The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them (18 page)

Rejection

When a woman has no sexual interest in you, but you have made it obvious that you do have such an interest in her, she will reject
you in one way or another. This just means that she is turning down your offer to spend more time together to potentially end up as something besides friends, but it feels a lot worse than that to many males.

The word
rejection
itself has a bad ring to it, because we are conditioned to believe it is the end of the world when a female rejects a male. But rejection only feels horrible if you have been going down the wrong path for too long, making friends with women you are in love with without ever letting them know that you are actually not interested in friendship. It is only a big deal to males who do not understand what women want, including the fact that women keep friends separate from lovers.

Rejection in real life is very far from the way it is commonly portrayed in movies, where women often make fun of the unattractive male who shows his interest in them and make a big scene out of his misery.

The reality is far from this dramatic, as direct confrontation is not feminine behavior, but we are conditioned to believe that it could happen. Thus, the fear of failure will keep males from even trying before they have proven that they are good enough or before they have wasted enough time to fall in love and make a last desperate attempt when they are doomed to fail anyway. But I already mentioned that we are not born with many, if any, fears, and that includes the fear of failure. If babies were born with a fear of failure, they would never learn anything and the human species would never have survived as one inevitably fails toward success. Young children are not even aware of the concept of failure, as they intuitively know they are learning from trial and error, through practice and perseverance. That is the mindset you must recover. That you fear failure as an adult is because you have learned it through bad socialization.

Confident males are not afraid of rejection, do not expect it, or make a big deal out of it
when
it happens because it does inevitably happen. Even the most attractive, experienced, and successful males in the world are rejected
sometimes
because some women are lesbian, weird, dumb, afraid, or too busy. But these men have confidence enough to handle whatever happens, they are not bothered by what one woman thinks of them, and they do not flirt with women while expecting the worst. When you are in a confident state of mind you will spend no time thinking about rejection, and when rejection does come, you will just accept it and move on. You might even be a bit surprised or feel sorry for the woman for missing out on you.

Unconfident, unattractive, unsuccessful males, on the other hand, tend to focus on being rejected and how to avoid it, rather than on doing the right things to get the girl. They think that trying to avoid what you do not want is enough to lead you to what you do want, but that is not how the world works. It is the other way around; you get more of whatever you focus on.

People who believe rejection is horrible only believe that because they have not experienced rejection enough times. Those who fail do not fail
enough
. The most unsuccessful males have usually only been rejected a handful of times, with a couple of years in between each occasion, long enough for them to accidently meet a new female, make good friends with her, fall deeply in love with their fantasy version of her by admiring her from afar, only to confess their true feelings for her way too late with the dreaded “let’s just be friends” excuse as a natural consequence.

If a woman says that to you, it usually means you have already made friends with her, and that takes a long time to do. You have spent a lot of time
without
flirting with her, which is your big mistake. Men who know how to get girls meet more women in
a weekend than you do in a year and they face rejection too, but without wasting months to develop deep emotions before it happens, which saves both time and heartache. Real men are told, “I’m sorry, I’m not interested” or “I have a friend who is single that I would like to introduce you to” when they are rejected. That is pretty much it. No dramatic scenes, no broken hearts, no agonizing pain or suffering to keep them awake at night. It just happens, life goes on, they meet another woman, and
she
keeps them awake at night.

Anyone who believes rejection is not quick, painless, and undramatic needs to experience it more times so reality can set in. Most males never learn to deal with it, while some have their hearts broken so many times over several years that they become less sensitive and then finally get over it. But the best way to learn to handle rejection is simply to approach all the women you are interested in, flirt with them boldly right away, and accept the inevitable when it occurs.

The worst thing you can do is not to flirt boldly with women and instead hide your intentions from them because that is how you end up wasting a lot of time with women and fall in love with them only to be rejected when it hurts the most, rather to get it over with before you are emotionally and financially committed (considering time is money even if you have not spent a dime).

My point is that
if
you are going to be rejected, then the sooner the better, because if a woman actually has no interest in you, it is in
your
best interest to find out as soon as possible. This does not mean you should ask something foolish like “Am I bothering you?” or “Do you have a boyfriend?” because that would not reflect confidence, and you should still act as attractive as you can. Many males who ask such foolish questions rationalize that it is the polite thing to do and that it shows they respect a woman’s
opinion. What they are really doing, however, is the complete opposite of respecting her.

A woman will tell you for sure if you really are bothering her, and if you bring it up you are only making her suspicious and, hence, increasing the risk of her rejecting you. If she has a boyfriend or a marriage that she considers more important than getting to know more about you, allow her to make that decision
herself
, and wait for
her
to say so. Do not ask about it directly, and do not probe her indirectly to try to figure it out. Let her make up her own mind without leading her on. That is how you show a woman proper respect without ruining your own chances to seduce her. There is no need to create even more problems for yourself, because there are plenty of challenges that you must deal with when seducing a woman anyway.

Regardless of whether you have just met a woman or are dating one already, you should continuously flirt with her to make sure that she knows what you want and to keep things moving forward. If you then run into resistance that persistence seems unable to penetrate, it is best if she rejects you so that you know for sure that it is time to move on. The less time you have known a woman, the easier it will be for her to do so, but if she is being unclear for an extended period of time, you might have to explicitly tell her that you want to have sex with her. That usually works, either way.

While you should not go out looking for rejection or spend any time thinking about it, when it does happen, you should take it like a man. Many males who lack charm make that crystal clear when they overreact and instantly become rude or insult women as soon they are turned down, pretending they were not
that
interested in them after all. The only thing such lameness accomplishes is to confirm that the woman just made the right choice, and word may begin to spread about what an uncharming moron you are. To have
such a reputation can serve you no good; it may only come back to haunt you, and rightfully so.

However, there is one type of rejection that is dreadful for real, but it does not come from women. It is something that unsuccessful males experience all the time: They reject
themselves
. It is what you do when you see a gorgeous girl but then think to yourself, “I could never get a girl like that” and walk away even though the
woman
did not actually reject you.

Males who are unsuccessful with women are not so because women reject them a lot, but because they reject themselves too often, either by giving up too early or by not even trying at all.

ATTEMPT

While plenty of males do not meet any women at all because they never even try, most of the males that have
some
success waste a lot of time by failing to move forward, such as dating for weeks without sex. They do this not because they lack interest in having sex earlier, but because they do not even
try
to take the female back to their home any time sooner. The idea might not even occur to the
males
until after several dates when they believe that the timing is right, when they feel that they have been wining and dining their woman “enough.” But such a belief is all in their heads, caused by their socialization.

Contrary to what you might think, and contrary to what women will say,
all
women are willing to have sex with a man the very same day they meet him as long as they meet the right man. Whether he is right depends entirely on how skilled in seduction he is. Regardless if you believe that or not, you should always act as if that is the case and try taking your dates as far as you can instead of cutting yourself short and ending them early just because you believe that a kiss is all you will “get” on the first or
second date. You will never really know if you have gone as
far
as you could have gone if you do not try taking it further, and you will never really know if you have moved as
fast
as you could have moved if you do not try moving faster.

Never stop yourself from progressing because you have limiting beliefs, because those beliefs come from your socialization and not from your real-life experience. This applies to everything from what kind of women you believe you can get to how fast you believe you can get them. Your attitude should always be open with unlimited possibilities. If limitations really do exist, you will find out for sure when you run into them, and so be it, but never cut yourself short by not even trying.

You would be amazed by how much you can achieve in life, how far and how fast you can go, as long as you just try, and the experience that you gain along the way from simply trying is priceless. It is bound to make your life a lot more interesting and leave you with more exciting memories and stories that are entertaining for yourself and your friends.

People who do not try things always make up excuses to explain why they are unable to; they rationalize as that is what humans do when they want to avoid responsibility, without admitting it.

RATIONALIZE

The most telling sign of people who want to avoid responsibility is that they make up excuses — they rationalize. The more responsibility they try to avoid, the more excuses they will come up with.

The overwhelming majority of males are rationalizers, or
excusers
, in one way or another. They only differ in their degree of rationalizing behavior, with those who are most successful with women rationalizing the least, as there is a strong
inverse
correlation between how good you are with women and how good
you are at making up excuses. The males least successful with women either excuse themselves from even trying to flirt with women because they are intimidated or they do flirt with women but always using an excuse because they feel unworthy of them.

Making up excuses is called rationalizing because it is about attempting to
make
your experience rational when it is not. It is a function in your brain that tries to make your experience easier for you to understand by automatically assigning explanations to everything so that they appear to make sense, even if this results in lies that you tell yourself and other people. This mental process is most evident when we are afraid, when we face uncertainties outside of our comfort zone — when we deal with something beyond our confidence. Since fear is a powerful emotion that has served to help humans survive for thousands of generations, we are programmed to avoid it at any cost, including with self-deception.

Most males would rather rationalize than admit they are afraid. This is especially true when they have to explain their actions to other people, and particularly when what they are afraid of is a harmless woman, since they know that fear is a weakness and that males are not supposed to be vulnerable. No male wants to admit to being a coward, yet most of them are.

Although this mental process is normal, it becomes a problem when you want to approach and flirt with a woman as confidently as possible. Usually the better and more effectively you intend to approach a woman, the more excuses will pop into your head. The more confident you intend to be, the more uncertainty you would have to deal with, which makes it more likely that your mind will make up excuses to hold you back. Thus, it is better to look at the appearance of excuses in your head as a signal that you intend to do the
right
thing, rather than to hinder yourself with them.

You are probably much more used to conforming than you would like to think, and you believe that you have free will that is unaffected by other people, but you honestly do not know that unless you stop running with the herd. You will only know of your freedom for sure once you try to deviate from the rest. Your habit of rationalizing is the most noticeable when you cut through all the crap of traditional socialization and stop following the rules of conventional dating. If you lack the confidence to defy your social conditioning, your nonconscious mind will attempt to stop you by producing as many excuses as it deems necessary to convince you that even trying would be a bad idea — because if you try doing something you do not believe you can do, you challenge your very reality.

Let me give you a few examples related to approaching women. Males who feel unworthy often produce excuses that have something to do with worrying about other people or not deserving the woman. They tell themselves things like “she seems busy,” “she is in a hurry,” “she probably has a boyfriend,” “I know she is married,” “people are watching,” “it would be embarrassing,” “she is with her parents,” “it would hurt my reputation,” “she would be upset if I hit on her,” “she is too beautiful for me,” “I do not deserve her,” or “I do not know what to say (to impress her).”