The Nanny (21 page)

“I'll be
fine
,” said Toby.

“I've got an idea,” said Pippa. “Let me just make a call.”

As she went to get her mobile from her bag, Jo finished making the tea.

“Right!” Jo exclaimed. “I'll just have my shower.” She noticed that no one answered.

 

When Jo returned to the kitchen, clean and dry and dressed, she found Pippa on her mobile phone and Toby and Josh grinning identical schoolboy grins at her.

“That's fantastic!” Pippa was saying into the phone. “We'll owe you
one.” She giggled and winked at Toby, before clicking off and replacing her phone in her bag. “Right,” she said. “It's a deal. We'll go to the same film as you and if there's any trouble, Nick and Gerry will kick the shit out of anyone who touches you. Except your date of course, 'cos we
want
her to touch you.”

“Wicked!” said Toby.

“And Josh will chaperone us so that his mind is put at rest and so he can drive my date wild with jealousy,” finished Pippa, holding up her mug of tea as if to make a toast. “It's the perfect plan!”

Josh held his mug up, too. “Much as I hate the thought of being a gooseberry to three separate dates,” he interrupted himself, “—does that make me three gooseberries?—especially with two blokes who've beaten me up, it's all gonna be worth it to see those arseholes who are picking on my kid bro shitting themselves with terror.”

“Mine isn't a date actually,” said Jo, but no one seemed to hear her.

“So thanks, Pippa!” finished Josh.

“Yeah, thanks!” Toby managed, eyes darting to her before returning to the safety of the floor.

“My absolute pleasure!” grinned Pippa. “And now I must peel these damp clothes off and have my shower,” she said as she left the room.

Jo followed Pippa into her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

“Is he really going to come with us?” she hissed.

“Of course,” replied Pippa, brushing her hair. “You don't expect him to stay at home and miss all the fun, do you? Especially when he is sex on legs.”

“He's got a very ugly side,” muttered Jo.

“They all do,” said Pippa. “But I bet it'd be fun looking for his.”

“He's putting on the charm,” said Jo. “The famous Josh Fitzgerald charm. He can turn it off very quickly if you piss him off. And he's toxins on legs when he does.”

“Why? What's he's done?”

“I was too embarrassed to tell you,” confessed Jo, plonking herself down on her bed. “It was excruciating, Pip.”

Pippa sat down too. “Go on.”

Jo sighed. “The night before Shaun arrived, I got home pissed from our night out…and…I thought we were going to kiss. I really did and so I just…”

“What?”

“I blurted out all about Shaun.”

“Oh my God. You waited all this time to find the right time to tell him and then told him when he was moving in for the kiss?”

“Yes.”

“And there I was thinking it was the nannying you needed help with.” Pippa sighed.

Jo leaned forward. “It seemed like the right thing to do. I've never two-timed Shaun, and I actually cared about not hurting Josh.”

“So?”

“He just…” She shook her head. “It was so weird. Even as pissed as I was, I could feel the atmosphere completely change. It was like the kitchen suddenly had frost. He turned into a different person.”

Pippa's eyes were wide. “Blimey.”

“He went completely cold and I kept saying sorry and he kept saying it was fine.”

“Bleagh.”

“He spent the whole weekend being absolutely horrible to Shaun—and me—and hinting that I was easy—”

“Bastard!”

“—which did not help things with me and Shaun. Then I tried to apologize to him again.” Jo shut her eyes.

Pippa whispered. “What did he say?”

Jo knew it by heart. She spoke in a monotone. “He said,
If it's on tap, I'm going to go for it, what bloke wouldn't, and you were certainly on tap that night, but anything more than that and you're living in a chicklit fantasy world, you've seen too many Hollywood films, sorry to disappoint you.”

Pippa's eyes were saucers.

Jo stood up suddenly. “And since then he's been a complete bastard,” she continued. “Anyway, he's so immature. He's twenty-five and not paying a penny in rent even though he earns stacks as an accountant. And he goes on about his dad leaving his mum, which was absolutely years ago. My first impression was right—when he spoke to me on speakerphone, with his entire office listening to him take the piss—that was the real Josh Fitzgerald.”

Pippa whistled long and low.

There was silence for a while, as Jo started to do her makeup.

Pippa was the first to speak. “It's just so easy to forget when he looks like that.”

“Well, it's hard for me to forget because he's a bastard to me.”

“He doesn't pay any rent?” asked Pippa.

Jo shook her head. “Nope. Vanessa told me.”

“Bloody hell,” whistled Pippa. “Life is so unfair, but now we don't have to feel guilty using him to make the boys jealous tonight.”

“I don't want Gerry to be jealous of him,” moaned Jo. “I don't want Gerry being jealous of anyone. I don't want Gerry, period. I've got Shaun.”

“Alright, sorry. We'll just work at Nick being jealous of him then.”

“I don't want him coming with us tonight,” whined Jo, slumping onto her back. “He makes me a nervous wreck.”

“Does he?” asked Pippa. “Why?”

“Because he watches me like a hawk all the time.”

“Who said he'll be watching
you
?” quipped Pippa, before sauntering into the bathroom.

While Pippa showered, Jo phoned Shaun. He was out, so she left a message on his voice mail and tried Sheila. She was also out, so she left a message on Sheila's voice mail. Then she phoned her parents. They were also out, but didn't have voice mail. By the time Pippa wandered out of the bathroom, wearing a small towel and a big smile, Jo had given up wondering where on earth everyone could be.

Pippa had had such a hot shower that steam billowed behind her into Jo's room. Loath to open her window on to the building site next door, Jo asked Pippa to open her bedroom door into the kitchen a crack. Pippa did so, but instead of leaving it, she stood, transfixed. Watching her, Jo became transfixed, too. And then Pippa frantically beckoned her over to behind the door.

At first Jo shook her head, but when she thought Pippa's eyes might actually fall out of her head, she rushed to the door and tried to see into the kitchen. Pippa was in the way, so Jo nudged her over a bit and the two of them strained to listen. All the children had vanished, as had Vanessa. Through the crack in the door, they could see Josh and Dick whispering urgently to each other in the kitchen.

“Is that why you're back so early?” they heard Josh hissing.

“Of course it is,” hissed back Dick. “Do you think I'd be here otherwise? She just didn't turn up.”

“Why not?”

“How the hell do I know? I phoned, but there was no answer.”

“You don't think Vanessa might get a little bit suspicious about you coming back so early on a Saturday afternoon? She thinks you're being rushed off your feet in a busy shop every week.”

They heard Dick let out a short, sharp laugh.

“Jesus, Dad,” came Josh's voice. “You can't keep this double life up for much longer.”

“You think I don't realize that?” Dick raised his voice.

“Shhh! She'll hear you!” There was silence. Then, “Dad, you've got to do something.”

“I could always leave,” came Dick's voice.

“Oh, like last time? Dad, why didn't you listen to me? I told you not to fall for her—”

“Give me a break, Josh. Now's not the time.”

They moved out of sight toward the conservatory and started talking louder, confident they were alone.

“Maybe I'm just not cut out for marriage,” the girls heard Dick say.

“Dad,” said Josh firmly, “just tell Vanessa. Before it's too late.”

“Are you mad?” there was real terror in Dick's voice. “And risk losing everything?”

“She'll understand, Dad. She's not that bad. She's not…she's not like Mum.”

“You've got a lot to learn about women,” observed Dick, to the accompanying sound of whiskey being poured into a glass.

Silently, Jo pushed the door to. She'd heard enough. She and Pippa stared at each other, jaws dropping, brains buzzing. They then tiptoed into the en suite bathroom and shut the door behind them.

“Oh my God!” whispered Pippa. “Dick's having an affair!”

Jo put her hands to her head. “Poor Vanessa! She suspected this! And she's working so hard at the moment.” She gasped. “And Josh—the man who hates infidelity—is helping his father have an affair! The hypocritical bastard!”

“Maybe he's one of those men who hates infidelity in women only,” pointed out Pippa. “But thinks it's all part of being a red-blooded man.”

Jo frowned. “But it was his dad's affair that finished Dick and Jane's marriage.”

Pippa nodded. “Exactly! And he told you trust was everything! He blames the woman and not his dad! Absolutely typical!”

“But why is Josh telling Dick to tell Vanessa about his lover?” pondered Jo.

Pippa's eyes narrowed. Then she gasped. “Because he wants to ruin his
father's second marriage. Of course! He doesn't want to see Daddy happy with another family, does he?”

“Oh my God,” muttered Jo, shaking her head. “He told me, the night he moved in, that if his Dad was going to leave his family it might as well have been for a nice one. I knew it didn't ring true! When you think about it, it's really sick coming to live with the family that your dad chose over yours. D'you know, Shaun saw the real Josh—because Josh wasn't putting on the charm for him—and Shaun thought he was up to something. He thought Josh was spying for his mum—but it's even worse than that, he's actually trying to break up his dad's second marriage.” She sat down on the closed toilet lid, landing with a thump. “God,” she breathed, “and I almost fell for him.”

“I wonder if Josh's mother has somehow found out about Dick's affair and smuggled Josh in to make sure Dick doesn't get away with it this time,” wondered Pippa. “Maybe they're in it together!”

Jo put her head in her hands.

Pippa stood against the sink and crossed her arms. “What was Josh's story for having to move in here?”

Jo looked up. “His flatmates went traveling. And he couldn't find anyone else to move in at such short notice.”

They looked at each other.

“Where was his flat?” asked Pippa.

“Crouch End.”

Pippa raised her eyebrows. “He was living in
Crouch End
—an area with its own recording studio, its own private club, its own massage parlor, more cafés than Soho, and the famous Trumpton clock tower—and he
couldn't get
flatmates?”

Jo's head dropped. “I've been such a fool.”

“Blimey,” said Pippa. “This is knackering. I can see why Sherlock Holmes needed drugs.”

“At least I'm not confused anymore,” said Jo, thinking aloud. “Bloody hell. I was even considering breaking up with Shaun.”

“Well,” said Pippa. “He
is
Hornblower.

“On legs,” added Jo.

“Tell you what though,” said Pippa. “You don't have to worry what he thinks of you now.”

“Why?”

“Because he's a shit. And he's too busy screwing up Vanessa's life to really care about you.”

There was a knock on the door.

“Coming!” answered Pippa. Jo stood up from the toilet and, as a reflex action, flushed it. Pippa gave her a dumbfounded look, then started giggling. Then she opened the door to Josh.

“Bloody hell,” he said, when he saw both of them and heard the flushing toilet. “You really did shower together.”

 

Later that evening, the wine bar was humming. Pippa was wearing new jeans and was arm in arm with Josh. They made quite a pair, and heads turned to see them pass. Jo's heart went out to Nick.

“I thought the brother was thirteen years old,” greeted Nick.

“Ooh,” said Pippa. “You're not in CID for nothing, are you?”

“It's alright,” said Josh, extricating himself from Pippa's clasp. “For the purposes of the evening, I'm a spotty teenager. The real spotty teenager is already there.”

Nick frowned at Josh.

“Believe me,” insisted Josh, “I didn't want to be part of this date any more than you lot wanted me here, but if it's for my kid brother, I'll do it. Just pretend I'm not here.”

Nick and Gerry gave him one smile between them.

“Sorry about the other night,” said Nick. “You know, trying to beat you up.”

“Trying? I don't want to be there when you succeed.”

Gerry made a move to kiss Jo hello and she instinctively leaned backward, into Josh.

They sprang apart.

“Right!” she exclaimed. “Who'd like a drink?”

“I'll come with you,” said Gerry. “Give you a hand.”

At the bar, Jo made a point of standing at a safe distance from Gerry and focusing on getting the bar staffs' attention. When the drinks were ordered, she led the way back swiftly and surely. The others had found some seats—a sofa and a couple of chairs. She sat on a high-backed chair, leaving Gerry to sit on the other one, the sofa between them. Josh had nabbed the other chair and Nick and Pippa nestled with ample room on the sofa.

“So.” Gerry grinned over at Jo. “How was your day?”

“Fine thanks,” said Jo.

“Getting used to London?” he asked.