The Misadventures of Daria Pigwidgeon (15 page)

I don’t even bother turning away to go upstairs for privacy. I simply fall to the cold hard cement that makes the floor of the garage. Feeling as though nothing makes sense, not before, not now, or not ever again, I cry for a stupid girl that can never find piece. The sobs come as I hunch over myself and they don’t subside even when I curl into a ball. Never have I ever felt so helpless. Not even growing up. Not like this. The tears stop at some point, but I couldn’t really say when. All I know is that I somehow managed to walk myself up the stairs, go into my apartment, seek out my bed, and crash into a pitiful sleep.

One thing keeps whispering in my mind. That after I recover, and that’s really an if, I won’t let myself feel this way ever again.

I won’t. I can’t.

It hurts too much.

***

Time seems to slow down (or speed up depending on how you look at it) after that night. The night that I don’t let myself think about or even want to think about. I basically move on autopilot, not really caring much about what’s going on around me. Things and people blur as I go from day to day. I must seem like something wounded, or someone that doesn’t want to be bothered, because no one attempts to break the wall I put around myself. No one but Ashley, but that’s not for a while yet.

After that night, I stayed in bed for a couple of days, not doing anything. All my hard work at being something more than a thin frame goes right down the toilet. I don’t know what got me out of bed, maybe it was hunger pains, but whatever it was I did move eventually. That’s when I became the queen of avoidance. It felt like an absolute need to not see him again. This would have been a lot harder, given that he lives right next door and is (was) my ride to school, but it seems he became the king of avoidance.

I made sure I was up before everyone (mainly the Harris’s) and out the door headed for school before anyone would even show up at the garage. At school, I kept my head down and hunched over myself, begging that no one would talk to me. I could have made this easier, what with my memory block and all, but I couldn’t find the strength to use it. What’s the point anyway? I’m clearly already forgotten.

At work, I only managed enough life to enter me so that I could function and not get fired. I smiled on cue, and replied when I had to, but I wasn’t really there. Toby, for all his niceness, tried to break the wall down. But after a while, he must have realized it wasn’t going to happen. Not that it stopped him from having one way conversations with me though. So I guess that’s something, at least, he cared enough to try. It just didn’t do any good, nothing could.

I lived and breathed this way for almost an entire month, and no one tried to confront me (or snap me out of it). Thankfully, I never saw Chance (not that I ever looked for him, what with my head being a permanent fixture against my chest), and I only ever saw Ashley at lunch in school. She would try to include me in conversation like Toby. Like him, she figured nothing was going to get me to open up, but it didn’t stop her. I was hollow inside and I liked it that way. But, like most things, it eventually came to an end.

It was a cold late October day, when Ashley finally had enough of me being lost to wallowing self-pity. It was apparent from the way she slammed her tray onto the table, when she sat beside me at lunch. I didn’t even flinch. I did however, when she pinched me. I don’t acknowledge her though, and it’s funny that my inner Taser didn’t even come to life. I guess I really am dead inside. It makes sense. At least something does. But then she pinches me again, and again, and again, until I finally glare up at her.

She is glaring too.

“Oh I’m sorry. Did I bother your quiet time?” She says in a huff.

I want to say ‘yeah actually, you kind of did’, but I stay silent. My glare softens, and I can feel myself slipping back into myself. But she slams her hand on the table, causing me jump, and practically everyone else around us. We get looks. She gets looks. I get looks. My glare returns, and a warm wash of anger along with it tries to fill me up.

She smiles.

“Good. You are alive. That’s something at least.”

The cold numbness inside begins to tamper off, and leaves in its place the warmth of anger. I can’t help feeling confused, like I’m just waking up and have no idea what’s going on. Everything is alive with color and light, that it stings my eyes. Or maybe that’s just frustrated tears that want to spill. I bit the inside of my cheek to stop from doing that though, I won’t cry ever again (or in the public of the school cafeteria).

I continue to glare at Ashley. It helps to have something to focus on, and she is as good as anything. Plus, my arm stings from where she repeatedly pinched me. I try to appear menacing, and maybe a little vicious, but it’s all lost on the smile she continues to give me.

With a spark in her eyes, she says “I really pissed you off didn’t I?”

I seethe. She laughs.

“Well good kitten, because all this sullen business was getting tedious. And besides, I have something to share with you, and it would be nice if you really heard me.”

She waits half a second before continuing, only when it’s obvious I’m not going to do anything but glare at her.

“See, here’s the thing Daria. You’re not the only one wallowing in self-pity. Someone else, that I also see every day who doesn’t see me, has been pretty depressing to live with.” Her eyes go wide trying to imprint some know how on me. When nothing happens, she continues with a huff.

“Look, Chance is just as upset as you are. I don’t know what happened, but I know something did. Am I right? Well you both need to snap the hell out of it. It’s really annoying. He’s coming around, slightly, and you need to too. So what do you say? Good time for a change of heart?”

My glare softens, into something that closely resembles that of a frightened animal. She’s really trying to snap me out of this, this something, because her brother is coming around and she wants us to get over it? I highly doubt she’d be doing this if she actually knew what happened. Not that I’m going to be the one to tell her. And why oh why does the thought of Chance make me shiver in remembrance? I’d rather forget everything, and I was doing so well at it too.

Or I was anyways.

I shift my gaze away from Ashley and stare at my untouched food. The feeling like I’ve just woken up is still strong, and I have and even stronger feeling suddenly. I just know that now that I’m awake, I won’t be able to go back to my safe place. It should scare me, but it doesn’t. In a way, Ashley is right, it’s been long enough. I can’t stay hidden in myself forever, because if I do, what’s the point in living? I’ve come too far and been through too much to really give up like that.

Especially, over a boy with too pretty eyes that can’t stand to be around me, even after he (gulp) kisses me. It’s just as well I suppose, even if he makes something inside me burn, it wouldn’t end well anyways. As much as I’d like to forget, I’m still a demon, soul or no. That little thing can’t mean anything to humans. Maybe that’s the cause for all this drama? Maybe I’m like a love repellant or something. It’s laughable, but I have to think it does make sense, in a way.

Like everything else in my life, I’m simply cursed.

Satisfied that she snapped me out of it just a little, Ashley lays off a little. She goes right into telling me of her adventures with Jesse the surfer boy, things that I apparently missed. She is in mid-storytelling, when I glance at her with a half-smile.

“Thank you Ash.” I say softly.

Her head whips in my direction and nothing comes out of her mouth for a moment, beside a breathy surprise.

I smile for real as I say, “I mean it, thank you. Your right, I’ve been asleep long enough.”

She grins and makes this girly squeal as she wraps me in a half-hug. I keep myself oh so still, I might be waking up, but contact is still new. I can’t stop the flinch I make, but she doesn’t notice.

“Does that mean you and Chance might finally suck it up and talk again? Please tell me you will. I can’t stand another awkward car ride with him. He’s been so moody.” She tells me in an excited breathy voice.

I laugh nervously, it feels like something foreign.

“I wouldn’t go that far.” I say.

Her excitement dims some, but she disregards my nervousness and goes right back into telling me about her and Jesse. She acts like I just gave her the moon or something, and in a way, I guess I did. As an innocent bystander, I’m sure the last month has been just as weird for her. Not by much, since she’s been busy with a certain surfer boy, but enough that feel guilty for pushing her away.

Not guilty enough to agree to talking to Chance again. I don’t think I can ever do that. Or ride in his car with him again. Some things take longer than others, and that little bit will take me a while to get over. I’m game for trying to be as normal as possible, but not for forgetting that night. I can never forget that night.

And for all the good and bad, I don’t want to.

I could still do with avoiding him though. Who knows what will happen if I see or hear him? I’m thinking sparks will fly like the fourth of July, and not in a good way. Unfortunately, some things come with no longer being the queen of avoidance. Like seeing a certain blue eyed boy I’d rather not see. But that’s not until later.

When I’m least expecting it. You know the usual scenario.

It turns out, I really was out of it for about a month because it’s the second to the last Friday of the month, and Halloween is just a week away. And coincidently my seventeenth birthday is fast approaching too. Not that I really have a care about that little bit of news. I’ve never really been a fan of birthdays, especially my own. I’m sure my family has something to do with that, and when have they ever not?

My dislike for the day devoted to my pretty much started at birth and never really dissipated. I suppose there wasn’t anything so traumatizing that happened on any specific birthday. It was more a lack there off. While my sister Riana got all the fixings like a party, cake, presents, and recognition. I got nada. Zilch, zip, absolutely nothing that even closely resembled that of a birthday wish at all. Not that I’m really complaining. It’s a good thing they forgot about me.

It just sucks for a girl to turn sweet sixteen and get nothing out of it.

Well, that’s not true. I did finally come to my senses and get the heck out of that house. That’s something at least. Not completely sure I got a trade up yet, but at least there hasn’t been any attempts on my life (just my feelings) so that’s a slight step up. Regardless, I’m not that thrilled to be turning another year older, or to be having my birthday the day after Halloween.

Yup, I was totally born after the day where the dead supposedly come back through some sort of veil for one night. It’s not a proven fact or anything, more like a myth, even to my family. Who knew right? Demons not believing in something, that’s talked about so often. It’s kind of like vampires not believing in werewolves, not that either of those exist, because they don’t. If they did, I’d so be out looking for a buff werewolf to call my own.

But, as it is, I’m not looking forward to something that’s getting closer. The only thing I’m looking forward to, is getting closer to work and getting off my feet, that and getting my paycheck. A girl kind of needs rent money. The only nice thing about walking today (and it’s not the cold let me tell you) is all the trees have mostly shed their multicolored leaves. The sidewalks and yards are filled with the debris, and it looks so beautiful to me. That and the awesome Halloween decorations some of these people have up.

Minus one that I’m sure passes for a demon (but closely resembles E.T.).

By the time I walk in through the front door at work, my nose is running, my fingers are frozen, and my feet hurt, but it all feels great. I’m not numb anymore. And I want to keep it that way. I must have looked different, because as soon as Toby saw me, his face lit up like a Christmas tree. A blushing one, anyway.

“Is she back then?” He asks me while I discard my hoody in the back room.

I smirk at this and try not to take offense. He’s right. I have been away. Mentally mostly, but still.

“Yeah, she’s back.” I say as I turn back to him with my visor in hand. “Did I miss anything interesting?”

Smiling, he shuffles his feet awkwardly. I just know he’s trying to play it cool, what though, I have no idea.

Maybe just talking to me?

“Oh you know, just the usual riffraff that come in here, nothing big.”

I grin at him, and it feels nice to do it too. Just like Ashley, he’s not demanding to know what made me hide within myself. He simply took it for what it was, me needing space. And now, takes me back with no questions asked. Is that what friendship is? If it is, I like it.

Slipping my visor over my head and minding the knot there, I say “Oh good. I have no problem avoiding riffraff.”

He blushes, smiles some more, and looks like he wants to say something else. Then the bell over the door jingles, and makes him rush back out front. I shake my head at his retreating form. After keeping my head down for so long, I actually forgot how big Toby was. He’d be kind of intimidating, if it weren’t for the blush that constantly tries to hide behind his glasses. He’s a welcome fixture to my now awakened non numbing life though. He’s safe.

That’s what I keep replaying in my head for most of my shift. I don’t need someone who makes my body feel like it’s on fire. Or someone who can make my emotions feel like they’re on the craziest roller coaster ride. No, I don’t need those things. And who would? Probably a normal girl, but that’s not me. It’s hard enough just getting by, I can’t be brought down by a boy with pretty eyes.

I can’t. I won’t.

Of course, like most best laid plans they’re easy to follow through, as long as all participants you know participate. This is something I probably should have considered. Given earlier, I did have a slight warning, one that I didn’t see coming obviously. After all, if I knew, I’d be hiding in the back room. Rather than ringing out an older couple at the counter. Because that is just where I want to run too, when the bell over the door sounds another customer. A customer that stands tall with his lean body, and crystal clear blue eyes.