The Natural: How to Effortlessly Attract the Women You Want (28 page)

If you talk about shallow subjects, the best you can achieve is to have her think of you as comfortable, confident, interesting, and maybe possibly funny. This is great, sure—but she can find other guys who have those qualities. To take it to the next level, you need to connect with her.

To stand out from other guys, I try to cover the following areas:

  Character traits

  Motivations

  Emotions

Anytime your conversational partner says something, think about how it might relate to these three areas. Let’s imagine you just found out that she moved to your town from Europe. Instead of sticking to your usual thought process, try to filter that information through these three questions:

 

1. What type of person would do this? (Character traits: extroverted, adventurous.)
   
 

2. Why might she do this? (Motivations: money, following a dream, seizing an opportunity.)
   
 

3. How might she feel about this? (Emotions: apprehensive, excited.)
   

The fact is, most people like to be touched. Hugs feel good. Someone touching your arm when they offer their emotional support offers more than just words.

That said, a lot of guys are afraid of touching a woman in a bar because they’re scared of being perceived as creepy. Yes, women hate being grabbed by drunk guys at the bar, but if they’re talking to someone they like, they
want
to be touched!

Kino-escalation is the process of going all the way from incidental touches to sex. Obviously the first time you touch a girl generally can’t be when you kiss her; that’d be weird. You need to get her comfortable with your touching, and there are lots of ways to do this.

  
Intent
. Women can sense the intent behind kino. An arm on the shoulder from someone thinking, “Okay, now I’m going to escalate by putting my arm on her shoulder,” will make her feel weird. She’ll subconsciously know the difference between creepy touching and nice touching because she’s been touched by a lot of men! When she’s attracted to you, you can get away with anything you like, but until that point your intent should be pure. When you touch her, make it part of your natural movements; touch her in the same way you would touch a friend, and keep the intent behind it positive and natural. Don’t think sleazy thoughts! Later, when a woman is attracted to and interested in you, you can have a sexual intent behind your kino that will be completely accepted.

  
Speed
. The faster the kino, the more you can get away with, because it becomes harder to object to. The brain doesn’t have time to register the hand on the shoulder if it’s there for just a second.

  
Eye contact
. Do
not
look at the part of her that you’re touching; that draws attention to the touch and feels “icky” to women. On the other hand, don’t go for full eye contact either. When you go to escalate kino in a major way, maybe by putting your arm around her, eye contact will make it an intensely high-pressure moment. If you’re looking away when you make this move, it’s much more comfortable and acceptable. Use the looking-away trick when taking a girl’s hand or doing anything else that seems potentially too intimate at the time.

Kino is best seen and taught in video, so watch this guide to see kino done right: www.puatraining.com/kinovideo.

Making use of existing excuses to touch solves the problem of kino-escalation for anyone not used to touching strangers in conversation. Below are some nonthreatening ways to kino-escalate:

  Don’t shake her hand when introduced; hold it for about three seconds. It’s long enough to notice, but not long enough to object to.

  Use high-fives when you find something cool about her.

  If she goes to the gym, exercises, looks tough, or whatever, ask to feel her muscles. Flex your arm and point at her to do the same.

  Check out her jewelry. Hold her hand to see her rings or bracelets. Move her hair back to check out her earrings. You can use many excuses to check out her hair. “Ever wear it up?” “Is that your natural color?” “Ever had it long/short?”