The Mating Season: Werewolves of Montana Book 6 (14 page)

Exasperated, she dusted off her hands, scrubbing away tears with a fist. “Dangerous? What, something will rise from the ashes and destroy me? A phoenix with rabies? There’s no one here and I’m already broken, Tristan. Can’t you give me a few damn minutes to mourn? Stop coddling me as if I were made from glass.”

He looked away, his body tense, and she realized he had changed his clothing back to the black tunic, black leather pants with the laces, and the soft doeskin boots. It made him look dark and dangerous again, and reminded her of his status as the Silver Wizard.

Powerful and immortal, a being not to trifle with. But she steadied her nerves. If she never asserted her needs, then she was doomed to become little more than the mild, obedient Lupine she suspected she’d been all those centuries ago. She would never be locked up again, unable to pursue her own dreams and passions.

Once she dreamed of having a mate who would love her and set her needs above all others. They would have children, and the children would have children, and as she grew old and contented with her mate, their grandchildren would play at their feet.

Nikita looked at the ruined land. That dream seemed as dead as this ranch.

“Tristan, please give me privacy.”

Finally, he nodded. “I will be over by the trees so that I can still keep my eye on you.”

When he walked away, she combed through the charred remains of the cabin, sifted through the ashes. Maybe her wolf was still here…perhaps she could salvage a small part of it, a keepsake.

A few minutes later, she realized the futility. Niki stood and fisted her hands. Anger was better than tears and grieving. She had grieved enough when the disease took away her family and all of the pack’s males. Logically, destroying the cabin made sense.

But a small part of her cried out for the past. Her past, not the one she had shared with Tristan, but her past in this life.

She was not going to cry, no, not in front of him. Gathering the shreds of her dignity together like a tattered cloak, she walked down the path to where he sat beneath the sheltering branches of a shady oak tree.

When she saw what he was doing, she smiled a little.

Flicking its bushy tail, a squirrel ate a nut Tristan had held out to him. Then the animal saw her, scolded them and raced up the tree.

Niki flopped onto the grass beside Tristan. Her grass. Her property, and Nia’s. No other grass would ever feel the same, for it would not belong to her legally. Suddenly she felt exhausted, her muscles trembling with fatigue.

“Is that how you pass the time? Feeding prey?”

Tristan flipped a peanut shell into the air and caught it. “I like animals, and squirrels are not prey for me. Not any longer.”

“You don’t hunt in wolf form? What about the night you saw me by the bonfire pit?”

He snapped his fingers and the peanut shell vanished. “The night you were so terrified of me that you tried to run.” His gaze went smoky. “You need not fear me, Nikita. I would never hurt you. And no, I do not hunt prey. If I do, it is to give the kill to a Lupine.”

She stared at the lodge, remembering the laughter of women, the times when she had come out of hiding to address the elders and play with the children. “This was my home. I have nothing now.”

“Not nothing. I did ask Xavier to save this.”

Tristan reached behind him and brought forward a battered stuffed wolf, missing one glass eye, one ear chewed off.

Overwhelmed, Niki cried out and hugged the toy.

His expression guarded, he watched her.

She caught a wistfulness in his gaze, as if he wished to be the stuffed animal.

Emotions churned inside her. She felt torn, for she wanted to trust and draw closer to him, yet she feared his power and his ruthless streak. But he had not pressured her. Yet. He had not pushed her into sex, though it was obvious from his tension and the hungry way he kept watching her that he desired her very much.

And then what, once he had claimed her, made her his mate? He wanted to sire a son, probably to replace the son they never had in their past life. And the biggest question of all remained unanswered…what would happen to her and the baby? Would he abandon them as he had before?

Words were words. Tristan had uttered vows of devotion centuries ago, and put war before her needs. Would he put his responsibilities first now? Surely he must, for he was a being of enormous power and duty.

She had nothing to guide her except dreams from the past, and her own instinct. But for now, she was grateful he had done this small favor.

“Thank you,” she told him, squeezing the toy. “This means so much to me. Silly, because it’s just a toy.”

“Nia wanted to come herself, but Aiden would not allow it, for he feared the disease might still linger on the property. She told Xavier about that stuffed wolf. I told him to save anything of yours that had sentimental value and could not be replaced.”

Sensing he felt almost jealous of her affection for the stuffed toy, Niki set down the wolf. “Long before I experienced my first shift into wolf, I used to pretend Jax was a real wolf and we’d go hunting. I’d sneak out at night when everyone was asleep and take Jax with me and prowl through the forest.”

“I know. I watched over you during those times.”

Startled, she stared at him. “I sometimes felt I was not alone…”

“You were not. I stayed hidden, for I had no wish to frighten you. But I would not see any harm come to you. By the time you grew old enough to shift, I no longer visited, for your senses were developed enough to warn you I was near.”

And that was when she had fallen into real trouble and eaten the berries that nearly caused her death, which had made her father gamble everything to secure Pandora’s Chest. She, Nikita, had caused the curse that fell upon the ranch.

So many choices and regrets. Niki plucked a strand of grass, her throat tight.

A cool breeze rustled the branches overhead, making her shiver, despite the sunlight dappling the pines. The squirrel Tristan had fed scampered down the trunk, and landed on his shoulder, waving his tail. Tristan conjured another peanut and fed him.

She was glad to see wildlife return to the ranch, for since the disease, many animals had pushed back further into the deep woods. Perhaps soon the wildlife would take over the ranch. Maybe it could be a refuge for the creatures. Certainly it was depressing as it stood now…abandoned, as haunted as a ghost town.

“Must we go to the Shadow Lands? If this potion you gave me won’t last and I’m going to die unless you get me to Tir Na-nog, then why not simply zap me there?”

His jaw tightened as he petted the squirrel, which had jumped into his lap. “You cannot be ‘zapped’ into the afterworld, Nikita. Unless you are dead. The Shadow Lands offer the only safe passage for you.”

At least he would be with her.

And then she caught his tension, as clear as his scent change, for his delicious aroma of spices and cedar changed to bitter almonds and cold metal. What was the reason for it?

She caught another scent, now, that made her stomach roil. The coppery, slick scent of blood. She had scented all that the day Tristan was executed.

“Are you going with me?”

“I will be with you as you enter the Shadow Lands.” Torment filled his gaze as he stared at the distant lodge. The squirrel jumped off his lap and ran off.

“What’s wrong?”

“It is not a place I wish to revisit, Nikita. The Shadow Lands for me are…filled with dark memories.”

Sweat beaded her forehead. At least she would not be alone. She reached for the wolf and hugged it again, feeling her world tip on its familiar axis. Death did not terrify her, but the process of dying certainly did. Not for the first time that day, Niki wished her twin, Nia, was here, squeezing her hand and telling her all would be well.

“You went there after you died?”

He nodded.

“Was I ever in the Shadow Lands? When I died?”

“No.” He avoided her gaze. “You went directly to Tir Na-nog. Eventually when I became the Silver Wizard, I was not permitted to have any contact with you, not until you were reincarnated.”

“Why? Why did I go there and you couldn’t see me?”

“It was…part of my agreement with the goddess when I became the Silver Wizard. Contact was forbidden so I could concentrate on my duties to all shifters as their judge and guardian.” He gave a soft smile. “If I had you in my arms in the afterlife, I would surely have neglected all my duties.”

“When must I go? Can’t I have more time…perhaps visit Nia?”

“No. Even now your body is growing weaker. You have little time until you collapse. Once you enter the Shadow Lands, you will be a little stronger, but eventually the potion will wear off. And the danger that followed you to the hotel is growing closer. This forest may be cleansed of the parvolupus disease, but other dangers lurk.”

Tristan’s jaw tensed. “There are Fae present nearby, and I know not if they are friendly. I doubt it.”

She reached out with her senses, but scented nothing except the familiar aroma of pine, the stench of charred wood and the smells of woodland animals. And Tristan, whose aroma remained dark and deadly. Nikita listened intently, but heard nothing, either.

“If there were Fae, I would detect them. I know every inch of these woods, and if Others are present.”

“There are Fae able to cloak their scents. They can blend with the woods and move through the air like blowing leaves. You would not know of their presence until they strike.”

“The Fae who watch over the woods are benign.”

“Not all Fae are benign, Nikita.” Tristan stretched out one leg and folded his arms across his broad chest. “I thought you would have remembered that from your past life. Mara is but one Fae who presents danger.”

Even an unfriendly Fae on familiar territory was better than the unknown dangers lying ahead in the Shadow Lands. She looked around at the trees, the grass, the gravel pathway and the distant mountains, and shivered. “I’ll take a Fae, even Mara, over going through that portal. I’m scared.” There, she admitted it.

“You must trust me, Nikita.” He ran a finger down her cheek, a bare caress that made her shiver. “The portal entrance to the Shadow Lands is only the beginning of your trials. In the Shadow Lands, there are certain tests you must undergo that I cannot help you with.”

“What kinds of tests? Physical?”

“Tests of courage, inner strength, and moral character. It is the way of the Shadow Lands, to aid the lost and wandering souls of Others who wish to move on to the next level.”

“I’m not a lost soul. I know where I belong.” Then she looked around the deserted ranch and felt the grief return. “Actually, I
don’t
know where I belong anymore. Everything has changed.”

“You belong with me. You always have,” he said quietly, his gaze growing distant once more.

“Maybe we had a connection once, Tristan. I was your mate, yes, I’ll admit I am remembering that part of my past life. But how can I belong to you when I have barely lived in this life? I’ve spent twenty-five years hidden from you, fearing you would appear and kill me. I can’t simply accept that you’re supposed to be my mate. We’re in the 21st century, and women have choices now, even Lupines like me. This isn’t the old days.”

“In the old days, life was simpler. I miss those days.” His expression grew stormy. “I took what was mine and no one questioned my choices.”

Maybe someone should have, and then you wouldn’t have ended up on King Emer’s execution block.
Niki bit her lip. He could probably read her mind and she did not want to argue. Tristan had now had hundreds of years to traverse the territory of the afterworld that was all unknown to her.

Once the unknown had presented an exciting challenge; indeed, it was one reason she’d enjoyed running as wolf at night. But now that the grim reality of this journey had arrived, she was just plain scared. He held all the cards.

And yet if she remained here, refused to go, she’d die.
I’m too young to die. I haven’t even experienced life. I need to stop thinking the worst, and step out and have a little faith.

Then Tristan’s wistful voice spoke inside her mind:
Have a little faith in me, Nikita. I told you that night when I carried you into your apartment, I would not harm you.

Setting the wolf down, she looked directly at him. His dark gaze seemed unfathomable and dark as night. This wizard could snap his fingers and conjure clothing from thin air, or lay a trail of destructive coldfire that would strip life from the land. And he fed squirrels peanuts. He was a study in contrasts.

She took a deep breath. “All right, I will go with you. I don’t want to die. I’ll return to your home and become your lover again, and bear your son if I must. And then what happens? Do I stay there with you?”

His gaze was solemn as he looked at her. “No. You cannot remain in Tir Na-nog longer than ten days
,
unless you drink the potion of the Blood Moonflower and become immortal. And the babe we will create will become immortal as well.”

Jaw working, Tristan fisted his hands. “I will admit to being selfish, Nikita. I want you at my side, always, as my mate. But equally so, I never want anything bad to happen to you and the babe we will conceive. It would…kill me to see you die all over again.”