The Multi-Orgasmic Couple: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know (2 page)

The Taoists masters, we quickly learned, were themselves physicians who studied sexual response with precision and insight. We were interested in

Taoist sexuality, also called the “Arts of the Bedchamber,” is a three-thousand-year-old tradition that has long known about male multiple orgasms and many other secrets of sexual satisfaction.

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concrete benefits that people could experience in their own bedroom, as were they. We wanted to join the Taoist understanding and techniques, which have been refined over several thousand years, with the latest in scientific research.

We decided to write a book primarily for men, which was eventually called
The Multi-Orgasmic Man,
because much of the power of Healing Love depends on the man’s ability to cultivate his sexuality and ideally to become multi-orgasmic. The book struck a chord and has been read by hundreds of thousands of readers around the world in more than ten languages.

While we were discussing the first book with readers around the country, we were continually asked when we would write a book for couples that would help women as well as men to incorporate Healing Love into their lives. Finally, several years and countless drafts later, we offer
The Multi-Orgasmic Couple.
We hope we have done justice to this rich tradition, presenting modern readers with the sexual wisdom we so desperately need in these days of carnal confusion.

This book has benefited from the expertise, wisdom, and skill of many people, who we would like to thank and acknowledge: the Universal Tao instructors who teach these practices around the world and who contributed to this book, including Michael Winn, Marcia Kerwit, and B. J. Santerre; the Eastern and Western sexologists whose research made this book possible, including Felice Dunas, Beverly Whipple, and Theresa Crenshaw; the extraordinary publishing team at HarperSanFrancisco, including John Loudon, Terri Leonard, Lisa Zuniga, Priscilla Stuckey, Karen Stough, Joseph Rutt, Joan Olson, Steve Kennedy, Kris Ashley, Calla Devlin, Margery Buchanan, Laura Beers, Jim Warner, Kathi Goldmark, Sam Barry, and Steve Hanselman; the readers, friends, and advisors who improved the manuscript, including Megory Anderson and Heather Kuiper; and our agent, Heide Lange, who has all three qualities—expertise, wisdom, and skill—in equal and extraordinary measure.

Finally, we would like to thank the readers, both men and women, of
The Multi-Orgasmic Man,
who have told us how the Arts of the Bedchamber have transformed their sexuality. We hope you and your partner (or future partner) find the joy and satisfaction that we have in this extremely powerful and profound practice of Healing Love.

Douglas Carlton Abrams Rachel Carlton Abrams Santa Cruz, California April 17, 2000

INTRODUCTION

Shocking as it is for most people to hear, both women
and men
can have multiple orgasms. In this book, both you and your partner will learn how to experience multiple whole-body orgasms. However, this is just the beginning of the sexual knowledge that we present. When you and your partner are both multi-orgasmic, you will each experience far greater individual pleasure. You will also be able to harmonize your sexual needs and to reach ever more fulfilling levels of intimacy and ecstasy together.

Multiple Orgasms for
All
Men

Few people know that men can have multiple orgasms. While this fact has been known for several thousand years in the East and has been confirmed in the West by Alfred Kinsey and other sex researchers since the 1940s,
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it still remains a surprise to most men and women.

In our earlier book,
The Multi-Orgasmic Man,
we reviewed the most recent scientific evidence and presented ancient techniques for helping men become multi-orgasmic. We tried to give men a manual for a healthier and more satisfying experience of male sexuality. In this new book, we have tried to give couples a guidebook, or what the Taoists called “a pillow book,” to deepen both partners’ ability to experience pleasure, health, and intimacy.

Multiple Orgasms for
All
Women

While the fact that women can have multiple orgasms is well known, more than 50 percent of women have never had multiple orgasms or are not regularly multiply orgasmic. In this book, we will show all women how they can become consistently multi-orgasmic, and for those who are already multi-orgasmic we will show them how to expand and intensify their orgasms.

Harmonizing Sexual Desire

Lovemaking in which both partners are multi-orgasmic allows couples to reach many peaks of orgasmic pleasure together. Equally important, it allows

Male multiple orgasms have been confirmed by Alfred Kinsey and other sex researchers since the 1940s.

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Multi-orgasmic lovemaking allows men and women to harmonize their often different sexual rhythms and desires.

We live in a time of great sexual freedom but also great sexual confusion.

men and women to harmonize their often different sexual rhythms and desires so that they can have a deeply satisfying and profoundly intimate love life.

But sensual pleasure, as exquisite and enjoyable as it can be, is only the beginning.

Physical Health, Emotional Intimacy, and Spiritual Growth

This book draws on thousands of years of sexual knowledge to show couples how sexual energy can be used to cultivate all other aspects of their relationship, including their physical health, emotional intimacy, and even spiritual growth. In the modern world, we have torn ourselves apart: we have separated our genitals from the rest of our body and our body from our spirit. In this book we show couples how to put the pieces together again for a level of health, intimacy, and spiritual union that many may never have known was possible.

The Loss of Sexual Wisdom

In the modern world, we have lost most of our sexual wisdom. We live in a time of great sexual freedom but also great sexual confusion. Sexuality is everywhere used to titillate us, but there remains an enormous amount of shame. Many readers may feel embarrassed about simply picking up a book on sexuality (
multiple orgasms,
no less!) in the bookstore. This is understandable since most of our churches, synagogues, mosques, and temples view sex through a narrow lens of fear and moralism. Most of us are left feeling profoundly anxious if not downright ashamed of our sexual needs and desires.

Even people with “healthy” attitudes toward sex still find it difficult to talk with their partner about what they want sexually. We may have little problem telling our partner where to rub our shoulders, but most of us are much more reticent to tell our partner where to rub our “privates.” A major part of overcoming the shame that restricts our sexuality is learning that it is natural and discovering a more holistic and healthier view of human sexuality.

INTRODUCTION
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Discovering Sexual Wisdom

In this book, we present the sexual wisdom of the Taoist (pronounced
DOW
-ist
) tradition. Originally, the Taoists were a group of seekers in ancient China (around 500
B
.
C
.
E
.) who were devoted to understanding health and spirituality. In this book, we will call the Taoist sexual tradition “Healing Love” since lovemaking was seen as a powerful way to heal ourselves and each other. It was also called “Sexual Kung Fu.”
Kung Fu
simply means “practice,” so
Sexual Kung Fu
simply means “sexual practice.” (Rest assured, you will
not
be breaking any bricks with your forehead or karate-chopping each other in bed.)

Sex Is About Health

The Taoists were doctors and were concerned with the body’s overall well-being as much as with its sexual pleasure. For the Taoist then and now, sex is about health, not morality.

The Taoists deeply investigated the healing power of lovemaking. In addition to giving their patients pills, Taoist doctors would often prescribe making love in various positions to help cure different illnesses.

Taoist sexuality—or, as we will call it in this book, Healing Love—began as an important branch of Chinese medicine, and an active sex life was understood to be an essential part of health and longevity. In studies of older adults, modern medicine has recently confirmed that sex is in fact vital for our long-term health.

Among the early Taoists, sex was a serious science to be studied and understood like any other branch of medicine. In this way, the Taoists were like proto-sexologists, early Masters and Johnsons, you might say. Just as we study nutrition to prepare healthy food and study cooking to prepare delicious food, one was expected to study sexuality to make it both healthful and more enjoyable.

Sexual Harmony and Love for a Lifetime

The Taoists saw sexual harmony as essential for marital satisfaction. Indeed, this was one of the prime motivations in the development of the bedroom arts. They knew, like any modern-day couples’ therapist, if there are problems in the bedroom the whole relationship suffers. Sexual harmony, however, is not always easy to achieve. Partners often have very different sexual needs. While

For the Taoists, sex is about health, not morality.

not all women or all men are identical, it was understood that women’s sexual arousal and sexual response often differ dramatically from men’s.

The Taoists referred to these differences as the result of male and female sexual energy (which they called
yang
and
yin
). We will explain to couples how these energies influence our sexuality and how to use this understanding to satisfy both partners’ needs.

It is worth mentioning that while the Taoists were primarily concerned with harmonizing male and female sexuality, the practices are equally valuable for gay and lesbian couples. For the Taoists, all people have masculine (yang) and feminine (yin) energy, and they knew it is essential for couples— straight, gay, or lesbian—to harmonize the differences that exist between the partners. In addition, the practices for pleasure, healing, emotional intimacy, and spiritual relationship are equally powerful and important for gay and lesbian couples.

A New Sexual Evolution

While many of the Taoist practices for sexual fulfillment and physical health are now over two thousand years old, they remain extremely effective today. Over the past twenty years, since these long-secret Arts of the Bedchamber have started to be introduced to modern couples, there has been a quiet but profound sexual evolution in bedrooms and in relationships around the world. We hope the sexual arts and sexual science that we present in this book will help your relationship as they have helped the thousands of others who have practiced them.

Before you and your partner can explore the heights of Healing Love, it is important for each partner to cultivate his or her own sexual potential. In Part 1, “Solo: Multiplying and Expanding Your Orgasms,” we fi discuss how both men and women can become multi-orgasmic. Then, in chapter 3, we discuss how couples can expand their sexual energy to experience whole-body orgasms. The ability to circulate energy in your body will be important for the practices introduced in Part 2, “Duo: Sharing Passion, Healing, and Intimacy with Your Partner.”

PAR T ONE

Solo:

Multiplying and Expanding Your Orgasms

CHAPTER 1

Fireworks: Multiple Orgasms for Men

In this chapter, you will discover:

• How to Separate Orgasm from Ejaculation
  

• How to Develop Sexual Strength and Sexual Sensitivity to Orgasm Without Ejaculating
  

• How to Become Multi-Orgasmic
  

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When a man becomes multi-orgasmic he is not only able to greatly satisfy himself, he is also much more able to fully satisfy his partner.

Orgasm and ejaculation are different.

Any man can become multi-orgasmic. It just takes a basic understanding of male sexuality and some simple techniques.* Multiple orgasms are extremely pleasurable and can expand a man’s orgasmic experience. They also open a new sexual world to a man and his partner. For most men, their sexuality remains focused on the ultimately disappointing goal of ejaculating rather than on the orgasmic process of lovemaking. When a man becomes multi-orgasmic he is not only able to greatly satisfy himself, he is also much more able to fully satisfy his partner. Becoming multi-orgasmic is one of the greatest gifts a man can give his partner. It will help women to help their partners if they also read this chapter, so they too can understand this still little known ability that their partners are developing.

Orgasm and Ejaculation

To become a multi-orgasmic man, you need to understand some basic facts about your anatomy. The most important fact is that orgasm and ejaculation are different. This is so startling to most men (and women) that we need to explain exactly how they are different. Let us begin by defining orgasm and ejaculation. Physiologically, an orgasm is the contraction and pulsation that most men feel in their penis, prostate, and pelvic area. It is accompanied by an increased heart rate, breathing rate, and blood pressure and results in a sudden release of tension.
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