The Misadventure of Shelrock Holmes (16 page)

I could not believe my ears, although at the time I said nothing about it to my father. Such a coincidence stretched credence far beyond the breaking point. It was inconceivable, as you will be the first to agree, that two James Phillimores should spring

1 THE CASE-BOOK OF SHERLOCK HOLMES; London, Murray, 1927; New York, Doran, 1927.

THE DISAPPEARANCE OF MR. JAMES PHILLIMORE

up fifty years apart, that they should both go bac\ into their houses for an umbrella? and that they should then disappear as if from the face of the earth — inconceivable that there should be no connection between the two men and the two situations. Naturally, I went to wor\ on the case despite my handicap of confinement to bed with a cold. But all through . my investigation one part of my brain was trying to reconcile the inconceivable with the conceivable. And after I had solved the case, I made an entirely different inquiry —I tried to discover the connection between the James Phillimore of London in the closing years of the iqth Century and the James Phillimore of New Yor{ in the early years of the fifth decade of the 20th Century. And I found it!

My James Phillimore proved to be the grandson of yours (you will recall that the Phillimore family migrated to America after your brush with them). I found evidence that Grandson James had access to certain old records of his grandfather, your adversary, and that, when the occasion arose in his own lifetime, he duplicated the technique of his grandfather's disappearance!

Consequently, my solution of the case must bear a close parallel to the facts of the grandfather's disappearance — it may even be, although I hesitate to push the claim forward, that I was fortunate enough to succeed in exactly the situation in which you, the great master of us all, failed.

In any event, I gave the facts to the world in a radio broadcast. It may be that you were not tuned in that evening — there are so many detective-story programs, and you must be heartily sicJ^ of them. If you did not hear the modern version of the disappearance of Mr. James Phillimore, here is the full story as I unfolded it that night on the air.

Could you possibly arrange to write me your comments?

Respectfully yours,

ELLERY QUEEN

P.S. If you should honor me by writing, would you mind making sure that your letter is not signed in your name by some ethereal secretary, or even by Dr. Watson? I should ap-

THE DISAPPEARANCE OF MR. JAMES PHILLIMORE

predate very much having a genuine Sherloct^ Holmes autograph — and a photograph ij you've had one fallen recently.

E. Q.

The Characters

MR. JAMES PHILLIMORE >,;,-.;. who disappears

BIGGS . . ;,-:;,; , .j,,.r/ . r/ ,. his man

COAL MAN briefly

TELEGRAPH MESSENGER . . . briefly

NIKKI PORTER TLllery's secretary

INSPECTOR QUEEN .... TLllery's father

SERGEANT VELIE .... the Inspector's subordinate

ELLERY QUEEN who solves a difficult case,

perforce, on his bac\ and

SHERLOCK. HOLMES . . . present in spirit only

The Scenes

The Queen Apartment — Mr. Phillimore's House SCENE i: The Queen Apartment

(ELLERY is in bed with a cold. NIKKI is firmly ministering to him.) NIKKI: Drink the rest of your orange juice, Ellery.

ELLERY: But Nikki, I don't want orange juice. I want to get out of bed. (He has a coughing spell)

NIKKI: With that cough? Drink it.

ELLERY : Nikki, it's just a cold — and we've got a lot of work to do on my novel —

NIKKI: You're staying in bed, Mr. Queen, until you stop coughing. You can dictate from bed.

ELLERY: (Grumpily) All right. Get your notebook.

NIKKI: Never knew a man yet who didn't act like a puppy with a sore nose when he was sick. (Door opens off) Inspector?

92 THE DISAPPEARANCE OF MR. JAMES PHILLIMORE

INSPECTOR: Yes, Nikki. How's the sick man? (£LLERY coughs) Say,

that's a bad cough, son —

NIKKI: And he wants to get out of bed, Inspector! INSPECTOR: (Grimly) Oh, he does ? Well, he's not going to. (Chuckles)

It's a shame, too.

ELLERY: What's a shame? What are you looking so gay about, Dad? INSPECTOR: It's a great day, son. Yes, sir! I've got a rendezvous with Velie to close the book on the career of a bird who should have been in jail years ago. ELLERY: Who's that, Dad? INSPECTOR: Little Jim. ELLERY: Little Jim? (Groans) NIKKI: Who is Little Jim, Inspector?

INSPECTOR: James Phillimore, Nikki— The 20 Per Cent King. ELLERY : And I have to be laid up! I'm getting out of —

INSPECTOR: You're staying right where you are. (Wieldly) We were tipped off that Little Jim made a reservation on this morning s plane to South America. So I threw a squad around his house last night and we'll grab Mr. Phillimore when he leaves with that satchel full of John Q. Public's dough.

NIKKI: What's his racket, Inspector?

INSPECTOR: He "invests" your money for you. Guarantees 20 per cent interest.

NIKKI: But how can he keep paying 20 per cent?

ELLERY: It's very simple, Nikki. Little Jim takes your $100, pays out $20 — that leaves him $80.

NIKKI: But Ellery, he can't do that indefinitely!

INSPECTOR: There's always a fresh crop of suckers, Nikki. The new money keeps paying off the old interest.

NIKKI: But eventually a lot of people must want all their money back.

THE DISAPPEARANCE OF MR. JAMES PHILLIMORE 93

ELLERV : When that unhappy moment comes, Nikki, Little Jim packs up the remaining assets and departs hastily for cooler climes. Same old story, Dad. Remember William F. Miller and his "Franklin Syndicate" in 1899?

INSPECTOR: Yep. Well, this time Little Jim waited too long. So we're going to recover the sucker money and wrap Mr. James Phillimore up for immediate delivery to the DA. Nikki, take care of Ellery.

NIKKI: I will, Inspector. (INSPECTOR exits)

ELLERY: Blast it. ... Dad! Let me know how you make out!

SCENE 2: Exterior of the Phillimore House

(SERGEANT VELIE is s\ul\ing behind a bush. INSPECTOR QUEEN approaches surreptitiously?)

VELIE: Hi, Inspector.

INSPECTOR: Morning, Velie. How goes it?

VELIE: Smooth as a baby's neck, Inspector. Not a soul's left the house since we checked Little Jim in last night. I've been watchin' from the front gate here. Huh . . . Here comes Little Jim now!

INSPECTOR : Marching out of his front door with his black bag, cocky as an Irish cop. Down, Velie! Let him walk right into the arms of the law.

VELIE: What a runt.

INSPECTOR: Five-foot-one of pure cussedness. Wait a minute — why's he stopped ? What's he looking up at the sf(y for?

VELIE: (Intently) Says to himself: "Looks like rain. So I'll turn around and go back into the house for an umbrella — " and there he goes, Inspector!

INSPECTOR: Where, Velie? I've lost him under that portico in front of the door! Let's get closer — I want to make sure he doesn't pull a sneak. (They hurry towards the house, dodging from bush to bush)

94 THE DISAPPEARANCE OF MR. JAMES PHILLIMORE

VELIE: That little twerp is li'ble to pull anything. There he is, In-

pector! See him now? INSPECTOR: Yeah. Back into the house. (Front door slams} We'll

wait right here, Velie, till he comes out again. Got to nab him with

that bag on him. VELIE: Inspector, if Little Jim gets outa this house without us or the

boys spotting him, he ain't a fraud artist — he's a magician!

SCENE 3: Same, Fifteen Minutes Later

(INSPECTOR QUEEN paces in front of the Phillimore house restlessly. SERGEANT VELIE appears from the side driveway.)

INSPECTOR: Well, Velie? What do the men say?

VELIE: They say nobody's left the house, Inspector. So Little Jim's still inside.

INSPECTOR: Fifteen minutes to get an umbrella? Use your head, Velie! Phillimore spotted us — he's up to something. I'm not waiting any longer! (They run to the front door) Ring that bell, Velie!

VELIE: (Rings bell} I tell ya, Inspector, it's O.K. (Door opens) Uh, uh. Who's this beanpole ?

BIGGS: (A very tall thin man) Yes, sir?

INSPECTOR: Where's Little Jim?

BIGGS: Beg pardon, sir?

INSPECTOR: James Phillimore! Where is he?

BIGGS: Oh. Mr. Phillimore is not here, sir.

VELIE: Now, listen, Daddy Longlegs, Little Jim came outa here fifteen minutes ago, ducked right back in — and he ain't been out since.

INSPECTOR: I'm Inspector Queen of Police Headquarters. Quit stalling! Where's Phillimore ?

BIGGS: But you must be mistaken, sir. Mr. Phillimore did leave fifteen minutes ago, but I didn't see him return —

THE DISAPPEARANCE OF MR. JAMES PHILLIMORE 95

INSPECTOR: Well, we did. Velie, search the house. I'll wait here in the foyer with this man.

VELIE: (Going) Phillimore's last stand, huh? Play in' hard to get — (He disappears up the front staircase)

INSPECTOR: So you're covering up for him. Who are you? BIGGS: Mr. Phillimore's man, sir, Jonathan Biggs, sir.

INSPECTOR: (Chuckling) Quite a team, aren't you? Phillimore's a five-footer and you're six foot four, Mr. Biggs, if you're an inch.

BIGGS: Yes, sir. Mr. Phillimore wouldn't engage anyone but a very tall person. He's so sensitive about his height, sir.

INSPECTOR: Yes, these little guys cause all the trouble.

BIGGS: I wouldn't know about that, ; sir. But Mr. Phillimore gets furious if you refer to him as "little." That's why he wears a beard, sir. (Confidentially) I believe it makes him feel bigger and more masterful.

INSPECTOR: Well, he'll get a quick trim in Sing Sing. (Calling) Velie! What's taking you so long?

VELIE: (From upstairs) I guess Jimmy-boy wants to play peekaboo, Inspector!

INSPECTOR: I'll peekaboo him. Biggs, why's it so cold in this house? Run out of oil-ration coupons?

BIGGS: Oh, no, sir. We burn coal.

INSPECTOR: Then why don't you burn some? The temperature here would discourage an Eskimo.

BIGGS: I was about to go down to the cellar, sir, when you arrived. We're expecting a coal delivery this morning — I was going to put the last few shovelsful in the furnace . . .

INSPECTOR: Don't let me keep you. But come right back. (Bices leaves) Brr. (Calling) Velie, how long does it take to find one man in one house?

VELIE: (From upstairs) You tell me, Inspector! I'm still lookin'I

96 THE DISAPPEARANCE OF MR. JAMES PHILLIMORE

SCENE 4: Interior, Phillimore House, Later

(INSPECTOR QUEEN is still in the foyer; BIGGS has returned from the cellar. SERGEANT VELIE appears, shading his head.}

INSPECTOR: What's the matter, Velie? Where's Little Jim?

VELIE: Inspector, I'm baffled.

BIGGS: I told you, sir —Mr. Phillimore isn't here.

INSPECTOR: Then you didn't cover everything, Velie.

VELIE: Izzat so? I looked my eyes out! Every room.

INSPECTOR: Velie, I'm in no mood for gags.

VELIE: (Hotly) Who's gaggin'? I'm not gaggin', Inspector. He ain't

here.

INSPECTOR: Did you look in the basement? The attic? All the closets? VELIE : I tell ya I looked every place, Inspector. INSPECTOR: But —Velie, you stay here in the house. I'll send a few

of the boys in to help you make another search. Meanwhile, you

— Biggs — don't leave this house. Is that clear ?

BIGGS: Perfectly, sir.

INSPECTOR: Velie, keep your eye on this long drink of water. He's too smooth to suit me. Another thing. I'm giving strict orders to the men on duty outside that no one leaves this house except you and me, Velie, unless he's got one of my cards as a pass — and signed by me, to boot!

VELIE: But Inspector, I tell you Little Jim ain't here.

INSPECTOR: (Angry} He must be here! Biggs, get out of my way. I'm going home and talk to Ellery!

SCENE 5: The Queen Apartment

(INSPECTOR QUEEN has returned home and told ELLERY, still sicJ^ in bed, the astonishing story of the man who went bac\ into his house for an umbrella and vanished. The INSPECTOR, NIKKI, and ELLERY are in ELLERY'S bedroom.}

THE DISAPPEARANCE OF MR. JAMES PHILLIMORE (#

ELLERY: You've got it all down, Nikki?

NIKKI: Yes, Ellery. Full description of Mr. Phillimore's house and all the rooms.

ELLERY: Now Dad. You and Velie saw James Phillimore come out through the front door. You saw him pause, look up at the sky, and . . . you unquestionably saw him go back inside ?

INSPECTOR: How many times do I have to tell you? He went back in!

ELLERY: Then that's a fact. (He reflects earnestly} After Little Jim went back into the house, no one left it, you say ?

INSPECTOR: My men had every possible exit covered, son. ELLERY: Obviously, then, Little Jim is still in there.

NIKKI: But Ellery, Sergeant Velie and the other detectives searched every nook and cranny!

ELLERY : That's what makes this such an interesting problem, Nikki. Dad, let's start at the bottom of the house and work up. How about the cellar?

INSPECTOR: Solid concrete. Floor, ceiling, walls all tapped. ELLERY : Any packing cases in the cellar ? Old trunks ?

INSPECTOR: No. All we found down there are two coal bins. One empty, the other with a couple of shovelsful of coal in it. The basement's out, Ellery.

ELLERY: The ground floor —

NIKKI: Three rooms — living room, study, kitchen.

ELLERY: Living room first. Dad, how about the fireplace?

INSPECTOR: Thoroughly investigated. Also all the walls, floor, ceiling — not only in that room but in every room in the house, Ellery.

ELLERY: Does the living room have a grand piano? INSPECTOR: By Jove, yes! I wonder if Velie looked in there.

ELLERY: Note, Nikki: Search interior of piano. (NIKKI ma\es a note} Now — the kitchen. Closets? Pantry?