her dead, I want her blood—
 

My wolf has narrowed on the kill—

Kill.
 

Kill.

I crave this blood letting, the fucking
bitch
. My son? My son! I want to swim in her warm blood; I’m howling as I race at my bloodmate, my howl drowning out the thunder, my fangs and claws sparkling in the awful red light and the fucking bitch, the fucking bitch, what has she done—

Control
.

My brother’s voice. Calm. Soothing.
 

The coward. The sniveling traitor.

Where’d your control get you, huh, Sorry?
 

Got you turned to the Stricken. Got you fucking killed.
 

So fuck you and your control, baby brother.

This animal is
beyond
control.
 

Wild. Maddened. Insane.
 

A killer unleashed. My true wildborn self.
 

Not tied down by laws and rules and responsibilities. Fuck the weaklings that need someone else to tell them how to live their lives. Action first. Always. No second-guessing. No bullshit. This is what I am.
 

The One We Answer To.
 

A Pureblood killer.

On the hunt.

Lily’s skin is pale and the wound of her forehead freshly healed and the rain tumbles through the trees and hisses off her skin. I’m three steps away from gutting her, lifting my hand now, my claws four inches long. Wickedly curved. Sharp as razors. There’s not a whole lot of rational thought going on in my animal mind but a part of me’s wondering when Lily’s animal’s going to spring out because not for a second do I believe she’ll stay in her Skin form and let me murder her—

The world slows.

I’m two steps away, snarling and spitting.
 

Lily’s trembling and shaking her head and moaning and fuck sakes does she look afraid, like an actress in a horror film about to get snuffed in a way so violent and brutal it makes the idiot moviegoers slam their eyes closed—

One step away now and where’s the fucking creature the bitch the All Encompassing she did this it was her not my girl Lily not my love Lily the fucking animal it’s her I want to challenge, I want to murder the Risen bitch if I can because even though Lil said she felt her creature submitting to me I still fucking doubt that very much—

My hand lifts back, aimed for my bloodmate’s throat.

Murder the Risen bitch.
 

Take my rightful place on the throne.

Have them bow to me.
 

All of them.

Control
.
 

Ego. Greed. Vanity.

A flash of red lightning flashes across my claws as they arc down—

This isn’t about my unborn child.

It’s about
me
.
 

My power lust.

My desire to rule unchallenged above the Purebloods, the Stricken, even the Risen.

My hunger to dominate and control.

The bully. I’m still the asshole bully, even after what happened with my brother all those years ago—
 

My claws hiss through the air.
 

It’s just
her
.
 

Lily Thompson. Sparkles the Cop.
 

No Risen animal springs out of my bloodmate to challenge me.
 

Lily’s holding her creature inside. Refusing to defend herself.
 

Maybe she
wants
this. Maybe I’m doing her a favor.

The guilt must be eating her up—

“Fuck you!” I scream as my claws cut through the tree an inch above Lily’s head, showering her with splinters.

Then I’m on my knees, slamming my claws into the rocky soil, flinging dirt and rocks into the air, and Lily’s still sobbing and flinching and begging me to stop, please Aaron stop—

Lily stands, screams, “You want to hurt me, you bastard? You want to cut me? Is this what you want—”

I watch as Lily drops her claws and rakes them across her forearm, opening herself deep.
 

“Is this what you want?” she shrieks while her blood runs down her arm. “Is it?”

My chest’s so tight I can barely speak.

“Is it?”

“Lil…no,” I whisper, still not sure what she’s doing. “Lil? Stop it.”

Lily’s eyes blaze like the red lightning crashing around us. “Fuck you, Aaron. You can’t hurt me. Get it? You dirtbag biker piece of shit!”
 

Lily drags her claws across her arm again, leaving four bleeding, bone-deep gouges.

“You can’t hurt me more than I hurt myself,” Lily says while thunder explodes and the burning forest shakes.

I’m on my feet now, trembling and…drained. Empty. The anger’s gone, and it’s too soon for guilt, so all I have is fear and worry and the knowledge that my bloodmate’s self-destructive, nearly insane about what she’s done.
 

“Don’t Lil…you don’t need…don’t hurt yourself please—”

“Why not?” Lily screams. “Because only
you
can hurt me? Is that it? Because I’m a hysterical woman who’s out of control? It’s all right for you to be out of control, but not
me
? Fuck you, Aaron. You fucking condescending misogynistic redneck. There’s no hurt you can give me I haven’t already given myself. No anger you can lay at my feet that’s not already there.”

Lily looks me straight in the eye and cuts herself again.
 

Lifts her arms. Closes her eyes.
 

And the worst thing is, every time she slams her claws into her arms she looks…calmer somehow. More peaceful. Like the guilt and self-hatred that’s dammed up inside has finally found an escape. It’s flowing from her wounds. Which is real bad, because that means she might make this hurt a habit, something she needs just to go on living—
 

Lily’s blood is streaming from both forearms now, showering onto the soaked grass.

“I’m
finished
getting stomped on, Aaron,” Lily whispers as she stares at her bloody arms. “Finished getting…I’m just…finished. So tired.”
 

I take a step toward her.
 

Hold out my hand.
 

I want to say something.
 

Give her a reason for the bullshit way I acted.
 

Explain it away. Say something to help her through tonight. That’s the goal. Because I’m suddenly worried she might
not
make it through, worried about her being alone with herself, and I think about all the shit she’s been through, how much hurt life’s heaped on her recently, and then my own guilt slams into me, choking me, and nastiness rises in the back of my throat as I realize what she needs to hear—

“We’ll get him, Lil,” I stammer. “We’ll get him back—”

I don’t know if it’s true. In fact I think it’s probably isn’t.

But it’s what she needs to hear.
 

Sometimes the truth…the truth just isn’t enough. Sometimes we need to lie to ourselves, even for a little while, just to make it through a single night.
 

Lily moans. Stares at me in a way that says she knows I’m lying, then at her bloody arms. She’s wavering on her feet, the loss of blood making her dizzy—

“He’s gone, you idiot,” she mumbles, dragging a single claw across her arm. “They
both
are. Both my beautiful baby boys. Gone. Because of me. The one person who should’ve protected them no matter what…”

I try and say something.
 

Open my mouth to tell her another easy, comforting lie.
 

No sound comes out. I’m…frozen. Lost.
 

There’s no part of me that knows how to deal with this.
 

My mind’s just…blank.

“So tired,” Lily says as she leans against a tree, her eyes flickering closed. “Please just let me be, Aaron? Just let me be. Go away. I’m finished fighting. I’m finished…caring too much… about everything…”

Lily’s stopped cutting herself, but her arms are sliced to ribbons. She’s bleeding out right in front of me. I’m only a few steps away, my hands raised, desperate to hold her, to help her, but here’s this…barrier between us. A
wall
of mistrust and hurt I can’t seem to break through, and so I’m standing stunned and motionless, not knowing what to do, not sure if I rush to help Lily she won’t hurt herself even more—
 

My wolf’s howling, pacing, scenting the air. He scents his bloodmate’s hurt and wants to rage and attack. But attack what? He’s confused. Uncertain. There’s nothing like this in the wild. This is unnatural. A result of living like a Skin, distanced from your true self—
 

Act
.

The word like a command burning through me.
 

No more doubt. No more thought. Trust your instincts.

Act
.

So I do. I leap at my bloodmate, and before she can cut herself again I’m holding her arms, pinning them at her sides, and then I lean my weight into her and we’re falling into the soaked moss. Lily screams at me to get off her, get the fuck off, screaming she hates me, that I’m a worthless shitbag, that she never wanted this, but I don’t listen, I know it’s the self-hatred talking, another way of harming herself, and that makes me wonder if she’d leave me just to hurt herself more, because she feels she doesn’t deserve what we have, and I wrap my arms around my bloodmate and hold her close while she’s pierced by deep, wracking sobs—

“We’ll find them,” I whisper the needed lie, over and over while Lily shakes and sobs beneath me. “We’ll find
both
of them, I swear it, we’ll fucking find them…I’m sorry I came at you like that…the fucking anger…it just hit, you know, and then that’s all I knew, that blind, raging anger…”

Lily’s struggling on the moss beneath me, our naked bodies slick with rain, sweat, blood, tears and dirt, everything raw, elemental, and she’s writhing and trying to break free but I’m too strong, I overpower her easily, hold her down in a way that’s fierce and forceful but also gentle and loving, because she might hate me but right now she’s her own worst enemy—
 

Lily’s claws are gone.
 

She feels so weak and cold.

Trembling and sobbing.
 

Broken and weak and afraid.

“You’re not alone,” I tell her. “You don’t have to do this alone. You hear me? I know you’re strong and stubborn and you fight hard but sometimes it’s too much, I feel you when you say you’re sick of getting beat down, because I am too, it’s like just when I get my feet under me and open myself up something comes along and screws me over and every time that happens I feel myself closing up…it’s like I lose a part of myself, some
good
part of myself, something I can’t even name. But we don’t have to be alone anymore. Right? We’re together and we need one another and I can admit that—”

Lily’s still fighting against me, still trying to throw me off, but her struggles are weakening and I know she’s listening so I say, “You deserve this, Lil. You gotta believe that. What we have? Being together? You gotta believe you deserve it no matter what—”

“Say it.”

A whisper. So quiet I almost don’t hear.

I lift my head and look into Lily’s eyes. There’s a world of hurt broiling in them. But also…maybe something else. Hope?
 

“Say it,” Lily says again.

“I love you.”

Lily tightens her lips, shakes her head no.
 

Thunder smashes overhead, making the trees shudder, sending a shower of leaves and needles and branches around us.

Lily shakes her head no again, then tells me to say it.

Which, okay, is so fucked up.
 

I brush the wet tendrils of hair from her forehead and tell her again, I love you, I say, I love you, the words like a chant to ward off the darkness, the hurt, the fear of being alone against the world, and Lily’s shaking her head from side to side, refusing to listen, refusing to hear even though she
asked
me to say it, so I cup her face in my hands and look her straight in the eye and say it again, very slowly, and this time the tears are different.

They’re mine.
 

They slip down my cheeks before I know what the fuck’s going on. Tear after tear, tracking down and losing itself in the pouring rain, and Lily’s staring at me, watching me tear up—

“Don’t do that again,” I whisper. “Please? I can’t stand to see you—”

Lily lifts her head, kisses the tears running down my cheeks.
 

Wraps her hands behind my head and pulls me close.