The Night I Flunked My Field Trip #5 (10 page)

I looked down into the deep black water. I couldn't see much, but I could see the rope dragging along behind us. No knot, no cleat, no land. We had drifted out to sea!

“Collin!” I yelled. “Wake up!”

“What is it, Hank?” he said with a yawn. “Pirates?”

He looked out at the water with a little grin. He rubbed his eyes, and looked out at the water again. The grin disappeared from his face.

“Where's the land?” he asked.

“Way back there,” I answered.

“Hank,” he said, his voice sounding a little panicky. “We need to do something fast.”

I did the only thing I could think to do.

“HELP!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “SOMEBODY HELP!!!”

I MUST HAVE REALLY SHRIEKED my lungs out, because everyone came running up on deck in a flash.

“What is it, Henry?” Ms. Adolf said. She was wrapped in a blanket and still had the pink pom-pom hat on her head.

All I could do was point into the darkness around us. It took a minute for everyone to realize what had happened. Then Heather Payne screamed.

“We're out at sea!” she cried. “I feel seasick.”

She ran to the railing and barfed up her gruel.

Not only were we out in the middle of the harbor, we were picking up speed, as well. The wind was blowing hard, filling the sails with cold air. We were cutting through the water at a pretty good pace. And let me just say this: The direction we were heading was definitely not
into
shore.

“Nobody panic,” yelled Ms. Adolf in a panicky voice.

“How could this have happened?” shouted Mr. Lingg. You could hardly hear him over the flapping of the sails. I'm not sure why he looked at me, but he did.

“Maybe the knot came loose,” I said. “I hear that can happen.”

I felt terrible. I knew what had happened. I had untied that big old cleat hitch and then put it together backwards or upside down or maybe even sideways. Whatever I did, the knot wasn't a knot anymore. I was responsible for this mess.

Ms. Adolf and Mr. Lingg had us all put on life vests. After that, no one knew what to do.

“Somebody get the captain,” Ms. Adolf said suddenly.

At last, a good idea. We'd just tell the captain to turn the ship around.

Frankie ran down the stairs. Collin went with him. A minute later, they came back without the captain.

“Where is he?” Ms. Adolf demanded.

“He says he's not coming out,” said Frankie.

“He's down there with the first mate,” added Collin. “He says they're both seasick.”

“This is ridiculous,” said Ms. Adolf. “I'm going to get him.”

“I'll come help,” said Ashley. Ms. Adolf didn't object. Mr. Lingg was staying up top to watch over us kids. Ms. Adolf probably felt like she could use a good head down there. And I don't mean of the bathroom type, either.

We were clipping along, heading way out by the Statue of Liberty now. I looked at Lady Liberty's face in the distance, and I swear she was looking right into my eyes. And instead of saying, “Everybody welcome to America,” she seemed to be saying, “You did it, Hank Zipzer. You screwed up again.”

Ms. Adolf hurried back up the stairs, practically dragging the captain behind her. She had him by the arm. Ashley had Mr. Gladson. Both men were green in the face.

“Captain,” said Mr. Lingg. “Take us back to shore immediately.”

“I can't,” said the captain. He sounded really different. His big shouting voice was gone, and when he did talk, he sounded like he was from Texas.

“And exactly why can't you take us back?” asked Ms. Adolf.

“I'm not a real ship's captain,” he answered. “I'm an actor!”

“An actor?” Ms. Adolf said. “What kind of actor?”

“I do musical comedy on Broadway,” he said. “I tap dance a little too.”

Ms. Adolf turned to the first mate.

“And what about you, Mr. Gladson? I suppose you're one of those silly actor people too?”

“I work in commercials,” he said. “Actors do these roles on the ship between gigs. It's steady work.”

“I thought I knew his face,” Collin whispered to me. “He's that guy on the Smoothy peanut butter commercial.”

“Mr. Pea-nut-a-licious,” I said. “Wow. He's not very good at that, either.”

Ms. Adolf's face had turned as pink as her pom-poms. I think she was mad and scared and confused all at the same time.

“Excuse me, ma'am,” the captain said to her. “I'm going to be sick.”

He bolted for the railing.

“You mean to tell me here we are at sea with no help?” Ms. Adolf said to Mr. Pea-nut-a-licious. Her teeth were clenched really tight. “What are we to do?”

It was freezing out there. I stuck my hands in my pockets to try to warm them up. And there it was. Papa Pete's cell phone.

“Ms. Adolf,” I said. “I have an idea.”

“Be quiet, Henry. This is no time for one of your half-baked schemes.”

“But, Ms. Adolf—”

“Did you hear me, Henry?” She pointed to the poop deck. “If you can't keep still, go stand over there and let the grown-ups handle this.”

I did go over to the poop deck. But I didn't keep still. I took the cell phone out of my pocket and dialed Papa Pete's number. I figured that since he had been in the navy, he would know how to help us.

My hands were shaking so badly from the cold that I dialed the wrong number by mistake.

“We are not able to connect your call as dialed,” said a computer voice.

Before I knew it, someone was taking the cell phone out of my hands. It was Frankie.

“Let me dial that for you, Zip.”

I gave him Papa Pete's number. He dialed the phone and handed it to me. It rang and rang. My hand was still shaking.

“Breathe,” said Frankie. “Oxygen is power.”

I took a deep breath, and by the time I had finished exhaling, Papa Pete picked up.

“Hello,” he said with a yawn.

“Papa Pete, it's me. We're in trouble.”

“Hankie, where are you?” I could hear he was waking up very quickly.

“On
The Pilgrim Spirit.
It got loose from the dock.”

“You're adrift?”

Adrift! I remembered that word from our nautical vocabulary. It meant you've been cut loose from your moorings and you're sailing out of control.

“Yes, Papa Pete. We're very adrift. Make that extremely adrift.”

“I'm calling the Coast Guard right now,” said Papa Pete. “Where are you?”

“We're just passing the Statue of Liberty. But we're heading out real fast.”

“Are the sails up?” Papa Pete asked.

“Yes. Halfway.”

“Hankie, listen to me. I'll call for help. But you have to get the sails down now. If you keep your sails down, you'll stay put until the Coast Guard comes.”

“I don't know how to take them down, Papa Pete. And neither does the captain. But he can tap dance.”

“The sails are held up by ropes. Do you see which ones they are?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Untie the knots and let the rope out. The sails will come down. You can do it, Hankie. Ask the other kids to help.”

Papa Pete hung up.

He had a point. I couldn't tie a knot, I had proven that. But I was a whiz at untying a knot. I had proven that too.

I turned to Frankie and Collin.

“Come with me,” I said. “We have a job to do.”

WE SENT ASHLEY TO TELL Ms. ADOLF that I had used the cell phone to call my grandfather and the Coast Guard was on the way. I knew Ms. Adolf wouldn't listen to me, but she'd listen to Ashley. And was I right. When she heard the news, Ms. Adolf didn't even say anything about how cell phones weren't allowed. She hugged Ashley so hard, she knocked her glasses off. Watching Ms. Adolf, I could tell she was really worried about us. In a weird way, that made me feel good.

Collin took me over to his teacher, Mr. Lingg. Frankie came too.

“This is Hank Zipzer,” Collin said. “He's the one whose grandfather has called the Coast Guard.”

Mr. Lingg reached out and shook my hand.

“Good thinking, Hank,” he said.

“My grandfather said we have to take the sails down, so we can stay put or at least slow down until the Coast Guard arrives,” I told him.

“That sounds like a logical thing to do,” said Mr. Lingg. “I wish I knew how to lower the sails.”

“If everyone helps me, I think I can do it,” I said.

“Take over, Hank,” Mr. Lingg said. “You're the captain.”

“Can I be your first mate?” Collin asked.

“Only if he's one too,” I said, putting my hand on Frankie's shoulder.

Collin put up his hand for a high five. “Two first mates are better than one,” he said. Frankie looked at Collin's hand a minute. Then he slapped him five.

“Everyone gather round,” Mr. Lingg shouted. “The Coast Guard is on the way. In the meantime, we have to lower our sails. Hank is in charge and will give you instructions.”

I climbed the steps going up to the poop deck. Frankie stood on one side of me, and Collin on the other. We looked like those guys in a movie I saw once called
The Three Musketeers.
Except we were wearing tennis shoes and baseball caps, and those dudes were wearing boots, swords, big hats with feathers, and tights. But you get the idea.

“We'll split into two teams,” I said. I had to shout really loud to be heard over the wind and the sails. “One team will take the starboard side.”

I started to point, but realized I didn't know which side was which. There it was again, that stupid right/left thing. I wonder if any sea captains in the old days had learning challenges?

Thank goodness Frankie saw that I was confused. He stepped in front of me and pointed to the right side of the ship. Starboard, right. Port, left.
Remember that, brain.

“The other team will take the port side.”

Frankie pointed to the left side.

“Your job is to untie all the ropes that are holding the sails up,” I said. “This won't be easy, because as you can see, there are hundreds of ropes all over this ship. And the sails are heavy. Three kids to a rope. It doesn't matter which school you go to. Just team up.”

“When the sails come down, you'll have to tie them up so they don't flap around in the wind,” Collin added.

That was a nice touch. I never would have thought of that. Frankie gave him a high five.

“Hey, a few of you get your flashlights,” Frankie added. “We'll need light out here.”

“Now, everybody move quickly,” I said. The wind was still strong and we were way out in the middle of the harbor. “And, hey, if you see a loose jacket, bring it topside. It's cold.”

“Why should we listen to you?” Nick McKelty called out. “You're a turkey.”

“You're the one who's a turkey,” Ashley shouted back at him.

“Yeah, be quiet, turkey!” her friend Chelsea said.

Chelsea started to gobble. Then Ashley joined in. And, pretty soon, every kid on the whole ship was looking at Nick McKelty and gobbling. Everyone except Heather Payne, that is. She was too busy barfing.

Collin and Frankie and I ran around the deck, making sure all the ropes got untied. I did a whole bunch of them myself, because, remember, I'm really good at that.

As I looked around the deck, it seemed as if the kids—both schools—were standing around sort of frozen, not knowing what to do. Kim Paulson was closest to me and somehow had ended up on Luke Whitman's rope gang. There was a smile on Luke's face that looked like his lips were glued to his ears.

As I ran past them, Kim grabbed my jacket from behind and started yelling, but there was no way I could understand what she was trying to say.

“Try to relax, Kim,” I said in my best calm voice. And, believe me, it was not easy to be calm at that moment. “We're going to be fine if we just lower the sails.”

“Eeuuw, eeuuw, eeuuuw,” she sputtered, and then she started stomping her feet. It looked like her toes were on fire.

“What is it, Kim?”

“The ropes! Eeuuw, eeuuw, eeuuw. Hank, I can't!” she yelled with her eyes tightly shut.

Luke was still grinning.

Ooohhh. Now I got it. Of course. Kim was pulling Luke Whitman's rope, the one he hid his boogers on. Disgusting. Double disgusting.

I took off my scarf and gave it to Kim so she could wrap it around her hands.

“When you hear me count to three, untie the rope and lower the sail,” I said. “Can you do that?”

Kim nodded, and I ran.

“Good job, Ryan,” I yelled as I passed him and his posse, Justin and Ricky. They had found the rope that was holding the main sail at half-mast. “Wait for me to count to three, and then we'll lower all the sails together!”

I didn't wait for them to answer. We were moving pretty fast down the East River. I couldn't show it, but I was getting nervous.

“Hey, guys, that rope is not going to help us. It's the wrong one. Grab the one next to it.”

I ran farther along the deck.

“Hey, you in the blue and yellow parka,” I called. “I'm sorry I don't know your name.”

“Charlie,” he answered back.

“Charlie. Can you help Hector here find the right rope that lowers the front sail?”

“Aye, aye, Captain,” he answered while saluting me. Wow, that felt great.