The Naked Truth: The Real Story Behind the Real Housewife of New Jersey--In Her Own Words (20 page)

However, I knew that going back wasn’t an option for me. I was looking ahead. But even though Tom may have learned his lesson when I filed for divorce and he lost me, I hadn’t yet learned mine. I believe I’m finally learning it now.

After my divorce, I imagined that dating again couldn’t be all that different. Wow, was I wrong!

The dating scene had dramatically changed. These days, it’s tough to find a nice guy when you’re in your twenties, let alone in your forties. Trying to date is hard enough when you have no kids, and I was a mother of two. Nights out on the town are few and far between when you’re a single mom. The odds were not in my favor, but I was still hopeful that I could once again find love in my life.

Since I clearly wasn’t going to meet anyone anywhere except maybe a car-pool lane, a few of my friends suggested that I hit up the Internet to find a guy. They told me to check out the dating website
WealthyMen.com
. While the name of the site certainly had a nice ring to it, I was skeptical about meeting men online. I had never done it before and it felt like a bit of a desperate move to me (not to mention I didn’t even have an e-mail address). However, with limited time on my hands, I realized I should probably just give it a try. I signed up and
posted my profile and photo online, but I wouldn’t e-mail guys unless they contacted me first.

Almost instantly, my in-box was filled with messages from male cyber suitors. While I had no e-mails from the likes of Donald Trump, some of the men were successful and not bad-looking at all. I met a few interesting men on the site, and one in particular struck a chord with me, Johnny. He became my most significant relationship after Tom to date.

Johnny, better known as Goumba Johnny, used to play football for the New York Giants and Jets and has since become a stand-up comedian and DJ on the popular New York City radio station WKTU 103.5 FM. I had never listened to his show, but in e-mails, he seemed like a nice, smart guy. We corresponded heavily over the Internet for quite some time, then one day, while I was online, Johnny sent me a message telling me that I was really beautiful and he’d like to take me out to dinner.

I agreed to meet him for dinner in New Jersey one night when my daughters were visiting their father, and we had a great time together. Even though we had talked a lot over the Internet for months and I felt that I already knew him, clearly there was still more to learn. In person, over sangria, we shared a relaxed and easygoing vibe. More important, I proved to myself that even though I had owned this big house and lived a wealthy lifestyle for many years, underneath it all I was still the same girl who could let loose, hang out, and chill. It was just a matter of being with the right company, and right off the bat Johnny was just that. This was a good turning point for me.

Following dinner, I led Johnny back to the highway from the restaurant. Just when he was about to drive off, he lowered his car window, smiled, and said, “I miss you already. I can’t wait to see you again.” I thought that was sweet.

Johnny was a sweetheart, not complicated, and I enjoyed being in his company. We would have great conversations and talk every day, sometimes five times a day. He liked me for myself—he liked me best without makeup and in sweatpants. Johnny was also supergood to my kids. On Jillian’s birthday, she even got to be on Johnny’s radio show as a special treat.

Every Tuesday, Johnny would come over to the house after his broadcast. We called these Johnny Tuesdays, and we would all have dinner and then watch
House
on television. After the kids went to sleep, I would help him write his
Us Weekly
“fashion police” articles, in which he would provide comical comments about celebrity fashion don’ts.

Johnny and I probably had one of the more healthy relationships that I have ever been involved in. We trusted each other. I was totally honest with him about my past, and he was honest with me about his; he, too, had once been arrested and done time. His life now was on a very different path, and I was happy to be a part of it.

Well into our relationship, I was listening to Johnny’s radio show one afternoon and Johnny’s coanchor, Hollywood Hamilton, casually commented that Johnny had been at a professional hockey game the night before. Then Hamilton asked Johnny if
he had brought a date with him to the game. Johnny didn’t answer. Soon after this awkward moment over the airwaves, they cut to a commercial break. During the break, my phone rang. It was Johnny, asking if I was listening to his show. I told him no. He said that was good because something was said on the air that could be misconstrued, and he told me not to worry about it.
Don’t worry about it?
I thought.
Seeing another woman is nothing to worry about?
But even though I was disappointed, I decided not to confront Johnny. I waited for three weeks for him to come clean on his own and explain. He never did, so I broke up with him.

After the breakup, Johnny called and said he wanted to get back together with me. He told me he missed me and wanted to see me again. I was reluctant at first, but I missed him, too. Yes, we had been lovers, but Johnny and I were also friends, and I missed our long talks. I had often spoken to him about marriage, and I wondered if maybe I had been rushing things a bit. Maybe I’d scared him off. Regardless, a trust had been broken between us and we needed to discuss it, so I made plans for him to come to the house for dinner when the children were visiting their dad.

The day before Johnny was supposed to come over to talk, I got a call from one of my friends, who offered their congratulations on my engagement to Johnny. This was news to me! I had no idea what they were talking about. The person explained that they had heard on Johnny’s radio show that he had just
gotten engaged to a girl named Danielle and assumed it was me because we had been seeing each other. “Well,” I answered, “it’s not this Danielle.”

Here Johnny was planning on coming out to New Jersey to my home to repair our broken trust and he was already lying to me again. To think that I foolishly believed I might have scared him off by talking about marriage when he had just gotten engaged to someone else! I had no idea he was seriously dating somebody else at the same time he was dating me. Granted, the engagement was announced after we’d broken up, but he’d said he wanted to get back together with me. This was ridiculous! I had had enough. He was playing a game that I didn’t want to play any longer. I called up Johnny and said, “Best of luck to you.” It was time to say good-bye to Goumba!

After everything I went through with Johnny, I realized that romantic relationships with men were not going to be hugely significant in my life as I moved forward. Men were not going to define me.
I was going to define me!

Men had become an unwelcome distraction. As I looked back on my life, while I had been in love and been loved at various times, what did it all add up to? Finding myself single and alone again. For better or worse . . . till death do us part . . . those weren’t just words to me when I said them. They were
vows of the deepest value based upon love, friendship, and equality. I was looking for the happily-ever-after in my life, and it became clear that I needed to create happiness within myself first.

Once again, I had reached another important crossroads. I was either going to move forward in a new direction or stay stuck in the path of certain destruction. The first step in moving forward was to take control of my life.

While my children have always come first, I still wanted to embark on a new career that would make them proud of me and instill some new pride in myself as well. Right around this time, the flyer for the casting of
The Real Housewives of New Jersey
came to my attention. While I was at first reluctant to be involved with the reality show, I soon realized that maybe this was the new beginning that I was looking for. Was my real life in suburban New Jersey interesting enough for television viewers? I wasn’t sure. But when I began to look at the opportunity as a whole, I saw that it would not only mean I’d be working again and embarking on a new career, it would also enable me to spend more time with my daughters and help them further
their
dreams.

Joining the TV show also represented a chance to establish new friendships, with my castmates. I believed that we could all come together and show the world a new level of strength and understanding among women. As the only single mother in the cast, I would also have a unique voice and platform on the
show, and I believed that my fellow castmates would become supportive girlfriends, allowing me to show single mothers of the world that we are not alone.

As the season progressed, I continued to be in the line of fire. Although the other women didn’t know me that well, they seemed to dislike me very much, and eventually things came to a head. The women became determined to find out on their own what I was about, no doubt hoping to find something juicy, but through their “investigation” nothing but good things turned up in the past twenty-three years. So they had to dig beyond. They went back as far as 1986, when I was still practically a child. They judged me by things that happened far back in my past, at a time when we didn’t even know one another and I hardly knew myself. The information in “the book” represented a chapter in my life that I closed a long time ago. In fact, when it was first published in 1996, the joint decision by my children’s father and me was to take the high road by ignoring it. However, when it was presented on national television, I had no other choice but to address it.

Instead of recognizing that I had had the strength to walk away from an abusive relationship with an obsessed man, my castmates apparently wanted to bring me down for being involved with him in the first place. Instead of lifting me up and acknowledging my strength for changing my life after I got arrested, they
only
seemed to want to focus on that I was, in fact, arrested.

At first, I was upset and disappointed about how things
turned out on the show. I had believed these women were my friends, and it was a harsh way to learn the truth. I felt alone once again. But I soon realized that I wasn’t alone at all. I began to get e-mails and letters from fans of the show who understood what I had been through in my life, and instead of judging me for it, they embraced me. They admired the strength and courage I had that allowed me to move on with dignity and change my life. Some had been through similar experiences with abusive men, and they wanted to let me know that they supported me. Even Charles Kipps, the author of “the book,” recognized the kind of danger I had been in and my desire to move on from it. After the book was presented on the show, Kipps wrote an article in the
New York Post
on June 26, 2009, in which he stated, “No question, Beverly/Danielle now wants to forget Kevin, the man who brandished a Berretta [sic] at a strip joint because he thought she was cheating on him and dropped a bullet onto Beverly’s forehead with the admonition: ‘The next time you see one of these coming at you, it’ll be coming at you a lot faster.’”

Despite having to go through some difficult moments on national TV, I’m grateful for what
The Real Housewives of New Jersey
represents to me. It has given me a platform whereby I can reach out to others who have been through similar experiences, and if I can help others by reliving the negative incidents of my life, then I will continue to find the strength to do so. The overwhelmingly positive response from the women and men who watch our TV show is encouraging. That kind of
outpouring of understanding was not expected, but it has been well received and greatly appreciated.

Now I’m starting over yet again. But I’ve already done the hard part. This time I can exhale. I’m now an author and TV personality. I have been given a gift and a unique opportunity to communicate good things to others.
Positive
things. I will continue to do so. This book has been a journey for me to find and share the truth—
The Naked Truth
—and I’m blessed for it.

EMBRACE YOUR LIFE