The Night Before Thirty (25 page)

TAN PULLED UP
to the Royal Palm Crowne Plaza Resort Hotel.

“Nice,” Lashawnda said.

“The beach is right behind the hotel,” Stan informed them.

“I hope we get a good view from our room,” Elise said.

“You're going to love the view,” Louisa replied. “Jessica and I already went up to check the suites out.”

A guy from the bell stand immediately approached the car and opened the doors. “Welcome to the Royal Palm Crowne Plaza Resort,” he said.

Once they stepped into the lobby, their energy level increased. The hotel reflected the art deco look common to South Beach. The lighting and the carefree feel of the people walking through were contagious. Once they got near the front desk, they were welcomed with warm greetings and met by the hotel manager.

“Good evening, Louisa and Jessica, and welcome back.”

“Thank you,” Louisa and Jessica replied.

“You ladies must be the winners of the Night Before Thirty contest!”

They smiled.

“First of all, let me say happy birthday to all of you. I hope you'll enjoy your stay here at our resort. My staff and I will see to it that your
visit with us is pleasant and memorable. Also, the owner asked me to extend a special welcome. He left gift baskets for each of you in your suites.”

“Wow, happy birthday to us!” Lashawnda squealed.

Everyone laughed.

“You ladies will be dining in the hotel tonight, correct?”

“Right.”

“Great. Ladies, have a wonderful weekend and remember—if you need anything, my staff and I are just a call away.” He walked toward one of the bellboys, who had been trying to get his attention.

“I like this hotel,” Tanya said passionately.

“I do too,” Catara agreed.

“And did you know it's black-owned?” Jessica added.

“Shut up!” Lashawnda said. “Now, that's a wonderful thing. I'd like to shake his hand and let him know just how proud I am.”

The women rushed up to their suites. Elise quickly went to pull open the blinds so she could get a look at the view. “Wow,” she sighed. Everyone joined her by the window.

“I just love the ocean.” Alecia sighed too. The sight took her back to the time she'd spent with William in San Diego.

“I can't wait to hit South Beach!” Catara said.

“We're going after dinner, right?” Tanya asked.

“Yeah, were going to take a stroll down Ocean Drive, take in the sights, and then come back here to get some rest,” Louisa said.

“Good—I'm gonna need to walk off the meal,” Catara added. She stepped away from the window and was about to fall into her usual pattern of dwelling on her shortcomings, when she caught a glimpse of the gift baskets. “Oh look!” she purred.

“Oooh,” everyone gushed, and walked over to the baskets to examine their contents. Inside were coffee mugs with the hotel's logo on them and assorted Godiva chocolates and coffees. The notes attached read,
Relax and enjoy your thirtieth birthday—the best is yet to come!

“This is just too much,” Lashawnda gasped.

“Oh, there's more to come!” Louisa said mischievously.

The bellhop brought up their luggage and they quickly changed clothes. The women could hardly wait to head down the elevator to enjoy their evening. When they entered the hotel restaurant, they were
promptly greeted and seated. After receiving their drinks and giving their dining orders to their waiter, the ladies began discussing their time at the spa.

“Elise, I must admit, your hair looks so much better,” Alecia said.

“I know, girl. Going to the hairdresser is another one of those luxuries I've had to let go. I needed this,” she agreed.

“It didn't look bad before, but I like it better this way,” Alecia said.

“Thank you.” Elise smiled.

“I'd like to get a few more minutes with that masseuse,” Lashawnda said.

“Tell me about it. Not only was he efficient and effective, but he was fine too,” Tanya joked.

Everybody toasted to the masseuse being fine.

“Am I the only single lady fiending for just one decent evening alone with a man?” Catara complained.

“I don't even remember what it was like to be in the company of a man,” Lashawnda said.

Nobody else commented, so Catara turned to Lashawnda. “So what seems to be the problem—is it us or is it them?”

“I don't know what the problem is, but believe me, men aren't the only ones who don't know how to treat a woman,” she said before she could stop herself.

Catara laughed, agreeing, and then stopped short when she realized what Lashawnda had said.

“You mean women friends, right?” Catara's tone turned serious.

“Women friends, women girlfriends, whatever. People just don't know how to act in relationships anymore,” Lashawnda blurted out.

“Uumph,” Catara grunted. She was at a loss for words, second-guessing the sexual preference of the woman she'd agreed to share a room with. She didn't want to be too hasty with her judgment, but she was a little curious. Living in New York had taught her one thing: The only way to find out was to ask. So she did. “Lashawnda, you talk as though you've been hurt by a woman. You're not lesbian, are you?”

“That's a good question, Catara. You know, I ask myself that very question on a daily basis,” Lashawnda responded and took a gulp of her wine.

“So you like women?” Alecia asked, frowning.

Lashawnda turned her nose up at Alecia and directed her attention toward Catara. “I don't date women as a lifestyle choice, but I just got out of a relationship with a woman.”

“Fascinating!” Jessica said, staring at Lashawnda in amazement.

Elise was outdone. She couldn't remember ever meeting anyone who had owned up to being a lesbian. She wanted to frown like Alecia did, but she waited. She thought Lashawnda was cool—there was no need to turn on her just because she liked women. She asked, “Why did you two break up?”

“I caught her sleeping with another woman,” Lashawnda said, trying to laugh it off. “The chick was fine too—I got to give her that. She had nice breasts. I can see why Cicely got with her.”

Jaws dropped around the table.

Lashawnda took another drink. “Shit, she was cute. I'll give a sister her props. That doesn't mean that I wanted to jump into bed and join them.”

The waiter walked up and began serving the ladies. There was uneasiness within everyone, so Louisa figured it was her duty to change the pace of things.

“Let's take hands and say grace,” she said after the last dish was placed on the table.

The women took hands and Louisa led grace. “Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for the food we're about to receive to nourish our bodies. May our time together this weekend as sisters be enjoyable, relaxing, and healing. In your son Jesus' name we pray. Amen.”

“Amen,” everyone responded in unison.

Louisa looked up and smiled at Lashawnda to comfort her.

Lashawnda took a deep breath and smiled back.

The ladies picked up their silverware and began eating.

Tanya took a bite of her steak and then looked at Lashawnda.

“What?” Lashawnda asked, dropping her silverware. “Why are you looking at me like that?” She was feeling protective, and prepared to defend herself if necessary.

“I might be wrong, but it seems to me that you're going through an identity crisis,” Tanya said. “This steak is good!” She took another bite.

Lashawnda relaxed. She was relieved Tanya hadn't spit out a malicious remark at her. “You're right. I am trying to figure it out.” She dug
her fork into her bow-tie pasta. She was just glad that someone still wanted to talk about it. She didn't want to force the issue on anyone, but she wanted some advice. “I always thought I knew who I was, but I wanted a better life. I wanted to be more than I was. I mean, I was a twenty-something grocery bagger at a supermarket before I met Cicely.”

“What do you do now?” Tanya asked.

“I'm an executive secretary. I work for Cicely. She saw to it that I received all the training I needed. She gave me a job. I had no education beyond high school before her. I owe her so much, but I don't know if I'm a lesbian.”

“That's deep!” Jessica said.

“Since we've broken up, I've wanted to quit my job.”

“Do it. You can always get another job,” Tanya said.

Lashawnda sipped her wine, and shook her head, frowning in hopes that her expression would help get her point across. “Y'all don't understand. Working for Cicely was my first real job. She is my only work reference. She's not going to tell another potential employer that I'm a good worker—a damned good worker at that—so how could anybody else know?” She sipped again. “No one is going to hire me at least until I finish college. And that's way down the line because I'll only be going part-time.”

“So what you're saying is, you will continue to work for her just because she hired you? And you've built an intimate relationship with her just because she's helped you?” Tanya said.

“Well, kind of,” Lashawnda replied. She was still unsure why she'd continued to see Cicely.

“Like I said earlier, you're going through an identity crisis. Cicely knows she's a lesbian. She seems to be proud of it. It's her thing. But you, on the other hand, you don't know if you are, you don't know why you're with a lesbian. You probably don't even know what it truly means to be a lesbian,” Tanya said.

She chewed on another piece of steak.

“And you do?” Lashawnda asked.

“Nah, I'm not gay. But I know what it means to be in and try to embrace an environment that isn't your own and doesn't even suit you,” Tanya said.

T WAS THE
beginning of my senior year in high school, several months before I met Chris. I was a wild child, but smart. I made good grades, but the thought of graduating terrified me, probably because no one encouraged me to go to college or suggested employment options. So I rebelled.

I started smoking weed and drinking every weekend. My friend Angel and I used to put our money together and give it to her cousin at school on Friday mornings. By the end of the day, we'd have two joints. Her mother went out every weekend, so I spent the night with her every time I got a chance. We would get so high!

One night Angel's uncle let her borrow his car, so we went riding around the neighborhood. We ran into some guys who were hanging out on the streets, and stopped and flirted. It turned out they were gang members. One of them, the one who seemed to be the leader, was confident, charming, and he took an interest in me. His name was Steve. Before long we began dating, and I tried to adapt to his way of life. There was always talk of getting somebody back for something they did, or letting people know who's got the juice. You know, things like that.

I was turned on by the control he had over the other members.
Those boys did whatever he said, exactly the way he asked it to be done. He had a temper on him, and I saw it displayed, but I didn't care because he didn't direct it toward me, at first. Plus it felt good to be accepted. That gang was like a family and because I was Steve's lady, they accepted me and let it be known that they had my back no matter what.

I didn't know who I was back then, but it didn't matter, with him being in my life. Whatever he was, I supported and embraced; therefore, I became whatever he stood for. That is, until the night I lied to my mother and told her I was spending the night with Angel, but I stayed with him instead. He had his own place.