The Midwife And The Single Dad (7 page)

So she looked out of the window and smiled her
pleasure. The Soalay landscape was part of her birthright. She had come back to reclaim it. ‘Look,’ she said, ‘there’s Ben Sleatan. Remember we climbed to the top of it? It was so hot when we got to the top and you…’ Then her voice trailed away. She was remembering.

She glanced sideways. Ben’s face was set. ‘I think I remember,’ he said. ‘Remember vaguely. But that was a long time ago.’

She knew he wasn’t telling the truth. He did remember. What had happened had been so wonderful, so important to them. And now he was frightened of what the memories might bring back.

It had been hot. They had climbed the mountain and they had been entirely alone—no one to be seen for miles. At the summit they had rested on a tiny patch of grass, he had taken off his T-shirt. ‘Now that feels better,’ he had said. Then he had looked at her, smiling but with a challenging look in his eye. So, daringly, she had taken off her own T-shirt. It had felt strangely liberating. And when he had kissed her, he had undone her simple cotton bra. Well, he had tried to. Not the easiest thing to do with one hand. So eventually she had helped him. She had felt so bold and so happy!

They had lain side by side, kissing. She had never felt anything so exciting as the touch of his skin on her bare breasts. But then he had moved a little and kissed her there…

Alice put the memory from her and sighed. She could guess what was going through his mind now. He was frightened of getting too close to her, of bringing out the kind of feelings that had caused him so much pain. The
kind of feelings that he’d had for his wife. And she couldn’t blame him. In her turn she was frightened of getting close to him.

She liked his company, which made it hard living with him. She was still fearful of what her feelings could cost her. And what about her vows of treating this place as a man-free sanctuary for a year, of having nothing to do with men? Perhaps, too, she was getting too fond of Fiona. Ben and Fiona were a definite package.

She decided not to think further about things, let Ben make any decisions about their relationship. But Ben didn’t seem to want to move on from the state they were in now.

And did she? Well, she could be tempted.

S
O THIS
was it and she liked it. Home. Well, home at least for a year. When she had parted from Sean she had promptly moved out of the flat they had shared and into a rented room offered by the hospital. It had been pleasant enough but not really somewhere to call home. For too long she had needed a place where she felt she belonged. She needed a home and this was nearly it.

She had just moved into the flat above her clinic. Her three trunks had been delivered, she had been living out of a suitcase for too long. Her clothes were now in the built-in wardrobe, her books were on the shelves, there were pictures on the wall. She had even paid a visit to the new supermarket and stocked up her larder.

She was hot and pleasantly weary. It was early evening now and she decided that what she needed was a bath and a cup of tea. But first she wandered around her new domain, thinking how much larger it looked now that there was no builders’ clutter.

It was only a small flat but the light-painted walls and the large windows made it seem larger. And she had to admit that the furnishings were minimal but very comfortable.
Someone’s taste was very similar to her own. Ben’s taste—he had chosen the furniture. Another indication that they had so much in common…

Yes, she knew she was going to be happy here.

‘Sorry things have taken longer than I thought,’ Henry the builder had said, ‘but I wanted to get things just right, try to get rid of the smell of paint.’ He had pressed a card into her hand. ‘Any problem, night or day, give me a call.’

‘Thanks Henry, I will.’

He had done a good job. Secretly, she had wondered if Ben had talked him into slowing down a little. It had been a fortnight and there hadn’t seemed to be too much work to do. But what did she know about building? And why would Ben want her to stay longer at his home?

She had really enjoyed staying with him and felt that he had enjoyed her company too. But after that first welcoming kiss on the quayside there had been no further advances. Of course, he was an honourable man, he might have felt that it was wrong even to try to kiss her when she was a guest in his house. It would have been taking advantage of her. But she felt he might at least have given her a goodnight kiss. She had to admit being envious when he took Fiona in his arms and hugged her. And she thought that once or twice she had caught him looking at her as if he wanted to… Foolish thoughts!

She had to admit to herself that although she was so happy to be moving here into her own place, she still very much regretted having to leave Taighean dhe Gaoithe. ‘You will come and see us?’ Mrs McCann had asked anxiously. ‘Wee Fiona will miss you.’

‘I’ll miss her and I’ll miss your cooking, Mrs
McCann. But I really need to be living nearer the job. And what would people say if they knew that my flat was finished and that I was still staying with Dr Cavendish?’

‘True,’ Mrs McCann said judiciously. ‘But…’

She never finished the sentence so Alice didn’t know what the ‘but’ meant.

She was here and she was happy.

The bath was nearly full and Alice was just deciding which of the lined-up bath oils to squirt in. Her doorbell rang and when she went down to answer it there was a delivery man with a large bouquet of flowers. Delighted, she took them inside. It had been years since someone had given her flowers.

There was a note inside. ‘Welcome to your new home. We hope you’ll be happy in it. Love from Ben, Fiona and Mrs McCann.’ The flowers were lilies, her favourites. Overwhelmed, Alice took them upstairs, put them straight in water. They looked so good!

Lilies. She was astonished that Ben had remembered that they were her favourite flower—he had bought her a bunch for her seventeenth birthday. For a while she sat just looking at them. Then she made her tea and went to get into her bath.

Her bath. As she sat there surrounded by tendrils of steam, the smell of lavender from the bath oil calming her, she felt at home. Although she had loved living with Ben, she now felt that she had her own roots. She wasn’t a guest, not obliged to anyone, she was her own mistress. This flat, even though the furnishings had been ordered by Ben, was not in his gift. It had come to her
from the trust. And because of this she felt she could approach Ben more as an equal. She could make her own decision about living. Which meant she could invite him to dinner. Invite Ben to dinner? What a good idea! What a courteous thing to do after she had lived with him for a fortnight! She turned the hot tap on with her big toe.

Later, she sat in her dressing-gown and rather apprehensively phoned him at home. It had only been a few hours since she had last seen him. But when she heard his voice over the telephone, it still thrilled her. ‘Ben? Alice here. I’m phoning you to thank you for the flowers. They are truly lovely. And you remembered they are my favourites.’

‘I love lilies myself. Can you remember how I cunningly found out they were your favourites? All those years ago?’

She giggled. ‘Yes. You didn’t know me all that well, we’d only just…just got together. We were at school and I was sketching and you asked me what my favourite colour was. And what colour flower. Then I was a bit miffed because you said you couldn’t spend Saturday with me. It turned out that you’d taken the ferry to the mainland and then come straight back ’cos there were no lilies in the shop here. I thought that was wonderful.’

‘Things are different here now, more complicated. We’ve all moved on. There was no difficulty in buying lilies locally and we’re not seventeen any more. Everything is more complicated.’

‘Isn’t it just?’ she said. ‘Now I’m settled in the flat and I know I’m going to be very happy here. But I’ll still
miss Fiona and Mrs McCann and you. I had a wonderful stay with you and I’d like to say thank you. Would you like to come to dinner one night?’

‘What? All three of us?’

She laughed. ‘No, it will have to be well after Fiona’s bedtime. I thought just you. A supper to thank you for all of Mrs McCann’s dinners. No big thing, we both have to work the next day.’

‘And I’d love to come. When?’

She made a snap decision. Why hang about? ‘Tomorrow night?’ she asked, hoping he couldn’t detect the nervousness in her voice.

‘I’m looking forward to it.’

She had been working full time for a week now, had organised her clinics, her home visits, had delivered her first baby in the new birthing unit. There was plenty of work—and she guessed there soon would be more. It was all enjoyable.

Sometimes she would see a lot of Ben during the day, sometimes she would hardly see him at all. Twice she had called him over for a second opinion—each time he had agreed with her diagnosis. Today she hadn’t seen him once. A busy day for both of them.

He was coming at eight. She had spent most of her spare time since she’d phoned him on planning and replanning the menu. And there had to be another visit to the supermarket. But she was ready when he came.

She had decided that this was going to be more than just a little supper—this was going to be an almost formal event. She had managed to finish the cooking
and lay the table an hour before he was due to arrive. There was time to have a quick shower, shampoo her hair, put on a dress that had only just arrived—sleeveless, in dark blue silk. It wasn’t exactly an evening dress but it looked a bit special. She took extra care with her hair and make-up and reminded herself to ask around for the best hairdresser.

Then she sat and waited. It was necessary to be calm when he arrived. She wondered why her heart was beating so quickly and told herself that it was because she had not prepared for this kind of an occasion for quite a while. But he was just an old friend, nothing more. He had helped her, she was saying thank you. That was all.

But when she heard the car draw up outside her heart started beating quickly again.

She opened the door, smiled. She could see that he too had made an effort to dress suitably. And he had got it just right, half casual, half formal. He was wearing dark trousers and a white silk shirt. The white silk set off his slightly weatherbeaten skin. He looked gorgeous. For a moment they looked at each other, Alice wondered if he was feeling the same as she was.

He handed her a bottle. ‘Not more flowers but champagne,’ he said. ‘For a beautiful lady.’

‘Champagne! What are we celebrating?’

‘The island’s good luck in having a new midwife and children’s nurse. And my good luck as having you as a…partner?’

‘Right,’ she said, blushing slightly. ‘Well, do come in.’

He looked round approvingly as they entered her
living room. ‘What a difference! You’ve made this a real home. It’s you.’

‘It’s just as much you,’ she told him. ‘I gather you had a large hand in picking the paint and the furnishings.’

He shrugged. ‘I did what I could.’

She had to agree that the room did look particularly attractive. She had put candles on the little table but the evening sun was still shining through the window, making the cutlery and the glassware glint.

‘I bought some wine but since you’ve brought it, shall we start on the champagne?’ she asked. ‘Will you open it?’ She felt a little uneasy. This was now her home, he was her guest. Would things be different between them?

Expertly, he opened the champagne, filled two glasses. He handed one to her. She accepted it and then waved a hand, indicating that he sit on the couch. Then she sat in her easy chair, opposite him not next to him.

Perhaps he felt her unease. He started to talk, easily, interestingly, about his day’s work, about the island and how it had changed in the past fifteen years. So Alice quickly relaxed. He was an old friend, they were talking as old friends did who were interested in each other. She also felt better after she had finished her glass of champagne. It went to her head. She realised that in the rush to prepare for this evening she hadn’t eaten since breakfast. Whatever the reason, after fifteen minutes she felt more confident.

Later, she wondered if she had been over-confident. Perhaps the champagne had affected her more than she’d known. But they were old friends and so she said, ‘Ben, you know most of my secret life and now I want to know
yours. You know things about me that no other people here know. And I feel a bit vulnerable. So I want to know about you. Please, will you tell me about your divorce?’ Then she realised what she had said, gulped and muttered, ‘Sorry, I’m a bit overtired and I must have—’

He laughed. ‘Like you said, we’re old friends. And there’s no one I’d more happily tell than you.’ But she noticed that he filled their glasses again before he started to talk. She thought this was going to be an ordeal for him.

‘You don’t have to tell me,’ she said. ‘I want this evening to be something that you really enjoy.’

His voice was gentle. ‘Alice, I intend to enjoy it.’

But it still took him some time to start. ‘Fiona’s birth was…well, it would be wrong to say it was an accident, ’cos the result has been so marvellous. But it wasn’t exactly planned—at least, not by me. Melissa, Fiona’s mother, tricked me. The oldest trick in the world. She said she was on the Pill—but she wasn’t. And I didn’t know that she was pregnant until it was far too late.’

He was quiet a moment. ‘You don’t seem too angry about it now,’ Alice ventured. ‘You seem quite calm.’

‘I’ve made myself be calm. I’ve learned my lesson, even though it was a hard one.’

He sipped his drink and went on, ‘She was quite a senior nurse. We had met in Edinburgh when I was a medical student and then we met again when I was back in the city on a medical refresher course a few years ago. We got on together and…’ He shrugged. ‘I found she was pregnant and eventually we got married. I brought her back to Soalay and she hated it. I had told her what life was like here, even brought
her to look around. But once we got here she just wasn’t having it.’

‘Why didn’t she realise what it was like when she came the first time?’

‘I suspect that she thought that I wouldn’t marry her if she refused to live here with me. The trouble was, she knew I’d been offered a partnership in a practice in Edinburgh. A firm I’d worked with before, I’d been a GP registrar there. Plenty of private work. I could have doubled, even trebled my NHS salary. We’d be rich, she said. She wouldn’t have to work again. And she told me she hated this house.’

When she’d first known him Ben had been a calm, controlled person. He hadn’t lost his temper easily, he’d managed to convey what he’d felt forcefully but somehow quietly. But Alice had always known what he’d been feeling. There would be a glint in his eyes, his speech became more clipped. She knew that the story he was telling now had hurt him.

‘What about when Fiona was born?’ she asked. ‘I’ve seen it before, you must have too. A woman might not be too keen on having a baby, but when it finally comes everything changes.’

‘Not Melissa.’ Alice was shocked at the bitterness in his tone. ‘Melissa tried to use the baby to blackmail me, make me move back to Edinburgh. She said she’d go herself and take Fiona with her… The hardest thing I ever did in my life was call her bluff. I said I wouldn’t move.’

He shook his head. For a moment he was again the eighteen-year-old boy Alice had known, and her heart
went out to him in a wave of sympathy that was astonishing in its strength.

‘So what happened?’

‘It was nothing I did, I was just lucky. Melissa had gone to Edinburgh—she said to see old friends. Leaving Fiona behind, of course. The so-called old friends persuaded her to stay. I was happy with her away. I had Fiona. And after a while I had a letter saying that she had met a man, a South African surgeon who would really look after her. The kind of man she had thought I was going to be.’

‘What kind of man was that?’

‘A rich man,’ Ben said with a sardonic smile. ‘But he was the kind of man that suited me. He wanted Melissa—but not a baby. So I got to keep Fiona but lose Melissa. It was better than winning the lottery. I had the best advocates in Edinburgh to organize the divorce, ensure that Fiona was legally and entirely mine. Her mother now has no claim on her at all. And I am happy. In fact, everyone’s happy, even Melissa.’