The Next Thing I Knew (Heavenly) (7 page)

Before I could do anything rash, Chris pulled me back into the alien crisis that was sweeping Heavenly.  Two factions existed:  the apathetic faction that figured we couldn't do anything about this alien invasion and besides, being dead wasn't so bad after all; and Chris's faction which desperately wanted to fight back in any way possible but didn't have a clue how.  Unfortunately for them, their faction was in the minority.  I was in their camp mainly because I was dating one of their leaders.  Cronyism rocks.

Chris tried to garner more support in the hopes that someone out of billions of ghosts might come up with a workable solution or some way for us to actually affect the real world, aka Earth.  Kyle in his usual nerd-erific fashion gave me the situation in a nutshell.

Scientists theorized our ghosts were quantum energy echoes left by our dead bodies.  We existed in a slightly off-phase dimension from our earthly reality that prevented us from directly affecting anything within, but close enough to interact with it in a limited manner.  I wondered if our quantum echoes would last forever or if we'd eventually spark out like a dying light bulb.

"Theoretically," Kyle said, "we'll last as long as the universe is around.  But who knows?"

I didn't bring up my tale of possessing Nick, or the things that Harb had shown me.  Harb had made me promise to keep it a secret.  I was glad he had.  After merging with Nick, I understood the dangers.

Kyle continued to explain things to me and bring me up to speed.  He didn't sound hopeful that we would figure this out.  In the grand scheme of things, humans had clawed their way to the top of the food chain in a relatively short period of time.  Despite my romantic notions that anything could be conquered, death seemed all too permanent.

"What about Einstein?  I'll bet he could help," I said.  Einstein could probably figure out anything.

"Nobody I know has met him here.  One thing we've noticed is that all the ghosts here are relatively new.  We did meet some people from the Victorian Era, and a guy who claimed to be a duke or something in the Middle Ages, but nobody famous."

"I think Einstein would be a lot more useful than a duke."

"Duh.  I think we would've found him by now though."

"Well if a duke from the Middle Ages is still running around Heavenly that probably means we've got a few hundred years of life here.  That is if he and the others aren't big fat liars."

"I guess.  According to the old ghosts, there are those who take great interest in the living and those who grow bored with it and move into Beyond."

"There's something after Heavenly?"

"Apparently, but you can't just go there.  Someday you just know how to."

Maybe that was the real Heaven, I thought.

Kyle and I joined Chris later and discussed a campaign to increase alien awareness among our dead brethren along with a plea to help.  Maybe word would reach brilliant minds that had until now been lurking in the shadows.  Instead, we found increasing apathy and depression.  Most people blew us off, didn't want to hear anything more because the afterlife was supposed to be a happy place.

After a time it became clear that the people who cared the most about battling alien scum were in our age range, somewhere between fourteen and the mid-twenties.  The number of concerned individuals diminished greatly in the older age groups.    It was ironic, really, when I remembered most of my friends being so ADD about everything.  Even with my own attention deficit mind almost constantly on Nick, I forced myself to the matter at hand.  If the aliens landed, they'd be sure to find Nick and kill him.

Chris obsessed about finding an answer.  My feelings for him hadn't changed since Nick but I was incredibly conflicted about the two of them.  When it boiled down to the essentials, I had a better chance of making things work with the dead guy, not the living one. 

"Has something changed?" Chris asked me as we flitted to Earth for some quiet time away from the ships orbiting Saturn.

"No, of course not."  My voice trembled with the lie but I couldn't let him know.

"You vanished for a while and now you seem different."

"I wasn't all that interested in the space ship stuff.  You know that.  I took some time to explore."

"Where'd you go?"

"Just around Earth.  Looked at the touristy places."

"You seem distant.  Emotionally, I mean."

We arrived in Egypt and landed atop the Sphinx. I hugged him.  "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be."

He kissed me and the warmth I remembered rushed back into me, flooding from my lips to my feet.  His hands pressed up my back and to my neck.  He gripped a handful of hair at the back of my head and gave a gentle tug.  A tingle ran down my back.  I felt alive again.  I could smell him.  I could feel the stubble on his chin.  Even feel his breath on my face.

"I want you, Luce," he whispered in my ear.

I stiffened and some of the pleasure drained out of me.  Chris cursed and backed away, turning from me and looking at the rising sun.

"I'm sorry," I said, and pressed myself to his back.  "Let's just do it and get it over with."

"It's so appealing when you put it that way," he said.  "You should want to by now.  Even if we were still alive you should still want to.  Don't you want to experience something new?"

"Part of me desperately wants to.  Another part is scared stiff.  I can't help it."

"Does that part of you feel that being a virgin is special?"

"Probably.  I think it still clings to the memory of life."  I took his hand and made him face me.  "Let's do it right now.  Maybe after I try it once, I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded.  My lower lip trembled so I bit it.  What if we did it and I didn't feel anything?  What if my lack of experience in life prevented me from feeling anything sexual in death?  A tear rolled down my cheek.  I brushed it away quick as I could.

"You're scared to death.  Does this have anything to do with our conversation about sex a couple of months ago?"

"Forget it.  I'm tired of wondering if I'll feel anything or not.  Let's get it over with."

He shook his head.  "No, you're not ready.  That'll just make it worse, believe me."

"And you know this from screwing a girl who wasn't ready?  Is that it?"  I was amazed at the anger in my voice.  From zero to drama queen in two seconds.  Forget it.  I didn't want to be there anymore.  I wanted to be with Nick, the living man who didn't want to screw me because he didn't even know I existed.

"Dammit, Lucy, that's not it at all.  I can read like anyone else.  I've heard stories."

"Who did you have sex with?"  I didn't know why I asked him that.  I didn't want to know except from morbid curiosity.

"It doesn't matter."

"How many?"

"It doesn't matter."  He took me by the shoulders and looked into my eyes.  "You're all that matters to me right now, and from now on.  Why can't you believe that and be happy?"

"I am happy," I said, my voice calm but broken.  "But in other ways I'm so sad.  Let's just get it over with, please.  I don't want this pressure in my heart anymore.  It scares me so bad that I might not feel anything."

It was so stupid and foolish of me to not want sex.  I was freaking dead.  It shouldn't matter.  And if I didn't feel anything, well so be it.  Nothing I could do about it.  Nothing I could do about alien invasions, snow storms, or saving the last living man on Earth either, so I might as well deal with reality and accept my limits.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded.

He took me to a small island in the middle of crystal blue waters.  We ran in the calm water, swam with the sharks, and explored a colorful coral reef exploding with tropical life.  As the sun set, he took me to the white sands and pressed his lips to mine.  He explored my body.  When he touched me I felt things I'd never felt before.  When he fully took me, the sensations overwhelmed me and flooded out my apprehensiveness.  Neither lack of experience nor death had defeated my body.  It knew what to feel.  In that one perfect moment, I felt alive!

We lay on the beach for a while after that and made love again and again.  Each time seemed better than the last now that I was relaxed and unafraid.  When the moon lit the calm waters around our tiny island paradise, I asked him to sleep with me.  He didn't know we could actually fall asleep, so I told him how.

And we did.

We awoke with the sun on our faces.  Chris returned to space.  I returned to Nick.  He was in a bad way.  The last diesel generator was having problems and he feared it would die on him.  I was bursting with my news and told him everything.  He couldn't hear me, but his mood lightened and hope seemed to creep back into his face.  I would like to think my mood had improved his.  I checked on the generator.  It seemed to be running fine now, but I noticed the fuel supply was nearing critical level.  One way or the other, Nick would have to make his escape soon.

He knew that as well.  He made another video log and said as much.  He'd lost hope of waiting for a summer rescue.  He wanted to take the Sno-Cat, the tractor-like all-terrain vehicle, to the coast but he couldn't find the keys.  There was another similar vehicle but with only half the range.  I immediately scoured the place for the keys and found them under a sheet of paper in the communications room.

He would likely find them if he searched the room but time was against him.  Nick began gathering supplies for his journey and looking at maps.  I already knew the exact route he had to go.  There were dangerous spots he'd have to avoid.  I had also found another cache of diesel that he'd need for the Sno-Cat and a sled he could pull behind it with more fuel and supplies.  If only I could tell him.

Another merge was the only way.  First, I fixed the escape plan in my mind and put it to the forefront of everything I needed to tell him.  Perhaps by focusing on the details, he would remember everything.  I wasn't sure if I could communicate directly with him while merged but I would try.  In any case, I couldn't stay in him for long.  The first merge had weakened me so much that I was afraid I might dissipate into nothing.

Nick was watching Jaws when I decided to merge.  It seemed almost appropriate with the iconic shark music playing in the background as I drew closer and closer to him.  I pressed my head to his and relaxed my mind.  The merge went slower this time as I fought to maintain some control.  Nick jerked upright and a man burned all around me.  I was fully in him.

"Lucy?" he asked, staring at himself in the mirror.  It was almost as if he wasn't seeing himself, but me when he stared in the mirror.

I thought about my plan, focusing on the minor details.  It took minutes, but seemed like hours.  I felt weaker with every passing second.

"Nick, I'm always with you," I said.

His eyes widened, but he offered no response.  I tried an orderly exit from his body, but I couldn't move.  I pushed hard as I could.  His arms jerked outward violently.  His legs kicked.  I flitted from him and blacked out.  When consciousness returned, I was curled into a fetal ball on the island where Chris and I had made love.  Apparently this was my new special place.

I returned to Heavenly to recover.  The Playground had expanded again and some of the rides were almost beyond description.  One combined roller coasters with Ferris wheels; another had bizarre creatures running, flying, or crawling, and children riding them.  A large ski slope had sprung up nearby but it was obviously the invention of adults.  I shook my head at the wonder of it all.

Many of the original lumps and blights on the landscape were gone.  People were getting better at controlling things.  I asked around, but nobody had figured out how to make an iPod yet.  Just when I had given up hope, I found flyers stapled to wooden poles inviting everyone to concerts.  Some music artists had regrouped and were putting on concerts.  I wondered if Madonna would do a comeback tour of Heavenly.  I shuddered and hoped not.

Robby skipped in a circle when he saw me.  He grabbed my hand and took me to a ride he'd invented.  It looked like a blue train from one of his picture books, but the track it rode on curved all over the place, around miniature mountains, in twists and loops, and eventually to the top of a steep mountain in the distance.  I was impressed.  He took me for a ride and for the first time in a while, I felt like a kid again.

I wanted to invent my own ride, so I had Robby instruct me.  It felt a little embarrassing to rely on the tutelage of a five-year-old.

"Just think about it real hard.  It takes a long time," he said.  "Like hours and hours and almost forever but without the always part."

We were some distance from the other rides just in case I made an abomination on the landscape.  At first I couldn't decide what I wanted to make.  My thoughts kept straying back to Nick and whether he'd gotten my message.  I finally decided on a swing set for starters.

Nothing happened for a minute then a brown lump appeared on the ground.  I concentrated on that lump until it felt like I was going to pop a blood vessel.

"I close my eyes," Robby said.

So I did.  I focused on a swing set with red and white stripes and vinyl seats.  But thoughts of Nick kept washing away the image and replacing it with random bits of my escape plan.