The Night Beat, From the Necropolis Enforcement Files (34 page)

“Even hookers take Sunday morning off,” Sexy Cindy added.

“It is the day of rest,” Freddy added.

“Then,” Ralph said tensely, “why is that guy not resting?”

I looked where his nose was pointing. Sure enough, there was someone in a copse of trees that stood between two of the lower level estates. He almost looked like a gardener, or a zookeeper, since he was dressed in what looked like a khaki shorts jumpsuit and hiking boots. Only there was no truck or equipment nearby and Ralph and I were the only wild animals in the immediate vicinity.

Jack stopped the car and I got out, Ralph scrambling after me so quickly he sort of fell out of the car. He managed to recover so that he landed on his paws, not his snout, but it was a close thing. I chose to pretend I hadn’t seen it, though I did hear Jack chuckling.

We got nearer to the man, whose back was to us. I wasn’t sure that he’d heard us arrive, which was sort of odd. Then again, we hadn’t shut my door and I could barely hear the S-Class’ engine running and I had werewolf hearing. I resolved to find a way to insist on our keeping this car, or getting our own.

We got closer. Whatever this guy was doing, he was intent on it. He also wasn’t likely to be good-looking, at least if his backside was any indication. He had skinny legs under a rather hefty body. Light blond hair. I stared at it. The hairstyle had a certain…ancient look to it.

I looked at Ralph out of the corner of my eye. His fur was up. Good.

I cleared my throat loudly and the man spun around. It was nice to be right.

“Nero! My favorite lunatic. What’re you up to, big guy?”

Chapter 49

Nero’s shifty blue eyes did their look frantically for escape thing. Ralph was growling, however, in a way that indicated Nero running would be a bad idea for Nero and a fun idea for Ralph.

Nero was many things, but monumentally stupid wasn’t one of them. He gave me what I assumed he thought was a beguiling smile. “Ah, Victoria, isn’t it?”

“That’s right. Agent Wolfe, Major, Necropolis Enforcement to you, however.” He really was dressed like a zookeeper. I found myself wondering why. “Just what are you doing, Nero?”

“Ah, public service,” he answered brightly. “Foliage control.”

I looked around. “I see no weeds that need whacking.”

Ralph’s growl went up, but he didn’t say anything. I figured he was staying undercover, which, considering where we were, was probably smart.

“Err, ah, well,” Nero said, clearly stalling. “I’ve cleared most of it already.”

“Into what?” Nero stood there without an answer and I took a deep breath. A lot of smells mingled together -- exhaust, earth, foliage, garbage, and the like. But one smell stood out. Interestingly, it wasn’t the smell of sulfur or Hellfire. I smiled a very unfriendly smile. “You know what I think you’re doing, Nero?”

“No. What?” he asked nervously.

“I think you’re planting maggots. In fact, I’d guess you’re planting all kinds of larvae. Bet they mature quickly, too.”

His eyes got more shifty. “No idea what you’re talking about.”

I said it under my breath, without moving my mouth. “Sic’ him.”

Ralph lunged. Silently. Well, Ralph was silent. Nero shrieked like a hyena. While Ralph played Bad Werewolf, I considered our situation.

Nero was a ghoul but he looked human, no drippy parts, no distended eyeballs, no stench. I’d always figured it was his payoff for being a royal bastard in every sense of the words. But now I wondered -- Ishtrallum had said Nero was good friends with the warlock who’d spelled The Pleasure Palace. I found myself wondering who this warlock was and if I’d find him nearby, like up at the Little Church.

Once Nero was appropriately roughed up, Ralph tossed him at my feet. Then he went back to where Nero had been and started digging. Nothing beats a werewolf in full dig mode.

I put my foot on Nero’s throat. “So, what’s my precious puppy digging up, Nero my not-really-a-man?”

“N-nothing.”

I pressed a little harder as I heard a car door slam. “Come again?”

“Just something I’ve planted.” Nero looked away from me. Well, as much as he could. “Help me.”

“You’re kidding, right?” Jack snorted. “I’ll help you to a jail cell.”

“That creature is tearing up my yard,” Nero sputtered. “I demand recompense.”

I cleared my throat. “He’s fully aware of who, and what, you are, Nero. Nice try, but you’re not getting out of this all that easily.” Something registered. “
Your yard
?”

“I live here.” Nero managed to sound offended and proprietary, both.

I took my foot off his neck and Jack hauled Nero to his feet. “If it’s your property, then you’ll be able to enter it with us and prove that it’s yours…won’t you?” Jack was doing bad cop. Of course, so was I. And, technically, so was Ralph. Well, Nero didn’t rate any good cop treatment, really.

Nero got slowly to his feet. “Indeed.” He brushed himself off and tottered to the nearest door. The houses on the lower part of the hill were smaller, merely huge enough to fit two normal homes inside them. Nero opened the door and walked in, Jack and I right on his heels.

“This proves nothing,” I mentioned. “Anyone can open a door.”

“It was unlocked,” Nero huffed. “Because I left it unlocked while I was gardening.”

“Nice try, not buying it.”

“I live here,” Nero protested. He pointed to the walls, which were rather covered with Roman, Greco-Roman, and Roman-influenced artworks, some of which stretched the definition of art.

“I can buy that you either helped decorate or you picked a house where the owners are as into Roman history and so-called glories as you are. Not anything beyond that.”

Nero sighed. “Fine. Let me get my papers.”

He started off towards the back of the house, but Jack grabbed him. “Oh, no you don’t. I think I’ll accompany you, just to make sure no one broke in while you were gardening.” Jack looked at me. “We’d better put the car into the driveway.”

“Watch him, he’s slippery.” As I went outside I heard Nero starting to give a tour of the house. I had a horrible suspicion he was telling at least part of the truth. Freddy and Sexy Cindy were still in the backseat, looking worried. I got in and pulled into what might be Nero’s driveway.

“What’s going on?” Sexy Cindy asked. “And is Ralph digging to China or something?”

“The guy we roughed up is Nero. He’s claiming this is his house. Jack’s escorting him to supposedly see the proof. Ralph’s digging up whatever nasty stuff Nero was planting. Fairly sure it was maggots, larvae and such.”

They both made gagging noises. “Why would anyone do that?” Freddy managed in between retching.

“Flies, mosquitoes, locusts, all sorts of nasty bugs you don’t want me to name, they get used by the Prince’s minions a lot, because most humans have your reactions to them. The more bugs about, the more freaked and grossed out humans get. Even those whose fight or flight reaction to most bugs is ‘stomp ‘em’ can get freaked by the equivalent of an airplane hangar full of bugs coming towards them.”

“So, do Hell bugs mature faster than regular ones?” Sexy Cindy asked thoughtfully as we got out of the car. I took the keys with me. The previous owner hadn’t been careful with this baby, and I had an obligation to get it back to them safely. Somewhere in the future.

“Yes. I’d guess we’re looking at something that would mature in hours.” We went over to Ralph, who seemed about done with the digging. “What has Mommy’s precious puppy found?”

He gave me a dirty look, in more ways that one -- his fur was covered with grime and loam. “About what you’d expect. All the usual insects with some specials thrown in. I figure we got here just in time -- another thirty minutes and the first of them would have hatched.”

I trotted back to the S-Class and rummaged through the trunk until I found what I needed. Went back and tossed a can each to Freddy and Sexy Cindy. “Spray everything Ralph’s dug up and anything that looks like maybe he should have dug it up.”

Sexy Cindy looked at the can. “Insect Repellent -- for bugs so tough you’d swear the Devil made them do it.” She snorted a laugh and shook her head. “Who names these products?”

I grinned. “Put it this way -- he knew the power of words and hype when he was alive and beings don’t change that much over time, not even undead beings. Though he insists that, these days, one’s born a whole lot more than every minute.”

Freddy laughed. “P.T. Barnum?”

“One and the same, the greatest showman on the face of the Earth.” I liked P.T. He was a fun undead to hang around. I’d heard his hype for a long time now, but it never got old to me.

“Will we meet him?” Freddy asked.

“Not likely, not on this case, anyway. He doesn’t do field work, he’s R&D.”

“Research and development?” Sexy Cindy sounded confused. “Why would a circus man do that?”

“He’s not just a circus man, or one of the greatest marketing minds around. He’s an artist, but with words and images and things, and their effect on humans, demons, and many other beings. He teaches upper level classes at the University sometimes.” And I’d taken every one. Okay, I was a Barnum groupie. Was that so wrong?

Jude and I had fought about what he called my unhealthy fascination with P.T. and I called mild hero worship. It had never bothered Ken. I considered this while we sprayed a goodly portion of what might really be Nero’s side yard. Amanda thought it was because Ken was from a time when marketing had already permeated the human experience, and Jude wasn’t. I wasn’t so sure. I’d always gotten the feeling that Jude was jealous of my attraction to P.T. in a very boyfriend-jealous way. Which was funny. I wasn’t attracted to P.T. sexually -- I just loved how his mind worked. And he was an astute student of the human animal and what drove it, and that was something you needed to have a good grasp of if you were going to be any kind of good cop.

While we sprayed Ralph sniffed the rest of the grounds. He came back as we finished up. All three cans were almost out of juice, there was that much to destroy.

“I think this was the only area,” Ralph said as he sat on his haunches. “Can’t figure out why, though.”

I looked around and studied the area. There wasn’t much of an obvious reason as I looked at street level. But I happened to look up. I pointed and the others looked the way I directed.

“Huh. Well, I think Nero might have concentrated here because it’s such a clear flight path up to the top of the hill.”

“And right to the Little Church,” Sexy Cindy added.

Ralph was growling and I was close. “Let’s go ask Nero some more questions, shall we?”

Chapter 50