The Med (69 page)

“No. At least, not entirely. I've tried to figure this out. I even wondered if I should tell you at all. This is the best I can do: Part of it was fear. To keep us safe. But only part of it. The other part is, for a while, for a little, I wanted him.”

He sat silent, a black silhouette against the first stars of night. Staring up at him, she wanted to take his hand. Reach out to him. But she was afraid to.

“You don't—” he began, and then seemed to choke.

“I do love you, Dan. That's the truth. And I'm glad he's dead. But the other is true, too.”

“I don't understand.”

“Neither do I. Look—is there anything you want to say? Anything you want to call me? I deserve it.”

“Damn you! What do you want me to say?”

She closed her eyes, shivering at the pain in his voice. “Whatever you want. But let's talk it out, Dan. We've got to do this now. For us. But most of all, for her. Do you still love me, in spite of that? That's what you've got to decide.”

He didn't move. But after a long time their hands crept across the gray steel. And then they were crying, head to head. She felt his body heave. A moment later he broke free and went to the deckedge.

She leaned back while he finished being sick. She felt empty, as distant and emotionless as the tiny lights in the sky.

When he came back he slumped there for a long time. Beside her; but he did not move to touch her again. At last he said angrily, “Are you sorry?”

“For hurting you. That's all.”

“I see.”

“What are you going to do, Dan—about the Navy?”

He passed a hand over his eyes. “Oh yeah.”

“You were going to decide, Dan. Whether you were staying in or not. That matters as to—as to whether or not we're staying together.”

“Yeah,” he said again. Then, after a long time, “Yeah. I thought about it. Let's see. It's like this.

“The Navy has its faults. What can I do? I can leave, or I can stay in. But even if I leave, it's still going to be important to me.

“See, Sundstrom's always talking about ‘professionalism.' I think what he means by it is careerism—what gets you promoted. But I think it's something else. A military man is responsible for the lives of others. That's why he takes an oath, like a doctor. And that's why it's important for him to know his job, and insist that the right things are done and the wrong things uncovered and stopped, not hushed up.

“Sundstrom, and the guys like him, don't see it that way. They're in business for themselves. But if we leave the Service to them, we can't bitch about its failure or waste or unreadiness. And then when we need it, it'll fail, and we'll lose everything we have.

“I don't care anymore about my career, Susan. I know I won't make it very far now. But I'm going to stay as long as I can.”

“What about us?”

“You're important to me,” said Lenson. “But I think this is more important. And that's what you're going to have to decide—whether you love me enough to stay with me, on those terms.”

And after a pause she said, too, “I see.”

“So that's it, Susan.”

“I guess so.”

“What do we do now?”

Susan thought about it. She felt empty and sad. “Take care of Nan, I guess. She's going to need both of us. For what comes after, between us—we just go through it, Dan. Just go through it. And see what's on the other side.”

“Okay,” he said.

“Shake?”

“Shake.”

They shook hands, awkwardly. She got up. “We'll talk more later. I'm going back to Nan now.”

“I'll be down in a minute.”

She left him standing alone.

Whatever happens, he was thinking, it will be all right. If they made it or not. It would be hard either way. But there were some things that could not change, could not become murky or gray. And one of these was the fact that he loved them both, so much.

He followed her into the ship. And behind them, out of the sudden darkness of the Mediterranean evening, the helicopters settled, dark petals slowly falling from a windy sky.

PREVIOUS BOOKS BY DAVID POYER

TALES OF THE MODERN NAVY

Black Storm

China Sea

Tomahawk

The Passage

The Circle

The Gulf

THE HEMLOCK COUNTY NOVELS

Winter Light

Thunder on the Mountain

As the Wolf Loves Winter

Winter in the Heart

The Dead of Winter

THE TILLER GALLOWAY NOVELS

Down to a Sunless Sea

Louisiana Blue

Bahamas Blue

Hatteras Blue

OTHER NOVELS

Fire on the Waters

The Only Thing to Fear

Stepfather Bank

The Return of Philo T. McGiffin

Star Seed

The Shiloh Project

White Continent

CRITICAL PRAISE FOR THE WORKS OF DAVID POYER!

THE MED

“Update
The Caine Mutiny
and
Away All Boats,
move the action to the Mediterranean, throw in some Arab terrorists with American hostages, and you've got
The Med
 … a naval thriller at full speed!”

—
St. Louis Post-Dispatch

“A POWERFUL STORY, as honest as it is imaginative … Readers will be gripped … realistic, and indeed uncomfortably topical.”

—
Publishers Weekly

“One of the best seagoing novels of the decade. YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO PUT IT DOWN!”

—William P. Mack, Vice Admiral, U.S. Navy (Ret.), Co-author of
South to Java

“
The Med
gives a feel of what it's like to be out on a deployed ship during an operation, and that's particularly valuable for budding naval officers to be able to experience.”

—Herb Gilliland, associate professor, U.S. Naval Academy

“TENSE, INCISIVE … At once a novel of adventure on the sea and an exploration of the military mind on all its levels. Poyer creates characters who breathe.”

—
Wilmington News-Journal
(DE)

“A fast clip … It is hard not to think of it as nonfiction.”

—
Columbia—The Midwest Review of Books

“Tense and complex … STUNNING!”

—
Anniston Star

“Frighteningly familiar … tightly written.”

—
Proceedings,
Naval Institute

“A novel born of the headlines but transformed by a skillful novelist into combat fiction of a high order … Poyer's detailed technical descriptions are matched by his persuasive characterization of men at war.”

—
John Barkham Reviews

“Fascinating … fraught with tension and romance … explosive.”

—
Rocky Mountain News

“A sweeping novel of modern U.S. naval power at bay in history's most turbulent sea.”

—Hank Searls, author of
Jaws II
and
Kataki

THE PASSAGE

“Readers of this stirring tale will be sorry to see it end.”

—
Publishers Weekly
(starred review)

“A crackling good adventure.”

—
The Windsor Star,
Windsor, Ontario

THE CIRCLE

“Impressive … Original … Convincing … Compelling … Moving … Echoes
The Caine Mutiny.
”

—
Publishers Weekly

“A first-rate naval adventure unequalled for authenticity.”

—
Kirkus Reviews

THE GULF

“The best naval story since
The Hunt for Red October.
”

—Clive Cussler

“Breathtaking, from the first page to the last … One of the very few military thrillers written by a man who not only knows his subject thoroughly, but who is also a genuinely talented writer.”

—Ralph Peters, author of
Red Army

“Poyer's grasp of the machinery of modern naval warfare is unparalleled, and his prose makes it live … A thoroughly enjoyable read!”

—J. William Middendorf II, former Secretary of the Navy

“His mastery of technical and procedural detail does for the modern small-ship fleet what Tom Clancy does for nuclear submarines and Stephen Coonts does for aircraft carriers.”

—
Publishers Weekly

THE MED

Copyright © 1998 by David Poyer.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information address St. Martin's Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10010.

ISBN: 0-312-92722-3

EAN: 80312-92722-6

St. Martin's Press hardcover edition published 1988

St. Martin's Paperbacks edition / September 1989

eISBN 9781466848238

First eBook edition: June 2013