The One Real Thing (Hart's Boardwalk) (34 page)

My feet started moving toward him as if of their own volition since my brain wanted me to run in the opposite direction. Or maybe that was my heart.

“Hey,” I said, but it sounded croaky. He stepped aside to let me in and I muttered my thanks.

“I was about to leave,” he said as he started closing all his blinds.

“Yeah.”

“You here to talk about why you’ve been avoiding me for the past few days?”

He had his back to me.

It would be so much easier to say it to his back.

Don’t you dare. You are not a coward.

I snorted.

Yes, you are.

“What’s funny?” Cooper said as he finished up and walked back over to me. He assessed me as he stopped at a table, leaning on it. He crossed his arms over his chest and one ankle over the other and just stared at me.

Clearly he was already pissed at me for avoiding him.

I knew because Cooper touched me all the time.

It made me feel cherished.

And I hated when he didn’t touch me.

I blinked back the sting of tears, but Cooper caught sight of the shine in my eyes and I saw him visibly tense. “What’s going on, Doc?”

As I drew in a breath, my chest shuddered and I exhaled shakily. So shakily he heard it.

“Okay, I’m worried now.” He stood up straight, coming for me.

I raised a hand to ward him off. “Don’t.”

Cooper stopped. “Jessica?”

I flinched. “I . . . Oh, God.” I pressed a hand to my forehead, feeling like I was going to be sick right there.

“If you don’t tell me what the fuck is going on I’m coming over there.”

“Don’t.” I shook my head. “Believe me, after I say what I have to say you won’t want to.”

Silence fell fast and thick between us and then he saw something in my eyes.

“Jesus,” he choked out, sounding winded, like he’d just been punched in the gut. “Are you breaking up with me?”

I covered my mouth with my hand, my skin clammy. The tears I’d been trying to hold back spilled down my cheeks as I nodded.

His face hardened. His hands clenched into fists at his sides. “Why?” he bit out.

“I’m . . . I’m not happy here,” I lied.

“Bullshit!”

I flinched again at his tone, and my whole body locked with tension as he suddenly strode over to me. He didn’t touch me, although he looked like he wanted to wring my neck. “It’s not,” I lied.

“It’s a fucking lie. For once, Jessica, tell me the truth.”

I shook my head, the tears coming fast, too fast to keep up with.

Cooper glowered at me. “Look at you. Your whole body is telling me you’re lying, so fucking tell me the truth!”

I couldn’t. Literally. My throat was choked with sobs that wanted to break out.

“You owe me,” he said, his voice lowered, so deep and thick with his own emotion that it made me cry harder. “You owe me that much.”

At my continued silence he gripped my arms and pulled me close, his lips just a whisper from mine. Everything he felt for me shone in his eyes and I’d never felt such a strange mix of exultation and
agony in my life. “You told me,” he whispered. “You told me when we met that the reason you became a doctor was so you could leave this life saying, ‘I was here,’ because someone out there that you’d helped would never forget you . . . and you’d made your mark on the world. Well”—his grip on me tightened to painful as he leaned his forehead against mine—“Jess, you can rest easy . . . because you’ve made your mark. You made your mark on me. No matter what happens between us now or in the future, I will never forget you. You’re inside me. Always will be.” He pulled back just enough so I could see his love for me, open, beautiful, and so incredibly heartbreaking that the sobs I’d been holding in burst out. “So you owe me.”

Needing to feel him, needing him to feel how I felt in return, even if I couldn’t say it, I buried my face in his chest, my sobs muffled against his shirt as I wrapped my arms around him and held on tight.

He held me just as tight. No hesitation.

I memorized the moment. The feel of his hard, strong body against mine, the musky, earthy scent that would forever make me think of him and what it was like to hear him whisper my name. I tried to trap the sound in my mind, praying that time would never take it from me.

“You’re still leaving me,” he choked out.

I sobbed harder.

He gently but firmly pushed me away.

I thought my heart couldn’t break any more but then the look on his face. The pain. All those shattered places in my heart, they shattered some more.

“Tell me why.”

I swiped at my tears, trying to get a hold of myself. He was right. I owed him that much. “I don’t deserve you.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“I can’t tell you. That’s the point. You’ll never really know me.
I’d just be another Dana, Cooper. Just another woman in your bed that you don’t really know.”

This time it was his turn to flinch.

“I’m sorry.”

Anger hardened his expression. “That’s fucking up to you, Jess. You could let me know you. What happened in your past? Does it have to do with your family? Your sister?”

Just like that my blood went cold, and I started to tremble harder. My tears dried up, and I wrapped my arms around my body in an attempt to control the shaking.

“It is,” he said. “Every time I mention them you change.”

And that was why I was leaving.

I couldn’t physically or emotionally bring myself to tell him the truth. I’d never been able to unburden myself with anyone.

Not even him.

If he knew the truth . . . well . . . he’d never look at me the same way again—my black-and-white kind of guy.

It was my own fault.

I’d seen it coming weeks before.

But I just couldn’t resist getting close to him and exploring the connection between us.

Now . . . now I’d hurt us both.

Not so smart for a smart girl.

Finally Cooper turned away, unable to look at me. “I should have walked out that last night you had a nightmare. I should have kept going.”

“Yes,” I whispered.

“
You
begged me to stay.”

“It was wrong of me.”

He looked back at me. “What the hell are you hiding?”

I dropped my gaze. “I should go.”

He was silent for what seemed like forever and then he said, his voice hard, “You go now, you don’t ever come back.”

His warning moved through me and chilled my body to ice inch by inch.

And, like the coward I knew I was, I didn’t look at him again as I hurried from the bar. As soon as the door slammed shut behind me, I ran.

I ran and ran until the boards came to an end and there was nowhere else to run.

Only an idiot would have stayed in Hartwell.

I was a damn idiot.

Bailey hadn’t thrown me out. She’d been confused and upset by my breakup with Cooper and hurt when I refused to tell her why, but she hadn’t thrown me out. Instead I quit and packed my things.

Now
she was mad at me.

I watched the porch door slam behind her as I stared up at the inn from the boards, my suitcase by my side.

I should leave.

I knew it.

But tucked into my pocket were Sarah’s letters to George, and George was apparently due back in town at the end of the week.

What the hell I was going to do until then I had no clue.

I’d have to find somewhere cheap to stay because cash flow was kind of a problem.

And it turned out news traveled really fast.

Walking down the boardwalk, suitcase in hand, trying to figure out what to do, I saw Iris opening up Antonio’s and I waved to her.

She glowered at me, stuck her chin in the air, and turned her back on me.

Hurt, I almost stumbled over my own feet.

“What did you do?”

I jerked my head around from Iris to find Vaughn in my path. He kept doing that. Appearing out of nowhere.

“Huh?”

“Well, even I get a hello out of Iris.” He smirked at me. “What did you do?”

“Cooper and I broke up last night.”

He raised an eyebrow. “And you’re still here? Everyone will know by tonight.”

“I . . . I can’t leave just yet.” My mouth trembled as I tried to hold in my tears. I’d already cried more than I knew I had in me. Enough was enough. I cleared my throat. “I have some business with George Beckwith. As soon as he gets here, that gets done and I’ll be gone.” To what and where . . . I had no idea.

Vaughn scrutinized me for a moment and then his eyes dropped to my suitcase. He frowned. “Miss Hartwell kicked you out?”

I heard the disbelief in his voice. “No. I left. She’s pretty mad at me right now.”

He looked at me again. “Where are you planning on staying?”

It occurred to me that Vaughn probably had a good idea about local rates. “Do you know where the nicest but cheapest place is?”

He made a face. “Ouch, no time for pride, huh?”

“If you’re going to be an asshole, get out of my way.”

Vaughn chuckled. “I’m not being an asshole. I’ve just . . . I’ve been there.”

“Oh, I’m sure with all of your money, you’ve been there. Yeah, I can see that.”

He tsked me. “And here I’m trying to help.”

“By making digs at me about my lack of pride?”

“No.” He stepped closer to me, his eyes losing some of their usual glacial superiority. “You can stay at my place.”

I shook my head. “I’m not staying on the boardwalk.” I didn’t want to chance bumping into Cooper.

“My place, not my hotel. And my place isn’t on the boardwalk. It’s on the outskirts of town.”

Confused by his generous offer, I said suspiciously, “Why?”

“I spend most of my nights in my suite at the hotel. My house is just lying empty.”

“But why? Why are you helping me?”

My question made him look away. He stared out at the water. “Let’s just say I know what it’s like to be the heartbreaker, the villain.”

I sucked in a breath at the label. “How do you know
I
broke up with Cooper; that it wasn’t him who did the heartbreaking?”

Finally Vaughn looked back at me. The shrewdness in his eyes had never unsettled me more. “Because any fool can see he’s in love with you.”

I winced.

“Doesn’t mean he couldn’t have let me go.”

“When the woman you love lets you into her bed, you don’t let her go unless she wants to leave.”

I surveyed him, happy to be distracted from my own heart for a second. “Speaking from experience?”

“Didn’t I just say
I
was the heartbreaker?”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Do you want a free place to stay or not?”

I thought about it. It would be incredibly helpful not to have to pay for accommodation. Plus, he’d said his house was on the outskirts. It sounded far enough away from town to be perfect. “Yes. Thank you.”

“Where is your car?”

My car.

Right.

“Oh. Um . . . in Bailey’s parking lot.”

“So you’re wandering on the boardwalk, why?”

Feeling sheepish, I shrugged. “I wasn’t thinking.”

Something akin to concern flickered over Vaughn’s features. “You sure you’re up for driving?”

“Yes.” I nodded quickly. “Honestly, I’m fine.”

“Well, a bigger lie you’ve never told,” he said dryly and then gestured over his shoulder with his thumb. “Meet me in my hotel parking lot. You can follow me out to the house.”

“Okay.”

He gave me a sharp nod and then turned, swiftly striding away.

“Vaughn!”

He stilled, shooting me a look over his shoulder.

I swallowed past a new lump of emotion in my throat. “Thank you.”

If I wasn’t mistaken, Vaughn Tremaine looked uncomfortable with my thanks. He made no reply and instead just walked away.

Some of my worries eased, I turned around to head back down the boardwalk to my car. Iris was standing in her doorway, arms crossed over her chest, frowning at me.

She was probably wondering what I was doing talking to Vaughn.

I didn’t attempt to wave again, knowing it wouldn’t be welcome.

Instead, I dropped my gaze and hurried away from her.

The sight of Emery standing on Vaughn’s porch gave me the first moments of lightness I’d felt in a few days.

I had not been surprised to find that Vaughn’s home was on an isolated patch of land right on the waterfront. It was down the coast from the boardwalk, out of sight, and private. Architecturally it was like most homes in Hartwell but on a larger scale. White cladding, wraparound porches on the first and second floors, pretty garden. But inside it was anything but traditional.

It had a huge chef’s kitchen with high-end appliances, glossy floors, and contemporary furniture, all black, chrome, and white with splashes of color in the artwork and minimal soft furnishings.

It was beautiful but cold.

It was a bachelor’s house.

But it was my safe haven until George got into town.

No one had called. And only Emery had texted me to see if I
was okay. Glad for a friendly face, I’d asked her to come out to Vaughn’s to see me.

“You came,” I said, opening the door for her.

“Of course.” She gave me that quiet smile of hers and walked in, her gaze moving around the open-plan space. “Wow.”

“I know.”

“It was very kind of Mr. Tremaine to let you stay here.”

“Yes.” It was. And I wouldn’t forget it. “He’s never here.”

Tension I didn’t even know Emery was carrying seemed to melt out of her. “Oh.”

Damn, but I wished I’d be sticking around to help her get over her timidity with men.

I wished I’d be sticking around, period.

Suddenly I found myself under Emery’s scrutiny. Her face fell. “You’ve been crying.”

Every damn day. I shrugged, feeling silly. “I can’t seem to stop.”

Then, to my surprise, she hugged me.

I immediately hugged her back, my face crumpling as she set off more tears with her kindness.

She held me until my crying subsided. “Let’s make some tea.”

Thankfully, Vaughn had partially stocked the kitchen, but I was running out of food, and I was getting sick of takeout. At some point I was going to have to make a run to the grocery store in town.

Once we had our mugs of tea, we settled on the porch.

“Wow,” Emery said again. “He’s right on the water.”

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Why doesn’t he stay here more often?”

“No clue.” If it were my house I’d stay there all the damn time. Of course, I’d have to redecorate.

We were silent awhile as we sipped our tea and enjoyed the view.

But I was only half enjoying the view. I needed to know—“Is Cooper okay?”

She gave me a strained smile. “I spoke to Iris this morning.”

“And?”

Emery winced. “She’s quite mad at you.”

“I know.” I tried to ignore the ache in my chest, remembering the way she’d looked at me the other morning. “Did she mention Cooper?”

My friend nodded. “He put someone in charge of the bar . . . he went on a fishing trip.”

“Fishing trip.” I was confused. “Cooper doesn’t fish.”

“I think he just needed to get away for a few days. Small town. Gossip—”

“Not wanting to run into me until I’m gone,” I whispered hoarsely.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, sweetie. It’s my own fault.”

“Bailey came to see me.”

The thought of my friend caused another deep ache inside me. “And?”

“She’s worried about you, Jessica, but she doesn’t feel like she can reach out to you without being shut out. Perhaps you should call her.”

“No.” I shook my head stubbornly. “It’s better this way.”

My phone started ringing inside the house and for a second we looked at each other before I was up on my feet and hurrying inside for it.

The anticipation I’d felt disappeared at the sight of the caller ID.

Matthew calling.

I had no intention of answering. If I answered, he’d know something was wrong, and when I told him what, he’d only be mad at me and try to convince me I was insane.

“Not Cooper?” Emery said softly from behind me.

I turned slowly around and gave her a sad shrug. “I don’t even know why I want it to be him. It’s not like it’ll change my mind.”

She sighed and gave me a look that made me tense.

“What?”

“Well . . . there are rumors . . .”

Fear shot through my blood. Had that bastard Devlin gotten his
revenge on me for breaking up with Cooper instead of doing his bidding? “What . . . what kind of rumors?”

“Rumors . . . rumors that . . . rumors that you were cheating on Cooper with Vaughn.”

Oh. My. God.

“Are you kidding?” I growled.

“No. I’m sorry.”

“Because I’m staying here? They . . . idiots!” I threw up my hands in disbelief. And then something worse than the town of Hartwell’s stupidity occurred to me. “Does Cooper believe this?”

“No. Bailey said no. And she doesn’t, either.”

How can they still have faith in me after what I’ve done?

“So . . .” Emery shrugged. “What are your plans?”

Thankfully distracted by the question, I slumped down on the nearest chair. “I contacted an old professor of mine and he thinks there might be a position for me at a teaching hospital in Illinois. It’s not definite, but I think I’ll head out that way anyway. I know Chicago well. It’s as much a home to me as anywhere.”

Lie, lie, lie.

Hartwell is my home
.

Emery gave me a sad smile. “I’ll miss you.”

That made me tear up all over again. “I’ll miss you, too.”

Later that night, I was sitting on Vaughn’s couch, sipping a glass of wine and staring dazedly at a movie on the television. All day I’d been plagued by thoughts I tried so hard to shut out. I couldn’t stop thinking about my sister. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much she’d like Cooper. He was everything that was rare in our lives growing up—supportive, kind, loving. Mostly I thought she’d have liked how safe he made me feel. He would have made her feel safe, too, I was sure of it. I thought she’d have been angry at me for leaving him.

No. I
knew
she’d have been angry at me for leaving him.

If Julia had overcome her depression, how differently might my life have gone? Maybe I wouldn’t have shut down so much about what had happened. Maybe I’d have been able to talk about the pain without feeling like I might genuinely die if I did.

If she’d lived, would I have gone down the same path without the grief weighing me down? Would I have still wanted to be a doctor?

Yes
.

Tears burned in my throat as I imagined that life and I could clearly see myself practicing medicine.

It wasn’t just about penance.

“Shit,” I muttered.

Before I could think about my own stupidity over the past few weeks, the doorbell rang. My heart jumped in my chest as I looked at the clock on Vaughn’s mantel. It was nearly midnight. I placed my wineglass on the coffee table and got slowly to my feet, my heart racing harder when the doorbell rang again. Cautiously, I tiptoed out into the hall and put my eye to the spy hole in the door.