Chapter 17
S
am’s party was packed. When we walked through the front door, the crowd immediately parted. There was the usual “Hi! I love your hair, your dress, your earrings, your shoes, that is the cutest necklace, your hair is so pretty.” I could swear that a girl even said, “Can I touch you?”
I smiled and said hi; Caro and Fergie, chins slightly raised, moved forward, their gazes resting on no one.
The guys were outside on the deck. The moment we pulled open the sliding glass door, the girls who were on the deck scattered like mice. Ceej tried to spin Fergie around in a weird hello, but she said, “Don’t even think about touching me ever again. Have you forgotten we’re very over?”
And then there was Sam, leaning against the deck railing, wearing faded gray cargos and a white T-shirt and drinking a lemon-lime Gatorade.
He was so cute. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. And not just because of how good-looking he was, but because of how nice he was. How easy to talk to. He did his own thing, from interning at the farm—which everyone found cool when
he
did it, just not when uncool people did it, which made no sense—to inviting all kinds of people to his party. The popular and the not so popular. Sam was just himself and totally comfortable with that.
I wished I could be that way.
Before I could even say hi, Caro walked over and draped herself across him.
“Hi,” she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek and pressing her body against his.
“Hi,” he said. He looked at me for a long moment. “Hi, Madeline. Fergie,” he added. Then he moved slightly away from Caro and took a sip of his drink. Caro’s face fell, but she recovered in a second.
“Hey, James,” she called behind me. “Come say hi.”
James and Reid and two other guys crowded around us. “Madeline was just asking if you were here yet, James.”
Sam glanced at me. I shot Caro a look. I hadn’t said a word to her about James.
James smiled at me, then stared at my chest. “I’ll go get us something to drink,” he said, and then left.
Ugh
. He was making it very easy for me to justify avoiding him for the rest of the party.
But nice try, Caro
. He walked back inside the house and I let out the breath I hadn’t even known I was holding.
“Sam, get
me
something ice cold to drink, will you, sweetie?” Caro said to him. “Feel free to add something naughty to it,” she whispered loudly in his ear. And while he headed inside, she draped herself against the railing.
“Where’s Tate?” Caro asked for Fergie, whose eyes were darting all over the lawn for him.
“Don’t know,” Ceej said. “He hasn’t shown up yet.”
A group of giggling girls started to come out onto the deck, but when they saw us, they retreated inside. I wanted to follow them, escape with them.
“Omigod, it is so buggy out here,” Caro said. “Let’s go take over the sofas. And someone
change
this CD. I hate this chick’s voice.”
I swatted a mosquito as we headed inside. The moment I heard the sliding glass door click behind me, the front door opened and in walked Elinor and Joe.
“Oh, look, it’s your little farm freaks,” Caro whispered, just in case Sam was in earshot.
I smiled and waved at them, and they waved back. Elinor waved too excitedly, but she didn’t jump. That was something.
“They actually look half human,” Fergie said. “And they’re not even wearing our clothes. Wow, Madeline, you have worked wonders.”
That was a serious compliment, coming from Fergie. “Thanks. I’m gonna go get some pretzels or something. Be right back.”
As if I could eat anything. I just wanted to say hi to Elinor and Joe and ask where Avery was. I hoped she hadn’t chickened out of coming.
I wove my way through the crowd, past a couple making out in the same spot, same position as when we’d arrived, past a bunch of guys who had their shirts off and were asking a group of girls who had the best abs, past person after person I didn’t even recognize who smiled at me and said hi.
James shoved a cup of something brown with an ice cube floating in it at me. Girls around us were checking him out. They could have him.
“Um, thanks,” I said, taking the cup. “I see someone I have to go say hi to. Catch up with you later, okay?”
“Hope so,” he said, and turned to talk to the busty girl behind me.
I finally made my way to Elinor and Joe by the food table. “Hey, guys.” There were bowls of just about every kind of snack, from M&M’S to potato chips and several different dips. There were even platters of crudités, the only things Caro, Fergie, Selena, and Annie would eat. “You look great.”
Joe and Elinor were both looking around, obviously excited to be there.
“Wow, so this is a party,” Joe said. “Awesome.”
“So cool,” Elinor whispered.
Then Joe stood a little straighter. “There she is.”
I glanced around, trying to follow his gaze, but the party was so crowded that he could be talking about the grandfather clock near the fireplace. That was the general direction he was looking in.
Everyone was there. There must have been a hundred people. I spotted Sabrina and her weird friend by another table laden with Mexican fiesta food—various colorful bowls of beans and salsa and tortilla chips. She’d just dropped a Frito piled with what looked like hummus right onto her shirt. Her response? Bursting into laughter and reaching for a napkin. Fergie or Caro would have screamed and gone home to change. Not that Fergie or Caro would eat a single chip in the first place.
I waved at Sabrina, but I didn’t think she saw me. At least she wasn’t wearing overalls. For a moment, as I watched my sister, I couldn’t imagine moving to California and not living with her and our mom and Mac. I could imagine not living on the farm, but I couldn’t imagine not living with my family. Sabrina and me on opposite coasts? She’d always been right there—weirdly right there, annoyingly right there, but
there
.
“Okay, go enjoy yourselves,” I said.
They stayed rooted in their spots.
“Go,” I told them. “You’ll be fine. Just remember what you practiced. Keep it short and simple. A passing hi. A ‘You’re in my English class, right?’ You can do it.”
They nodded and Elinor led the way farther into the crowd. I headed back to where my friends were sitting.
“Where is Sam?” Caro muttered.
“He probably got stuck talking to somebody,” Fergie said. “You’ve got all night.
All
night,” she repeated, sending Caro a devilish smile.
Caro smiled back and relaxed.
Suddenly, the thought of Caro and Sam together,
that way
, made me want to vomit.
Annie and Selena and half the cheerleading squad arrived and squeezed into the other chairs and sofas, and even onto the floor. Annie was telling us a story about something that had happened in her gym class on Friday and everyone was cracking up. For a moment, I let myself be swept up by it all, even though I couldn’t stand Annie, just so I could feel like my old self, be in my old life again.
Maybe Sam was avoiding Caro. I leaned my head back against the sofa and looked around and saw Joe talking to Sabrina by the food table. Sabrina was smiling and using her hands a lot, which meant she was seriously involved in the conversation. They were probably talking about the farm. I tried to pay attention to the story Annie was now telling, something about what an idiot someone was, but I found myself looking around again. Joe and Sabrina were still deep in conversation, but this time, they were sitting against the wall, and Joe had just offered Sabrina a bowl of chips he’d commandeered off the table.
Wait a minute!
Sabrina was Joe’s mystery dream girl! All that time he could have flirted with her at the farm and he’d been too shy and unsure of himself to say a word. To
Sabrina!
I heard Sabrina’s unmistakable nervous-girl laugh, the one she couldn’t help when she felt out of her league. When she
did
care.
“Oh. My. God,” Fergie snapped.
I followed her gaze to the front door.
Avery had arrived—with Tate.
“Oh no she didn’t,” Fergie said, staring Avery up and down.
Avery was all smiles. People were noticing her for sure. There was a lot of “What was your name again?” and “Aren’t you in my French class?”
“She is so dead,” Caro whispered.
Avery, looking absolutely gorgeous with her chic new hair and perfect makeup, was wearing Fergie’s black minidress and Caro’s strappy sandals that tied up the ankles.
Oh no she didn’t
was right. What was she thinking?
“Awww, the poor thing,” Caro said very loudly, her eyes on Avery. “She’s wearing the sandals I gave to Goodwill. And, Fergie, isn’t that the dress you donated to Girls in Need?”
“Oh, wow, yes, it is,” Fergie said. Loudly. “I guess she’s in need.”
I closed my eyes and counted to five. “Fergie, let it go,” I whispered.
“Yeah, Fergie. Let. It. Go” was Tate’s unhelpful response.
Avery’s face fell for just a second, but her recovery was award-worthy. “Sorry, girls, but I just bought this yesterday. We all make mistakes, though.” And then she took Tate’s hand and led him through the party—which parted for them.
“Omigod, she is so dead!” Fergie exclaimed. “I’m going to personally kill her.”
“I’ll take care of her,” Caro said. Then she eyed me. “Wow, thank you, Madeline. Good work.”
“I told her not to wear your stuff!” I said. “She promised.”
“Well, she didn’t make good on her promise,” Caro snapped. “And now she’s going to wish she had. And what was that bit about letting it go, Madeline? Were you actually telling us to shut up? Were you actually coming to that loser dead girl’s defense?”
All the girls sitting near us were staring at me.
My stomach turned over. I felt like I was going to throw up at any second. Everything was blowing up in my face. What was I supposed to do?
“I—I tried to help them, that’s all. Don’t blame me for what someone else does, Caro.”
“Whatever,” Caro said.
“Yeah, whatever,” Fergie added.
And then a look passed between them.
“What are we whatevering?” Selena asked nervously as she arrived back with a plate of crudités, her gaze darting from me to Caro and to Fergie. “What did I miss?”
“Everything,” I said, and slipped into the crowd, desperate to find a bathroom, close the door, and breathe.
Chapter 18
I
went in search of Avery, but the party was so crowded I couldn’t find her. Sam’s backyard abutted a river, which people, mainly couples, were walking to and from along a cobblestoned path. Perhaps Avery and Tate were sitting on the riverbank, holding hands, and Tate was telling her not to worry about Caro and Fergie.
She should worry.
What was she thinking to pull something like that? To go up against Caro Alexander in such a public way?
What would have possessed Avery to show up in Caro’s and Fergie’s clothes, with the guy Fergie wanted? Not that she knew that Fergie had a crush on Tate. But why would she wear their clothes when I specifically told her not to? When she’d told us she was wearing a cute outfit she’d bought just for the party?
As the cliché said: I’d created a monster.
Maybe Avery was naive and really didn’t understand the ramifications of what she’d done—crossing Caro Alexander, crossing Fergie, basically spitting on me—and she just didn’t get how girls like Caro operated. How they ruled.
Or maybe she did. Maybe she had been brilliant and calculated.
What I wasn’t sure about was whether she’d used me. Or whether I cared. Because I admired her. She
had
been brilliant. Avery had gone up against them and walked away triumphant—with the guy she wanted. The guy Fergie wanted.
And Caro would destroy her.
I didn’t even know what I wanted to say to Avery. Maybe just
Why?
Or
Was it your plan all along? To find an in and then try to claw your way to the top?
I headed back inside and tried to get to the bathroom so I could hide for a few minutes, but there was a line.
“Hey.”
I turned around and there was Sam, with two bottles of iced tea. I wanted to grab his hand and run back outside and down that path to the river, to a spot without anyone nearby, and sit with him. I didn’t even want to talk. I just wanted to feel him beside me.
He was about to say something when Caro was suddenly standing behind him, pressed up against him, her arms around his neck.
“I am soooo hot,” she said. “Glad you’re back with that drink,” she added, taking one of the bottles. Then she took his hand and led him to the sofas. Instead of sitting down next to her, he walked over to the iPod dock that sat on a bookshelf. “Sam, it is so nice that you invited the interns you work with at Madeline’s parents’ farm,” Caro said. She got up and started giving him a neck massage. “They really seem to be having a great time. I never see them out anywhere, so they must be really happy you included them.”
He turned around and glanced at her. “That’s nice of you to say.”
“I’m
much
nicer than anyone gives me credit for,” she said, gently raking her nails along the back of his neck.
I couldn’t watch. I doubted he’d suddenly start making out with her, but either way, I couldn’t stand watching them another second. I glanced around to check in on the interns. Joe and Sabrina were still sharing chips. Elinor had somehow become the ice girl and was dropping cubes into people’s cups, her smile huge.
And then … disaster.
Shivers pinged their way up my spine.
Ceej was talking to Elinor. Really talking. Looking-deeply-into-her-eyes talking. Suddenly-taking-her-hand-and-leading-her-upstairs talking.
What was going on? Ceej was a jerk. And he wasn’t suddenly falling for Elinor Espinoza. It was a setup. It had to be. Avery looked hot these days and acted like Caro and Fergie, so I had no doubt that Tate’s interest was real. But Ceej’s in Elinor? No.
And there was no way he was the guy she was crushing on. But attention from a hotshot like Ceej would turn Elinor’s head.
I watched him take his cell phone from his back pocket, press something—like the
camera ready
button—and then slide it back into his pocket. Behind him, Elinor had a smile of nervous anticipation on her face. She’d never been kissed before.
No doubt he planned to take pictures of her with his cell phone and then send them all over school. I glanced at Fergie on the sofa. Was she behind this? She was deep in conversation with Annie, not gleefully watching Ceej lead Elinor to her doom. Ceej and his jerk friends probably planned it alone.
I raced up the stairs and grabbed her hand as she was about to follow Ceej into a bedroom. “Elinor, can I talk to you?”
She glanced from Ceej to me. “Um, okay.”
“No problem,” he said, waggling his eyebrows at her. “I’ll be waiting for you right here.”
I shot him a dirty look, then took her hand and led her back downstairs. “He’s a jerk, Elinor. I don’t want to be mean here, but he is totally setting you up.”
The year before, Ceej had brought the usually shy Sandler twins to a room upstairs and gotten them to take off their shirts on the pretense of a biology assignment about whether identical twins had identical breasts. Everyone at Freeport Academy got to see that they did. Ceej had gotten into serious trouble—so serious that I couldn’t believe he’d pull the same stupid stunt again. The Sandler twins transferred to Freeport High School.
She stared at me. “Why can’t you believe for a second that a cute guy would go for me?” Tears sprang to her eyes.
I glanced at Elinor and let out a deep breath. I gently rubbed her arms. “I’m really sorry, Elinor. If it were any other guy … Sam or Jackson or Mike … ,” I said, eyeing guys nearby. “But Ceej? He’s got a mean soul. I just don’t trust him not to hurt you in a very bad way.”
Her shoulders slumped and she closed her eyes. “Me either. I mean, I’ve been the target of his jokes and name-calling for years. I just thought … ” A tear slid down her face.
“You just thought that because you look amazing and worked so hard that maybe he noticed?” I asked.
Elinor nodded, mascara running down her cheeks.
“You know what, Elinor?” I said. “I’m ready to go home.” At her hiccup, I added, “I’ll tell Joe we’re going. But he’ll probably want to stay.” Through the sliding glass doors, I could see Joe and Sabrina heading for the path to the river.
I glanced back at Caro and Fergie on the sofa, Annie and Selena sitting at their feet. They looked like a coven of witches casting a spell. I had no idea what they had planned for Avery. And I didn’t really want to find out. Avery had said to me loud and clear tonight that she could take care of herself. But she had no idea what she was up against.
And there was no way she could go up against the Mosts and survive the rest of the school year.
I told Elinor I’d meet her outside, then headed to the sofas.
Caro was laughing. “Madeline, you’re just in time to hear how we’re going to ruin the life of the total bitch you created. By lunch period on Monday, she’ll wish she never crossed us.”
I took a deep breath. “I was just coming over to say goodbye. This night has given me a total migraine.”
“Oh please, Madeline. Stop being so sickly sweet. It doesn’t suit you. And James has been asking where you are.”
I stared at Caro. “I have to go.”
“Whatever,”
she said.
“What are we whatevering now?” Selena and Annie asked in unison.
I glanced around for Sam, and there he was, talking to a couple of junior lacrosse players.
Once again, it was Sam I wished I could talk to. Sam I wished I could tell everything to. Sam I wished would hold me until I felt better. Not that feeling better seemed possible.
I sat in my kitchen, totally alone, eating red grapes and staring out at the pasture. Some cows stared at me, then went back to grazing. My mom and Mac were in their bedroom, watching an old movie. Sabrina wasn’t home, which meant she was still busy getting her first boyfriend.
I’d eaten practically a pound of grapes when my sister came in. She was glowing. Who knew that Joe could make a girl glow?
“Don’t tell anyone,” she said, bursting into a giggle, “but I think I’m seriously in like!”
I laughed. “Joe?”
She nodded. “Where the hell has he been hiding all my life? Oh, wait, I actually know the answer. He’s been right here the whole time. Isn’t that crazy?”
“He just needed some help in coming out of his shell,” I said. “Grape?”
She popped one into her mouth. “I guess whatever you were helping the interns with worked. He went from too shy to talk to me to totally making me like him.”
I glanced at her. “So you don’t think what I did, giving them advice and tips and makeovers, was stupid and shallow?”
“A little shallow. But I have to say, the results are excellent.”
“You didn’t have to change, though,” I pointed out. “You stayed exactly the same. And a guy who has had a huge secret crush on you forever did all this for
you
—went in with Avery and Elinor to pay me, changed his look, changed the way he acts and talks to people.”
“
I
don’t think there’s anything wrong with me,” she said. “That’s the difference between me and a lot of other people. Including the asshats who try to get me down or put me on the Not list or call me Farmer Brown in the halls. I like how I look. And I had no problem with the way Joe used to look. I just never talked to him because he was so shy and kept to himself.”
“Not anymore. I guess you have a boyfriend.”
She smiled.
“So I have all the money I need to get to Dad’s wedding,” I said. “But I don’t even know if I want to go anymore. Dad hasn’t e-mailed me back in two days about what day I should fly in. Thom doesn’t even return my texts anymore. The only reason to go is to—” I stopped and slumped over the table, my head in the crook of my elbow.
“To what?”
“To get away from my friends.”
“Your friends are everywhere,” she said. “There are girls like that in every school. If you move to California, you’ll just get sucked into the new crowd of jerk popular girls.”
I let out a deep breath. “So what am I supposed to do?”
“That I can’t help you with. But I can tell you what Aunt Darcy would tell you. You’re just supposed to be you.”
• • •
Surprise, surprise. My dad finally got back to me.
Sweetsies, Tiffs and I are so happy you want to come, but I feel terrible that you’ll be spending your own money to fly out. I wish I had the extra to cover it, honey. It’s going to be such a small wedding that honestly, you’ll feel like you’re there if you watch the video. But if you do want to come, you could fly in the night before and try to sleep on the plane. Let me know what you decide. Love to you and Sabrina.—Dad
How touching. He really
didn’t
care whether I came to his wedding. Just like Sabrina had said. He almost deserved for me to fly out and tell him I was moving in. That would ruin his perfect little life with
Tiffs
. I had the date; I had the money. And I had the Web browser open on my computer to CheapTickets.com. I sat there, staring at the lowest-priced airline reservations from Portland, Maine, to Los Angeles, California. A one-way ticket was now $402.39, if I flew at 6 a.m. and connected twice.
I hovered over the
purchase tickets
button but couldn’t click it.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Did I miss anything after I left?
Like did you and Sam hook up?—M
No response.