The Nurse's Newborn Gift (7 page)

“Oh, Krissy. He's beautiful.”

He's handsome, Spencer thought, recognizing Kira's voice. Men are handsome, women are beautiful.

“I can't believe he's finally here,” Krissy said, sounding tired but happy. “Mommy's going to take such good care of you,” Krissy said in that voice adults used when speaking to babies.

Would she take good care of him? Or would she fall into her old party-girl ways? Time would tell.

“When you get bigger,” Krissy went on. “I'll sign you up for karate classes and soccer, just like your daddy used to take.”

His daddy, who wasn't Spencer.

“But only if you want to.” Her grown up voice came back. “I'm not going to force him into anything just because Jarrod liked to do it.” After a brief silence, Krissy said, “What?”

“You're going to be a great mother, just like Mom was,” Kira said.

“I hope so.”

Spencer hoped so, too.

Through the curtain he heard J.J. start to fuss.

“Look at that face,” Krissy said. “I know it makes no sense, and you're going to think I'm insane, but J.J. reminds me of Jarrod already. He makes me feel...I don't know. Having him here is...comforting. It's like a void within me has somehow been filled.” She sniffled.

“Ah, honey,” Kira said.

If Spencer could see through the curtain he'd bet Krissy and Kira were hugging.

“It makes complete sense,” Kira said. “You and Jarrod were so close. I'm sure you miss him very much.”

“Every day. I'll see something, hear something, or inhale a certain scent and I think of him.”

Same thing happened to Spencer.

“I'll make sure Jarrod is never forgotten,” Krissy said. “J.J. will know his daddy, he will always be his father's son, no matter what.”

Spencer felt like an unnecessary outsider, an intruder, rudely eavesdropping. He should go. But there were a few things he needed to check on first. How was Krissy getting home from the hospital? Did she have everything she needed for the baby, a safe, new car seat? Diapers? Wipes? Clothes?

After something that sounded like a yawn, Krissy said, “Sorry.”

“Don't be. I'm going to head to the nursery. Derrick had another newborn to visit. He should be about done. Here, let me take the baby with me. You need to rest.”

Shoot, Derrick was here too? Spencer looked over his shoulder, debated the best course of action to keep from getting caught, briefly considered leaving and coming back in.

But Krissy's voice stopped him. “Derrick will do the circumcision in the morning?”

Number two on Spencer's list.

“Yes,” Kira said. “Very early. Before office hours. Do you know when you and J.J. will be released?”

“I'm not sure. Probably sometime tomorrow morning.”

“Call me,” Kira said.

“But—”

Or she could call Spencer. He'd work it out so he could bring her home.

“Call me,” Kira said again. “When you call, I'll come. I want to.”

“Thank you. Here.” Something jingled. “Take my keys. The car seat is in a box in the trunk.”

Number one on Spencer's list, because he hadn't seen a car seat in her car or her apartment. Yeah, he'd checked. Jarrod would have wanted him to.

“Do you think Derrick will have time to install it tonight?”

Spencer had time.

“Of course,” Kira said. “We'll go over when we leave the hospital and I'll drive your car here tomorrow. What else do you need?”

“Pads to put in my bra so my breasts don't leak all over.”

Spencer tried to scrub that image from his brain.

“Let me write that down,” Kira said.

“You and your lists,” Krissy teased.

What was wrong with lists? Spencer loved lists. Speaking of which, he mentally checked off the things he'd wanted to ask Krissy that she'd already answered.

“You have a diaper pail? A baby bath?”

“No and no.”

“What?” Kira asked, with the same amount of disbelief Spencer would have used had he been the one asking.

“If taking the garbage out every day doesn't work, I'll get a diaper pail,” Krissy said calmly. “And for now I plan to bathe J.J. in the sink. If that doesn't work, I'll get a baby bathtub. Don't worry. I got this.”

At least she'd thought it all out.

“You're good with baby clothes and supplies?” Kira asked.

“Stop,” Krissy said. “A few friends had a little baby shower for me before I left Hawaii. I have what I need for now. As things come up, I'll run to the store.”

Not how Spencer would have done it, but he was a planner, liked to have everything available just in case. One of the reasons he was so good at his job.

Krissy was more of a ‘deal with it when you have to' kind of person.

As much as Spencer struggled with the idea of not being prepared for every possible situation, it was Krissy's life, not his. For now, she seemed to have everything under control. He wasn't needed. He wasn't the baby's father, wasn't family, or a boyfriend, had no reason to still be there. Krissy needed to rest. So he set the flowers, the “It's a Boy” balloon, and the package of chocolates he'd picked up for her at the gift shop, down on the floor, and left the room.

CHAPTER SEVEN

T
WO
WEEKS
LATER
, Krissy stood in the doorway to her kitchen watching Kira go through the bags she'd lugged in and set on the table. She took out a quart of milk and put it in the refrigerator.

“I told you the last time you brought me milk that I don't drink milk.”

“Breastfeeding women need to drink milk.”

“No. They don't.”

“Well, at least I know you have it available if you want it.”

She wouldn't want it. She didn't like it.

Next Kira put a package of Swiss cheese in the refrigerator.

Krissy preferred American cheese, when she ate cheese, which wasn't often. “I don't like you wasting money on food I won't eat and things I don't need.”

Kira held up a bag of salad and a bottle of light balsamic vinaigrette dressing.

“Okay. Fine. Yes,” Krissy admitted, even though she didn't want to do anything to encourage her. “I like salad and that's my favorite dressing.”

Looking as if she'd triumphed in battle, Kira dug into the next bag. “Look at this adorable pacifier.” She held it up. “It has a baseball on the end.”

“I told you I don't believe in pacifiers.”

“It helps babies calm themselves down.”

“So does sucking their thumb.” Or in J.J.'s case, his knuckles.

Krissy struggled to generate more patience as Kira pulled out the next item, a plastic bib big enough for a toddler. “Plastic is partially responsible for destroying our environment.” No, she wasn't an environmental activist to the point she'd use cloth diapers, but she limited her use of plastic when possible.

“It will keep his clothes dry when he starts teething. It was on sale,” Kira said. “I couldn't resist.” She held up a book on parenting. “When you're done, I'll take it.”

Krissy noted the colorful strips of paper sticking out from between the pages where Kira no doubt highlighted whole sections of outdated parenting techniques. “I will raise J.J. the way I think he should be raised, not according to rules in a book that can't possibly take into consideration the unique needs of each individual child.”

This interference had to stop. The time had come for Krissy to take a stand. For days she'd been trying to figure out how to broach the topic in a way that wouldn't make her seem ungrateful. They were finally on good terms and Krissy didn't want to ruin that by starting an argument. But she didn't have room for all the stuff Kira had been bringing over. She preferred to do her own grocery shopping, hated wasting the food Kira brought for her. And she would raise her son the way she darn well pleased.

“Just give it a quick browse,” Kira said. “At least the chapters on teething, toilet training, and discipline. Maybe you'll learn something helpful.”

Settling on the straightforward approach, Krissy started an open and honest conversation, hoping for the best. “You want to know why I decided to follow you and make a home for myself in White Plains?” At least for now.

Kira stopped what she was doing and looked up.

“To be more of a help with Mom,” Krissy explained. A responsibility she'd neglected, leaving the burden on Kira for way too many years. “To be close to my only family when I gave birth to J.J. in case something horrible happened and I didn't survive, so he wouldn't be all alone. And while I appreciate every single thing you have done for me since I had J.J., I did not come here because I need you to take care of me.”

“Fine.” Kira started collecting the plastic bags strewn on the floor. “I won't—”

“Stop.”

Kira didn't stop. “If you don't want my help,” she balled up the bags and shoved them under the kitchen sink, “then I won't help.”

Krissy had hurt her sister's feelings. The very last thing she'd wanted to do. “You're wonderful,” Krissy told her, because she was.

Kira stopped.

“The most wonderful sister in the world.” If not for Kira's fierce determination and willingness to go against the recommendations of several social workers, when she'd been only eighteen, Krissy could have been forced into foster care after their mother's severe brain injury. But Kira had held their little family together. Krissy still didn't know where she'd found the courage and stamina to do it. “But this is starting to feel like Murray all over again, and I have no intention of giving you J.J.”

“Murray? My cat?”

“
My
cat,” Krissy clarified. “Or at least that's how he'd started out.” Krissy sat down at the table and motioned for Kira to do the same. When she did, Krissy went on, “Until you decided he should have canned food instead of dry food and he should be allowed to sleep in a bed even though I didn't want him sleeping in my bed. Until you decided I didn't buy him the right kind of toys or scoop his litter often enough or brush him often enough and you took over all of his care. Then, when we'd get into a fight, you'd bring up Murray and accuse me of being irresponsible. Well I'm not irresponsible. I just have my own way of doing things. And just because it's not the same as your way doesn't mean it's the wrong way.”

Kira stared down at the table, looking deep in thought.

“When I was younger? You didn't like the way I was doing something so you took over and started doing it yourself? Fine, it was easier to let you do it than fight about it.” She leaned down to catch her sister's eyes. “But I'm an adult now. It has to stop.”

“I am not trying to take over. I'm only trying to help.”

“By buying me milk I don't drink and cheese I don't eat.”

“You're breastfeeding. You need to eat and drink healthy food. Last time I was here all you had in your refrigerator was ketchup, mayonnaise and yogurt.”

“I'm only one person. I like yogurt. And when I need food I'll run to the store to get it. Or I'll order it.”

Kira looked ready to argue so Krissy set her hand on Kira's forearm. “You work all day then you run to the store then you come here for a visit. Then you run home, make dinner, and spend some quiet time with Derrick before heading downstairs to Mom's apartment to check in on her. You're running yourself ragged. I know you're exhausted and more often than not, queasy. I was just recently pregnant myself, remember? I know how awful the first three months can be. And yet you're still pushing yourself. My point is, I don't want you running yourself ragged because of me. I love seeing you, but we don't have to see each other every day and you don't always have to come here. I can come to you. You don't have to make a special trip to the store for me. I'm fine. J.J.'s fine. I won't let either of us starve. I will always have a clean diaper available.” And if she didn't, she'd improvise. “And if there is ever a time when we really do need something, I will call you and ask for your help.” She placed her hand over her heart. “I promise.”

Kira let out a weary breath. “I'm sorry. All I ever wanted to do was make your life easier than mine was.”

“You have.” Even if Krissy had never asked her to and she sometimes threw it back in Krissy's face. “And I love you for it. But you can stop now. I'm all grown up.”

“Yes you are.” Kira leaned in to hug her. “I'm so proud of the independent, competent, and hard-working person you've become.”

Those words, coming from Kira, meant so much. “Thank you.” Krissy hugged her back. “When you have your baby, I'm going to be there for you like you've been here for me. Every day for the first two weeks. I'm going to cook for you, shop for you, and drive you absolutely crazy with all my suggestions. Because I will finally know more about two things than you do, actual hands on taking care of a newborn and breastfeeding.”

“I look forward to it.”

“We'll see.”

“How's it going, the breastfeeding?”

Krissy tried not to think about her cracked, sore nipples. “Let's just say it's not as natural or as easy as you'd think.”

“You could...” Kira started then stopped even though Krissy could tell she really wanted to continue.

“Thank you for your restraint.” Krissy smiled. “I have an appointment with a lactation consultant tomorrow.”

“Good. You'll tell me how it goes?”

“Sure.” Krissy glanced at the clock on the microwave. J.J. would be waking up for his next feeding any minute. “You can take back the diaper pail and baby bathtub you dropped off after I got home. I don't need them.” She stood. “They're unused so you can save them for your baby. But I'm keeping the long-sleeve onesies and sleepers and the towel set.”

Kira looked confused. “I didn't bring you a diaper pail or baby bath. You said if you needed them you'd buy them.”

Yes, she had.

“I didn't get the other stuff, either.”

“Then who?” Spencer.

Kira said his name at the same time Krissy thought it. “Spencer. At the hospital. He didn't just drop off the flowers.”

And the thoughtful balloon and yummy chocolates. “He must have stuck around for a few minutes, listening.” Krissy thought back on their conversation when Kira had visited her after J.J. was born, hoping she hadn't said anything about Spencer, coming to the thankful conclusion she hadn't, at least she was pretty sure she hadn't, hoped she hadn't.

“I know you had some concerns about moving into his building. Does he stop by often?” Kira asked.

Krissy shook her head. “He doesn't stop by at all.” It was like he'd helped her through labor and delivery and his job was done. While part of her felt relief to not have to deal with him dogging her every move, part of her felt...deserted. Which made no sense, Spencer didn't owe her anything and they were hardly even friends. And yet...

“Not at all?” Kira clarified.

Krissy shook her head again. “But he texts me every night to see how we're doing and if we need anything, then I text him back that we're fine and don't need anything.” She shrugged. “That's it.” As much as she hated to admit it, she missed him. “Anyway,” Krissy went on. “I'm feeling better and I'd really like to bring J.J. down to meet his grandparents.”

“That's going to be such a wonderful surprise for them.”

Krissy hoped so, had always thought so. But lately self-doubt had crept in, overshadowing her excitement. Should she have discussed Jarrod's request with his parents
before
she'd gone through with the artificial insemination? Should she have told them about the pregnancy
before
she'd given birth?

Too late now, she'd made her decisions and now had to live with them. “I was thinking of asking Spencer to drive me into the city. He's kept in touch with them more than I have. And I don't want to take J.J. on the train.”

“I wouldn't either,” Kira agreed. “If you want Derrick and me to go with you, just say the word.” Kira smiled. “I'd offer to take you myself but, and I have a very hard time admitting this, I'm not a great driver and don't think I'm ready to drive into the city.”

Unlike Krissy, who'd gone to college and worked outside of the city, which required she get her driver's license, Kira had lived and worked in the city up until her move to White Plains a few months ago and, thanks to public transportation, she hadn't needed a driver's license prior to that.

“Thank you.” As much as she hated bothering Kira, knowing she could always count on her sister meant everything to Krissy. If J.J.'s big reveal didn't go as planned, no way she wanted to be down at Patti and Bart's apartment alone. “I'll let you know what he says.” Krissy rolled her post earring between her fingers. “There's something I wanted to talk to you about,” she said. Now was as good a time as any.

“Of course.”

Krissy had given this a lot of thought and really wanted to know Kira's opinion. “I'd like to introduce J.J. to Mom.” She shrugged. “Not that Mom recognizes me or knows she's my mom, or that she has any understanding of what it means to be a grandmother.” The traumatic brain injury had taken away so much. Krissy looked down at the table. “I just want...”
Want
her to see what I've accomplished, that I'm a mother now, like her. And a good one, like she'd been. I want her to be proud of me
.

“You want...”

“Nothing,” Krissy said, knowing Mom was no longer capable of noticing an accomplishment, or being proud, and she could no longer recognize the difference between a good mother and a bad mother. All she cared about were her television shows, painting and now gardening, and her beloved Oreos. Regardless, she was still Krissy's mother and Krissy wanted her mother to be a part of her son's life.

“Do you ever wonder...?” Krissy started. Then stopped, feeling foolish.

“What?” Kira asked. “Talk to me.”

“Do you ever wonder if meeting our children, if finding out she's a grandma, hearing the word, will somehow trigger something deep inside...” Her eyes met Kira's. “...and bring her back to us?”

“Brain injuries are so complex. You just never know.” Kira gave a slow shake of her head. “But I really don't think so.”

Even though Krissy didn't think so either, hearing Kira agree wiped out the little bit of hope she'd been holding on to. “Mom would have loved being a grandmother. She'd have been fantastic at it.”

Kira reached out and took Krissy's hand into hers. “It makes me sad to think our children won't know the smart, loving, exceptional woman she used to be.”

Krissy blinked back tears. “That they won't get to bake cookies with her before Christmas.”

“That they won't get to go out on special lunch dates with her,” Kira added.

Mom had gone out of her way to make both of her daughters feel special, and loved.