The Man Who Turned Into Himself (15 page)
Read The Man Who Turned Into Himself Online
Authors: David Ambrose
FROM THE DESK OF EMMA J. TODD, M.D.
Dr Roger Killanin
Dodge-Kesselring Clinic
Castle Heights
Dear Roger,
A delicate matter has arisen on which I would value your advice. It comes out of my visit to Richard Hamilton this morning to discuss the document of which you have a copy.
I found him significantly altered in mood. He was positive, relaxed, and seemingly self-confident. The first thing he said was that he hoped I hadn't been embarrassed by what he had written about me. I assured him that he should not worry on that score.
He said he had found that writing the account had been a therapeutic experience, adding that he suspected that had been my real reason for asking him to do it. I conceded that it was certainly one reason.
At this point he asked me if I had my tape recorder with me. I told him I had, and he asked me to switch it on. The following is a transcript of our conversation:
Transcript From Tape
PATIENT: I think it may be useful for you to have this for reference later. We have nothing to hide any more.
DR TODD: 'We'?
PATIENT: Richard and I. Or, if you prefer, Rick and I. Let's not quibble about the billing. We are as one now. Which is not the same thing, you understand, as being one. Frankly, the importance of writing our story down didn't strike either of us as being quite as enormous as it was until after we'd finished and sent it off to you. That accounts for the downbeat ending. We're both feeling a lot more positive now.
DR TODD: I can see that. Tell me, am I speaking with both of you at the moment? Or just with one of you?
PATIENT: You're speaking with both of us. We find we can listen, think, consult, and come up with a mutually agreed response so fast that nobody is aware of any delay at all. It's Richard's voice, of course. That's because Rick's voice, like the rest of his body, is back where he left it, in the other universe looking after Charlie.
DR TODD: Okay, but let me understand this. If Rick is still back in the other universe, what is the part of him that's here now?
PATIENT: We don't know. While he's here it feels like it's the whole of him. But that can't be so, because it's not his body, it's Richard's body. And the experiences he is having are Richard's experiences. They're comparable to his own, but not the same.
DR TODD: I see.
PATIENT: No you don't. (Laughter) You think you're talking to a crazy guy. It's okay — you've been great, Emma. Can we ask you just one last favour?
DR TODD: What's that?
PATIENT: Rick has to go back. He can't do it without you.
DR TODD: What are you asking me to do?
PATIENT: Let's just review what we know, Emma. We know that Rick can jump between two universes. Maybe in time more than two, but for now let's stick with what we've got. The first time he did it by accident, the second time by intention, under hypnosis. That second time he arrived back at exactly the point of his departure — which was what he wanted. And this last time he dreamed himself here.
DR TODD: Has he tried dreaming himself back?
PATIENT: As a matter of fact he has. And d'you know what? He can do it. Or at least he could if he wanted. He dreamed himself back and almost woke up once. But he doesn't want to do that. He doesn't want to go back to exactly the point where he left. We have something more ambitious in mind. You want to know what that is?
DR TODD: Of course I do.
PATIENT: Time travel.
DR TODD: Time travel?
PATIENT: It's the only way to clear up this mess, Emma. We've talked about it and we really believe it'll work.
DR TODD: Would you like to explain how?
PATIENT: Emma, you've read what we wrote about Rick coming over here, and how all that thing happened. You remember it pretty well, don't you?
DR TODD: I do.
PATIENT: So you remember how it all started — Rick having all those strange feelings, waking up in the night, almost killing himself in his car, passing out, finally getting this premonition that Anne was in danger. Don't you realise what the explanation of all that is?
DR TODD: Why don't you tell me?
PATIENT: Rick was reaching back in time — from here! — and trying to warn himself what was going to happen. Only he didn't make it. It all happened anyway.
DR TODD: I see.
PATIENT: Do you, Emma? Do you really? We'd both really like to believe that.
DR TODD: I understand perfectly what you're saying.
PATIENT: But do you understand what we have to do now?
DR TODD: Tell me.
PATIENT: We have to try again, Emma! Put Rick back under hypnosis and get it right this time.
DR TODD: I'm not sure I can do that.
PATIENT: You can do it, Emma. We've figured it out. All you have to do is put him —
DR TODD: I mean I'm not sure I can administer hypnosis — here.
PATIENT: What's the problem?
DR TODD: This is a prison. I'm not free to behave here as I would in my own office, or in a hospital room. I'm constrained by certain legal obligations here. We both are.
End of Transcript
So that, Roger, is my problem. What do you think I should do?
As ever,
Emma
DODGE-KESSELRING CLINIC
Director: Roger A. Killanin
Mr Raymond P. Garrison
Office of District Attorney
Dear Mr Garrison,
The shocking death in custody of Richard A. Hamilton clearly requires the most scrupulous investigation. However, I feel that neither truth nor clarity is well served by the current tendency both in professional and media circles to make a scapegoat out of my colleague, Dr Emma Todd.
I would like to make it absolutely clear that, before undertaking the course of action which led to this unfortunate event, Dr Todd went to considerable lengths to ensure that her action was both legally and professionally justified. I strongly oppose any suggestion of improper conduct on her part, and have every confidence that the upcoming inquiry will exonerate her.
You have seen a copy of the letter in which Dr Todd asked my advice before agreeing to her patient's request for further hypnotic treatment. I in turn spoke by telephone to the State Correctional Board and to the President of the State Psychiatric Association before passing on their advice to her.
I was informed that Dr Todd would be in violation of
neither law nor ethical propriety if she administered to the patient any treatment she saw fit in order to establish his unfitness to plead. The patient's stated desire to stand trial on the criminal charges brought against him, without any mitigating pleas on the grounds of his mental health, in no way compromised her right or duty as his physician, in cooperation with his lawyers, to establish such grounds if possible.
The clinical justification for this treatment was unchanged from the previous occasion. It seemed plain to both Dr Todd and myself that the patient was exhibiting, by this roundabout means, a willingness to seek out and confront the root cause of his delusion. It was our duty to encourage, not discourage, such an intention.
The session took place in an interview room in the prison. Only the patient and Dr Todd were present, though guards and a trained nurse had been posted outside to be called upon if necessary.
Trance was induced by a standard technique and with no resort this time to a secondary trance. Only 'Rick', however, was to be regressed, while 'Richard' was to remain in light trance.
The patient and Dr Todd agreed upon a self-reporting technique, whereby he would automatically report the depth of his trance on a scale from zero (normal consciousness) to fifty (plenary trance) whenever Dr Todd requested.
The following is an excerpt from the tape of the session.
Transcript From Tape
'RICK': 45 . . . I'm now at 45 . . .
'RICHARD': I'm at 10, Emma. This is Richard. I can see Rick way down there. He's way ahead of me.
DR TODD: What can you see from where you are, Rick?
'RICK': I can see where I have to go . . .
DR TODD: Where is that, Rick?
'RICK': Further back . . .
DR TODD: What is there further back?
'RICK': Him . . . me . . . it's myself, but it's him . . .
DR TODD: What is he doing?
'RICK': He's dreaming. He's having some . . . (the patient laughs slightly here) . . . he's having some pretty sexy dreams there . . . Oh, wow, he'd really like to remember those dreams, but he's not going to . . . no, he's definitely not going to . . .
DR TODD: Why not?
'RICK': Because he's anxious about tomorrow, but does not want to admit it, and that's making him restless . . . He's coming up now . . . he's coming towards me . . .
DR TODD: Can he see you?
'RICK': I don't . . . no [know?] . . . no, he's gone right through me, like I was a ghost . . .
'RICHARD': Emma, he's got to go further back . . .
DR TODD: That's all right.
'RICHARD': I'm still at 10, Emma. I can see him down there, but I can't help him.
DR TODD: Give me your depth, Rick.
'RICK': I'm at . . . almost . . . 50 . . .
'RICHARD': Go! Go, Rick! Go!
NOTE:
The patient's voice as 'Rick' is now weakened as though by strenuous physical effort, while 'Richard' remains vigorous and full of energy. There is no difficulty on the tape in telling which is speaking.
'RICK': I must . . . I must . . .
DR TODD: It's all right, Rick, go back as far as you need.
'RICK': I'm . . . I'm afraid . . .
DR TODD: There's no need to be afraid, Rick. What's your depth now?
'RICK': I'm at 57 . . . it's still not far enough . . . Emma . . .
DR TODD: It's all right, Rick, you can go on back without deepening your trance. You're deep enough now to go back as far as you need. You don't have to go down any further, just go back. Can you do that?
'RICK': Yes, I think . . . I think I . . .
'RICHARD': I've got to help him, Emma. He can't do this by himself.
DR TODD: I don't think that's necessary, Richard.
'RICHARD': I have to. He needs help. Rick, Rick . . .
DR TODD: All right, Richard, let's take you down slowly, calmly . . .
'RICHARD': There's no time for that. Oh, my God, look what's happening! I've got to get there!
DR TODD: Rick — give me your depth, Rick [No response]. Rick, give me your depth.
'RICHARD': It's no use, Emma. He's too far gone. Rick. Wait for me. Hold on. Wait for me.
DR TODD: Rick! I'm going to start counting from 50. When you hear me at your depth, say 'I'm here, Emma'. 50, 51, 52, 53, 54 . . .
'RICHARD': It's no use. Too late, Emma. Rick! Wait for me! I can help you! Rick . . . !
At this point the tape records the sound of the patient in convulsion. This is followed by a loud crash as he falls to the floor, overturning his chair and the table and tape recorder.
The tape continues to record as the guards and nurse posted outside run in.
Dr Todd is heard asking what has happened. Someone says that the patient is lying unconscious, his head badly gashed.
The tape then ceased to record. It was later discovered that one of the guards had stepped on the machine.
End of Transcript
As you are aware, the patient did not regain consciousness despite X-rays showing that the injury to his head was only superficial. He died in coma seventeen days later.
I shall be happy to discuss this matter further with you on a personal basis at your convenience.
Yours sincerely,
Roger A. Killanin
FROM THE DESK OF EMMA J. TODD, M.D.
TO:
Dr J. W. Dale
Randall Institute for Psychical Research
University of Oxford
England
Darling Jo,
The last three months have felt like three years. But at last the ordeal is over and the inquiry has decided that I am not to blame.
Hooray! Two cheers! Rise to the sound of one hand clapping!
You would think, wouldn't you, that it would be a weight off my mind? I should feel liberated, or at least relieved.
The fact is it scarcely touches me. I never believed I would be found guilty of negligence or unprofessional behaviour. That was not the fear that kept me awake at night, or haunted my dreams when I fell at last into a drugged, exhausted sleep. It was a very different fear, which I have had to keep to myself until now. It would certainly have blown my credibility if it had come up at the inquiry. I didn't even dare write to you, because, although I trust your discretion absolutely, these things have a way of getting out.
But now that it's over I need to talk to someone, and since you do the kind of work you do, and I love you, I guess you'll have to be the one.
All I want you to do is read this document that I've had typed up from a tape. You will realise at once who is speaking. He picks up his story from the point where I lost him on the afternoon that he went into coma.
I will write to you again in a couple of days, by which time you will have read it — at least once, if I am not mistaken.
