The Mother Road (11 page)

“Why, Porter? For weeks leading up to my prom, you made it seem like you wanted me, like you wanted us to happen. You wrote to me every day my senior year, telling me how much you appreciated me and wanted to be a part of my life. You led me on, all for what? To get me into bed and then just leave before you even got a chance to take my virginity?”

“This was a bad idea,” Porter says, getting up and gathering his things.

“Oh, no you don’t.” I pop out of bed and make him face me. “Tell me why? Out of everything we’ve been through together, you owe me this much. Tell me, Porter. I deserve an explanation.”

“Would you believe me if I said I was gay?”

“No,” I laugh, knowing full well he’s not gay, but I appreciate his attempt at humor.

Resigning, he tosses his crap on the ground again and guides me back to the bed, where we both sit down. His nervous tics show as he tries to figure out what to say to me. He grabs the nape of his neck and rubs it back and forth.

“Tell me this, if I stayed that night, would you have wanted to be my girlfriend? Were you serious about me or were you just fulfilling a fantasy you had?”

Stunned by his question, I sit back. “Are you serious? Porter, you can’t tell me you didn’t know I was head over heels in love with you.”

“In love or infatuated?”

“In love,” I say sternly. “God, Porter. You don’t even know how in love I was with you. You were one of my best friends, one of the only people who truly knew me for me. You knew my secrets. How can you even think that I didn’t love you?”

Porter doesn’t look at me. He looks down at his hands as they rub against his thighs and he speaks softly. “You had so much going for you, Marley. You had your internship, you were off to college. If you stayed with me, your life would be completely different. You would still be living in Jamestown, watching tourists go in and out of the Lucille Ball Museum, not really ever amounting to your full potential.” He takes a deep breath. “That night, prom night, was the best night of my life. I held you for the first time in my arms. I actually got to act the way I’ve wanted to act around you for so long. Holding your hand was such a small, innocent act, but it was what I craved.

“That night, you told me about your internship, your plans for your future, and all I could think about was how I was going to hold you back. How I wasn’t good enough to move forward with you. I’m four years older than you, Marley, and when you had a promising future, I was still milking goats on your dad’s farm. I didn’t want you to give up everything for me, so I left.”

My heart pounds out of my chest, my breathing is almost unmanageable as I finally hear the reason why Porter broke my heart. He was trying to save me from being a townie, but little did he know, I would have made it all work; I was determined to make it all work.

I shake my head. “You should have talked to me, Porter. You should have said something.”

“You were also my best friend’s little sister, Marley. I was already stepping out of line by sending you those letters, by taking you to prom.”

During my senior year in high school, my relationship with Porter changed from best friend to protector. Paul was off in the army, so Porter stepped up, helping me out when guys were being dicks and encouraging me with my dreams of making something of my life more than showing off pigs at the state fair. We didn’t talk much because he was always working for my dad, so instead, he would leave notes for me on my bed when I was in school and I would write him back, leaving him notes by his locker in the barn. It wasn’t until I told him how I wasn’t going to prom because I didn’t have a date that he turned my fantasy into a reality and asked me to prom.

You know, some people say a night was magical, and you think, oh really? Was it full of wizards and unicorns dancing together on clouds? No joke, if I saw a wizard and a unicorn jerking each other off that night I wouldn’t have looked twice, that’s how magical it was.

Porter danced to every song with me, he held my hand, brought me home and kissed me. I was ready to give myself over to him, and when I went to change in the bathroom, he left without me knowing, never saying another word to me.

My magical night turned into me being absolutely gutted, humiliated, and destroyed. I can still feel the emotions from that night bubble up inside of me on occasion, as if it was yesterday.

“But you did it anyway, why?”

“Because,” he strokes his beard. “I couldn’t keep my distance. I needed to see what it felt like to be with you for one night, but then we got back to your room and I saw your new luggage you got for going to college, and I remembered we were on different tracks in our life. You were about to take off, start a future, and I was still the farm boy with nothing ahead of him.”

“I would have made it work,” I practically yell. “Porter, I would have made it work for us.”

He shakes his head. “I would have held you back and you would have resented me for it.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.” He stands up, making the room seem smaller once again. “There’s nothing I can do about it now except wish things were different between us. I fucked up, Marley, big time. I will forever regret how I treated you that night. I only wish we could move beyond that night and be friends again. I miss you…a lot.”

He bends down to the ground and grabs his items, his face somber, and his stature a little deflated. I’ve always known Porter as a proud man, so to see him like this cuts me right to my heart. I can’t stand to see him distraught, so that’s why I find myself chasing after him.

I know what you’re thinking, stupid, stupid girl. But you try looking at those deep brown eyes and tell me you can let him walk away.

“Maybe we can be friends,” I offer.

He lifts an eyebrow at me, a mild smirk on his face. “Really?”

Ugh, I hate that he’s so hot.

“Yeah. I mean, I’m going to need some help planning revenge against Paul when he strikes back. I could use your devious mind.”

His smile brightens. “I would enjoy that.”

“Okay.” I stand there awkwardly, pulling on my shirt, not really knowing what else to say.

Apologies always make me feel uncomfortable, especially if they stem from a heated argument, because honestly, how are you supposed to act afterwards? Are you supposed to act like you didn’t just rip each other’s hearts out and yell your faces off? That’s never worked for me.

My dad is notorious for losing his temper, letting the eyebrows take control, president swear words popping out of his mouth, and then pretending like he didn’t just act like a drugged out, psycho historian on a lecture tirade.

“Come here,” Porter holds out his arm and pulls me into his chest, his toiletries sharing snuggle time with me.

I hug him and breathe in his scent, trying to remind myself that we are friends, just friends. Friends that smell each other and maybe rub our cheeks against each other’s rock hard bodies.

“Have a good night, Marley. I have to get back to protecting Tacy with your dad and brother. Ever since your dad saw those, how did he put it, low-hanging pant street youth walking by, he’s terrified Tacy is going to be messed with.”

I laugh and pull away. “Well, I don’t want to keep you from your duty of protecting Tacy from street youth.”

“Are we okay?” He is about to walk out my door and I want to beg him to stay, to talk some more, but I know we have a long trip to do some catching up.

“We’re good.”

Before he exits my room, he winks at me and then takes off. The feeling of euphoria washes through me as I realize what the next couple of days hold for me: Funyuns, hot dogs, whiny Paul, boisterous Bernie, Polaroids, and lots of time with Porter.

**PORTER**

“Dad isn’t home, want to come up to my room…and hang?” Marley asks, her beautiful blue eyes staring up at me.

I can tell she’s nervous. Her hands are practically shaking as she holds onto the lapels of my jacket. This entire night I’ve been weighing in with my conscious, wondering what the hell I’m doing, wondering why I’ve allowed myself to not only take Marley to prom but to treat her as if she’s mine for keeping.

Even though I know I should say goodnight to her right now, I can’t help how my heart feels and I give in.

“I would love to.”

The smile that lights up her face right now is worth all the pain I will face later.

Her tiny little hand takes mine and she leads me up to her bedroom. Her long yellow dress flows behind her likes she’s floating across the hallway and I try to keep my eyes away from the slit that rides up the front of her leg.

When she walked down the stairs earlier today, her hair loosely curled, cascading down her shoulders, and her tiny frame wrapped in a beautiful, strapless dress that danced with her every movement, I knew I was in for a long night of yearning.

She looked exquisitely beautiful.

Awkwardly we stood in front of the staircase as Bernie took pictures of us, posing in all different positions and exchanging yellow corsages. I wore an understated black suit with a white shirt and black tie. I wasn’t into the whole matching with your date thing and I didn’t feel like renting a yellow vest or cummerbund. Even though my outfit was simple, I saw the appreciation in Marley’s eyes.

In my rusty old Ford, I drove us to prom while we listened to country music and joked about Paul’s reaction if he saw us dressed to the nines. We weren’t uncomfortable, we were content in each other’s company, relishing in the alone time we were granted.

When we arrived at prom, I was surrounded by Marley’s high school friend’s gushing over her dress and her hair, but while they spoke to her, she only paid attention to me. A light smile graced her beautiful face and her eyes sparkled up at me under the twinkle lights surrounding the event space. My heart had never felt so full.

We spent the night with each other and no one else. We danced to every song, even the cheesiest ones and when a slow song started to play, I didn’t even pause before I pulled her into my chest, resting my hands on her hips and pressing my cheek against her head. Her body relaxed into mine, her head resting against me and her hands linked around my neck. Nothing around us even mattered, not the annoying giggles coming from immature school girls or the douchey boys who thought they were too cool to dance. When we were together, it was just me and Marley.

If I could, I would have stayed in that position all night but the prom had to come to an end and now, even though it’s the worst idea ever, I’m gripping on to any bone Marley might toss my way so I can spend just a little more time with her.

“Why does it feel so weird having you up here?” Marley asks, closing in on her bedroom door. “It’s not like you’ve never been in my bedroom before.” The nervous giggle that pops out of her lips is adorable.

“Why does it feel like I’m living out my Kevin Arnold fantasies and I finally have a chance with Winnie Cooper?” I place my hands on Marley’s hips and slightly push her against her door so her back is pressed against the wood.

She melts into my grasp and stares up at me with admiration in her eyes. “You think I’m Winnie Cooper?”

Speaking the truth, I say, “I think you’re a more beautiful and interesting version of Winnie Cooper.” I sigh and lick my lips. “Like Kevin Arnold, I finally get to hold the girl next door who’s always captured my heart.”

I glide my hands up to her soft face and capture her cheeks in my palms. Her eyes search mine just as I lower my head to her luscious, sweetheart shaped lips. All thought of the possible fall out after tonight escapes me as I move past the last few inches and kiss Marley for the first time.

Butterflies float in my stomach as her hands slide up my chest, stopping at my farm boy shoulders that barely fit in the tailored jacket I’m wearing. Her lips press against mine, her mouth opening only slightly, not enough for me to explore deeper but just enough to have me begging for more.

Carefully, I run my tongue against her bottom lip, causing a little gasp to pop out before her mouth opens wider. Tentatively, her tongue meets mine in the middle where we explore each other’s mouths deeper.

A wave of warmth settles over me, a blanket of security calms my nerves, and I fall even harder and deeper in love with Marley in this one moment than I have in all the years I’ve known her.

One of my hands finds the door behind her and presses against the hard wood so I can hold up my own body that wants to buckle at my knees. My other hand still holds her cheek, keeping her close enough that she can’t pull away just yet. I want more. My body needs more.

Her hands that have settled on my chest start to drift lower until they meet the waistline of my dress pants. Her fingers hold onto the edge of my waistband and my breath catches in my chest from the thought of her hands being so close to the desire I’ve built for this smart, charming, yet delicate woman.

Reluctantly, I pull away, not because I want to but because I don’t want to have whatever is going to happen between us take place in the hallway.

Insecurity washes over her as I step back, trying to catch my breath. I notice the uncertainty in her eyes and before she can regret everything we just did, I grab her hands and kiss her knuckles, reassuring her of the connection we just made.

“You going to invite me in?” I ask, nodding at her bedroom door. “Or are we just going to stand out here and make out?”

A shy smile forms on her lips. “Let’s go inside but no making fun of my pig ribbons.”

“I would never,” I scoff. “I spent many years hooting and hollering for you on the sidelines as you showed off Piggly Wiggly and Nester. I can still recall those short frayed jean shorts you used to wear with your cowgirl boots to win the attention of Creed, the creeper judge.”

“Worked every time,” she winks, showing off a bit of her spice I’ve come to adore.

We walk in her room and it’s just as organized and clean as usual. The only difference is on her desk there is a small vanity mirror, a curling iron, and a small bin of makeup. It’s rare when Marley wears makeup, but when she does, she wears it well, emphasizing her beautiful features and never going overboard with the thick stuff. Personally, I like her face bare but that’s just my opinion.