The Mitchell Family Series BoxSet 1-4.5 (93 page)

Please don’t say she’s gone. Don’t say she’s dead. Please don’t say it.

“They’re doing everything they can.”

“What did you say?”
Say it again. Say she’s alive.

“The doctors are doing everything they can to save your wife. For the past two hours, it’s all they have been doing.”

“Where is she? I need to see her. I need to be with her. Please?” I was ready to beat down every damn door in the hospital until I found her.

“She’s in surgery and I know you want to be with her, but I can’t let you do that. Your wife has been in surgery for a long time and she needs to avoid any kind of contaminant that can cause an infection. Her life depends on you giving us this time to try and save her. Please understand.” She grabbed my arm for assurance, but I pulled away.

I slid down the wall and put my hands in my face. Time passed but I stayed in the same position. Finally, the nurse said I could just go in with my daughter whenever I was ready. I gave a nod, but never looked up at her.  I was too devastated and afraid to respond to anything.

It was obvious that Izzy had no clue what was going on and neither did anyone else in the family.
I finally got up and gained my composure to make the first phone call. I grabbed my cell phone and walked until I had better service.

Hello?

Colt?
My voice was broken as I tried to conjure up enough courage to explain everything.
Miranda’s been in an accident. She was on her way to your house. You need to get the family and get to the hospital right now. Please hurry.

Where are you? How bad is it, Ty? Tell me something. How bad, Ty? Where’s Bella? Was she hurt?

It was too real. I couldn’t talk anymore… I couldn’t talk about this.

They say it’s bad. I haven’t seen her. I don’t know anything. Oh, my God, I can’t live without her, Colt. Please get here. Find her mother. Just come as soon as you can.

I started to really get choked up and had to hang up and text him the information. They were hours away and I knew it could be too late when they did arrive.

Miranda was the best part of me. If she died, part of me would die.

I went to put my phone back in my pocket and heard doors in front of me crashing open. Two men in white surgical gear came out. They had on face shields and both of them were covered in blood from head to toe. They didn’t see me standing there, staring at all of the crimson.

“That was one of the worse cases.”

The other guy gave him a half smile. “You did everything you could to make it easier for her. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

The other guy agreed, “Yeah, I just hate to see them suffer. I couldn’t just leave her lying there alone. I had to stay until we had exhausted all of our options.”

As they walked further away, their words went with them. I took a few steps closer to where they came out of and just like it was planned, another man, covered in blood came walking out. As the doors swung, I saw what I feared from the moment I saw all of the blood on that first man. 

My wife lay motionless on the operating table.

God, please no! Please don’t take her.

Chapter 21

Ty

Apparently, where I had walked to make my phone calls was a prohibited area. The nurse, that had taken me to see Izzy, came and drug me out of there.

I caused a commotion. At one point, she even threatened to call security. I wasn’t about to leave my wife, not when I’d seen where she was. It took everything I had not to bust through those doors and take her hand.

The woman was pulling me down the hallway when I stopped her. “Wait! Please, just tell me if she’s still alive? I saw her on that table. I saw the blood.” I ran my hands through my hair. It killed me to say it out loud. “She didn’t look like she was breathing.” Tears rolled down my face. “Just tell me if I lost her?”

She put her hands on her hips and looked down to the ground, then back up to me. “I really don’t know her condition. If you come back to the NICU with me, I can try to find out more. Mr. Mitchell, I can’t imagine what you must be going through, and I do apologize that I don’t have all the answers. How about we bring your daughter in to meet her brothers? We aren’t normally supposed to let children her age in there, but they are the only babies right now and I am sure it would help both of you.”

I didn’t answer, but I nodded and followed behind her anyway. I’d imagined seeing my sons born for so many months and now they were here. I wanted to be thrilled that I had two twin boys and that they were going to be okay. I wanted to hold them in my arms and promise to love them forever, because I would love them forever, but all I could think about was Miranda. All I could see was her lying on that table, not moving.

A flutter of happiness lifted my spirits when I saw my daughter coming out of the room. She ran up toward me, stopping only because she rammed her body into mine. “Daddy, this lady say’s you are going to show me Jake and Jax.”

I looked up at the lady and she smiled. She began walking ahead of us. I reached out my hand for Iz. “She’s right. Are you ready to meet them?” I tried to focus on the kids, because if I broke down I would have to tell Iz about her mother. Since I didn’t know exactly what was going on, it was better I stayed quiet.  Izzy didn’t need to feel the way I was feeling. It was unbearable.

Seeing the twins for the second time was a happier experience, not like the first had been sad, it just wasn’t what I expected. Izzy walked through the room of nurses, holding my hand tight. As we approached the plastic bassinets where the boys were, she hesitated and stopped me from approaching them. I bent down to her height. “What’s wrong, Iz?”

“I don’t like this place.”

I pulled her toward the center of the aisle, in between the babies. “Don’t be afraid. The clear beds keep them safe and warm.”

A nurse came over and maneuvered the two boy’s bassinets to touch each other. I picked up Iz so that she could look down at both of them. I watched her expression as she studied both of the newborns. “Do they hurt?” She looked up at me with concerned eyes.

“No, the wires are giving them medicine and feeding them. They wouldn’t be sleeping if they were in pain.” I was hoping what I was saying was enough. I didn’t ever want to explain what my two sons had gone through to take their first breath. Both of them being born with collapsed lungs was horrific enough, but to explain it to someone who wasn’t yet five, was just too difficult.

“How come Mommy isn’t here? Baby Christian got to stay in the room with Aunt Van.”

I stared down at the boys and tried so hard not to cry in front of my daughter. “She’s just with the doctors, Sweetie. What do you think of these two handsome little guys?”

She shrugged and looked down at them. “Which one is Jake?”

I reached down and touched the bigger boys little fingers. “I was waiting for you to make the choice.” It wasn’t exactly the truth, but I needed the distraction. I had to do this, because if I really was losing Miranda, this responsibility was all on me. I had to be able to do all of this without her.

“It’s hard to choose, Daddy. Can you help me? I don’t want it to be wrong and Mommy be sad about it. She was really sad earlier today. I told her that you were sad too and that you loved her.”

She looked right at me and I felt like my barrier was shattering to pieces. My eyes burned with wetness, but I refused to blink, knowing tears would roll down my eyes. I couldn’t do this in front of Iz. I couldn’t let her see me so sad.

“Thank you for telling her. I’m glad she knows that. Mommy would never be mad at the name you choose. She will think it’s special because it’s from you.” I looked down at my beautiful sons; the sons that Miranda and I made together out of love. With one hand on one of the boys little hands and Izzy in my arms, the tears started to fall down my face. Thankfully, Izzy was too busy studying her brothers to see my initial burst of tears.

She pointed at the bigger of the two boys. “That’s Jake.”

“Are you sure, because if you change your mind later, they might get confused.”

She turned to give me a dirty look, but her grin changed as soon as she saw my face. Her little fingers reached up and wiped away the tears. “Daddy, are you sad because of Mommy?”

I nodded but couldn’t admit the words out loud.

“I’m sad too. They took me away from her. I could hear her crying at first. Maybe if she saw us she wouldn’t be so sad.”

The little miniature version of my wife looked up at me for answers, but I didn’t know what to tell her. Hell, it was like I was living the worst possible nightmare ever. I took my hand and moved away a piece of her light blonde hair. “We can’t see Mommy until the doctors are done helping her. For right now, we have to stay here with your brothers.”

Izzy watched my face change and I did my best to hide my fears from her. She turned back to her brothers. “Which one did I say was Jake?”

I knew which one she chose, but decided to test her. I pointed to the other baby. “I think this one.”

She shook her head and pointed to the other baby. “Daddy! This is Jake,” Then she looked toward the other newborn. “And that is Jax.”

“Are you sure?”

She nodded her head and giggled. I loved that she didn’t understand how serious our situation was. I never wanted any of my children to feel this pain. My heart ached for my wife and as much as I enjoyed being there with my three children, I couldn’t take my mind from going back to be with Miranda.

“Yes, I’m sure, but what happens when we go home and mix them up?”

I focused on making my daughter smile.
Focus on Izzy. Don’t think about Miranda lying there alone.

“Maybe we should get them tattoos?”

“Daddy! You can’t tattoo a baby, silly.”

“Why not?”

I put her down and when she put her hands on her hips, I mimicked her. “Because you can’t!”

I threw my hands in the air. “Well then I guess we won’t ever know who is who.”

She got on her tippy toes and looked at both boys. I could tell she was trying really hard to find something that wasn’t similar. Both boys had a head of dark hair, which made me smile knowing it came from me. They both had grayish eyes, which I knew wouldn’t change to a permanent color until they got a few months old. They both had ten fingers and toes and seemed identical in every way. I remember thinking back to when we found out we were having twins and how I joked that my sperm was so powerful I’d made two instead of one.

I reached down and brushed the smallest boy’s cheek. “We’ll be able to tell because we love them so much. We will always know.”

“Can we take them home now? I think they want to see their room and sleep in their cribs instead of these.” Iz knocked on the plastic causing little Jax to jump. She put her hand over her face to hide her embarrassment.

The nurse came walking toward us. She leaned down and touched the plastic. “Try not to knock on these, they are loud to the babies and we wouldn’t want to make them cry.” She patted Iz on the head and threw her a smile before giving me her attention.

“I was wondering if you’d like to hold them.”

Without hesitation, I grabbed Izzy’s shoulders and squeezed them. “Only if she can hold them too.”

The nurse cocked her eyebrow, but nodded and grabbed Iz and I both a chair. By the time we had sat down, another nurse was getting the boys out, one at a time. Now, I’d held Izzy when she was first born. I felt the excitement of that experience and what it was like to watch her take her first breath. I’d missed that part with my sons, but there was nothing I could do about it. From the moment little Jax was tucked into my arms, I felt that same rush of happiness as I felt with Iz. She sat with her arms out, waiting for Jake to be placed in hers. I saw her look up at me and smile.

“You okay, Iz?”

She nodded and focused on her brother being put in her arms. We were sitting side by side and both of us looked from one baby to the other. “This is cool.”

Jax opened his eyes wide; like he could see me even though I knew; he was too young to focus. I’d read that they could recognize voices, so I pulled the baby up to my lips and kissed his forehead. “I love you little Jax. Daddy’s here and I’m never going anywhere.”

The nurse, who was standing over Iz like she was going to drop her brother, helped her lift her brother’s head to her lips so she could kiss him like I had done. “I love you Jake.” She looked up at me. “Can we switch now?”

Truthfully, I wasn’t ready to let go of Jax, but I wanted to hold Jake too. I realized that I would now need three arms to hold my three kids, so that none of them had to go without or wait in line. I wanted them to always have me there for them. They needed to know they could count on me through the good and even the bad.

As the nurse switched the babies, I kissed Jake for the first time. His soft little skin smelled like a normal baby, but as my lips lingered over his little cheek, I thought about him being inside of Miranda. His little heart beat because of her. His perfect skin reminded me of hers and I looked up at the nurse, unable to wait a single second longer. “I don’t care what I have to do, but please, I need to see her. I don’t care if it is through a piece of glass, just let me be close to her.”

“Daddy, are you going to see Mommy? I want to go.”

I shook my head. “You need to stay here and help watch your brothers for a little while. Are you up for your first babysitting job?” I tried to make it sound interesting enough that she wouldn’t ask questions. I shouldn’t have just blurted out about seeing Miranda, but I couldn’t take it anymore.

Izzy was a good little girl and with the help of another nurse, she agreed to stay and make sure the women knew what her brothers needed. At least they laughed about her attitude while we were walking out.

I had no idea where the nurse was taking me; in fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if they took me and sedated me until I could calm down. One minute I was calm and the next I was demanding things that were above and beyond their jobs. Hospitals implemented rules for reasons, but my wife’s life trumped every rule.

I had to see her. She needed to know I wasn’t ever going to leave her. I needed her to be alive so we could be a family. I needed her to live because imagining living one second without her made me want to die myself. Every time I thought about it, I felt like someone was kicking me in the chest, taking all of the oxygen out of my lungs.

My body was shaking more with each step. Sweat was running down my temples, but I was cold. My head pounded and the bright hospital lights made me squint. I was petrified of my wife’s fate. I was afraid that when the nurse stopped the door would read ‘morgue’, instead of ‘OR’.

Miranda was the most fascinating human being that I’d ever known. My heart belonged to her heart. There was never a second in our relationship where I questioned our future. We were meant to be together, I believed that with everything I had.

I just had to know either way. I needed to know whether I was going to have to raise three children by myself, or with the love of my life.

It wasn’t too much to ask, it was everything.

“You can’t be in the room, Mr. Mitchell. The closest I can get you is through the window and you aren’t supposed to even be in there, due to the severity of the situation.”  She led me through doors that we needed a pass code for. “Stay in here. Please don’t knock on the window. I will come back and check on you soon.”

She went to walk away, but I grabbed her by the arm. "Wait! Please don’t leave. I don’t know if I can look at her. What if she’s….?” I couldn’t say it.

The window was covered by a mini-blind. The nurse walked over and started opening it. “I can hear the beeping of her heart on the monitor. Your wife is a fighter. She’s been in surgery for over two hours and she is still with us.” Before I looked up, I took a few deep breaths. “This room is for cesareans. Families can watch from a distance and not interfere with the surgery.  Most of what they are doing isn’t in view from this window, but at least you can see her.”

When I opened my eyes, I saw the medical team surrounding the table where my wife lay. Wires were hooked to her arms and I could see a bag of blood hanging that was being forced into Miranda through an IV. Behind that was a monitor showing her heart rate. I placed my hand on the glass and took my actual first look at my wife.

She was alive.

I knew she wasn’t out of the woods, but the fact that I could see her breathing, helped me so much. For the past few hours, I did nothing but think she was gone. I rested my head on the glass and let out my first breath of relief. “I’m here, baby.” I closed my eyes and imagined being in there holding her hand. It didn’t matter that a nurse was standing behind me. I didn’t care about anything, but my wife.