THANKS TO
our seat belts, no one was seriously hurt—at least, not much more so than we were before the crash. Mr. Judan called the school, and they sent a couple of cars to pick us up. The pain in my head and arm kept getting worse, and I threw up twice on the way back. Xavier pulled off his shirt to wipe down the car, while Cam held the bandanna to my forehead. When we returned, they put us in the basement. I sat in a chair, my head lolling, while they put Alisha on the floor, robes from Initiation piled underneath her like a multicolored mattress.
David arrived a few minutes later. He went to Alisha right away. They’d had to carry her inside. The seat belt had tightened across the very spot where the paintball had hit her, and she was barely conscious. He spent a long time with his hands on her belly before stumbling backward, looking almost as pale as she was.
He touched my head next, and the blackness that surrounded me gradually lifted. But the absence of pain in my head just made me more aware of the throbbing in my shoulder.
“I’ll have to wait a while before I can do more,” he said, his hands trembling as he moved them over my shoulder.
“It’s definitely broken, but I can’t fix it yet. I haven’t got the energy, and neither does Dancia.”
I couldn’t respond. My eyes were already drooping shut.
Mr. Judan handed me a cup of water and a few pills. “This will help the pain,” he said. “Cameron can walk you to your room.”
“But everyone will see me,” I said dully. I could still taste the bile in my mouth, and all I wanted was to curl up in bed and forget that this day had ever happened. “What will I tell them?”
“Accidents happen, Dancia. We were doing an activity in the woods. You slipped on a steep embankment and took a hard fall. You’ll feel much better in the morning.”
Great. More lies.
Cam got on one side of me, and Anna appeared at the other. I let them support my weight as we wobbled up the stairs and over to the Res.
The momentary goodwill that had existed between me and Anna dissolved bit by bit as we walked. She yanked on my arm a few times as we headed up the stairs, scowling whenever I winced or sighed at a fresh stab of pain.
“Serves you right,” she finally muttered, when we reached the top floor of the Res.
Cam eased me onto my bed.
I leaned against the wall, not wanting to lie down with Anna there.
“Leave her alone, Anna,” he said.
“I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt,” Anna said, positioning herself beside the door with one hand on her hip. “I did what you asked. But this is too much. We could have died out there, Cam. When are you going to see the truth?”
I squinted at her. “If you’re suggesting I let us drive into a ditch on purpose, you’re insane. I tried to stop the car, but I didn’t have the energy. I’ve got a concussion and a broken collarbone, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“It was him,” she said savagely. “You knew he was there, and you refused to do anything.”
“She’s been through a lot, Anna. Let’s just leave her alone,” Cam said. “She’s probably right. It was because she was tired. That’s why she couldn’t help.”
Probably
right? I sat up in shock. Cam was looking back and forth between me and Anna, vaguely discomfited. He held out his hands apologetically. “You know how mental it all is. Sometimes it’s hard to know why something happens. But I’m sure it was because you were too tired.”
“When are you going to see the truth?” Anna asked. “She isn’t rational about him, and today it almost got us all killed. Not to mention that she’s probably been seeing him behind our backs. Who knows how much information she’s been giving him? We can’t trust her.”
“Anna, stop,” he warned, slicing the air with one hand.
“You know how close they were before he left,” Anna pressed. “I bet you anything they’re still in contact. She wasn’t even surprised to see him in that car.”
“They were friends,” Cam said. “But that’s over now. Dancia would have told me if it wasn’t.”
The nausea intensified, though now for an entirely different reason.
“They weren’t just friends,” Anna spat. “They made out in her backyard last semester. Did she tell you
that
?”
Cam froze. He turned slowly to look at me. “You and Jack?” he asked, shocked. “You told me you were just friends.”
The beginnings of panic sent an adrenaline-laced tingle through me. “It was one kiss,” I said. “A long time ago, before you and I ever—”
“See?” Anna broke in triumphantly. “She’s been lying to you all this time. What else is she lying about?”
I tried to shake my head, but the movement sent pain coursing through my head and neck. “I never lied. All I ever wanted from Jack was to be friends. The kiss was a mistake. It happened once and I pushed him away. That’s why he got so mad at me last semester.”
The more I said, more deeply the lines of doubt were etched in Cam’s face. “What about now?” he asked, with a quick glance in Anna’s direction. “Are you still in touch with him now?”
I didn’t answer right away. Anna had her arms crossed over her chest, and she tapped her foot impatiently, waiting for my response. “Well?” she asked.
“I want her out of here,” I said. “You’ve had your fun, Anna. Now, get out of my room.”
Anna opened her mouth to protest, but Cam cut her off. He took her arm and guided her to the door. “Anna, she’s right. This is between the two of us.”
“Fine.” She turned back to me, tossing her hair. “And by the way, I’m talking to Mr. Judan right now. I’m telling him everything.”
“I see. Then I guess you’re telling him how you’ve been spying on me all semester?” I demanded, trying to push myself a few inches up off the bed.
“I don’t want to hear any more of this,” Cam said. “Anna, leave. If anyone talks to Mr. Judan, it will be me. Got it?”
Anna scowled at him, but nodded. Then she spun on her heel and slammed the door shut behind her. Cam turned back to me. He hooked his thumbs under his arms. “I don’t understand,” he said. “What happened?”
Tears pooled in my eyes. “I didn’t lie to you, Cam. I just didn’t know how to tell you about it. Jack and I were best friends, and one day things got a little out of hand. But that was never what I wanted. All I ever wanted was you.”
“I don’t care about that. I just want to know the truth. Is he still calling you?” Cam asked tightly. “Is Anna right about that?”
I lowered my eyes. “I’ve talked to him a couple of times. He told me I should join the Irin. I told him I didn’t want anything to do with them and hung up.”
“Did he say anything else?”
I hesitated. “He told me about someone named Ethan Hannigan. He said someone in the Program killed Ethan and pretended it was a suicide to cover it up.”
“And you believed him?”
“No!” I got to my feet. “Well, not entirely. But Cam, you’ve got to admit that the Watchers aren’t above killing someone they think is dangerous.”
He stepped back, bumping against the corner of my desk. “Wait. Are you telling me that all this time you’ve been listening to Jack saying these things, and
believing
him?”
“You know I would never be disloyal to the Program,” I said. “But I wanted to know where Jack was and how he was doing. And then he started telling me about Ethan, and then after D.C.…” I trailed off, not wanting to put the final nail in the coffin I seemed to be making for myself.
Cam fixed me with a hard look. “What?”
I dropped my gaze. “He said those papers they found in the warehouse in D.C.—the maps of the White House and stuff—he said those papers were planted there. He said it was a setup.”
Cam let his arms drop in disgust. “I saw the guns, Dancia. Did he tell you those were made up, too? And maybe the bodies were made of wax? Did he tell you how we faked the moon landing while we were at it?”
“No, Cam,” I said, clenching my fists. “And it isn’t that crazy to believe that Jack might be telling the truth. You even told me you felt wrong after D.C.”
“What does that mean?” Cam asked. “Now you’re on his side? And I’m the bad guy?”
“No!” I cried, feeling Cam slipping away from me. “This isn’t about you. It’s about this whole crazy place, and the Watchers, and the Governing Council. They lie all the time, Cam. Did you ever consider that they might be lying to you, too?”
We locked eyes for an endless moment. He turned away first, rubbing his hand over his face. “I just don’t see why you didn’t tell me the truth about Jack. The whole truth.”
I no longer understood, either. It seemed like something that had happened a long time ago. “I didn’t tell you that Jack and I had”—I forced myself to say the word—“
kissed
, because it didn’t have anything to do with us. It was a mistake, and I told him that. And then he was gone, and you and I didn’t talk about him.”
Cam pushed Catherine’s chair, shoving it roughly under her desk. A pencil rolled and fell onto the floor, and I watched it disappear under her bed. There would be hell to pay for that, when she noticed.
“And the phone calls?”
My head throbbed. I touched the lump on my forehead. “Anna scared me. She kept telling me she thought I was a traitor and shouldn’t be in the Program. Trevor told me he was watching out for me, but I couldn’t imagine he’d be sympathetic if he knew I was talking to Jack.”
“If you didn’t do anything wrong, you didn’t have anything to be afraid of,” Cam said.
I grabbed the edge of my dresser for support. “I didn’t want you to have to choose between us.”
“Because you thought I might take their side? You thought I might try to get you kicked out of the Program?” He looked astonished. “Dancia, I practically got
myself
kicked out so I could tell you the truth last semester. You should know by now how I feel about you.”
“I know, and I do, but Anna—”
“Forget it.” He threw up his hands in disgust. “This was never really about Anna. This is about you not trusting me, when I never doubted you for a minute.”
I stiffened. “That isn’t true. You’ve been hiding things from me all year.”
“There’s been a few things I haven’t been able to tell you, because of the Program, but you ended up finding out about them anyway,” he countered.
“Everything? You’ve told me everything about the Irin?”
He clenched his jaw. “I’m part of something bigger than us. I can’t tell you everything we do.”
“That’s exactly what I mean. When it comes to the Program, I never know if I’m getting the truth from you or not.”
“That isn’t my choice. It’s theirs.”
“And you’d do anything they say?”
“Of course not,” he scoffed.
“Are you sure? What if they told you I was bad, Cam?” I pressed. “Would you believe them? Would you still trust me after that?”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “When you told me I should stand aside and let Jack go free, I did. When you wanted to talk about the Irin, I told you as much as I knew. I’ve done everything for you, Dancia. Even when it wasn’t what they wanted.”
“Wait.” I held up my hand. “You didn’t let Jack go for my benefit. You did it because you knew it was the right thing to do.”
“No. It was the wrong thing to do,” he said. “Today proves that beyond a doubt.”
I closed my eyes. “The only thing today proves is that Jack has no loyalty to me. If I were working with the Irin, why would they be trying to kill me?”
“I never said you were working with them,” he said. “But I don’t see why that matters—I doubt Jack’s in control of their little group. What they did today took things a step further than their usual antics. I wouldn’t be surprised if Gregori himself had something to do with it.”
My knees were ready to buckle, so I crossed over to my desk and sat on the corner of it, resting my hands on my knees and rocking a little as the nausea surged and then retreated. The tips of my nails were dark—with blood or dirt, I couldn’t tell which. “You told me they were just a training cell. Why would Gregori be involved?”
“Apparently, things in Seattle have changed. Maybe because of what happened in D.C., or maybe because of Jack. I don’t know. All I know is, before you came to Delcroix, things like this didn’t happen. Now it seems like they’re happening all the time.”
“And that doesn’t strike you as strange?” I asked. “It doesn’t make you wonder what else is going on?”
Cam turned his back to me and walked to the other side of the room. “Of course it does,” he said roughly. “But it doesn’t make me want to call the Irin—or that guy Thaddeus, and become his new best friend.”
Silence surrounded us. My shoulder throbbed, and all I wanted to do was throw myself into his arms and cry out my fear and hurt.
“So, what happens now?” I asked. “Are you going to tell Mr. Judan everything I said?”
Cam stared out the window. “I can’t. Not with everyone so upset. I’ll tell him that Jack called and tried to get you to join them, but that’s it.”
“Thanks, I guess.” I laced and unlaced my fingers. “And?”
“I need some time to think,” he said.
“About me?”
“About everything.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, the tears building up in my throat.
“Me too.”
Catherine came in just as Cam was walking out, wearing her usual starched white button-down shirt and navy skirt. She took one look at me and sighed, “Not again.”