The Maverick's Red Hot Reunion (Entangled Indulgence) (12 page)

And fear for her soul never recovering once she was alone again.

Her mother had wondered if Kennedy had finally come clean with Zach about her infertility issues, how difficult it would be for her to carry a child to term. But Kennedy had vehemently insisted that the past was where it belonged.

They had a new future. A future without each other, but Kennedy hadn’t shared that tidbit while standing on a pedestal in her fourteenth wedding gown.

“I wish we’d never lied.”

Zach swallowed hard. “I’m sorry I forced you to wear the engagement ring.”

“The damage is done.” As well as some damage control, but she kept that information to herself. Earlier in the day, she’d told her mother not to bring up the reason Kennedy was afraid to get pregnant. That conversation hadn’t been easy. After all, her mother had persevered and several years later Kennedy had arrived.

But Kennedy wasn’t about to test her mother’s theory.

“I don’t want to hurt my parents, but I can’t plan a fake wedding and renovate Sweetbriar Springs at the same time.”

“We’ll muddle through this nightmare and stall them,” Zach said. “It’ll all work out. Trust me.”

“I do.” She trusted Zach’s ability to manipulate the situation so that everyone would accept their next breakup without question. And she trusted him to help her cope with losing Michael when that time came—as her friend. She almost trusted him enough to tell him her secret, but he still guarded his own. Unless that changed, she feared sharing hers.

“I already told Mom that we’re waiting until the benefit is held at Sweetbriar Springs in December before we finalize any wedding plans.” Desperate to change the subject to one that they both had a genuine stake in, unlike planning their fake marriage, Kennedy asked, “Did Michael make it to the hospital okay?” Though Michael’s parting hug was weak, his positive attitude exuded power.

“Yes. He called when your dad and I were having a beer after he kicked my butt on the greens.” Zach rubbed her calf. “I promised him I wouldn’t hurt you again.”

“At least that’s true.” She settled against the cushions. Zach’s touch, the pressure of his strong fingers squeezing the tension out of her muscles, contributed to another yearning. Oh, how she’d missed him and moments like this one. “I private messaged him on Facebook with the same promise.”

If he’d never gotten ill, she and Zach would still be worlds apart and nursing their gaping wounds. Michael’s misguided interference had given them a chance to heal, even if the end result wouldn’t be a June wedding.

“He told me he’s worn out but ready to fight.” Zach stopped massaging her leg. “He wants to be in top form as my best man.”

The heat in the room dropped to subzero. Kennedy folded her arms across her chest. “We have to figure out a solution to this nightmare without hurting the people we love.”

“Short of having a June wedding, I have no idea what to do.” He leaned over her body and pressed his forehead against hers. “Whatever happens, I won’t let you get burned by my mistakes.”

“I made them, too.” And every emotion she’d hoped to shake off this casual friends-with-benefits agreement had backfired. Despite her determination to indulge in enjoying the perks of Zach’s incredible skill in the bedroom without losing her heart, she’d failed. Epically. She’d foolishly fallen in love with him all over again.

She inhaled and bottled the air in her chest for a beat. Maybe there was a way to tell him and keep him. If he could be less demanding and listen, really hear what she yearned to reveal without attempting to control the outcome.

“Zach, I…”

“No more talking.” He stopped her with his mouth.

Though she craved this physical distraction, the release it would bring, deep down she knew more than ever that they would have to face the past. If only to bring the closure they needed to move on if they truly were to remain friends.

But for now, she curled her arms around his neck and surrendered to him with a sigh, relieved that Zach had prevented her from unveiling the secret she’d buried long ago. She yielded to the instant way her body reacted to his gentle assault. Wanting to forget. Wanting to lose herself to the passion stirring low in her belly. Because indulging in fantasies about a genuine reunion with Zach could only lead to greater heartache.

Chapter Fourteen

Two weeks after they returned to the lodge, Kennedy and Zach had eased into a natural rhythm. They spent their days working side by side on the construction site and their nights entwined in each other’s arms.

At the end of another long afternoon of work, Kennedy glanced around the construction site next to the hot springs. The autumnal leaves had lost their brilliant blaze of color. They had first browned and withered on the branches, and then had been hurled to the ground during a cold storm’s wild winter winds. Now leftover flakes of the early snowstorm dressed the ground with a lacy coverlet of white.

“Looks like we’ll have to call it a day,” she said to her lead crewman. “We’ll wait until the ground dries before we move into the final phase.”

“Sure thing,” he said, waving to the crew. “Everyone, time to pack it in. We’re off to the tavern early this weekend.”

And she had an early start on another night of passion with Zach. A thrill raced through her. Though she continued acting as if their relationship would one day transform into a long-distance friendship, the steady rebuilding of trust between her and Zach had caused her heart to hope for more. And every conversation they’d had during the past few days had included a future that involved him staying indefinitely in Sweetbriar.

Though she tried, how could she suppress the unfulfilled wishes and dreams spinning in her mind when Zach acted as if he’d never leave? Maybe they had a chance after all.

She crunched across the snow covered winter-dead twigs toward her pickup truck. Zach had changed from the controlling younger man she’d fought with five years ago. Could he accept the truth about her fertility issues without trying to force her to see things his way? Because she couldn’t bear the idea of losing another child, no matter how often her mother continually hammered into her the joy of bringing life into the world, despite all the pain and disappointment.

Kennedy swung open the cab door, climbed inside, and slammed it. Losing Brianna had mutilated her emotionally. The wound had never fully healed. And she doubted she could survive another loss without losing herself completely.

And she couldn’t bear the idea of the disappointment she’d surely see in Zach’s eyes if she told him the truth. He’d always wanted a big family, one like Michael Sullivan’s. How could she ask him to give up what he deserved even if he didn’t push her to risk another pregnancy?

Her cell phone buzzed, and she quickly checked her text message. Zach texting sexy promises she had no doubt he’d fulfill. She replied with a few promises of her own.

When she arrived at the lodge, all the outdoor lights blazed a welcoming home—with an even better welcome standing on the front porch. Zach leaned against one of the pillars, two mugs of steaming coffee in his hands. His chestnut hair curled over his winter coat’s collar and the freezing December wind had colored his face crimson.

She parked, then exited her truck. “How long have you been out here? It’s colder than a snake sliding down a ski slope.” Kennedy skipped up the steps to stand beside him.

“Only a few minutes. Here.” He gave her a cup. “Thought you could use some heating up.”

“I thought that was your job, Tanner.” The briefest contact of his fingers on her skin sent a current straight to her center. The only heat she craved was his.

“It will be.” He wrapped his free arm around her shoulder and tugged her close. “After we go over the specs of the fundraising gala.”

Her pulse jumped. The warmth of Zach’s embrace and the promise of the power awaiting her later tonight shot through her with the intensity of a lightning bolt. “Michael like our plans?” she asked.

Zach kissed her temple. “Loves them. You ready for the big day?”

Another current traveled low. Wanting and yearning melded with wishing and hoping. “Of course I am.” Kennedy rested her head on his broad shoulder.

If she wasn’t on the site supervising the overall construction and renovation changes, she was interfacing with Michael’s sister Hannah about the ALS benefit. She’d enjoyed their conversations on the phone about the benefit and Hannah’s plans to run the resort’s wellness spa, but pretending to be thrilled about her future she-didn’t-know-she-was-fake maid of honor’s upcoming bridal shower plans for Kennedy had been excruciating.

“I can’t believe it’s December already,” he said as they walked side by side through the lodge’s double doors.

And she couldn’t wrap her brain around the fact that January would herald the end of their reunion. The days had passed so quickly, and now the week had arrived when they’d open the lodge for the first time. “This place has been like a nuthouse with all the extra people and party planners running around,” Kennedy said, pressing the memories of their reunion into a mental bottle, keeping everything contained in the here and now. But wanting so much more.

There was only one way to keep Zach, but his reaction to the truth could also mean the end of their fledgling relationship. She hated the idea of losing him completely, but if she wanted to hang on to the man she loved, Kennedy had to find the inner strength to risk her heart.

“Things will get back to normal after the benefit.” Zach turned her to face him, his eyes dark and gleaming. “Then we’ll wrap up the renovation and reopen Sweetbriar Springs in April.”

Her breath hitched. “Did you find a general manager to take over operations after the benefit on New Year’s Eve?” she asked.

“I found one of the best managers in the country.” Zach guided her to the kitchen’s new, state of the art fridge and drew out sandwich fixings. “She’s arriving from New York to take over before the benefit.”

“Excellent. The fundraiser will give her a test ground to see how the changes we’ve incorporated provide for the elite and for the not so well-off.”

They had created a first floor wing with the same opulence as the rest of the lodge and its outbuildings, but had constructed wheelchair accessible hotel rooms that accommodated the most fragile of bodies. Even a body as fragile as a person in the final stages of ALS.

“Will she be easy to work with?” Kennedy asked.

“She’s tough, but fair. You’ll like her.”

“I’m sure I will.” But not nearly as much as she loved having Zach overseeing the day-to-day tasks. Not when their nights had transformed into passionate encounters she yearned to have for an eternity.
“All of the outdoor equipment and facilities will be wheelchair and handicapped accessible. I’ll try to get back to check out the end result.”

She layered tomatoes and lettuce onto the bread. “I’m sure everyone will be thrilled to see you again.” Herself included, but she mentally inhaled that dusting of fool’s gold.

He added smoked turkey slices. “As will I.” He topped the sandwiches and grabbed a knife, then sliced through the homemade bread.

His hand trembled slightly as he picked up the resulting triangles and placed them onto paper plates. “Thanks,” Kennedy said, taking hers from his outstretched hand.

He bit into his dinner, chewed. “Wanna check out the ballroom? Make sure it’s up to code?”

They’d celebrated Christmas in the ballroom with the new staff and Kennedy’s family. Gifts had been exchanged, vast amounts of their new chef’s prime rib with all the fixings had been consumed, and for the first time in years, joy overpowered the sadness she’d carried for so long. But as they transformed the ballroom for Michael’s next speech, which would happen in three days, doubt shadowed her newfound happiness.

How could she face Michael after they disappointed him with their broken engagement when the stark truth was she’d fallen madly in love with Zach all over again? How could she hide her heart’s desire?

Zach respected her and treated her as an equal on the job site and off it. He took her breath away every time she looked at him. And he brought her to the heights of ecstasy night after night with such reverence that she couldn’t imagine any other man filling the role of her lover.

How could she be sure Zach wouldn’t revert back to the man who had crushed her spirit with his absence? And could he restrain his overzealous compulsion to engineer her future when he had never stopped to ask her what had scared her from trying to conceive again five years ago?

“You okay?” he asked.

An empty feeling settled low in her chest. “I’m not looking forward to telling my mom that the wedding is canceled,” Kennedy said. “She emailed me pictures from her wedding board on Pinterest this morning.”

The lovely photos of outdoor weddings with candles and fairy lights and greenery decorating the tables had created an intense longing in Kennedy’s heart for the fantasy to become a reality. In all honesty, she didn’t want Zach to return to New York, because planning a wedding, albeit a fake one, beat the alternative. Her email exchange with her mother spun round and round in her mind, weaving together the shattered pieces of her past and quilting a host of possibilities she had once thought unattainable.

But she was weaving a fantasy that would yield nothing until she faced the fear within her. She desperately didn’t want to disappoint the man she loved. And even more, she agonized about how their dreams had disintegrated in a matter of heart-wrenching moments during which no amount of deals made with heaven could stop the horror.

Zach grabbed two beers from the fridge and popped them open. “I’m glad we’re waiting until after the fundraiser to break the news to them. Remember, your dad did threaten to kill me if I hurt his little girl again.” He passed her the can and drank from his own.

She swigged back her brew, welcoming the chilled liquid’s first slide down her throat. “When will my dad realize I’m all grown up and can take care of myself?”

But then her father knew everything. He’d watched in agony as his only child had coped with the aftermath of her loss without Zach by her side. Work had pulled Zach away to Milan where he could hide from his grief while running his father’s company. Then she’d shouldered the unbearable loneliness of grieving their child while coping with the duel demons of guilt and anger.

Zach tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “Dads don’t stop being dads when their little girls grow up,” he said gently.

A heaviness, strong as a steel beam, pressed against her sternum. Zach had lost his chance with her and she had no way to give him another one in the future. She chomped her sandwich. “I’m more than capable of handling my own life.” After all, she’d handled the incredible pain of knowing she’d risk losing subsequent pregnancies if she tried again. “I don’t need his protection.”
Just Zach’s
. That he hadn’t been there during her darkest hours still haunted her.

“You don’t always have to be the tough girl.” He kissed her forehead.

His lips, so soft and tender, sent a shiver of anticipation through her. Oh, how she wanted to keep him here. But she couldn’t unless she risked her heart completely. “You should know by now that nothing scares me.” Only the thought of losing Zach again, but until she looked in the mirror and no longer deplored herself for their greatest loss, she’d never have a future with the man she loved.

Until that happened, she couldn’t be honest with Zach about having a family. She didn’t want to force him to choose between having a life with her, childless and barren, or having a life with another woman who could one day give him the family he deserved.

…

A whirlwind of emotions swirled through Kennedy’s expressive green eyes. Zach read the uncertainty in them and heard the hint of sadness underscoring her defiant words. “I know this lie is strangling you. Hell, it’s wrapping a noose around my neck. But we’re in the clear after January first.”

She looked down, breaking their gaze. “Is that when you plan to leave?”

“Are you kidding?” He tucked his finger under her chin and tilted her face up. “No way you’re getting rid of me that quick.” His eyes gleamed dark with sensual promises.

Her legs wobbled. “You’ll have to go eventually.”

“True,” he said. “The corporation can’t run on air, but I’ll leave when I’m ready.” Which, from the way things were going between them, wouldn’t be soon. If he could just convince her to come with him, give New York a shot. Milan. Stretch out the time they had until they went their separate ways. “I happen to like our little arrangement.”

“That’s because you’re not the one pinning wedding gowns to Pinterest boards.” Kennedy crossed her arms. “Not to mention texting with your dad about who gets to give away the bride because your mom wants equal billing.”

He gave her a lopsided grin. “It’s kind of cute how they argue about the smallest things, but they’re still crazy about each other.”

Though her answering gaze clouded, she smiled back. “Dad said he wanted a challenge and he sure got one when he married Mom.”

His throat closed. Zach would have had the same challenge with Kennedy if everything hadn’t been so insane after the miscarriage. “Like mother, like daughter.”

She flinched and her face drained of color. “We’re too alike.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Kennedy shifted her gaze to the left. “Just tired of leading my parents down shit lane toward crap on a stick.”

“Lying to your parents hasn’t been easy.” He folded her into his arms. “But I don’t regret the time we’ve had together. Do you?” He didn’t relish the thought of leaving. Not yet. Not when they had rebuilt the bonds of their friendship along with enjoying the physical combustion flaming between them.

And in the process of being with Kennedy, his world had careened strangely out of control. He’d allowed his heart to open to possibilities. Maybe now that they had matured, he could ask for more than this arrangement. They could get married in June, try to make new babies, become a family.

Kennedy would be such a wonderful mother. Not to mention she was already the perfect lover. She brought him to the highest edges of reason and soared over the abyss with him as if she’d been made just for him.