The Misadventures of the Laundry Hag: All Washed Up: (Book 3 in the Misadventures of the Laundry Hag series) (19 page)

Chapter Nineteen

 “Grants and Greys and ghosts, oh my!” Leo sing-songed. He was in the middle of happy hour, all by his lonesome self, with a whiskey-based concoction he called a Seething Jealousy. His slurred speech and irreverent words, plus the fact that he was off tune—which would have horrified him if he were sober—clued me in to the fact that the cocktail in his hand wasn’t his first. “It is alliteration gone wild in the wonderful land of Oz!”

 “What’s wrong with him?” Sylvia furrowed her delicate brow.

 “I think I broke Leo,” I mock whispered. Stupid laundry hag. Never should have talked crazy killers with him.

 “What did you do?” Neil asked.

 “I drew on the wall and bounced a few ideas off him.”

 “Don’t you worry about Leo,” Leo said with a salute of his drink. He took a healthy slug and then gestured out at the river. “Leo is just fucking fabulous.”

 “I’ve never heard him swear before,” Sylvia said in wonder.

 “Leo.” I put a hand on the arm. “You need to slow down. Have you had anything to eat?”

 He snatched his arm away, obviously afraid I’d take his drink out of his hand. “Eat? What’s the point in cooking? No one eats here.”

 “Sure we do,” I soothed. “We love your cooking.”

 “She doesn’t,” he spat at Sylvia as though the words were coated in poison. “Nothing I make is good enough for her.”

 Sylvia’s jaw dropped open. I couldn’t blame her. Where the hell had the animosity come from?

 There was no use talking to a drunken man, especially one in a confrontational mood. “Neil, get him a glass of water and scrounge up something for him to eat. Sylvia, grab his diabetic test kit out of his bag. All this alcohol can’t be good for him.”

 “Yes, Sylvia, scurry off like the good little girl you are,” Leo sneered.

 I waited until the two of them had vanished into the depths of the house. “You are being a jackass.”

 He narrowed his eyes on me. “I’m just calling it like I see it.”

 “Okay, what the hell is wrong with you all of a sudden? I thought you liked Sylvia.”

 He fidgeted and looked away, mumbling something incoherent.

 “Try it at a level people can hear.”

 “I said,” he enunciated, “I liked her just fine until she took my place.”

 “Your place?” I frowned, not understanding.

 Color flooded his face, though I couldn’t tell if that was from embarrassment or overindulgence. “With you. She’s your BFF now. Admit it.”

 “Huh?”

 “You asked her to join your business. You never asked me.”

 “Because you already have a job,” I said slowly. “Leo, we’re not in fifth grade and you know I can have more than one friend at a time. What is this really about?”

 He zoned out at the water. I folded my arms over my breasts and stared him down, the same way I did with the boys.

 He sighed. “It’s Hilda.”

 Now I was really lost. “Hilda? The Grey’s housekeeper?”

 “No, the Phillips’ former housekeeper. I’m turning into her.”

 Sometimes having a conversation with Leo was like pulling teeth from a sleeping grizzly—time consuming and could end with one’s head bitten clean off. I put my hands on my hips and dug in. “I swear, Leo, you better tell me straight out what exactly got you in this state or so help me—”

 “I’m being replaced!” he shouted. “Is that clear enough for you?”

 I blinked. “That is cra—”

He wagged a finger in my face. “Don’t tell me I’m crazy. You’ve seen them do it before, to Hilda! They found somebody better and BAM! That bitch was gone, do not pass go, do not collect $200.00.”

I refrained from pointing out that he was the somebody better, sure he wouldn’t appreciate that in his current mood.

“Did you know they have a new guy in the kitchen? In
my
kitchen! Laura calls him my sous chef but we both know he’s my replacement. That’s why I’m here making myself useful and ‘supervising.’” He made air quotes around the word, such a Leo gesture.

 “But what happens when this place is finished? I’ll tell you what, they don’t need me anymore.”

Tears glistened in his eyes and he turned away so I couldn’t see if they fell. Both Neil and Sylvia stood in the doorway with the items I’d requested, but I waved them away. He needed privacy more than anything else.

We sat for a time, just us and the sound of the river. I gave him space but finally I said, “You know I’m the first one to believe Laura is up to no good. But I think in this instance, she wants you here because she trusts you to oversee this project.”

A sniffle.

“Leo, look. Laura isn’t delicate or subtle. If she was going to can you she’d just come out with both barrels loaded for bear and fire away. The fact that she didn’t tells me she has no intention of letting you go.”

He opened his mouth to protest but I bulldozed over the top of him. “And even if she did, well, then I want you to come work with me.”

His eyebrows rose. “Really?”

“Truly. And that sous chef of theirs? He’s nowhere near the chef you are. Neil didn’t even finish the meal. Ask him if you don’t believe me.”

He grinned. “That’s why you’re my BFF.”

“Good. Now, go check your damn blood sugar, drink some fricking water and eat something, for crying out loud.”

“You’re sexy when you’re bossy,” he said with a grin.

“Isn’t she though?” Neil asked, reappearing with the glass and plate, which he handed to Leo.

“I’ve had plenty of practice. Go on with you now,” I said. After a beat I added, “No, I really mean it.”

 Leo downed the glass of water and picked up a cracker slathered with peanut butter, a Neil specialty. My husband was a terrific cook, he just didn’t enjoy it the way Leo and I did. To Neil, food was fuel and what was the point in fussing when you could be doing something productive?

“Okay. I’ll make dinner tonight,” I announced.

Leo moved to set his plate aside. “I can do it.”

“Not until you test your blood sugar and the levels are good. And apologize to Sylvia for being a mondo douchebag.”

“Fine, Mom.” Leo did a great imitation of Marty in mocking my mommy voice.

“It’s all good.” Sylvia stepped out onto the porch, grace personified. “We’re all under a great deal of stress.”

If it had been anybody else, I would have responded with a
No shit, Sherlock
, but she’d already taken enough flack for one night.

Instead I asked her, “Do you know anyone who can perform hypnosis?”

She nodded. “I can. Why?”

Neil rolled his eyes. “So she can prove me wrong.”

Oh ye of little faith. “In my head I see a ghost, but her features are indistinct. It happened so fast and everything is blurry. Neil insists she was real though. If you can hypnotize me back to the moment I saw her and keep me there long enough, I can describe her. And Leo can draw her. Then we’ll have a sketch and a description to bring to Sheriff Ruiz.”

Sylvia beamed. “That’s a fantastic idea. I’ll get my crystal.” She dashed back into the house before I could stop her.

Leo groaned. “Right now, I doubt I could draw a straight line with a ruler.”

I caged my impatience, since he didn’t have the market completely cornered on being a neurotic mess. “I know, hon. Just hang out. We can do it later.”

Neil followed me inside. “Do you really think she’ll be able to hypnotize you?

I was a skeptic at the best of times, which this venture certainly wasn’t. However, I had nothing else to go on. “It’s worth a shot, right?”

“A wild shot in the dark. As ridiculous plans go, this one takes the cake.”

“You’re just jealous you didn’t think of it.” I pulled a pot from under the sink and filled it with water. “Don’t just stand there being all brooding and sexy-like. Make yourself useful.”

He grunted, one of those indistinct masculine sounds that you need a Y chromosome to translate. “What are we having?”

“Vegetarian chili.”

“I’m sorry I asked.”

After dinner, which both Sylvia and Leo ate but Neil did not, Leo snagged his sketchbook from the car. We sat out on the porch again and the river added a pleasant white noise lull. I reclined on the chaise lounge with my feet up. If this didn’t work, at least I was in prime position to nap.

“Try to relax one muscle at a time. Take deep, cleansing breaths.” She inhaled in a slow rhythm, demonstrating what she wanted me to do.

She held up a clear crystal with a pinkish tinge on a thin silver chain. “Now, keep your gaze on the crystal.”

I half expected her to swing it back and forth like a pendulum but instead she twirled it like a yo-yo on a string. It spun lazily, first clockwise, then counter-clockwise. She didn’t say anything, no
you are getting sleepy
or any of that nonsense, she just twirled away. I could sense Neil and Leo nearby, even though they didn’t turn a hair. The only sound was the steady drone of the river and the slow beat of my heart. My eyelids grew heavy and I didn’t struggle, just let them droop….

Chapter Twenty

The next thing I was aware of was someone clapping. Not like applause, more the sharp reprimand of a mother to a small child. I jerked awake and Neil was there with a hand on my shoulder.

“What happened?” I asked.

“Sorry,” Sylvia said. “I know the clapping is too abrupt, but I can’t snap. I tried to do it softer but you didn’t respond.”

I blinked. “It worked then?”

Neil answered my question with one of his own. “You don’t remember?”

“Just the crystal spinning.”

“That was a full twenty minutes ago.” He handed me a glass of water.

I struggled to sit up straighter and took it. Leo sat on the end of the chaise, pencil flying. Hope surged in my chest. “Did I give you anything to work with?”

He ignored me, intent on the drawing.

Sylvia beamed, clearly pleased with herself. “I was worried there for a minute. You’re very strong-willed, but you didn’t resist at all.”

I decided to take that as a compliment. “It probably helped that I was ready for a nap anyhow.”

“How do you feel now?”

I took a quick inventory. “Good, actually. Better than I have since before the car accident.”

Neil got up and moved to look over Leo’s shoulder. “Holy shit,” he breathed.