The Marriage Intervention (34 page)

“And you were right, Mama. It’s better to marry for practicality. Although, a little romance is good to have in the mix, too. You’d like Paul. He’s perfect for me. And I know you’ll be so proud of my children when I have them. I chose to lay you to rest in this spot because it represents so many things I love about you. It represents practicality. Egg salad sandwiches are nothing if not practical. And a picnic lunch is a perfectly practical way to turn an everyday lunch into something special. It represents romance. You wanted romance when you met my dad, and even though it turned out to be too much romance, this spot was romantic for me. Magical.
You
were magical to me, Mama. And although I’ve come here to lay you to rest, and to say good-bye to you, it’s not good-bye forever. You’ll always be in my heart, I know that now. And I know we’ll meet again. I love you.”
 

Josie opened the cardboard box and pulled out the bag that held the ashes. She unsealed it and walked forward to the creek’s edge. In less than a minute, she had emptied the contents into the sparkling water. Some of the ashes dissolved immediately, while others floated down the creek and out of sight.
 

***

Josie, Summer and Delaney stayed overnight in a small cottage in the woods. The owner, a grandmotherly painter with a self-proclaimed penchant for finding the perfect blueberry muffin recipe and a knack for making strong, delicious coffee, welcomed them Saturday evening with citrus-flavored ice water and a basket of cheeses and fancy crackers. Kara McCormick bought the cottage to run as a bed and breakfast when her husband Bud (short for William) died ten years before.
 

“It was always our shared dream to live in a cottage in the woods,” she said, nodding toward the window at the front of the house and the flower garden and trees beyond it. “But we waited. We were always waiting for the right time. He died before that time ever came. One of the greatest regrets of my life. Anyway. Reminiscing. Sorry, girls. You came here for a girls’ weekend. You don’t need to listen to an old lady blabber. Let me show you to the Quail Room. C’mon then.”
 

All three of them changed into pajamas and flopped onto the bed the moment Kara closed the door behind her.
 

“I’m so tired,” Delaney said. “I guess I’m getting old!”
 

“You’re not old, Dee,” Summer said. “You’re pregnant. You’re growing an actual human in your body right now. It takes a lot of energy.”
 

Delaney didn’t answer. She was already snoring.
 

“So how are you feeling?” Summer asked Josie.
 

Josie sighed. “I feel content. Like I got closure today. Closure I really needed. And I have you guys to thank for that.”
 

Summer reached across the bed and grabbed Josie’s hand. “You’re welcome,” she said.
 

Within seconds, she, too, was fast asleep.
 

Alone and feeling wide awake at the same time as she felt calm and centered, Josie decided to go for a walk. The moon hung high in the sky, casting a silvery glow on the forest surrounding the cottage. She took the first path she came to, one that led into the woods, to a little chapel nearby.

“I’m ready to let go, Mama,” Josie said as she walked.
 

The forest was quiet, but not silent. Creatures scurried along the ground, which was padded with fallen redwood leaves. Somewhere nearby, a stream bubbled.
 

“It’s been so hard, but I’m finally ready. I know now that letting go doesn’t mean you’re not with me. It doesn’t mean I have to forget about you. It just means I’m at peace with you being gone.”

***

The next morning, the girls ate a huge pyramid of Kara McCormick’s famous blueberry muffins and Josie relished most of a huge pot of her coffee. They hit the road at seven on the nose, armed with peanut-butter-filled pretzels and black licorice.
 

Most of the morning passed in silence punctuated by Summer pointing out every train, plane, helicopter or farm animal they saw. “Sorry,” she said so many times. “Habit. Kids. You know.”
 

Suddenly, she burst into tears, sobbing loudly. Delaney pulled off the highway and the car jerked to a stop, tall weeds scraping its undercarriage. She and Josie turned around in the front seats to look at Summer, who went from crying to laughing in a split second.
 

“You guys. Your faces are so comical. I’m fine.” She sniffed. “No, really. I am. I’m just so overwhelmed.”
 

With that declaration came a fresh round of tears. Josie and Delaney exchanged panicked glances.
 

“Oh, stop worrying,” Summer said.
 

Delaney looked around. “I think I see a milkshake place at the next exit. Should we stop?”
 

They pulled back onto the highway, exited and then drove through a fast food restaurant. Back on the road, Delaney said, “So fill us in. What’s going on?”
 

“It’s the band,” Summer said.
 

Josie looked at Delaney, but Delaney’s eyes were glued to the road. Would anything band-related cause Summer to act the way she’d been acting lately? There had to be more to this story.
Is she lying?

“The band, like The Sweets?” Josie said.
 

Summer nodded. “It’s just that ever since we played at The Blue and the rodeo dance, the girls want to play even more gigs. But I just can’t. I really want to, but I just can’t. It’s all too much.”
 

She broke down into a full-out wail. Josie wished she had Summer’s knack for always knowing what to say.
 

“Could you just play some of the gigs?” Delaney asked.
 

“That’s a good idea,” Josie said. “I mean, you don’t have to go to every single one of them. The band is supposed to be something fun for you, right?”
 

“It is,” Summer said. “And no, I can’t do just some of the gigs. I mean, they need a full-time lead singer. Kind of important, you know?”
 

“Maybe you could take a break?” Josie said, hoping her voice sounded gentle. With her luck she’d send Summer over the edge, straight to a full-out breakdown.
 

Summer nodded and her expression remained serious. “I know, you’re right.”

“But of course you’re sad,” Josie said. “I would be too.”
 

No one spoke for a little while, but Josie’s mind was going a million miles an hour. Summer rarely broke down. And if she did, it wasn’t about something as trivial as the band.
It’s her secret to keep
, Josie reminded herself. Her thoughts wandered to Paul, then, and to the kiss with Scott, and by the time the girls made their second pit stop in just four hours, Josie had had plenty of time to think.

“I’ve really messed up with Paul,” she said as they pulled away from the seedy gas station where they’d each used about a gallon of hand sanitizer after going to the bathroom.

Neither Summer nor Delaney answered, and Josie took their silence as affirmation.
 

“I need to fix things,” she went on, “but I have no idea how. I already apologized. I’ve given him his space. But I want him back and I don’t know what to do.”
 

Out the car window, golden hills rolled by, dotted with black and brown cows and lined with apple orchards.
 

“You guys don’t know what to say either?” Josie said.
 

“You did mess up,” Delaney said quietly.

Normally, Josie would respond with a sarcasm-infused, “Thanks, Delaney,” but this time she waited. Summer was nodding, but still, she didn’t speak.
 

“I could use some help, here,” she said after another several miles. Amber waves of grain and all that, she thought.

Finally, Summer spoke. “You messed up,” she said. “You really did. Delaney and I can’t tell you how to fix it. We don’t have to tell you that you never should have kept the Scott Smith secret from Paul, and that you really, really never should have kissed him in your house. The house you share with Paul. Your husband.”
 

Oh, God. She’s doing the mom thing again.

Just like a teenager caught coming in drunk after curfew, Josie felt ashamed. If they’d been standing in a room, she would have made her eyes downcast, staring at her toes, shrugging her shoulders. But for now, they were in the car, so she focused on the road and kept her hands in her lap.

Summer continued. “But because you have messed up, and so royally, too, you’ve got to fix this, Not us. So go with your bad self, woman. Fix that shit up. Just know we can’t save you on this one.”
 

It wasn’t what she wanted to hear. But Summer’s advice was spot-on.
 

“You’re right,” Josie said. “I made the mistakes and now I have to set things right.”
 

The next several hours gave her plenty of time to think, and by the time they pulled up at her house, she had formed a pretty decent plan.
 

Scott Smith lived in a Craftsman-Style bungalow on Cottonwood Avenue, set back away from the street. A huge Sycamore tree stood in the center of the velvety lawn, and a flower bed lined the path from the driveway to the house. Of course, Scott Smith despised gardening and hired a gardener, all the while professing his love for “putting my hands in the dirt.” Another secret, Josie thought as she walked toward his front door the day after returning from her trip with Summer and Delaney.

When they first met, Josie daydreamed about living in this adorable house, quaint and sophisticated. She imagined turning the tidy flower bed into a wild English garden. She imagined hanging Halloween decorations from the branches of the Sycamore. She planned out the light-up Christmas scene she would design on the lawn.
 

Scott came out the door before Josie had the chance to knock. It was spring break, and he wore gray sweatpants and a maroon t-shirt instead of the slacks and button-up shirt his Mondays typically called for. His socks, as always, were pristine. Thick and white as if he’d just taken them out of the package. Josie’s mind flashed to an image of Paul’s socks: holey and off-white from wear.

For about the millionth time, her entire body flooded with a deep affection for Paul, for all the little quirks that set him apart. The socks, yes, and the obsession with garlic ice cream. The need to have his shoulders covered and his feet bare when he slept.
 

His smile wary, Scott motioned for Josie to follow him inside.
 

“We can talk out here,” she said.
 

They sat down on the wicker chairs on the small front porch.
 

“Josie—” he said at the same time as she said, “Scott—” and they both stopped and laughed awkwardly.

“I’m really sorry about—” he said at the same time as she said, “I need to talk—” and they both laughed again.
 

That was another thing about Scott: he had difficulty just letting her speak. “Let me go first,” Josie said.
 

When he nodded, she said, “I need to talk to you.”
 

“About the other day?”
 

“Kind of. About … everything. Between us. About how you’re always there, complimenting my wardrobe or laughing at my jokes. About how I’m always walking past your office, checking to see if you’re noticing me. We had a good run, but it’s time to end things. For good. No more talking, no more flirting, no more secretive smiles.”
 

“Josie, I—”
 

“Let me finish.” She held up a hand, like she’d do if one of her students interrupted her. “They say everyone comes into your life for a reason, and I believe you were there to help me cope with my mom’s death. At the same time, I never really found closure with it. So I think our relationship became kind of a stand-in. If I still had you, I still had her. But I’ve dealt with it now. And I’m ready to say good-bye to both of you.”
 

Scott nodded, finally leaving some open space in the air. In the span of time that followed, Josie was surprised she didn’t feel sad or nostalgic. She didn’t secretly wish for him to reach out and touch her face or ask her in for a night cap which really meant come in and have sex.

Finally, he said, “I understand. It hurts. You’ve been such a big part of my life for so long.”
 

Another lie. This time, to himself.
 

“I haven’t, really,” she said. “I mean, we’ve known each other. But we’re essentially co-workers, and have been since I got married.”
 

He nodded thoughtfully. “I guess you’ve occupied a big part of my mental space.”
 

Normally, she would make some quip, like, “It’s only natural,” but today, she said, “It’s time to move on, Scott. I need to focus on my marriage and you need to find a woman who can love you back. I think you and I both know who that might be.”
 

He looked surprised for a moment, his jaw dropping and his eyebrows raising, but she plowed ahead. “I can’t love you back. It may have seemed like I could, to both of us, but I can’t.”
 

She saw him watching her as she drove away, and felt an almost giddy sense of relief. Just before she turned off his street, he lifted a hand in a half-wave. She couldn’t help but notice he looked a bit defeated.
 

***

Josie’s next mission: to find a bridal gown for Delaney.
 

She returned to Froth, where Debra Mills greeted her with a cup of tea instead of a glass of champagne.
 

“I’m not the one who’s knocked up,” Josie said, and when Debra only smiled, Josie took a demure sip of her tea and followed her to the back room.
 

“So we need something for a pregnant bride, huh?” Debra said. She pulled several books off shelves and put them on the table, expertly flipping them open to reveal a dozen dresses with empire waists.