The Officer and the Secret (25 page)

A large hand covered her shoulder, tugging gently until she willingly rolled onto her back.

“You don’t have to talk about it.”

“I do. I should have already. But it’s just become habit to hide this.” Another deep breath. “My parents’ entire calling was to serve those around them. Even if it was to my detriment. I could fare for myself, but they had to save the poor souls around them. I accepted that after a while. That other people were more important than their daughter. It’s why I never got my diploma. Sort of hard to attend high school while you’re in the middle of nowhere. And since they didn’t put an emphasis on education, it just didn’t happen.”

His thumb brushed over her cheek, and in delay, she realized he was brushing away a tear.

“The few times I had a chance to talk with people my own age, I was sort of… well, a freak. I came back once to stay with my grandma on my father’s side. It was awful. I had no social skills, I could barely force myself to talk. And I had no idea how to interact with them. It ended badly.”

“You’re not a freak, baby.” His voice was hoarse, like he was talking around something in his throat.

She smiled wryly. “That’s sweet, but trust me. Hindsight is so clear. When I finally broke away from everything I knew—which was quite a tiny little box, really—I ended up at Skye’s parents’ home. Then she brought me here. And suddenly I wasn’t just in some remote place where it didn’t matter if I was awkward, since I couldn’t talk to people anyway. I was surrounded by people who cared. And there I was, a twenty-six-year-old with nothing to her name. Not even a GED.”

“You don’t have to go on.”

“I was embarrassed and ashamed. I still am, really. I realized people would think I was stupid, so I started hiding it. Stretching the truth, or outright lying about it until it became habit. But I’m trying to fix it.” The words were so soft, even in her own ears. “I’m trying to fix it.” She hiccupped and swallowed against the ball of tears welling in her throat. But they wouldn’t be ignored.

“Okay. All right, baby.” He pulled her over, cradled her close. “Let’s let it out. Let it all go.” One large hand rubbed circles over her back as she dampened his shirt with tears.

Had this all truly been building up inside her for so long? Embarrassment, yes. But it almost felt like shame she was letting go of. And a huge, thick weight dropped from her shoulders.

As her breathing calmed, as her tears slowed, then stopped, he squeezed gently and settled her more comfortably beside him. Smoothing fingers over her forehead and cheeks,

“We can talk about it tomorrow if you want.”

She nodded, exhausted, and bit back a little groan when her stomach tightened again. “Yeah, that’d be good.”

“Sleep. Go ahead and sleep, baby. We’ll talk it through tomorrow.”

His smooth drawl was like a cool balm over the worst of the hurt. Details weren’t going to come easy, but the biggest hurdle had been jumped.

“Dwayne.”

The sweet whisper filtered through his brain before he was ready to wake up.

“Dwayne.”

A small hand gripped his shoulder, and he smiled, knowing what she wanted. He reached back and felt…

Nothing. Okay, where’d she go? How were they supposed to make love in the warm, sleepy cocoon of the night if she was gone?

“Please wake up?”

Finally—reluctantly—he cracked his eyes and found Veronica standing in front of him. Her brow was creased, her eyes were wide, and she chewed on her lip.

“What is it, darlin’?” He rolled onto his back and sat up against the headboard.

When she kept standing despite his patting the bed in invitation, something clicked in his head that this wasn’t a nighttime nookie moment. Keeping an outward calm he was starting to lose inwardly, he circled her tiny wrist with his hand and guided her down, and repeated, “What is it, darlin’?”

“I just got off the phone with the on-call nurse. I think I need to head to the ER, if you wouldn’t mind driving me.”

Nurse. ER. Not what he’d expected to wake up to. “Wait. Back up a second. What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Where does it hurt?” His hands immediately started roaming over her body, looking for injuries, broken bones, something. Anything.

She captured one of his hands with two of hers. God, she was so small. Fragile. “The nurse just said I should head in for an ultrasound. I’m bleeding a little and—”

“Jesus!” He leapt out of bed, except his feet were still tangled in the sheets and he fell shoulder-first onto the floor with a bone-jarring thump. Kicking once, he freed himself and reached around on the floor. His hand managed to snag something that felt like denim tucked under the bed and he grabbed them. Looking at her while hopping one leg in, he asked, “You’re bleeding and you didn’t wake me up? Why am I just now hearing this?”

“I didn’t want to worry you if it was nothing.” But he saw it in her eyes. She knew better. Knew it was something that they couldn’t ignore. Not like they’d been doing up to now with their marriage. This was serious.

“You should have—” He stumbled a little and tried again. “You should have woken—” His elbow hit the dresser and he stood. “Why the hell can’t I put my pants on?”

“Because they’re mine.” She gently took the jeans from him and handed him a pair of cargo shorts. How was she so calm right now? His mind was completely shut off.

“If it was nothing, we wouldn’t be going in. Which we are. And why aren’t you getting dressed?” He found a polo and yanked it on, cursing when he realized he’d pulled it over his head backwards. His arms finally found the holes and when his head popped through, he found Veronica still sitting, motionless as a statue, on the bed. Hands clasped in her lap, face bone-white. “Veronica?”

She didn’t move. He couldn’t see her eyes well, but he’d guess she didn’t even blink. Foregoing finding his shoes for the moment, he crouched down in front of her and tilted her chin up with one finger until she met his eyes. Her own were watery, as if she were afraid to blink and let them spill over.

“I’m scared,” she whispered. And then she blinked, and the tears tracked down each cheek.

“Baby, come here.” Sitting next to her, he pulled until she sat in his lap, head on his chest. He did what came natural and slowly rocked as if she were an upset child, instead of just carrying one. “It’ll be okay.”
Please
let
it
be
okay.
“I’m sure they just want to be cautious. So let’s get you some clothes and get a move on, all right? Faster we get there, faster we can come home and crawl back in bed.” When she sniffled, he added, “Something to put in the baby book, right? First time Junior scared the crap out of his parents.”

She gave a watery laugh at that, and his heart felt marginally lighter. It was lame as hell, but he didn’t care. The woman he loved was scared to death and he’d do just about anything to make it better.

Anything except analyze the fact that he just mentally referred to her as the woman he loved. That, he didn’t have time for. Later.

With a pat on her bottom, he got her up and moving, supervised her getting ready, and scooted her to the truck as fast—and careful—as possible.

And the whole way to the emergency room, as Veronica sat quietly in the passenger seat with her forehead pressed to the window, he prayed to whoever was on duty upstairs that his promise that it would be okay was one he could keep.

***

“Where’s the doctor? Honestly, where is he?” Dwayne paced back and forth, and Veronica was at a loss for what to say to calm him down.

“They’ll get here when they can.”

“This is the emergency room. The key word being emergency. What do you have to do to get some service in this place—cut off a thumb?” He shoved his hands in his pockets, took them out again, and did another lap around the little cubicle she’d been assigned to. Outside the curtain, life bustled and moved, but inside their own little bubble, the world was muted. Silent. Scary.

He was worried, maybe even afraid. And she could relate. But he was going to wear a hole in the tile, and he didn’t need to stress out. She was doing enough of that for the two of them. Someone had to be the calm one. She sighed a little. Why was it her? Finally an idea struck.

“Dwayne, your pacing’s making me a little dizzy. Do you think you could—”

Before she even finished her sentence, he was in a chair beside her, holding her hand lightly between his. “I’m sorry. Lie back.”

She did, but restlessness made her leg twitch. Curling up on her side helped, but not much. The cramps felt the same, no better or worse. But being in the hospital, with doctors a step away, made her feel a little better. But why was it happening?

God
brings
justice
in
whatever
way
He
wants.

But her mother’s words no longer bothered her. Maybe that’s how she was raised, to live in constant fear of God’s wrath. But she was a big girl now, not dependent on her parents for guidance. And she knew in her heart this wasn’t punishment.

She reached out and traced a line furrowed into Dwayne’s brow. “Distract me?”

“Hmm?” The line receded a little, as if her touch erased it. “How? I’m not a good storyteller. And you don’t wanna hear me sing.”

“Tell me how your acclimation issue is.” There. That should keep them both distracted.

On cue, his face soured. “I’ll pass, thanks.”

“Please? I just want to know if it’s better.” Tracing another line lightly, she sighed again. “I feel like you didn’t want a relationship at all. Certainly not a fiancée. Or maybe just not me.”

Wrapping fingers around her wrist, he pressed a kiss to her palm. “That’s the farthest thing from the truth.” He took a deep breath, and she waited for the speech about backing off, giving him his space, his privacy.

“My last girlfriend was pregnant.”

This was not backing off. She shifted uncomfortably, the paper covering the exam table crinkling under her.

“Okay, that’s not right. She told me she was pregnant. And I believed her. Put a ring on her finger. Wanted to do the right thing.”

The right thing. It should sound noble. Instead it sounded like a little piece of her heart breaking off, both in empathy for his own situation and for hers.

His chair rolled away a little so he could peer out the slit in the ugly orange curtain surrounding them. “She wasn’t. Never had a doubt. Not a scare. Just knew I was about to move to a new duty station and our relationship wouldn’t go the distance. So she faked the whole damn thing. And I found out—luckily—before we got married.”

“That was a horrible thing to do.” And explained so much. He’d trusted her, started to plan a life with her, and she’d been lying to him the whole time. About such an important, serious issue.

No wonder her omissions were hard for him to swallow. And the pregnancy.

“I’m sorry.”

He shrugged. “If I’d loved her, it would have hurt a hell of a lot worse.”

Do you love me? It was on the tip of her tongue, but before she could decide whether to hold back or let loose, the curtain jerked open. A man with a white coat and hair that stuck straight out every which way, as if he’d been tugging on it in frustration, came in.

“Veronica Gibson?”

“Yes.” She struggled to sit up a little, but managed with Dwayne’s help. He stood up, moving close to her side as if ready to leap in front of her at any moment. “Sit down, please.” When he did, she reached out and rubbed his arm. Poor man. On his last nerve, and then some. And oddly, a sense of peace she didn’t think possible at that moment washed over her. She had no clue what came next, but she simply knew it would be fine, whatever it was.

“I’m Doctor Barton.” He stepped forward to shake her hand, then held his out expectantly to Dwayne.

“Dwayne Robertson. Her fiancé.”

Such a difference from the last appointment, when they had no clue how to refer to each other.

The doctor checked his chart and rubbed one eye tiredly. A nurse filed in behind the doctor, pushing a machine, and closed the curtain behind her.

“A little bleeding here, looks like. Starting the second trimester. Well, we’ll give it a check and see.” He gestured to her top and she rolled it up while lying on her back. After a little cold gel that had her hissing in a breath, he spread the stuff around with the ultrasound wand and flipped a switch.

Instantly the sweet rhythmic whooshing sound filled her ears, and a tear broke free, rolling down her cheek into her hair.

Dwayne leaned in and wiped it away with the pad of his thumb. “What’s that sound?”

“Heartbeat,” the doctor said succinctly. “Sounds good. Let’s just check measurements quickly here.” A few clicks and the screen filled with some numbers off to the side.

Veronica couldn’t tear her eyes away from the little gray object that bounced. One tiny sticklike thing popped out and wiggled.

The nurse giggled. “Oh, cute. He’s waving.”

“Kidney Bean can wave?” Dwayne’s voice was full of awe and amazement. And, to Veronica’s amusement, a little pride. “Kid’s not even born yet and he’s waving. He’s a genius.”

“Kidney Bean. That’s one we haven’t heard before.” The nurse scribbled a few notes on the clipboard as the doctor softly read measurements off.

“So does he look okay?”

The doctor finally met her eye. “Oh, yeah, baby looks just fine. Right on schedule. Sometimes bleeding just happens without any real explanation.” He clicked the ultrasound machine off and put the wand away. The nurse handed her a paper towel to wipe her stomach off.

“So… so I didn’t do anything wrong?”

Dwayne squeezed her hand. “Of course not.” He stared hard at the doctor. “Right?”

“Absolutely,” the doctor was quick to agree. “I mean, absolutely not. I mean, it just happens sometimes, not as a result of anything the mother has or hasn’t done. Though I’d like you to stay off your feet for a few weeks, pelvic rest included. And call your regular doctor tomorrow morning to follow up.”

Veronica nodded, but Dwayne stopped the doc as he parted the curtain. “Pelvic rest?”

The doctor gave him a small smile. “No intercourse.”

Dwayne made a face like he’d sucked on a lemon and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like a curse. But Veronica giggled. That he cared was enough of a good sign to her to be happy.

“So we’re good to go?”

“You’re all clear, Ms. Gibson. Have a good one. And rest for a little bit.”

After the doctor left, Dwayne picked her up in his arms. She grabbed around his neck and laughed again. “What are you doing?”

He shot her a playful grin and affected a thicker-than-normal twang. “That there doc told you to keep off yer feet, missy. I aim to help ya.”

She slapped his chest and pointed toward the exit. “Let’s go home, Dwayne.”

Home. With Dwayne. It’s where she wanted to be.

***

Veronica slept the sleep of the dead. More than once, Dwayne had checked just to make sure she was still breathing. She didn’t move, didn’t reposition, didn’t even make those cute, light snoring sounds she was prone to make. But she was so exhausted, both with being up so late at night and the emotional toll the trip to the ER had been, she was dead to the world. But he was wired, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t even sit still. Everything in him pulled him to her, to watch her sleep, protect her, make sure nothing bad ever touched her again. Illogical, but he couldn’t help it.

As dawn broke through the shades, he crawled out of bed and got dressed. Knowing she would sleep in well past normal time to get up, he left her a note telling her he was running an errand and would be back soon. And to text him if she felt the slightest twinge of pain or worry.

Then Dwayne shuffled out of the apartment before Veronica would realize he was gone. He hated doing it, when everything in him screamed to stay home and take care of his woman and their kidney bean. Be there if she needed him. And if he hadn’t seen with his own eyes that Kidney Bean was doing fine, he might have.

But Veronica wasn’t one to be pampered over. Staying there just to wait on her would probably annoy her more than help. She was safe and sound, asleep in their bed.

Their bed. God, that felt good.

And he had someone to talk to.

He drove to the battalion and headed straight for the chaplain’s office. He knocked and waited, but there was no answer. Turning on his heel, he slammed into someone, papers from the man’s hand scattering.

“Sorry, I—Chaplain. Ah, damn. Darn. Sorry. Didn’t see you there.”

The chaplain smiled as he bent down with Dwayne to start gathering papers. “I assumed as much. Unless it’s your new greeting to run a man over as you say hello. Just glad I hadn’t brought my coffee with me.” As he stood up, the messy stack of papers in hand, he glanced at his watch. “You’re early.”

Dwayne rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry, just got an early start to the day.”

Unlocking his door, he opened and beckoned Dwayne in. Dwayne waited until Major Dunham had settled his folder.