The Most Precious Thing (32 page)
Above his wife’s head, David was smiling no longer. In his mind’s eye he was seeing the pile of linen and patterns in the next room, and the typewritten letter on fancy headed notepaper which stated, in effect, that Mrs Carrie Sutton was destined to fly high.
There were going to be changes in the next little while, sure enough, he thought grimly, and this upset with his mam and da was the least of it.
Part 4
Rationing, Raids and Recriminations
1940
1940
Chapter Fourteen
‘What are you doing here at this time of day, Alec?’
‘I’ve come to see you, of course, when I knew David was at the pit.’
The straight answer was unexpected and Carrie’s face must have betrayed this, because Alec smiled, a wry twisted smile, before saying, ‘I’ve been called up, Carrie. No reserved occupation, no bairns, barely married . . .’
‘Don’t.’ She took a step backwards away from the scullery door where Alec had arrived unannounced a few moments before, the basket of dirty washing in her hands proclaiming her intent to visit the washhouse.
Alec gestured at the basket. ‘Do you want me to carry that out for you?’
‘No.’ It was immediate. The thought of the two of them in the narrow confines of the brick-built washhouse wasn’t an option.
In the four years that had passed since Matthew’s tenth birthday, Alec had made it clear, in a hundred and one little ways, that he wanted her. The fact that she remained cool and slightly aggressive towards him didn’t seem to deter him in the slightest.
‘Have it your own way.’ He walked further into the room, causing her to back out of the scullery and into the wider area of the kitchen, and then he said, ‘Aren’t you going to offer your ever loving brother-in-law a cup of tea before he goes off to fight for King and country?’ His eyes were mocking her.
‘Look, Alec--’
‘No, you look, Carrie. You look for once.’ He came close to her, not touching but near enough for her to smell the drink on his breath. Her nose wrinkled, and he said, ‘Aye, aye, I’ve had a couple, Dutch courage to come and see you. Does that surprise you, eh? Alec Sutton, him that’s risen as swiftly as a shooting star, needing to build himself up with whisky before he sets foot over your threshold? But it’s true.’
Carrie said again, ‘Don’t,’ but her voice was a whisper now. She hadn’t seen him like this before. It was as though something had been stripped away from him, an outward veneer, and this unnerved her more than any passionate declaration of love could have done. But then that came too.
‘I love you, Carrie.’ And at her body’s jerk of protest, he said again, ‘I do. I love you. I suffer the torment of the damned knowing you’re married to David, that he has the right to touch you, to make love to you--’
‘
Stop it
.’ Her voice was guttural, so harsh it checked the words spilling out of him. ‘He’s your brother, your
brother
.’
Stop it
.’ Her voice was guttural, so harsh it checked the words spilling out of him. ‘He’s your brother, your
brother
.’
‘And this is where I should say I love him and respect him and that if it wasn’t for that I’d have followed through on what I said years ago.’ It was bitter. ‘But I don’t love him or respect him, Carrie. Him and Walter allowing themselves to be brainwashed into going down the pit at fourteen makes me want to vomit. The only reason I haven’t said and done this before is because I knew what you’d say if I did.’
‘So what’s different now?’
‘I’m going away to fight and there’s a good chance I won’t come back. Men are being maimed, killed every day.’ He stopped, took a deep breath. ‘It sort of brings everything into balance. Money, prestige . . .’
‘You wanted all that very badly. If it wasn’t for this war you’d still be the same.’
‘Probably.’ Alec tipped his head on one side as though he was considering what she’d said, and Carrie’s breath stopped with the shock of how like Matthew he was in that moment. Or should she say Matthew was like him? she asked herself feverishly. ‘Very probably,’ he agreed softly. ‘But it wouldn’t make any difference to the way I feel about you. That’s a thing apart.’
‘You’re mad.’
‘About you? Dead right.’
‘Stop this, Alec.’ She stared into his face, the face which had woken in her the first stirrings of romantic love so many years ago, a love which had nearly caused her to throw herself into the river after he had trampled on it in the worst way possible. He had been handsome as a young lad but with maturity he was even more good-looking. And he knew it. Oh yes, he knew it all right.
‘He’s mine, isn’t he?’
It was quiet, even tender, his eyes searching her face and allowing her to see the pain in his. She believed he was manipulating her for his own ends, using all this talk of love and that certain something he had with women to lull her into admitting he was Matthew’s father. But even believing this, for one infinitesimal moment she was tempted to tell him the truth. It was enough to break the hypnotising power of the clear green gaze. ‘No, Alec, he is not yours,’ she said very steadily. ‘David is his father.’ And he was, in every way that counted. Who was it who had sat up with her every night for a week when Matthew was four years old and desperately ill with the measles? Who had fed her son, clothed him, helped him with his homework and taken him to the football matches Matthew was so passionate about? Who had tried to teach the boy right from wrong, applied discipline when Matthew needed it and a firm hand? It was these things that made a father, not a two-minute copulation.
‘If I wasn’t so sure in here’ - he patted his jacket above his heart - ‘I would almost believe you. You’re getting better at lying.’
‘Always the clever words.’ She raised her head angrily. ‘But I don’t care what you think. Believe what you want, you will anyway. But I can assure you it’s wishful thinking, and even that wouldn’t have come about but for Margaret being unable to have bairns.’
Alec wetted his lips, then bit hard into the flesh of the lower one. It looked as if he was biting back hot words, but when he next spoke she realised this was not the case. His voice was low and rushed and highly embarrassed. ‘I want you to know I’m sorry for what happened that night, or at least for the way it happened. I’ve never done anything like that before or since, it was the drink . . .’ His voice trailed away. ‘It was the drink.’
Carrie stared at him. She didn’t trust this new tack, not from Alec. ‘Four years ago in this very kitchen you denied you’d forced me,’ she said stiffly. ‘So what’s changed?’
‘Me.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I’m scared.’
‘Scared?’ Her brow wrinkled.
‘You know as well as I do what some of those poor wretches are like that they got back from Dunkirk. Death would be a merciful release. Blinded, no legs, some with no limbs at all or burned beyond recognition.’
Carrie remained quiet, looking at him.
‘Anything could happen, and I just wanted to say . . .’ He shook his head. ‘To go with a clear conscience.’
She had been leaning against the kitchen table, her bottom pressed against the wood, but now she pulled out a chair and sat down. Alec didn’t move. She raised her head slowly after a few moments and looked at him. This was still all about him, she thought, her mind amazingly clear. If there hadn’t been a war, if he wasn’t going away to fight, he would never have said what he’d just said. He was like a bairn who said its prayers each night only because it was frightened something bad would happen to it if it didn’t.
He swallowed. ‘You don’t believe I love you.’ It was a statement not a question, but Carrie answered it anyway.
‘If you didn’t have this insane idea Matthew was yours you wouldn’t be here,’ she said quietly.
‘I don’t know what to say to that.’
‘How about the truth?’
He stood looking somewhat helplessly at her and if it had been anyone but Alec she would have taken pity on them.
‘All right, the truth is you’re probably half right,’ he said at last, his voice low and his gaze directed at the floor now. ‘But only half right. Matthew keeps you at the forefront of my mind, of course he does, you’re his mother, but that’s only part of it.’
‘I don’t want to hear this. I’m married to your brother and I love him. Please go now.’
‘Carrie--’
They both heard the back door open and when Matthew shouted, ‘Mam?’ she saw the change in Alec’s face, the way it lit up, and she groaned inside. ‘Mam, Brian Wilson’s da’s got an unexploded incendiary bomb, or so he says. Can I go and see it. I promise--’
What he would have promised Carrie didn’t know, because as he stepped fully into the room and saw Alec standing to one side of the range he stopped abruptly, then grinned and said, ‘Hello, Uncle Alec. What are you doing here?’
Before Carrie could say anything, Alec answered him. ‘I’ve come to say goodbye, Matt. I’m going off to fight the Germans. ’
He made it sound as if he was going to win the war single-handed, Carrie thought grimly.
‘Really?’ Matthew’s eyes were like saucers; this was clearly another step up in the hero worship. ‘Can I come and see you off?’
Again Alec pre-empted Carrie, probably because he anticipated her refusal. ‘I’d like that very much.’ He smiled warmly. ‘And perhaps your mother would like to come too.’
‘Won’t Margaret prefer to have you all to herself at a time like this?’ Carrie asked coolly, aware of Matthew’s gaze flashing from her face to Alec’s, and then back again.
‘She’s taken to her bed at the news.’ It was flat.
‘When do you leave?’ There was absolutely no question of her seeing Alec off, but for Matthew’s sake she had to give a viable excuse.
‘Tomorrow morning.’
‘I’m sorry but I have to be at the shop all morning. I have a special wedding presentation.’ Carrie turned to Matthew. ‘And didn’t you say you were going up the allotment with your da for an hour or two before he goes on his shift?’
Matthew stared at his mother. How could she put a rotten old wedding presentation before seeing Uncle Alec off to war? He was going to fight for his country, he was a hero. Couldn’t she see that? But she didn’t want to. ‘Da will come with me to see Uncle Alec off,’ he said firmly, the look on his face as he spoke telling Carrie exactly what he was thinking.
The sound of his name being called from the backyard prompted him to turn to Alec and say, ‘I’ll go and tell him I’m not playing.’
‘Not on my account, Matt. I’m just going.’
‘Aw, Uncle Alec.’
‘Come round later tonight if you want and we’ll arrange a time for you and your da to be at the station. All right?’
‘Aye, all right.’ Matthew was all smiles again, and then as Brian called once more, he said, ‘I’m going to Brian’s then, Mam.’
Carrie nodded, her, ‘Watch yourself,’ automatic. When the back door had banged, Alec straightened from where he had been leaning against the wall at the side of the range.
‘Don’t try and stop him coming tonight or tomorrow, Carrie, or you’ll regret it,’ he said very quietly.
This was more like the Alec she knew. She made herself aggressive in both voice and manner, using it as a screen to hide her fear as she said, ‘Here we go again. When are you going to see you can’t threaten me, Alec?’
He ignored this as though she hadn’t spoken. ‘I’ll tell him I believe I am his father and I’ll give him all the dates to back it up, as well as the fact that he was supposed to be two months early. He’s not a little bairn any more, he knows a bit about the birds and the bees.’
‘You wouldn’t.’ She stared at him, her hand to her throat.
‘I will if you try and thwart me on this.’
‘What do you think his opinion of you will be if he knows what you did?’
‘Like I said, he knows a bit about the birds and the bees now. I’ll explain it was a wedding, we both had too much to drink and one thing led to another. Of course with me being on the verge of getting engaged I couldn’t let Margaret down, not over a mistake which incidentally I’ll explain we both enjoyed.’
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