The Mystery of Nevermore (13 page)

“Sure.”

I closed my eyes, listening to my dad’s footsteps leave the room. “Are you watching me?”

“Yes.”

“I won’t die, I don’t think. You can leave.”

“I’ll stay,” he said quietly.

I gripped the blankets lightly, taking deep breaths because the world still felt like it was spinning, even with my eyes closed.

“You scared me,” Calvin said quietly.

“Hmm?”

“When you called.”

I squeezed my eyes tighter, thinking about the bookstore. Then I added the wailing alarm to the memory and recalled walking toward the security panel. That’s right. I was going to shut it off. Nine, nine, four, six was Beth’s code.

But then I was hit.

I didn’t remember pulling out my cell phone, nor calling Calvin. I didn’t even remember him answering.

“Sebastian? Where are you?”

“Surre—hurts. I can’t turn ooooff.”

“I’m on my way, sweetie. Please keep talking to me. Has someone hurt you?”

“Head—hurts a lot.”

“Sebastian?”

“Isss loud—I—I’m sick.”

I remembered vomiting and then nothing.

“Did I pass out in my own barf?” I whispered.

“No one but the paramedics and me know,” Calvin said, but I swore he spoke with a smile.

I opened my eyes again. “You like pet names.”

“What?”

“Baby, sweetie. You’re the romantic sort under that stern exterior.”

“Why did you look up my military history?”

I waved one hand lightly. “Got curious. How do you have the highest military honor ever awarded and not talk about it?”

Calvin was silent for a long time.

“I can’t see your face. Are you angry?”

“Do I sound angry?”

“No. You sound… weird.”

“I don’t like talking about it,” he answered gently.

“Oh. Sorry.”

“It’s all right.” Calvin was quiet for a beat. “Do you want me to call Millett for you?”

“W-What about you?” I asked. That whole,
baby
and
sweetie
thing was making me think….

“He’s your partner. I’m sure he’d be worried,” Calvin said. “I’ll give him a ring.”

That’s how I ended up seeing Neil again.

My doctor was explaining to Pop and me that because of the bump on my head, and the fact that I had been sick and lost consciousness, it was a sign of a serious concussion that he felt was best monitored by authorized personnel for twenty-four hours. I had zero interest in staying in the hospital and running up a few grand for my brief and unpleasant stay, but Dad was having none of my bitching, so I promptly gave up.

I watched the blob standing against the wall near the door. Calvin had called Neil like some chivalrous knight and told me he was on his way. The doctor had hardly left the room before Neil burst in, breathless and anxious.

I thought his reaction should have been comforting—to see him upset over me—but instead it agitated me. Calvin had been upset, but he’d kept his calm the whole way through.

“Sebby?”

I let it go. “Hi.”

Neil ignored Calvin as he stepped by him and dropped his coat on the chair Calvin had been sitting in before. He walked over to my side. “Jesus, they told me you have a concussion.”

“Pretty hard head, though. I’m okay.”

“Don’t make jokes.”

“I’m—” I took a deep breath. I was suddenly very tired. Did Neil always make me feel like this? “I’d like to sleep,” I said while closing my eyes.

LINGERING LIGHT
was coming in through the closed blinds when I woke up. I rubbed my eyes and yawned.

“How’re you feeling?”

I glanced to my right. Neil had taken over the chair. I looked around. “Where’s Dad and Calvin?”

“
Calvin
?”

I looked back at Neil. “What?”

“You called him and not me.”

“I’d been hit over the head. I’m lucky I managed to call anyone, Neil. I probably just hit something at random.” I didn’t like that I couldn’t see him. Without glasses, I couldn’t even make out body posture well and needed to rely on his tone to understand his emotions.

Neil sighed heavily. “The weather is bad. I had a patrolman drive your dad home.”

“Oh… thanks.”

“Sure.”

I pointed at the window. “What time is it?”

“Nearly four.”

“What? I’ve been sleeping all day?”

Neil nodded, I think. “The nurses woke you up a few times, but you were a little loopy.”

“I feel strange.”

“That’d be the concussion.”

Neil helped me with the bed remote once I started to complain of lying still too long. He got the bed into more of a sitting position for me before taking the chair once again. “How have you been? Besides this.”

“I’ve been fine.”

“Have you?”

I turned back to Neil. “Where have you been staying?”

“A hotel,” he answered.

I looked down at my hands, rubbing them together absently. We were both tiptoeing around each other. Both wondering the same thing. Where did we stand as a couple? I thought of Calvin. Should I just tell Neil then and there and—

“Sebby,” he said. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.”

I guess this was it.

“About the tension between us. You know I love you, right?”

I stopped rubbing my hands and looked up. “Neil,” I protested.

“I think. If you can be patient with me, I can—become out about this.”

“Patient?” I echoed. “Four years isn’t long enough of a wait?”

“Seb,” Neil said in his chastising tone. “It’s different for me. You know that.”

I pressed a hand gently to my forehead and shut my eyes. “I can’t talk about this right now, Neil. It’s only making me angry.”

“Why angry?”

“I’m not waiting another four years to hold your hand in public,” I replied firmly. “I can’t. It’s my fault, for not realizing so much sooner how difficult this actually was for you…. Neil, I—I still need some time to think about this.”

“You don’t want me to come home?” he asked, sounding surprised.

“You’re the one who stormed out.”

“Y-Yeah, but you need someone to take care of you.”

“No, I don’t.” I turned my head a little to stare at him. “I’m sorry. I thought I was ready to discuss this, but honestly this wasn’t the answer I expected from you.”

“What did you expect?” When I didn’t respond, Neil asked, “Do you want to break up?”

I swallowed the baseball lodged in my throat. “I… don’t know.”

I thought I had known the answer. Twelve hours ago I was sure of it. But maybe faced with Neil and no way to escape made me chicken out. Did I want to continue riding the rough waves of our relationship? I knew no pairing was perfect and the waters would always push you down, but shouldn’t a healthy couple… not be struggling to break the surface all the time?

I just couldn’t say that. The concussion must have knocked the courage out of me. Or maybe I just didn’t know how to face saying good-bye to something that had been a part of me for so long.

“I can’t do this now,” I whispered.

“Sebby, if you don’t know if you want to remain together, don’t you think that speaks for itself?”

“Neil, please.”

He let out one of his frustrated sighs. “Fine.” He stood, leaned over, and kissed my forehead so gently, it felt like being touched by a feather. “Give me a call when they are ready to discharge you. I’ll bring you home.”

I didn’t respond really, but squeezed his hand and waved when he left the room.

I needed another nap.

IT WAS
completely dark when I woke again. My head still hurt like a bitch, but the heavy fog that had been making me feel disoriented and lost was starting to clear. It helped that I could see better in this darkness.

I looked around the tiny room. My glasses were sitting on the small table with a swinging arm so it could be moved in front of me. I reached over and missed once—twice—before snagging them and putting them on.

It felt better, being able to make out details.

Like Calvin asleep in the chair beside me. He looked uncomfortable. His arms were crossed firmly over his chest, and his suit jacket, which he’d been using as a blanket, was falling onto his lap. His head rested awkwardly on his shoulder.

It had to be the middle of the night. The hospital was quiet. Why had he come back? The precious few hours he had to sleep, he chose that uncomfortable chair at my side instead of his own bed?

My heart swelled and beat uncomfortably fast.

He looked cold too. I shivered myself and pulled the blanket up my chest.

I studied his sleeping face for another minute, wanting so badly to touch his hair, wrap my arms around him…. God, what was going on?

“Calvin?” I whispered.

He startled suddenly and sat straight up in the chair.

It caught me off guard. I didn’t realize he had been awake.

“A-Are you okay?” I asked.

He looked over at me and let out a breath, like he’d been holding it. “Yeah. I’m fine. Are you? Do you need me to get a nurse?”

“No.” I fiddled with the blanket. “Why are you here? It must be late.”

Calvin raised his watch, squinting and frowning before pulling his cell out and checking the time. “It’s three.”

“Yeah, I figured.”

He looked back at me. “I didn’t want you here alone.”

“You look tired,” I said in response.

He smiled, and that chiseled, handsome face seemed to light up. “A little. I’m okay, though.”

“You can lay with me,” I said, not even processing the offer.

“What?”

I refused to back out. What did I want with Neil? Nothing, maybe. He deserved to know
that
—that I was done fighting to right a capsized ship. But what did I want with Calvin? Right now, in that moment, I just wanted to hold him.

I carefully moved closer to the edge of the bed, freeing the space nearest his chair and pulling the blankets back. “Hurry up. This gown isn’t exactly keeping me warm,” I said with a quiet chuckle.

Calvin turned his head to the closed door, eyeing it a moment before standing. He dropped his coat on the chair, wordlessly climbed onto the bed, and stretched out on his side next to me.

“Come closer,” I said, moving my arm to accommodate him.

Calvin put his head on my chest and rested his hand on my neck, rubbing his thumb against my stubble. I put mine in his hair, combing my fingers through the thick, fiery redness and wishing more than ever that I could experience the color.

“I can’t stay here,” he whispered.

“It’s okay,” I murmured. “Just relax.”

That made him laugh, but I didn’t know why.

“How’s your head?”

“Better than earlier.”

He hummed in response, moving his hand down to take my other. He slid his fingers through mine and squeezed lightly.

“That hand feels awfully familiar.”

He snorted. “You kept asking for Millett.”

“What did you expect?”

Calvin shrugged a shoulder. “Nothing less.”

“You smell good.”

“Yeah? It’s called forty-eight-hour shift.”

“I take it back. You need a shower.”

He chuckled, and it really was a nice laugh. “I forgot to compliment your dress. It really brings out the color of your eyes.”

“Ass.”

“No, but several people saw yours.”

I grumbled.

“I saw,” Calvin continued.

“Oh? Acceptable?”

“Very,” he purred.

It was my turn to laugh, and I tightened my hold on him. I looked down, staring at our locked hands and studying the splatter of freckles across his skin. “I love your freckles.”

“Funny.”

“I’m not teasing,” I answered.

Calvin raised his head, and with his face so close to mine, I could make out all of his rugged beauty. Handsome, classic-looking—a study of monochromatic artwork.

I freed my hand from his to touch his cheek, tracing the spots with my fingertip. “I think you’re one of the most gorgeous men I’ve ever seen,” I whispered. I carefully moved my finger to his lips. “Freckles on your lips too.”

Calvin smiled lopsidedly. “Everywhere,” he agreed.

“I hoped so.”

He stared at me a moment longer before leaning in and gently pressing his mouth to mine. Our tongues met and caressed while his fingers toyed with my nipple through the hospital gown. My breathing hitched, and he tenderly nipped my lower lip.

I moaned.

“Like that?” he whispered, pinching the nipple.

I sucked in a breath. “Yeah.”

Calvin kissed me again, taking his time as he explored my mouth. His hand left my chest and moved down to rub my stiffening cock. “Want me to finish?”

“Y-You don’t need to,” I managed, fighting every screaming nerve in my body.

He grinned and pushed the blankets aside. Calvin moved down the hospital bed enough to tug my gown up and take my entire length into his hot, perfect mouth. He bobbed up and down, finding just the right speed and pressure I needed.

It didn’t take long. I was tired and pent up and halfway to coming before he even put his mouth on me. I bit my knuckles to keep from crying out, weakly thrusting up and pushing his head down at the same time.

“Cal,” I whispered. “Oh God….” My stomach muscles tightened, and my skin prickled with sweat all over. I was standing on the ledge, closer, closer, ready to fall off, waiting for the final push—and then there was an explosion and I was tumbling, screaming all the way down.

Calvin had his hand over my mouth as he milked the last of my orgasm. He raised his lips from my softening erection, licking them. “No crying out,” he said with a twinkle of amusement in his eyes. “Not here, anyway.” He pulled my gown back down and put the blankets back over us.

I grabbed his shirt, tugged him back to me, and kissed him, tasting myself on him. “What about you?” I asked against his lips.

“I’m fine.” He smiled and stroked my hair gently before lying down against my chest again.

I was dimly aware of the press of his erection against my leg, but I was sated and tired and so was he, and I fell into one of the most comfortable sleeps I’ve had in a long time.