The No-cry Sleep Solution (34 page)

102

The No-Cry Sleep Solution

Mother-Speak

“I have found the bedtime routine idea is essential. Since you mentioned this I have realized that on the nights I skip parts I always have more trouble getting him to sleep.”

Diane, mother of seven-month-old Jamar

nurse him, change his diaper, play a little peek-a-boo—I’m back, and as I was saying . . . what was I saying? Oh yes.

Flexibility is important when you have a baby in your life! Try to maintain your bedtime routine as often as possible, but watch your baby too. If your little one is fussing and yawning it’s not the time to have a bath and read a bedtime story! It’s the time to skip some steps and get him to bed ASAP! You may also have to forfeit your entire routine some nights; if Great-Grandma is having her 100th birthday party don’t feel that you have to leave at 6:00 p.m. sharp to get your bedtime routine going. There are times when you’ll have to go with the flow and get back to routine the next night.

Bedtime Routine Is Important Throughout Childhood

Don’t consider your bedtime routine burdensome, unimportant, or unnecessary. A loving bedtime routine is
always
important for children. Until about age ten or so, a child thrives on spending special quiet time with a parent before bed. Reading books, talking, giving back rubs, and simply being together quietly are all important prebed rituals. Actually, I find that most parents who do
not
have a formal bedtime routine typically spend that last hour before bed fighting with their children about going to bed—

now
that
is unpleasant and unnecessary.

At some point, a child no longer needs the ritual, and most parents mourn that loss. My own bedtime routine with my old-

Review and Choose Sleep Solutions

103

est, Angela, has changed over the years. We used to spend that hour cuddling in bed and reading together. Now it begins when I peek my head in her bedroom door. She puts her telephone aside, gives me a kiss and hug, and tells
me
to sleep well. I then climb into my bed while she resumes her homework conference call. Life changes, and so do those bedtime routines.

Establish an Early Bedtime

This idea may help everyone.

Many people put their babies to bed much too late, often hoping that if baby is “really tired” he will sleep better. This often backfires because baby becomes overtired and chronically sleep-deprived. In
The Promise of Sleep
(Dell, 2000), Dr. William C.

Dement (the leading authority on sleep whom I mentioned earlier) states, “The effects of delaying bedtime by even half an hour can be subtle and pernicious [very destructive]” when it comes to babies and young children.

A baby’s biological clock is preset for an early bedtime. When parents work with that time, a baby falls asleep more easily and stays asleep more peacefully. Most babies are primed to go to sleep for the night as early as 6:30 or 7:00 p.m. It is helpful if you establish your baby’s bedtime and plan for it by beginning your prebed routine an hour before, if at all possible.

I often hear about how babies and young children have a

“meltdown” period at the end of the day, when they get fussy, whiny, and out of sorts. I now suspect that it’s simply a sign of overtired children longing for sleep.

Early to Bed, Early to Rise?

For babies, early to bed does
not
mean early to rise! Most babies sleep better and
longer
with an earlier bedtime. Many parents are afraid to put their baby to bed so early, thinking that they will

104

The No-Cry Sleep Solution

Mother-Speak

“One evening we were visiting friends and in all of the excite-ment we missed the ‘window of opportunity’ for getting Alicia to sleep. She passed into the ‘downright weird window.’

She was motoring through the house like a race car with no driver. When I finally convinced her to lie on my lap to nurse, it was like nursing a baby monkey! It took forever for her to settle down and fall asleep.”

Robin, mother of thirteen-month-old Alicia

then face a 5 a.m. wake-up call. Or they may come home from work and
want
to keep baby up late to play. But keeping your little one up too late backfires, and he becomes overtired, distressed, and too wound up to settle down, and more often, a late night is the one followed by that early morning awakening.

My little Coleton used to go to bed at 9 or 9:30, the time when my older children went to bed, because it was convenient for me.

At that time in the evening, it would take him a long time to get settled. I never connected his inability to settle with his late bedtime. When I started putting him to bed between 7:00 and 8:00, he fell asleep much more quickly and slept more soundly. And as an added bonus, I recovered some quality “me” time in the evening that I had long forgotten about. This has been a common experience among my test mommies. Many were truly surprised to find that an earlier bedtime really did help their baby fall asleep easier and faster and often encouraged better sleep and a later waking time.

What About Working Parents?

If you are a working parent, and your evening with your little one
begins
at 6:30 or 7:00, you may find yourself torn between keeping your baby up for some playtime and getting him right to bed.