The Mirror of Her Dreams (19 page)

Shortly, her musing was interrupted by a knock at her sitting-room door. Because she didn't want to stand where she was indefinitely, thinking the same thoughts over and over again, she went to answer the knock. On her way to the door, however, she hesitated again. Did she really mean to open that door and admit everything which might be waiting for her? Someone was trying to kill her. He might be outside.

But what choice did she have? None, if she wanted to learn anything more about what was happening to her. Or if she wanted breakfast.

Her heart began to beat more like it should-more like the heart of a woman whose life was at risk-as she pulled the chair away from the door and opened it.

Two guards she hadn't seen before saluted her.

Saddith was with them, holding a tray with one edge propped on her hip.

A gleam in her eye and a saucy tilt to her head indicated the spirit in which she had been conversing with the guards; her blouse was buttoned to a still lower level, giving out hints of pleasure whenever she moved her shoulders. But as soon as she saw Terisa her expression became contrite and solicitous.

'My lady, are you all right? They said you were, but I did not know whether to believe them. That woman and I traded duties for the night. I did not know that you would be attacked-or that she would be such a goose. She should have stayed with you. I brought your breakfast. I know you are upset, but you ought to eat. Do you think you could try?

Terisa met the maid's rush of words and blinked. She was relieved to see Saddith again. Saddith was safe; she was real, 'Yes,' Terisa said when she paused for an answer. 'I am hungry. And I'm afraid I've let the fires go out. Please come in.'

With a nod and a wink for the guards, Saddith shifted her tray in front of her and entered the sitting room.

As Terisa closed the door, she heard the guards chuckling together.

Saddith heard the sound as well. Those two,' she said in good-natured derision while she pushed aside the supper dishes to clear room for breakfast. 'They doubted me when I told them that the sight of you would make their knees melt-whatever it did to the rest of them. Now they know I told the truth.'

Then she indicated a chair beside the table where she had set her tray. Tlease sit down and eat, my lady. The porridge will warm you while I build up the fires again. Then I think we must find you something better to wear.'

Terisa accepted the chair. Neatly arranged for her delectation, she found grapes, brown bread, a wedge of deep yellow cheese, and a steaming bowl which appeared to contain a cracked wheat cereal. Remembering the previous night's meal, she began to eat quickly, pausing now and then to relish the combination of the tart cheese and the sweet grapes.

But Saddith didn't stop talking as she worked at the nearest hearth. 'What was he like?' she asked, 'this man in black who attacked you.' She seemed to be excited and pleased about something. 'Orison is full of rumours already. He was taller than Ribuld, and so strong of chest that my arms might not reach around him. He had a hunter's face, and a hunter's glee, with enough power in his hands and thighs to batter Ribuld and Argus as if they were boys.' For a moment, she hugged her breasts.

Then she sighed wistfully. 'So the rumour goes. What was he really like, my lady?'

Slowly, unsure of what she was going to say until she said it, Terisa replied, 'He was terrifying.'

'Perhaps if I had not traded duties I might have chanced to see him.' Saddith thought about that for a moment with a quizzical expression on her face. Then she laughed. 'No. I was better where I was,'

Terisa had spent enough time listening to Rev Thatcher to know a hint when she heard one, so she asked politely, 'Where were you?'

Gaiety sparkled in Saddith's eyes. 'Oh, I should not tell you that.' At once, she strode energetically into the bedroom to rebuild the fire there.

But almost at once she stuck her head past the doorway to ask, 'Do you remember what I said last night, my lady? 'Any Master will tell me whatever I wish-if I conceive a wish for something he knows.' Perhaps you thought I was boasting.' She disappeared again. For a minute, Terisa heard her working over the fire. Then she came back into the sitting room. 'I will be truthful with you, my lady. I did not trade duties with anyone. I asked that woman you saw to care for you, so that I might have the night to myself -without interruption.

'I assure you that I did not waste the opportunity.' Saddith grinned. 'I spent the night with a Master.'

Terisa had never heard anyone talk like this before; the novelty of the experience made her ask, 'Did he tell you what you wanted to know?'

It was Saddith's turn to be surprised. 'My lady, I did not share his bed because I lacked knowledge.' She giggled at the idea. 'I shared it because he is a Master.'

With a toss of her head, she went back into the bedroom.

Unexpectedly, Terisa found that she couldn't concentrate on breakfast. The maid's frankness disturbed her. It reminded her that she knew next to nothing about men-about the things they did to women; about what pleased them. She had never been an object of desire or tenderness.

Pushing the tray away, she went into the bathroom and made as much use as she could stand of the soap and cold water. Then, her skin tingling under the robe, she joined Saddith in front of the wardrobes to search for appropriate clothing.

Apparently by chance, Saddith chose the wardrobe which didn't contain a chair blocking its back panels. Almost at once, she selected a simple but striking scarlet gown that looked long enough to sweep the floor.

Hesitantly, Terisa said, 'I'm not sure I can wear that colour. Wouldn't it be better if I just used my own clothes?'

'Certainly not, my lady,' replied Saddith, firmly but not unkindly. 'I do not know how these things are considered where you come from, but here it is plain that your clothes are not becoming. Also you do not wish to insult the lady Myste, who has been very generous. Here.' She draped the gown in front of Terisa. 'It is not the best of all colours for your eyes,' she commented analytically. 'But it does well with your skin. And it accents your hair to great advantage. Will you try it?'

Feeling at once a little excited and a little foolish, Terisa shrugged.

Saddith showed her the series of hooks and eyes which closed the gown at the back. Then Terisa put aside her robe and pulled the heavy scarlet fabric over her head. It was a snug fit: Saddith's earlier observation that the lady Myste 'has not some of your advantages' seemed to mean she had smaller breasts which weren't so much exposed by the gown's deep neckline. But it was warm. And it felt flattering in a way that Terisa couldn't define.

She wanted a mirror. She wanted to see herself. The look in Saddith's eyes-half approval, half gauging uncertainty, as if Terisa now appeared more attractive than the maid had intended or wished-that look meant something; but it didn't have the same effect as a mirror.

For Terisa's feet, Saddith produced a pair of fur-lined buskins with firm soles. They didn't exactly complement the gown; but they, too, were warm, and the gown was long enough to hide them.

She was just starting to thank the maid when she heard another knock at her door.

Saddith went to answer it, Terisa following more slowly.

When the door was opened, it revealed Geraden outside.

He had a pinched, white look around his mouth and eyes; a bright red spot marked each cheek, like embarrassment or temerity aggravated by fever. At first glance, he appeared miserable: he must have had a bad night. But when he saw Terisa, his face broke into the helpless, happy smile she remembered from their first meeting.

For a long moment, he gazed at her; and she gazed back; and he grinned like a puppy in love. Then he cleared his throat.

'My lady, you look wonderful.'

Her reaction was more complex. She was glad to see him: partly because, like Saddith, Adept Havelock, and the others, he had come back, demonstrating his capacity for continuous existence; partly because she thought she liked him (it was hard to be sure because she had so little experience); partly because he was one of the very few people here who seemed to care about what she thought or felt. In addition, she was immediately worried by his appearance of distress. And by his presence outside her door. King Joyse hadn't just ordered the Apt not to answer her questions: he had also said,
You will have no more reason to see or speak with the lady Terisa.
Geraden had already shown himself loyal to his King-and yet he was here in direct disobedience.

And nobody had ever told her that she looked wonderful before.

Flustered, she felt herself blushing. With a gesture at her gown, she said, 'I feel like I'm going to a costume party.'

Glancing back and forth between Terisa and Geraden, Saddith gave a quiet laugh. 'What is 'a costume party', my lady?' she asked to disguise her amusement.

Terisa tried hard to get her confusion under control. 'It's a party where people dress up in fancy clothes and pretend to be somebody they aren't.'

For some reason, her response brought the strain back to Geraden's eyes.

'La, my lady,' Saddith said at once as if that were the reaction she had been waiting for, 'it must be greatly amusing. But if you will excuse me, I will return your trays to the kitchens. Please call for me at need. If you do not call before then, I will come whenever the lady Elega or the lady Myste ask to see you.

'As for you, Apt Geraden,' she said in a tone of kind mirth as she gathered the dishes together and carried them towards the door, 'a word of friendly advice. Women do not generally admire a man who gapes.'

Laughing, she left the room, hooking the door shut with her foot.

But Geraden ignored Saddithf s exit. Gazing at Terisa now with an intensity that matched the colour in his cheeks, he asked softly, 'Are you pretending to be somebody you aren't, my lady? What are you pretending?'

She turned her head away. 'I thought I told you to call me Terisa.' This was absurd. Why was she in such a dither? And why was he asking her such silly questions, when he must be risking some kind of serious punishment by defying the King? 'I'm not pretending anything. I'm just wearing this dress because the lady Myste offered it and Saddith said she would be insulted if I turned it down.'

Then she faced him. 'Geraden, what are you doing here? King Joyse told you not to see me. You'll get in trouble.'

At that, a pained smile made his mouth crooked.
'I'm
already in trouble. It probably won't get any worse.

'You've met King Joyse. These days, he doesn't punish anyone. I don't think he has the heart for it. Or maybe nothing matters to him that much any more. The worst thing he might do is turn me over to Castellan Lebbick.' Geraden sighed. 'I guess Lebbick is a good man. Artagel says he is. But he isn't exactly gentle. And he's already started on me. Because I asked Ribuld and Argus to guard you.' That was the source of his distress: Castellan Lebbick must have abused him severely. 'He spent half the night at it. I kept wanting to apologize, even though we both knew I was right.'

Abruptly, he shrugged. 'At least now I'm not afraid of him any more. After last night, all he can do is lock me up. But he isn't likely to do that to a son of the Domne-not without a better reason.' Slowly, he made the tight lines of his face relax, and his smile improved. Tor a while, anyway, I don't have anything to worry about.'

Her heart twisted for him: she could guess what being scathed by the Castellan might be like. 'But why?' she asked. 'Why did he do that to you? What does he think you did wrong?'

'Well,' mused Geraden, 'I suppose he does have a point. He wants to know why I thought you might be attacked when the idea apparently never occurred to anybody else in Orison. It's his job to know everything that happens here. What do I know that he doesn't?'

'What did you tell him?'

He snorted quietly. The truth. Mordant is under siege by Imagery. King Joyse won't let the Congery fight back-but even if he did, the Imagers are so divided they might not be able to accomplish anything. Cadwal and Alend are drooling for a chance to strike at us. And in the meantime the King has taken to acting like a man who left his head in the other room. Who in his right mind would
not
want someone as important as you guarded?'