The Nanny's New Family (Caring Canines) (8 page)

Suddenly a memory intruded into her thoughts: the first day she’d glimpsed herself in a mirror after she’d been discharged from the hospital. Stunned and broken, she’d sunk to the floor and sobbed at the sight of the red scars from what remained of her right ear and across her torso to her left hip, where the beam had landed on her.

No one could reach her at that time. She wouldn’t listen. But she had to try with Jeremy. She didn’t want him to go through the heartache she did.

She sat next to the child, about a foot away, and rested her arms on her raised knees. Staring off at a pasture with a stallion, she remained silent, waiting for Jeremy to say something. He needed to let his emotions out, then she would see if she could help.

Slowly his tears abated and he peered at her, more drained than angry. “Why are you here?”

“To be here for you.”

“I don’t need...” Tears welled into his eyes again, and he knuckled them away.

“Everyone needs someone, Jeremy. What you’re going through isn’t easy. I know. I went through something similar when I was fifteen.”

“You had seizures?”

“No, something different, but it affected my whole life.”

Jeremy’s forehead wrinkled. “Then, you don’t—”

Annie turned toward him and lifted her hair away from the scarred side of her face. “I was in a fire and burned badly from here—” she ran her hand across her chest to her thigh “—to here and was in the burn unit for weeks. I went through several operations. I missed a semester of school.”

Jeremy’s eyes widened while she combed her hair back into place.

“It changed my life. My mother died in that fire, and I miss her every day.”

His bottom lip trembled.

“I don’t tell people about it. I still try to hide it, and I prefer that you don’t say anything until I at least tell your father and your siblings myself. My burns could define who I am if I let them. You can let your seizures define you if you want, but they aren’t really you.”

Jeremy blinked, opened his mouth to say something but snapped it closed.

“I worried about people staring at me, making fun of me or looking at me horrified. The people I loved never did, and I learned over time the others weren’t important. The first person outside my family to visit me was my friend Becca, who had epilepsy. She accepted me for who I was and was there to support me. I was so angry I didn’t make it easy for her to stick by me.”

Jeremy looked at the stallion. “I don’t want to die from a seizure.”

“Why do you think you will?”

“My mom had one in the hospital right before she died.”

“I understand from your father your mother died from a stroke. That can sometimes cause a seizure, but you aren’t having a stroke.”

“Then, why am I having seizures? What did I do wrong?” A tear ran down his face, and he swiped it away.

“Not a thing, Jeremy. Things happen to us that we have no control over. That’s when we have to turn our lives over to the Lord and not worry about the future. It’s in His hands. About the only thing worrying does is stress us out, and that’s not healthy. Jeremy, have you told your dad about your fears and your mother?”

Jeremy shook his head. “Mom’s death makes him sad.”

“He’d want to know this. You should talk to him.” Annie knew how much Ian loved his children. He made mistakes like all parents, but he was a good father.

“Maybe.” He looked again at the stallion.

“May I tell him? I won’t if you don’t want me to.”

A long moment passed before Jeremy finally nodded.

“How about Rex? I saw him cushion your fall. Rex can do some amazing things.”

“I know, but I don’t want to take him to school. The kids will know something is wrong with me.”

“Why don’t you tell them? Most kids would be interested, especially your friends. And dogs are a great way to start a conversation.”

“Maybe.”

“Your dad is rounding up the other children to leave. If you think you might take Rex, you need to let him and Emma know.”

“Rex was right next to me. He even licked my face.”

“You’ll never be alone when you have a seizure with Rex.”

“He’ll sleep with me?”

“Yes. He’ll become your buddy. I understand you used to have a dog and loved her.”

“Yeah. She died. I don’t want to lose another pet.”

Annie heard Joshua’s voice, which meant the family was almost at the cars. “Death is hard, but it’s part of life. If you never have a pet, you can’t enjoy years of companionship with one.” She rose and held out her hand to help Jeremy to his feet.

He stared at it a few seconds then clasped it. “I won’t say anything to the others about your scars.” His words, spoken in a serious tone, forged a bond between them.

“Thank you.”

When Jeremy stood, his siblings climbed in the other side of the Ford Explorer while Ian talked with Emma at the entrance into the building. He held a leash with the cocker spaniel on it.

“It looks as though your brother and sisters picked Daisy as their pet.”

Jeremy skirted the front of the Ford Explorer and walked toward his father.

Annie trailed Jeremy to find out what was going on concerning Rex.

Daisy greeted Jeremy with her tail wagging. He patted her, then stood next to his dad.

“Have you decided to continue training with Rex?” Ian asked.

“Yes, but I don’t know about taking him to school.”

Ian clasped his son’s shoulder. “We’ll take it one day at a time.”

“You won’t make me?”

“No. I think you’ll find Rex is good for you and want to take him.” Ian turned to Emma. “I guess they’ll be back tomorrow. Okay?”

“Yes. Jeremy, Rex is already bonding with you so I’m glad you decided to continue the training.”

Ian said, “For the rest of this week, I’ll clear my schedule so I can bring Jeremy. I want to be involved.” He shook Emma’s hand.

As Jeremy, Ian and Annie walked toward the Ford Explorer, the boy said, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, Dad. I’ll be okay.”

“I know that, son, but I saw Rex in action today, and it’s fascinating to see what a dog can do to help people.”

“In the meantime, your sisters and brother can acclimate Daisy to your home so hopefully they won’t complain too much that they aren’t coming.” Annie opened the back door to the Ford Explorer and the cocker spaniel got in with Jade’s assistance.

While Jeremy slid into the front seat, Annie accompanied Ian toward the rear. She paused and lowered her voice, saying, “Jeremy said I could tell you. One of his concerns is that his mom died after a seizure.”

Ian closed his eyes for a few seconds. “I forgot he was visiting his mom when she had her last stroke, and she did have a seizure. Everything got so hectic after that. I wish he’d said something to me.”

“He thought you were sad when you talked about your wife.”

Ian sucked in a large breath and released it slowly. “He’s right. I’ll have a talk with him. In fact, I will with each of my children. They need to know they can come to me with anything.”

“Sounds good. See you at home.” Annie turned toward the SUV.

Ian caught her arm. She glanced back at him. The look of appreciation in his eyes made her feel special in that moment, more than she had in a long time.

“Annie, I don’t even know where to begin thanking you for your help.”

She covered his hand with hers, the physical connection making everything, except the man near her, fade from her consciousness. She smiled. “You just did.” Then she continued around the Ford Explorer to the driver’s side, missing his touch. Too dangerous for her to get used to that. Annie had let down her defenses in college, risked her heart with David and ended up brokenhearted. She couldn’t go through that again.

Annie realized as she started the car that when she’d said, “See you at home,” she’d felt as if Ian’s house really was her home. More than she had at any place she’d worked as a nanny. The realization stunned her.

* * *

Later that night Annie fixed herself a cup of tea to sip while she read a suspense story. After the eventful day, she needed some downtime before trying to sleep. Dinner earlier was the first time that Jeremy hadn’t been angry or ready to argue over everything being discussed. He even paid attention to Daisy. The dog chose to sleep with Jade, much to Joshua’s disappointment.

As Annie moved toward the living area in her apartment with her drink, a knock sounded at the door. She detoured and opened it to find Ian standing on the landing. “Is Jeremy okay?”

“Yes. They all are, even Jade with Daisy. I won’t keep you, but I wanted to thank you again for letting me know what was going on with Jeremy. Tonight he actually participated in the dinner discussion. I wish he’d felt he could tell me, but at least he told you. I intend to talk to him tomorrow on the way home from Caring Canines.”

“You’re welcome, Ian. Come in. I need to talk to you.”

“As long as you don’t give your notice.” He grinned.

“No, definitely not that, but it’s something I should have told you from the beginning.”

Confusion clouded his face as he shut the door and moved toward the living area, sitting down on a chair while she took the couch.

“Sorry. That sounds as though it’s serious. Well, I guess it is but only to me.” Ian’s intense look, as though he were trying to figure out what she was going to say, made her nervous.

“Something wrong?”

“No.” Annie swallowed hard. “I told Jeremy about a problem I had as a teenager and how hard it had been on me. I was angry at life. I feel I need to tell you, too, and if it’s okay, I want the rest of your children to know.”

“What are you talking about?”

Annie glanced toward the kitchen, stalling. “Would you like some tea?”

Ian sat forward in his chair kitty-corner from her on the couch and took her hand. “No, but I would like you to tell me before I go crazy wondering what you want to say.”

Her breath trapped in her lungs, Annie brushed back her hair and pushed her turtleneck collar down to reveal her scarred ear and neck.

Chapter Eight

D
eeply scarred tissue, mostly red with a few white streaks, took Ian by surprise. He’d been thinking all kinds of things Annie could tell him, but this wasn’t one of them. “What happened?”

“I was in a fire at our family cabin. A beam fell across me, pinning me. My father managed to rescue me, but not—my mother in the other room.” Tears filled her eyes.

The urge to comfort her overwhelmed him. Ian had helped burn victims throughout his career, and the pain associated with that kind of injury was intense. He moved to the couch, drawing her against him. If in that moment he could have wiped the memory and effects of the fire from her, he would have. She had done so much for him and his children in a short time. “I’m so sorry. I know how hard that must have been for you.”

Annie shuddered as though memories inundated her. “I didn’t even get to go to my mother’s funeral because I was in the burn unit.”

It had been important to Ian to go to Zoe’s funeral to say goodbye. If he hadn’t been able, there was no telling the emotional state he would be in now. “Did your family have a memorial service for her later so you could attend?”

“Yes...” She pulled back, erecting a wall between them. “But I’m not the issue. Jeremy is. I told him because I wanted him to realize I know what he’s going through. His life has been changed suddenly, and he has to find ways to deal with it. Until his seizures are under better control, he’ll need to be watched more. He’s rebelling. I did, too.”

Ian clamped his teeth together to keep all his questions about her situation to himself. His inquiries wouldn’t be appreciated, and that saddened him. He wanted Annie to share her life with him as he had with her. “So that’s the reason he changed his mind about Rex,” he finally said.

“I don’t know if it was, but when you’re hurting like he is, knowing others have survived difficult situations helps. I told him about losing my mother, too. He needs Rex, and I think he’ll figure that out once Rex comes to live with him.”

Are you all right?
The urge to ask her overwhelmed him, but he couldn’t. Ian had the feeling Annie didn’t share her experience with many, and he tried to respect her privacy.

Her hair, back in its usual place now, effectively covered her visible scars. The doctor in him wanted to examine them and see what he could do. Did she see her scars as a penance because she’d survived the fire and her mother hadn’t? Why hadn’t she done more to diminish them? There were creams and makeup that could help. Her ear could be replaced with a prosthetic one. Was it money? Or something else? As the thoughts swirled through his mind, Ian realized he needed more information, but he didn’t feel he could ask her. Maybe after she’d worked for him longer, he could get her the help she needed.

“At least tomorrow I can reassure him that his mother didn’t have epilepsy and didn’t die from a seizure. When are you going to tell the others?”

“When the time is right. I don’t want them to think it’s a big deal. I’ve learned to accept my scars.”

“There are some procedures that would mask—”

“Don’t. They are part of me now.”

“But you can get help.”

Annie bolted to her feet. “I can’t afford the medical procedures. End of conversation.”

Ian knew when to back off, but that didn’t mean he would forget it. He could help her. He needed to help her. “I shouldn’t have overstepped my boundaries. In a short time, you’ve done so much for my family that...” The anger in her expression stilled the rest of his sentence. “I’d better return to my house.”

On the short walk to the back door into the kitchen, Ian couldn’t shake the idea there was something he could do for Annie. It was hard for him to turn away from someone in need, especially someone who had been there for him. Someone he cared about. Maybe once they got to know each other better, she would be willing to listen to what he could arrange for her.

* * *

“That went well with Rex today.” Ian pulled away from Caring Canines the next day, still not sure how to approach his son about his mother.

At a four-way stop sign on the highway into Cimarron City, Ian glanced toward Jeremy. His son had been active in the training with Rex rather than a bystander. That might not have happened without Annie sharing her ordeal. When they’d talked in her apartment last night, Ian had gotten a glimpse of what had made her who she was today. She’d acted as though she’d accepted what happened. Ian wasn’t so sure she really had, and if not, she could never live her life fully.

He pulled out into the intersection. “I had a talk with Annie yesterday. She told me about when you saw your mother have a seizure right before she died. Jeremy, I want you to know that a seizure didn’t cause her death. Not at all. She died from a second stroke.” His voice quavered with the memory.

“I miss her.”

“So do I, but I know that your mom would want you to move on. She would want the best for you.”
And for me
. Ian needed to listen to his own words. Zoe wouldn’t want him mourning her for the rest of his life. “Son, you can talk to me any time you want about anything. In fact, at our next family meeting, we should talk about your mother. I don’t want you to think you can’t.”

“Did...Annie...tell you anything else?”

“Yes. She told me about her scars.”

Jeremy blew a long breath out. “Good. I didn’t know how long I could keep that a secret. Why does she hide them?”

“Probably for the same reason you don’t want anyone to see you having a seizure.”

“She’s embarrassed? She thinks someone will make fun of her?”

Ian nodded.

“But she’s a grown-up.”

“Age doesn’t have anything to do with it.”

Jeremy was silent for a long moment, then asked, “What do you do when someone makes fun of you?”

“Did they?”

“No, not yet.”

“If it happens, ignore them.” Had someone made fun of Annie? He hated the thought that she might have been ridiculed because of her scars.

“How?”

“Walk away. Once you engage them you feed into what they want. Most people make fun of a person because they are scared what might happen to them or they’re trying to get attention.”

“There’s a guy at school like that.”

“Have you ever told your teacher?”

“I’m not a tattletale.”

“There are times you need to speak up.” Ian pulled into the garage.

“How am I supposed to know when?”

“If it’s hurting someone in any way, you should let your teacher know. Has this guy ever bothered you?”

Jeremy shook his head. “But if I have a seizure, he will.”

“Let me know if he does.”

His son climbed from the Lexus.

“Jeremy, will you?”

He sighed. “Maybe.” Then he hurried toward the door to the breezeway.

At a slower pace Ian made his way into the house, not sure how successful he’d been with talking with his son. Only time would tell.

When he came into the kitchen, Annie was drawing a star over April 27. She looked back at him and smiled. “Joshua told me I forgot to mark his birthday.”

“He won’t let anyone forget.” Ian started across the room but stopped when he spied a vase full of red tulips. “Where did these come from?”

“I think I have a secret admirer. They were in my car seat this morning when I drove the kids to school.” She finished the yellow star and faced him. “Any idea who?”

“A secret admirer?”

“Perhaps.”

Or...something else. “I’ll be right back to help with supper.”

Ian entered his office and put his briefcase on his desk then went to the window on the left side of the house. His red tulips were gone. Cut. He laughed and decided not to say anything to Annie.

* * *

A week later Annie entered the dining room to find Joshua standing at the window looking out front. Daisy sat next to him. “Are you watching for Jeremy and your dad?”

“Yes. So is Daisy.”

“She is?” Smiling, Annie crossed to Joshua and sat in a chair near him. “Your sisters are upstairs watching from Jade’s room.”

“Yup, but I’m gonna get outside faster.”

“Not without me.”

A few days earlier he’d darted across a parking lot at school without looking. A woman had had to slam on her brakes and barely missed him. His teacher had still been shaken when Annie had picked up Joshua from school.

He hung his head. “I know.”

Annie peered out the window and saw Ian’s car turn in to the long driveway. “They’re here.”

Joshua started to run for the front door, but Annie caught up with him and stopped his mad dash. She offered her hand to him as Jade and Jasmine stormed down the stairs.

Ian pulled into the garage but left the door up. By the time Jeremy climbed from the car and Rex followed, they were surrounded by everyone wanting to pet the new dog.

Ian joined Annie. He looked tired. He’d left the house early that morning for surgery. “How did it go?”

“Jeremy was actually excited about getting Rex.” Ian leaned close and murmured, “Although he tried to hide it.”

His whispered words tickled the side of her face, creating goose bumps on her arms. “I’ve noticed he’s been researching black Labs and service dogs. I’m not sure he’ll admit it, but I think he’s glad he went ahead with getting Rex.”

“Did you get everything set up for Joshua’s birthday party Saturday?”

“I’ve invited his classmates and have the All-Star Combo bounce house being delivered that morning. They’ll be able to jump, climb and slide.”

“And they’ll be exhausted when they leave.”

Annie backed away as the children left the garage with both dogs. “I think Daisy and Rex will be the hit of the party.”

“I think so, too. Has Jeremy changed his mind about taking Rex to school?”

“No, but give him time,” she said, “especially when he sees the younger kids wanting to know all about Rex.”

“I’m praying he doesn’t have an incident at school before that.” Ian strolled with Annie toward the front door.

“Do you see how Daisy follows Rex? Emma told me they were buddies at Caring Canines. She’s been a good choice for the kids.”

Ian held the door open for Annie. “Have you gotten anything else from your secret admirer?” A gleam lit his eyes.

“Yes, how did you know?” It couldn’t be Ian. She felt as though one of the kids was behind the gifts she’d been receiving the past week.

He shrugged.
Does he know something?
“A candy bar, my favorite kind. I remember all of us talking at dinner the other night about what we liked, and surprise, I had one on my seat in the Explorer this morning.”

“I’m sure this secret admirer will come forward eventually.” Ian looked away. “I’ve got some literature you might be interested in. I meant to give it to you last night, but with the kids going to all their activities and then getting them ready for bed, I forgot.”

As the four children ascended the stairs, Annie tried to decide if she should point-blank ask him who her secret admirer was. “Literature? If it’s not a suspense story, I won’t be reading it.”

“This isn’t a book. I’ll be right back.” Ian headed toward his office on the ground floor.

What was he up to? When she saw him carrying a brochure, Annie’s stomach tightened. Something told her she didn’t want to see it. She straightened, tensing as though preparing for a hit.

“This is about prosthetic ears.” Ian handed it to her.

Annie stared at it but wouldn’t take it. “I can’t afford it, so there’s no reason to read it.” Anger welled in her, quickly replaced by hurt. Why couldn’t he accept her, flaws and all? “I’m going to check on the kids then start dinner. I don’t need help this evening.” She started for the stairs.

“Wait, Annie. I didn’t mean to make you mad.”

She rotated toward him. “I’m not angry. Disappointed.”

She hurried up the steps, needing to put space between them. She had set out trying to hide her scars with her long hair covering her ear and turtleneck shirts even in summer, but she didn’t like being the center of attention or the idea people thought she needed to be fixed.

After checking on the children and dogs, Annie prepared a Mexican chicken casserole that would be easy to serve without her here. Then she called her sister and told her she was coming over. By her own choice she had very few days or nights off, but this evening when the family sat down for dinner, she was leaving to see Amanda.

* * *

Annie paced the back porch at Amanda’s. “Nothing is wrong with me. Why does he want to fix me?”

“I’m getting whiplash with your pacing. Sit so we can have a conversation. People have said things to you before. You don’t usually get this worked up, so why are you getting upset now?”

Annie stopped in front of her twin. “Ian was supposed to be different.”

“He was? Did you let him know that?”

“I told him I couldn’t afford it. That should have been the end. It wasn’t. He gave me a brochure about a prosthetic ear. Why?”

“Did you ask him?”

“Well, no, not exactly. I told him again I didn’t have the money then handed the brochure back.” Annie sat across from her sister.

“He’s a plastic surgeon. That’s the kind of thing he does for a living. I once dated a dentist who kept staring at my teeth. He told me that’s the first thing he checks out on a person.”

“So since I told him last week, he’s been trying to figure out a way to make me better.” Annie heard the sarcasm pour from her voice, mingling with hurt.

“I know we’ve talked about this before, but you usually shut it down. Annie, why won’t you look into treatment for your scars? You were burned almost fourteen years ago. There have been so many advances in medicine. I don’t see why you don’t at least investigate your options and how much each one costs. You know we’d help you as much as possible.”

Annie rose and began pacing again, her hands fisted at her sides. “That isn’t the kind of support I came here for. You of all people should understand.”

Amanda planted herself in Annie’s path. “Understand what?”

Didn’t anyone understand what she’d gone through? “It’s my reparation for Mom.”

“You still believe that?” Amanda’s voice had risen several decibels. “That’s the last thing Mom would ever want. If that’s what you believe, I know the emotional scars will never totally go away. It was an
accident
, Annie. Accept that and forgive yourself.”