The No-cry Sleep Solution (5 page)

“If I knew the answers, wouldn’t Kyra be sleeping?!”

At this point in my own research, I began thinking that other parents going through the frequent night-waking ordeal would have ideas to share. So I sought out parenting websites with posting boards and chat lines, finding a multitude of parents facing the nightly crying versus grin-and-bear-it decision. And there, in the bits and pieces of conversations that quoted personal experience, articles, books, and other sources, along with my own experimentations with my little Coleton, I began to find solutions. There, in personal experience, and in the interpersonal exchanges between parents who have tried every conceivable method, I began to find ideas that did not sentence a baby to hours of nightly crying. I found the solutions that offered more peaceful paths to the rest so desperately needed by the whole family.

I researched the scientific reasons that babies wake up at night and dissected truth from fallacy. I picked apart the myriad solu-

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The No-Cry Sleep Solution

tions I’d read about, immersed myself in whatever I could find on the subject, and kept in regular contact with other sleep-deprived parents. Slowly, from the middle ground between the misery of the cry-it-out method and the quiet fatigue of all-night parenting, rose a plan—a gentle, nurturing plan to help my baby sleep.

I Know Because I’ve Been There

Most books on babies and sleep are written by experts who—while well-versed in the technical and physiological aspects of sleep—

simply and obviously don’t have a personal understanding of the agony of being kept up all night—night after night—by their babies or the heartache of hearing their little ones cry for them in the darkness. In contrast, I’ve experienced the foggy existence of sleepless nights. And having four unique children has afforded me the insight that, while it is
possible
for a very young baby to sleep all night, it is certainly the exception.

These “expert” books are typically complicated, difficult to read, and woefully short on solutions. I waded through stacks of books bursting with information about human sleep, but all lacked specific solutions to the sleeping-through-the-night-without-crying-it-out dilemma. Sure, the reader learns the mechanics, but still she’s left wondering one basic question.
How does she teach her baby
to sleep?

I’ve presented the information you need in a friendly, easy-to-follow format so that even in your sleep-desperate state, you can find your solutions easily and quickly.

To show you how things were going for me when I began working on the concepts herein, this was Coleton’s actual night-waking schedule, logged on tiny bits of paper one very sleepless night.

Introduction

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Coleton’s Night Wakings

Twelve months old

8:45 P.M. Lie in bed and nurse, still awake

9:00 Up again to read with David and Vanessa

9:20 To bed, lie down, and nurse to sleep

9:40 Finally! Asleep

11:00 Nurse for 10 minutes

12:46 Nurse for 5 minutes

1:55 Nurse for 10 minutes

3:38 Change diaper, nurse for 25 minutes

4:50 Nurse for 10 minutes

5:27 Nurse for 15 minutes

6:31 Nurse for 15 minutes

7:02 Nurse for 20 minutes

7:48 Up. Nurse, then up for the day

Number of night wakings: 8

Longest sleep stretch: 11⁄2 hours

Total hours of nighttime sleep: 81⁄4 hours

Naps: One restless nap for 3⁄4 hour

Total hours of sleep: 9 hours

And I did
this
for twelve months! So, you see? If you are there now, you really do have my heartfelt sympathy, because I have been there too. And I can get you out of that sleepless place, just as I did for my baby and myself. That’s a promise.

Picking my way though ideas and options, experimenting and applying what I had learned, this is the improvement I experienced after twenty days creating and using my sleep solutions:

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The No-Cry Sleep Solution

Coleton’s Night Wakings

Sleep plan in effect: 20 days

8:00 P.M. To bed. Lie down and nurse to sleep

11:38 Nurse for 10 minutes

4:35 Nurse for 10 minutes

7:15 Nurse for 20 minutes

8:10 Nurse. Up for the day

Number of night wakings: 3

Longest sleep stretch: 5 hours

Total hours of nighttime sleep: 111⁄2 hours

Naps: One peaceful nap, one hour long

Total hours of sleep: 121⁄2

Amount of crying involved: ZERO

Success, Day by Day

As my research continued, so did our improvement. In the insight-ful words of Iyanla Vanzant in her book,
Yesterday, I Cried
(Simon

& Schuster, 2000), “All teachers must learn. All healers must be healed, and your teaching, healing work does not stop while your learning, healing process continues.”

As Coleton began to sleep better, I was deeply involved in the research and writing of this book, so naturally, I continued to apply what I was learning. More time passed, and Coleton
finally
followed in his sister’s footsteps and began sleeping ten hours straight without a peep. (At first, I would wake up every few hours worried. I’d place my hands on his little body to feel for breathing.

Eventually I realized he was just peacefully, quietly sleeping.)

Introduction

15

This is Coleton’s log after using the strategies I’d learned during the writing of this book:

Coleton’s Night Wakings

7:50 P.M. Coleton lays his head on my lap and asks to go “night night.”

8:00 To bed. Lie down to nurse

8:18 Asleep

6:13 A.M. Nurse for 20 minutes

7:38 Up for the day

Number of night wakings: 1 (Improved from 8)

Longest sleep stretch: 10 hours (Improved from 11⁄2)

Total hours of nighttime sleep: 11 hours (improved from 81⁄4) Naps: One peaceful nap, two hours long (improved from 3⁄4 hour) Total hours of sleep: 13 hours (improved from 9 hours) Amount of crying involved: ZERO

Keep in mind that, during this time, I was actively researching and experimenting with ideas. You have the benefit of following a very tidy plan, so you should have quicker success. Also, certainly, Coleton was different from his sister Vanessa, who at an extremely young age, dove for her crib and woke happily ten hours later. Babies are as different from each other as we adults who raise them. But compare this log to where we started. Even though it took some time to get us to this point, I was ecstatic over our results.

Here’s a footnote that will please many of you. Throughout this entire process, Coleton continued to breastfeed and sleep with me.

Through my own experience and working with other mothers, I realized that co-sleeping–breastfeeding babies
can
sleep all night next to Mommy without waking to nurse, contrary to popular

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The No-Cry Sleep Solution

thinking. If you are determined to continue breastfeeding and co-sleeping, you might be able to do so
and
get some sleep, too!

Use This Book However It Is Helpful to You

The good news is that you, my reader and new friend, need be involved in this process only to the extent that it is helpful to you.

I will ask you to do nothing that is uncomfortable for you or anything but gentle for your baby. Use only those ideas that appeal to you; even using a few of them can help you and your baby sleep better.

My goal is to help you
and
your baby sleep all night—without
either
of you crying along the way.

My Test Mommies

Once I had found success with Coleton, I searched out other families who were struggling with their baby’s night wakings. I gathered a group of sixty women who were enthusiastic about trying my sleep ideas. This test group is a varied and interesting bunch!

When we first met, their babies ranged in age from two months to twenty-seven months. One even had a five-year-old with sleep problems. For some, this is a first baby, some have older siblings, and one mother has twins. Some of the mothers work outside the home; some work only at home. Some bottle-feed, some breastfeed. Some co-sleep, some put their babies to sleep in a crib, and some do a little of both. Some are married, and some are single.

My test mommies live all across the United States and Canada, with a few from other countries as well. They are all very different from one another—yet they are all exactly the same in one