The Melody Girls (28 page)

‘No, I'll just read it here.'

Taking a knife from the table drawer, Lorna slit open the envelope and took out the single sheet it contained. How cool she was keeping! Sometimes, she could really put on a good act.

When she had finished reading it, Lorna laid the letter down. What a lucky thing it was, she thought, that her mother was with her, which meant she must keep up her acting and not burst into tears and frighten Sam. Later on, it would be different, of course, but now, she could be brave. Except that her eyes were swimming.

‘Are you going to tell me what he says?' Tilly asked.

Lorna picked up the letter and smoothed it out.

‘“I'm so very sorry, my dear Lorna”,' she was beginning, when Tilly stopped her.

‘You don't need to read it to me. Just tell me what he says.'

Lorna raised her eyes to her mother's. ‘He says goodbye,' she said quietly, and gave a sob. So much for acting, she thought.

‘Oh, poor lassie!'

‘Only what I expected, Ma.'

‘But still – oh, listen, there's a knock at the door. That'll be Ewen. Now, if he wants to go for a little walk, you go, Lorna. Sam'll be all right with his new toys. Go on, Lorna. You couldn't have a more sympathetic fellow to talk to than Ewen, eh?'

They walked again by the Water of Leith where, because the evening was fine, others were walking too, looking down at the floating weed that covered the stream and the reeds lining the bank.

‘It's all over, Ewen,' Lorna told him. ‘I sort of hoped it might not be, but I knew all the time there wasn't much hope.'

‘Soon as you told him about Sam, that was it?'

‘About Sam and Sam's father. Josh could never have been stepfather to Sam, thinking of Rod.'

‘And you had to get through your tour, knowing everything was over?' Ewen pressed her hand. ‘Must have been terrible.'

‘No, I was still hoping then. He said I could ring him when I got back. He even said he'd see me. But he came to Ma's house when I was away and left me a letter.'

‘Your ma's house?' Ewen shook his head in disbelief. ‘Fancy him doing that. Sounds like he couldn't face you. But what happens when you meet again?'

‘He's thought of that. Got himself a job in London.'

‘Lucky you didn't see him when you were down there.'

‘He can only have just left Edinburgh.' Lorna stood aside to let some children run past. ‘But thinking about it, Ewen, he could have behaved much worse, could have thrown me out of his flat, or hit me, or something.'

‘No, no, Lorna!' Ewen suddenly held her close. ‘Don't say things like that, or I'd go find him and punch him one.'

‘What I'm saying is, he didn't do that. And I really hurt him, you know. He said I damaged him, and I know I did.'

‘You've been hurt yourself, Lorna.'

‘Yes.' She blinked a little, not wanting to cry again. ‘And now we've both got to get better.'

‘Takes time.'

‘Well, I've been through it before.'

‘You know what I think you should do now? Well, I've said it already, so you'll know what I'm on about.'

‘What? What should I do?'

‘Tell your girls about Sam. Tell the whole damn world, come to that. Let folk see you're no' ashamed, you're proud of your son.' Ewen nodded. ‘Yes, that's what I'd do in your place, Lorna. Then you'll never be hurt in the same way again.'

‘I don't know about the whole world,' she said slowly. ‘My Sam isn't anything to do with people who don't know me. But, my girls . . . yes, Ewen, I think you're right.'

‘You mean that?'

‘Yes, I mean it. When I see my band again, there'll be an end to secrets. Thanks, thanks for everything. What would I do without you?'

‘Won't have to,' he said brightly, and they turned for Lorna's old home and Sam, who was waiting to be played with before he went to bed.

The night was bad, as she'd known it would be, and for a long time she lay without sleeping in Sam's room that had been hers, just staring into the darkness, seeing Josh's handsome face. If only she hadn't made love with Rod! And yet, it was true, she had loved Rod and sometimes still thought of him. In many ways, he was an easier man to love than Josh, but there was the great divide between his views and hers and always would be.

Josh would have accepted that she wanted her career, and if things had been different, maybe they could have been happy together. But then, maybe not. She didn't blame him for giving her up. She had tried to understand what it had been like for him, to find out about Sam. But with a different sort of nature, might he not have tried to understand how things had been for her?

There was little point in going into it all now, for another thing she had to remember was that in the background there had always been his mother. An unknown quantity, but somebody who probably would never have welcomed Lorna as a daughter-in-law, even if she hadn't had Sam. With Sam, she would certainly never have stood a chance.

The way things were, maybe she had better just put all thoughts of relationships from her and concentrate on her music. That was what she'd always wanted to do, after all. And she still had Sam.

Rising carefully, she tiptoed across the bedroom floor to the cot where he was sleeping. By the light of a tiny lamp, she saw that he was curled up peacefully, scarcely stirring, and she bent down to kiss his cheek and move from his warm little hand one of the cars she had given him. Yes, she still had Sam. What more could she ask?

Forty-Eight

Two days later, Lorna having called a rehearsal for the following morning, asked her mother if she could have Sam ready to be collected at about ten o'clock.

‘Collected?' Tilly repeated. ‘Why, who's collecting him?'

‘I am. George is going to drive us. I'm taking him to see my band.'

Tilly's pale blue eyes widened. ‘Your band? How come you're doing that? You've never wanted them to know a thing about him!'

‘Yes, well, it's all going to be different from now on.' Lorna's gaze met her mother's bravely, then wavered and fell. ‘I've decided to have no more secrets, Ma. It's done me no good and it's never been fair on Sam.'

‘Aye, that's sounds grand, but are you sure about it, Lorna? Folk are funny, you ken. For somebody like you to have a bairn and no husband, it might no' go down well.'

‘That's what I used to think, and there probably would be some who'd blame me, but only folk who don't know me. For the moment, I'm just telling my girls and friends.'

Lorna hesitated, and as her mother said nothing, went on to make her case. ‘It was Ewen, as a matter of fact, who first said I shouldn't make a secret of Sam, but I would never listen. Then, when I had to tell Josh, and I saw the way he was so shocked, I realized I should have told him before. So, I decided Ewen was right. I shouldn't hide Sam, I should let people see I'm proud of him. Then they might understand the situation.' With a quick toss of her head, Lorna looked again at her mother. ‘And that's what I'm going to do.'

‘You've certainly thought it through,' Tilly commented. ‘I just hope it works out.'

‘So, you'll have him ready?'

‘Aye, but what do I tell him?'

‘That he's going for a drive in Uncle George's car to see Mammy's band. He knows about the ladies playing trumpets and so on.'

‘You want me to come?'

‘Of course! The girls will want to meet you too.'

Tilly looked thoughtful. ‘I'll put Sam in his blue shirt and wee new trousers. But, Lorna, what do you think I should wear?'

‘Ma, you'll look fine whatever you wear, and nobody dresses up for rehearsal.'

‘But you'll want Sam to look his best?' Tilly asked with a smile.

‘Oh, yes,' Lorna agreed, feeling nervous already of her boy's reception.

She was still nervous when she arrived with George at Tilly's flat next morning, but as soon as she saw Sam, looking so smart in his blue shirt and new trousers, with his auburn hair damped down and a great smile on his little face, she felt such a rush of pride she hugged him close and asked George if he didn't look grand.

‘Grand's the word,' George agreed. ‘But how about the fire engine – is that coming, too?'

‘It's his favourite,' Tilly told him. ‘He might want to play with it when the music begins.'

‘Wonderful!' George laughed, as they went out to the car. ‘Got an arrangement for four saxophones, three trombones, three trumpets and fire engine, Lorna?'

‘Would be quite a novelty, eh? Come on, let's get going. I don't want to be late this morning.'

‘Nor me,' Tilly said, her arm round Sam. ‘I'm looking forward to hearing the band again. Haven't heard the lassies since your wedding, George.'

As soon as she'd spoken, she flushed a little, remembering that it was at George's wedding she'd first met Josh, and guessed that Lorna would be remembering it too. But Lorna made no sign and no more was said until the studio was reached and Flo was hovering to greet them.

‘Everyone's ready,' she whispered, when she'd exclaimed over Sam and shaken Tilly's hand. ‘Some complaining they haven't had enough rest after the tour, of course, but most are raring to go.'

‘I'll just say my piece first,' Lorna said, clearing her throat. ‘Hope they'll still be able to play when I've finished.'

‘They'll be playing better than ever,' George said loyally. ‘Mrs Fernie, can I find you a chair?'

Taking a deep breath, Lorna, holding Sam by the hand, moved into the studio.

‘Morning everybody! Hope you've all recovered from the tour, which I want to say was one of our best. So, congratulations to everyone. You agree, Flo? George?'

‘Certainly do,' they murmured, but the girls in the band weren't saying anything. Their eyes were glued to Sam, and he was staring back, fascinated by them and their strange and wonderful instruments.

‘Ma, before you sit down, may I introduce you?' Lorna whispered to Tilly, who obediently remained standing, while Lorna called to her girls.

‘Listen, everyone, I'd like you all to meet my mother. Ma, meet the band. Girls, meet my mother. My prop and stay, I can tell you!'

‘Oh, go on!' Tilly murmured, smiling at the girls, as they smiled and nodded back. ‘But, here, let me take wee Sam, eh? Sam, come over with me and bring your fire engine.'

As all eyes followed the little boy running after his grandmother, Lorna, who had gone rather pale, cleared her throat. ‘Just before we begin rehearsing, I'd like to say a few words.'

Eyes swinging back, the girls, fingering their instruments, stared; waited.

‘I expect you'll all be wondering about the wee boy I've brought here today,' Lorna began. ‘I brought him because I wanted you to meet him. His name is Sam Fernie. And he's my son.'

A buzz of sound ran round the band, then ceased. Silence fell. No girl moved, no girl took her eyes off Lorna, who, now that she'd got out the magic words ‘my son' was feeling rather better. Though her cheeks were flushed and her eyes wide and bright, she knew now that she could do this.

‘Maybe you'll be thinking I should have told you about my boy before. That's probably true. But you can guess it isn't always easy, managing to do the right thing.'

Looking towards Sam to see if he was listening, Lorna saw that George had gone to him and was playing with the ladders on the fire engine – quite enough to take his full attention, she knew. With a faint smile, she went on.

‘Anyway, I've decided that now the time's come for you to meet him and him to meet you. He's no' a baby any more, he's a person in his own right, as well as part of my family. So, it'll be nice, eh? If we all get to know one other?'

Her voice trembling, Lorna picked up her baton. ‘Shall we get on with the rehearsal now?'

There was a brief silence before Bridie cried, ‘Oh, have a heart, Lorna! We all want to talk to the little guy! Come on, girls!'

‘No, wait, how about this?' Trish had picked up her saxophone. ‘How about a solo from me specially for Sam?'

‘What solo?' voices were asking.

‘Listen and you'll find out. Here it comes. If you know it, join in!'

And as George brought Sam over, his eyes large with wonder, the music of ‘Teddy Bears' Picnic' rang round the studio, with some of the girls joining Trish with their instruments, while others sang, and Lorna and Tilly, standing arm in arm, were radiantly smiling. And trying not to cry.

After the music, Sam was hugged and fussed over until Tilly said she'd better take him outside to play, the band had to get on with their rehearsal, which of course was true, though no one felt much like it – least of all Lorna. However, they were professionals, they played, they made themselves ready for the evening performance, but when it was over, one by one the girls came up to Lorna and shook her hand.