The Nightingale Sisters (45 page)

Her sudden seriousness caught him unawares. ‘What is it?’

‘You go first.’

‘No, you.’

‘All right.’ She looked down at their hands, still clasped together on the table, then back up at him. ‘I’m pregnant,’ she said.

Nick felt as if he’d had an unguarded blow to the stomach, knocking all the wind out of him. The smell of the greasy food suddenly made him feel sick.

‘You what?’

‘For gawd’s sake, Nick, don’t make me say it again. It’s taken me all my nerve to say it once.’

He stared at her. She sat across the table from him, her blue eyes huge. She’d chewed off most of her lipstick.

‘Well, say something!’ Her smile wobbled.

‘But how—?’

Her eyebrows rose. ‘Do you want me to draw you a picture?’

‘No, I mean – I thought we were careful?’

‘Accidents happen.’

He ran his hand through his hair. It suddenly felt as if his ribs were squeezing the air out of him, making it impossible to breathe.

It couldn’t be true, not now. How could he have been so stupid?

‘Have you told anyone else?’

She shook her head. ‘I thought you should be the first to know.’

He glanced down at her belly, flat under her pretty pink dress. ‘And you’re sure?’

‘Sure as I can be.’ Her smile faltered. ‘Look, it’s all right, you don’t have to look so worried,’ she said. ‘I’ve asked around at the factory, pretending it was for a friend. They reckon there’s a woman on the Mile End Road who helps out girls in trouble . . .’

‘No!’ Nick shook his head. ‘You’re not going to one of them butchers. I’ve wheeled too many girls down to the mortuary for that. I don’t want to see that happen to you.’

‘So what are we going to do?’ Ruby licked her lips nervously.

Nick looked at her. He felt as if the bottom was dropping out of his world. Everything he wanted, everything he’d hoped for, was receding from him, and he couldn’t stop it.

‘Only one thing we can do, isn’t there?’ he said grimly.

Millie placed the bunch of daffodils on Maud Mortimer’s grave. Father had chosen a nice spot for her in the churchyard, under blossom-laden cherry trees. Millie smiled to herself. She thought it was lovely here, but she could just imagine Maud complaining bitterly about the pink and white petals falling on her.

Her father had been very understanding when Millie had explained why she wanted Maud buried at Billinghurst. ‘No one knows where the rest of her family is buried, and I don’t want her to be alone. Does that sound very silly?’

‘Not at all, my dear. I think it’s very commendable of you to show such concern. I’ll talk to Reverend Butler, and see if we can arrange a funeral for her here. We’ll make sure she has a good send-off, don’t you worry,’ he reassured her.

Her grandmother, needless to say, didn’t agree.

‘What an extraordinary idea,’ she’d declared. ‘You’ll be wanting strangers buried in the family vault next!’

But Millie would much rather have faced the dowager countess’s despair over Maud’s funeral arrangements than discuss the other subject she knew was playing on her mind.

She had been pressing Millie from the moment she’d arrived the previous evening.

‘I assume you’re here to see Sebastian?’ she’d said at dinner. ‘You do know he’s staying at Lyford, don’t you?’ she added, with a searching look as Millie tried to hide her surprise.

‘No, I didn’t.’

‘I am shocked. You are supposed to be his fiancée, after all.’

Millie helped herself to vegetables from the silver dish the footman was holding. She could feel her grandmother’s eyes on her, and wondered if the rumours about her and Seb had reached Billinghurst yet.

‘You must visit him, of course,’ her grandmother said.

‘No! I mean, I can’t. I have to catch the lunchtime train back to London tomorrow. I’d rather spend the time I have with you and Daddy.’

She turned pleading eyes to her father, who shrugged helplessly. They both knew that once his mother had an idea in her head, there was no shaking it.

‘Don’t be silly, you have plenty of time. Unless there is a reason why you don’t want to see him?’ she added, narrowing her eyes across the table.

Millie stared down at her plate. Much as she’d tried to put it off, she knew it was inevitable that they would meet sometime.

‘That’s settled, then.’ Her grandmother took her silence for assent. ‘Benson will drive you over there in the morning.’

Millie tried to hide her wretchedness, but her father noticed.

‘Really, Mother, must you interfere?’ he rebuked her.

Lady Rettingham glared at him. ‘Henry, if I didn’t interfere, your daughter would still be a tomboy climbing trees and making rafts on the lake!’ she replied with asperity.

Which was why, as Millie paid her respects to Maud in the churchyard on that fine April morning, Benson was waiting for her beyond the lychgate, standing patiently beside the Daimler, the brass buttons on his green coat glinting in the pale sunlight.

‘Oh, Maud. What a mess.’ Millie plucked a few petals off the neat patch of earth. ‘What am I going to do when I see him? What am I going to say?’

Almost immediately she heard the old lady’s voice in her head, and her final words.

No regrets
.

It was too late for that, thought Millie. She was already bitterly regretting ending her engagement, but she couldn’t see how that was ever going to change.

Benson sprang to attention as she came down the path out of the churchyard.

‘Lyford, your ladyship?’ he said, opening the door for her.

‘I suppose so,’ Millie sighed.

The duke and duchess were in London, so at least she was spared the awkwardness of meeting them. The butler informed her Lord Sebastian was out riding.

‘He should return shortly, if you would like to wait?’ he said, stepping back from the door.

‘I’ll wait for him in the stableyard.’ Millie couldn’t imagine anything worse than sitting in the drawing room, waiting for him to arrive. The sooner they got this awkward first meeting over with, the better. Her temples were already beginning to throb with pent-up tension.

At least in the yard she could relax for a moment. The duke was known for his ability to spot a good horse, and Millie enjoyed inspecting some of his latest acqui-sitions. The smell of leather and horseflesh and even the rotting smell of dung made her feel curiously reassured.

She was in the tack room chatting to one of the grooms when she heard the clatter of hooves on the cobbles. She went outside, shading her eyes from the sun, as Seb walked into the yard astride a magnificent grey stallion.

She had forgotten how handsome he was, his hair glinting golden in the sun. His fitted breeches and white shirt showed off his lean, hard-muscled body. She ached to run to him, but forced herself to stand rigidly in the shadows.

He didn’t see her at first. She watched as the groom came out and caught the horse’s bridle, then muttered something to Seb. He looked over and saw her, astonishment crossing his face.

‘Millie? What are you doing here?’

‘Hello, Seb.’ She felt suddenly shy and tongue-tied.

He slipped from his horse, handed the reins to the groom and strode over to her. He stopped dead a few paces from her, as if there was an invisible fence keeping them apart.

‘I didn’t expect to see you here,’ he said stiffly.

‘I was visiting my family.’

‘Ah. Of course.’ He slapped his crop against his gleaming leather boots. The silence stretched between them.

‘I was coming to see you,’ he said finally, his gaze fixed on the muddy cobbles. ‘I kept meaning to telephone or send a note. But then I put it off.’

‘So did I.’

‘I didn’t really know what I was going to say.’

‘Nor me,’ she admitted.

‘It’s not easy, it is? Finding the right words.’ His smile was strained.

He was going to tell her it was over. She knew it, and she dreaded it, but she didn’t know how to stop it. Her heart pounded in her ears, almost deafening her.

‘I’m sorry,’ Millie blurted out. ‘I don’t want us to be apart anymore. I hate not being engaged.’

He lifted his gaze to look at her, hope flashing in his blue eyes. ‘I’m the one who should be apologising. I was a first-class idiot. I should have known better than to start laying down all those absurd rules and ultimatums.’ His words came out in a rush of apology.

‘No, no, it was my fault for being so stubborn, for thinking my nursing was so important—’

‘It is important.’

‘Not as important as you.’

They stared at each other for a moment, letting the meaning of their words sink in.

‘You were quite right to throw my ring back at me – I think I would have done the same.’ Seb looked rueful. ‘Can you ever forgive me?’

‘There’s nothing to forgive.’

He held out his arms and Millie rushed into them, weeping with relief. They stood in the middle of the stable-yard, oblivious to everyone and everything around them, clinging to each other as if they would never let go.

‘Oh, darling, I’ve missed you so much,’ Seb murmured, pressing his lips into her hair. ‘As soon as we walked away from each other that night, I knew I’d made the worst mistake of my life. But, stubborn idiot that I am, I couldn’t bring myself to run after you. And then when I saw you at the christening . . .’

‘But you were so cold to me.’

‘I was doing my best to keep my distance!’ he groaned. ‘I thought it was what you wanted.’

‘I looked for you,’ Millie mumbled, against his chest. The smell of horses, sweat and leather mingled with the sharp lemony tang of his cologne. ‘But Lucinda told me you’d gone off with Georgina Farsley. I thought you and she might be . . .’ she trailed off, miserable at the memory.

‘Georgina?’ Seb laughed. ‘How many more times do I have to tell you? I’m not remotely interested in that predator. She asked me to take her to the station because she wanted to make Jumbo jealous, that’s all. Unfortunately for her, he was too drunk to notice she’d even gone!’

‘They make a hopeless couple, don’t they?’ Millie smiled.

‘They’re not the only ones.’ He held her closer, so she could feel the steady beat of his heart through his shirt. ‘You don’t know how close I’ve come to turning up at the nurses’ home and battering the door down in search of you.’

‘I wish you had.’

‘I thought you’d just hate me more.’

‘I could never hate you.’ Millie pulled away from him. ‘I’ve made up my mind,’ she said. ‘I want us to get married as soon as possible,’

He regarded her warily. ‘What’s brought this on?’

‘Just something someone said to me.’ She told him about Maud Mortimer, and the last talk they’d had. ‘It made me think about regrets, and I realised then I didn’t want to regret losing you.’

‘But you don’t have to lose me,’ he said. ‘Don’t you see? I was a jealous fool, thinking I didn’t want to share you with anything or anyone else. But I had no right to try to clip your wings like that. You love nursing, I realised that the night you took care of Sophia. And you’re good at it, too. I suppose that was why I got so angry, because I realised how much you loved it.’

‘But I love you more. And I can’t wait to marry you.’

She had expected him to take her in his arms and kiss her again, so the deep frown on his face disturbed her.

‘I’m afraid you might have to,’ he said. ‘I’m leaving for Berlin next week.’

‘Berlin!’ She stared at him, shocked.

‘The editor has offered me the chance to go over there and comment on the political situation. Just a few local colour pieces, but if I do well they might lead to a perman-ent job on the Foreign Desk. Isn’t that marvellous?’ he said.

Millie was barely listening. ‘When were you going to tell me?’ she asked numbly.

‘That’s why I was going to come and see you. But you rather beat me to it by coming here. Not that I’m complaining,’ Seb added quickly. His blue eyes searched her face. ‘Don’t look like that, Mil. You should be pleased for me. This is my big chance. Just think, one day I could be the Chief Foreign Correspondent, rushing off to report on wars around the world!’

Millie shivered. ‘Don’t talk like that, Seb. We don’t need any more wars. And you don’t need to go all the way to Germany either. Why can’t you go on being a journalist here?’

‘Because I need to prove myself. Not just to the editor – to myself.’ His face was wistful. ‘I think that’s why I’ve been acting like such a fool lately. I felt – I don’t know – as if I wasn’t really any good at anything. You had your nursing, and I had nothing. I thought I needed you to give up your vocation for me, when really what I needed to do was to find a vocation of my own. Something to be proud of.’

‘I’m proud of you,’ Millie told him fiercely.

His smile was edged with sadness. ‘That’s not enough, Mil. I need to be proud of myself. You do understand that, don’t you?’

How could she not understand? It was what had driven her from the ballrooms of Belgravia to a hospital in the backstreets of Bethnal Green.

‘Of course I understand,’ she said, suppressing a sudden rush of emotion. ‘You mustn’t take any notice of me, I’m just being silly and selfish because I know I’ll miss you.’

‘And I’ll miss you. More than you could possibly imagine. Which is why I wondered if you wouldn’t mind wearing this for me again?’

He reached into the pocket of his jacket. Millie saw the black velvet ring box and felt her eyes begin to sting with tears.

‘My ring!’

‘I’ve been carrying it around ever since you gave it back to me. I had it in my pocket on the day of the christening, but there didn’t seem to be the right moment to ask you . . .’ He flicked the box open, and she saw the diamonds and emeralds sparkling in its velvety depths. ‘So I’m asking you now.’ He sank down on to one knee.

‘Seb!’ Millie glanced around at the grooms who were leaning over the stable doors, grinning. ‘Get up! You’ll be covered in mud.’

‘Do be quiet, Millie, you’re ruining the romance of the moment.’ He held the ring up to her, his face solemn although there was a glint of amusement in his blue eyes. ‘Amelia Benedict, will you do me the honour of agreeing to marry me? Again?’