The Morbid and Sultry Tales of Genevieve Clare (25 page)

“Damn,” Guava said right next to me. “Cosmo is my son-in-law, and he is handsome, but Ahren… Damn.”

I had to agree with her on that. Even though I was feeling better, I was afraid to have sex for fear that would make me nauseous and ruin jiggy-jiggy along with pie. I decided to share this with Guava. “I’m afraid to have sex,” I stated.

Her eyes bored down on me. “Because of the baby?”

“No, because I don’t want my body to associate sex with vomit. Or the act of vomiting anyway.”

Guava didn’t just laugh, she had tears coming down her face she was laughing so hard.

“That is not helping me, Guava. Look at him over there, all man, building and sawing things. He works the garden and the cemetery at Eden Hills, comes to the porch for a drink I have waiting for him, and I swear, he could be covered head-to-toe in compost and I would still be happy to clean him with my tongue.”

She started to laugh again and said, “I had really bad morning sickness. It stopped after about three months. The doctor had said after the hormones peak I would start to feel better and I did.”

“I hope so. Pity all that hot is going to waste.” Guava made me some sort of herbal tea that sent me into a delightful slumber. Her shop was wall-to-wall candles, wind chimes, and other artsy-fartsy stuff crafted by locals. She also had two comfy chairs that beckoned me to take a load off.

****

“Thanks Guava,” Ahren whispered. I was being carried. I’d never felt more exhausted in all my life. Except after my parents and Gran died. Grief really took so much out of you and, apparently, growing a person did the same thing.

“Uh, Ahren?” I asked through my sleepy fog.

“Hey, baby.” His voice was soft. If he kept talking like that, I’d fall right back to sleep again.

“I can walk, you know.”

“And I can carry you.”

I decided not to argue with him. Once in the car, buckled in carefully and driving home, I noticed he was clean and in fresh clothes. “You showered,” I observed.

“Guava told me you were having a nap. I went home, got dinner ready, showered, and came back to get you.” He turned onto the road that led to our house.

I snuggled into the seat and reached for his hand. “You looked sexy, all working-man, sweaty and outdoorsy.”

“You’ll feel better soon, and when you do, you can take advantage of me.”

Conversation was making me feel woozy, so I nodded.

Later that night, tucked into his side, Ahren told me how things were going to be from now on. He wasn’t usually bossy. He understood I’d been on my own for quite some time and would likely resist any man telling me what to do, even him. But I knew his brand of bossy came from a place of love.

“Are you awake?” he asked.

I nodded into his chest.

“Gen, you’re cutting back on the funerals, yeah?”

I pushed up and looked at his eyes. His voice was firm, not concerned, not warm, firm. Almost as if he was angry…or scared.

“Yeah, I put a notice on the site. I’ll do word-of-mouth for my oldies until I restructure.” My concern was for the old people. I had come to terms with the fact I wouldn’t be donning my little black hat any time soon, not for a good long while.

He grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. Then he took my head in his hands, closed his eyes, and spoke. “We have lived, eaten, and breathed grief and death for a long time, Gen. Too long. I understand why you want to help those people, I get it, and if you want to work in a funeral home, in a place where you’re removed from the situation, I’m happy for you to do that. But this, what you’ve been doing, it’s more than a job; it’s personal.” He was right, but I’d never thought it was a negative thing either.

“Yeah, it is, but it’s not bad. I know where you’re coming from, but—”

“We’re getting married, we’re having a child, and that child will grow up next to a cemetery. That’s… I loved that as a kid, and you did, too. I don’t want to hide that from our child. In fact, I think we should get a dog.”

Confused, I needed more information on his random manic ramblings. “What?”

“A dog. We never had one and neither did you. A dog is a member of the family. You care for it, play with it, companion, friend. Dogs are all those things. They also have a short lifespan. I feel like, if I’d had a dog as a kid, losing my mom wouldn’t have been my first experience with loss. Her death, I knew it was coming, but I had nothing to base those feelings on. I wish I’d had a pet, something I loved I had lost before… I think somehow I would have coped better.” He opened his eyes then. “And her death prepared me to help you. But it’s a cycle, it’s life, and we’re living. I just need the focus to be on living for a while.”

Something was wrong, off. I couldn’t put my finger on it, and though I hoped it was just hormones, I still needed to know if it was my imagination running wild.

“What’s wrong, Ahren?” I asked. “Something’s wrong. This isn’t you. We’ve spoken about all of this…except the dog thing, but I agree. It’s good for kids to have a pet, especially that nothing-lasts-forever life-lesson we all have to learn. It’s easier to start with a dog than a human. You’re worried about something.”

“Yes,” he admitted.

I saw it then, plain as day, he was scared.

“About what specifically? Is it because I’m so sick? This is normal, you know. This happens. It’s just the surge in hormones.”

“No, it isn’t that. Not just that. I am worried about you, but that’s only because I don’t like to see you miserable.” The side of his mouth lifted in a half-smile, but his eyes didn’t join it.

“Ahren—” I tried, but he was quick with his words.

He was still holding my head when he said, “We’ve had a good run, you and I.” He paused and took a deep breath before he continued. “I feel like we’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

I held onto his wrists, tears filling my eyes, because what he was saying had been in the back of my mind, too. I didn’t dare tempt those thoughts to come to the forefront. I felt like even entertaining those fears was tempting fate.

“We have to have faith, Ahren.” I kissed his lips softly. “Think of all we’ve been through. I’d like to think that the worst thing that’s gonna happen to us in the next fifty years will be our dog dying.” I smiled and let my forehead rest against his.

He then rocked my world in one of those moments that I’ll never, ever forget. “I know I shouldn’t say this to you, not now, not when your body is changing, you’re getting everything ready for the wedding…”

“You’re wrong, whatever it is. This is exactly what you should be doing. Not keeping things from me, even if you think I can’t handle it. I’m in this with you, all of it, and whatever you’re worried about, I don’t want you to carry that alone.” I took a breath and explained, “I was scared…for so long…scared of feeling, scared of pain, but mostly scared I would have this incredible love and then lose it. I couldn’t face that possibility, but now I know, this, what we have, Ahren. It’s worth the pain.”

He wrapped me in his arms, and I felt him fight against the emotion that came from baring that raw fear to me. He didn’t want me to see it, but him giving it to me made me love him more.

“Little pieces,” I whispered.

“Sorry?” he asked against my hair.

“Just when I think I can’t love you more, you give me another piece to add to my heart.”

“Genevieve,” he said. “I just want to keep you close,” he admitted. “I just want to know you’re never too far that I can’t keep you safe, especially now.”

“Some things are out of our hands. You can’t stop drunk drivers, bad weather, cancer, or heart attacks. You’re good, Ahren, but you’re not that good.”

He moved his head back to look at me, his eyes glittering with tears, and granted me a huge smile. “Thanks, baby.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You did exactly what my mom would have done. She would have told me it’s all going to be okay, even if she wasn’t sure. But she wanted to believe it would be, somehow. I forced my way back into your life.” He chuckled. “But I will never regret it.”

“Thank God you did,” I sniffled.

****

Ahren

He was happy that Genevieve had kept her dinner down. Hopefully she was coming out of the worst of this morning sickness thing. He hated to see her so miserable physically, but he knew, emotionally, she was happy. She’d told him that growing up and getting married to him was a dream, and it was going to come true.

He hoped it was going to come true.

Because when bad things happen to good people with no rhyme or reason, shit luck, bad timing, whatever that reason may be…those good people, no matter how happy they are, are always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Ahren was waiting, and the worst part was this feeling he couldn’t shake. It was a sickening anxiety that made him jerk awake in the middle of the night. It began the minute he realized Gen was pregnant, an irrational panic that took his breath away. But it wasn’t irrational; he knew that better than anyone. In an instant, it could all be gone.

He slipped into bed beside her and watched her breathe. He calmed his mind by focusing on those breaths, like counting sheep, and when he finally found sleep, his last thoughts were of BASE jumping.

It wasn’t like I didn’t know the day was coming, but the death of Gloria was everywhere, and I felt the shock like everyone else. Her suicide was the top local news story for three days, and, just after Lauren was seen laying flowers at the home they shared in San Francisco, Gloria’s dad was quick to steal the show. He told the reporters he would personally investigate every aspect of her death, and claimed, “My daughter would never take her own life.”

Asshole.

Ahren and I took a drive up to Napa a couple of days later and stopped at an Internet café. Gloria had done her research, given me specific instructions, and, without difficulty, I closed all the accounts she’d asked me to. Ahren and I both spoke about how this particular task might come back to bite me in the ass, but if it did, Gloria had a contingency plan. She had a copy sent to her lawyer, along with a letter to her father, and I expected, at some point, he would either make a huge stink about it, or go quietly back to his lair. What I did know, her medical records had “somehow” been leaked, and since that happened, her father had remained quiet.

It was good we had a day to just…be. Wedding plans were complete, and aside from getting beautified on the day, there was nothing left to do. I thought the long drive would send me into a puking frenzy, but I was pleased to report that I’d forgotten to take my medicine that morning and hadn’t felt nauseous at all. I didn’t tell Ahren, just in case it was a fluke. I figured I’d surprise him with sex later.

Each and every time I thought about sex with him, I looked to his crotch and felt everything between my legs swell with need. This was a sexual hunger I had never, ever experienced before. My nipples tingled and hardened against the cup of my padded bra, and, as he made a gentle turn with the new SUV he’d bought last week, the seatbelt hit my nipple and instantly made me wet.

“Oh my God,” I said quietly.

“What is it?” the ever-alert Ahren asked.

“If you find a good place to pull over, do it.” I made my request and put my hands on the dash to steady myself. Just as I moved forward, the seam of my jeans hit my already swollen clit, and if he didn’t hurry, my jeans were going to give me the release I would have preferred Ahren to give me. I’d read about this, of course, the hormones, etcetera, the increase in sexual drive. It wasn’t like we needed any help in that department, but this was like being drunk on little blue pills.

Ahren found a road that turned off the main highway. There was a small group of trees and beyond that, rolling fields of grapevines. He turned off the car and twisted in the seat to look at me, waiting to hear any directive.

So I gave it to him.

“Ahren?” I tried to control the need in my voice by speaking as evenly as possible.

“What can I do?” he replied attentively.

“Can you take the big blanket out of the back; lay it down in that field, just next to the trees?”

“Baby, if you can’t hang on till we get home, I’ll find somewhere to stay the night.” He started searching his phone.

I took his hand, slowly laced my fingers with his and decided to reword my request. “Ahren, can you take the big blanket out of the back, lay it down in that field, and fuck me like there’s no tomorrow?”

I’d never seen him move so fast. He fumbled with the keys and dropped them into the gravel, swearing and losing his footing at one point. He ran through the trees and flicked the blanket open and carefully straightened the edges. He ran back to the car, huffing and puffing, his chest rising and falling as he flung my door open and slowed his movements to a snail’s pace.

“Let’s go pretend like there’s no tomorrow,” he said with a shit-eating grin.

I bounded out of the car after him. He stopped me with an arm around my waist and said, “I can see you’re feeling better, but let’s not tempt fate. I’m looking forward to this like you would not believe.”

We slowly walked, hand-in-hand, to the blanket where we stood and faced each other. I hadn’t realized how cold it was until my sex-adrenaline was face-to-face with fog settling in the valley in the distance.