The Man Every Woman Wants (14 page)

L
AURA
still fell asleep, but only after a lengthy sexual marathon where they made love over and over and over, in every position Ryan knew, including up against the wall again, though in the shower this time and with Laura facing the wall.

He
didn't succumb to sleep, however, despite feeling drained. His mind would not let him rest, plaguing him with the things Laura had said earlier about how much the past influenced the present, and the person one eventually became. As he'd already told Laura, he did actually know that. Ryan understood full well why he avoided love and marriage. Why he avoided emotional involvement of any kind with the opposite sex.

He'd always believed that nothing would ever change that. That no woman alive was capable of unlocking the iron cage he'd fused shut around his heart the day he'd come home from school and found his mother dead on the floor and his father curled up in a corner, sobbing that he hadn't meant to do it, that he loved her.

Ryan had lived a long time since that day—twenty-five years to be exact. Not once in all that time had a woman touched his heart, let alone his soul.

Until now…

Was this love he was finally feeling? He wondered as he frowned down at Laura's sleeping form.

He wasn't sure, since he didn't know what romantic love
felt like. All he knew was that sex with Laura was different from anything he'd experienced before. He could not seem to get enough of her. Usually, his desire lessened sharply after a couple of times, his days of wanting sex all night long a thing of the past. Not so with Laura. Already he wanted to feel that special feeling again, the one which jolted him every time he entered her, then grew in intensity, culminating in waves of rapture. He'd never felt anything like it. Hell on earth—would he never be satisfied?

This can't be love
, he decided as he rolled over and stared down at her naked bottom with its peach-like buttocks. True love would be less sexually driven. It was still just lust. A more obsessive form than usual, but just lust all the same. Give it time and these cravings would fade.

But not yet, he accepted when he reached out to touch her.

 

Laura woke to the delicious sensation of Ryan stroking her back. She was lying face down, on the bed, her arms bent upwards, her hands under the pillow that her head was resting on.

‘Mmm,' she murmured sleepily, her mind not yet fully awake.

It soon snapped to, however, when his hand abandoned her back and started paying her more intimate attention. Today, she was just all excitement. She'd abandoned embarrassment as a lost cause; Ryan didn't have an embarrassed bone in his body when it came to sex. Everything in his view was natural and healthy, every part of a woman's body put there for his pleasure. And her own.

After a while, however, Laura didn't want to just lie there, letting him do what he was doing—though it was lovely. She wanted to do things to him for a change. With a small moan—it
was
seriously tempting just to stay where she was and let him have his wicked way with her—she rolled over abruptly. Pushing her hair out of her eyes, she sat up and met his somewhat startled eyes.

‘You can do that later,' she said breathlessly. ‘It's my turn now.'

His eyebrows arched. ‘Your turn to do what?'

‘Will you please stop talking? Oh my goodness!' she gasped when she pushed him down onto his back and she saw how aroused he already was.

‘How long was I asleep?' she asked him in amazement. After all, they'd already made love quite a few times before she had dropped off, including that incredible time in the shower.

‘Long enough,' he growled.

‘Obviously,' she said, unable to stop herself from reaching out to touch him.

When she encircled him in her hand, he sucked in sharply, sending her eyes to his. This was the one thing she still hadn't done. Up until now it had been all him doing things to her.

‘Do you like women going down on you?' she asked him, her voice thick with excitement.

‘I do if they do,' he replied, his voice sounding strained. ‘You said you didn't—like it, that is.'

‘True. But that was before and this is now. I think I
will
like it with you.'

He groaned when she began to bend her head, groaning again when she put her lips to him in a tender kiss before slowly, ever so slowly, licking the head all over.

She didn't just like doing it, Laura realised dazedly by the time she drew him fully into her mouth. She
loved
it. Loved the feeling, not of power so much, but of knowing how much he was loving it. He'd given her so much pleasure; now it was her turn to give him pleasure.
Lots
of pleasure, by the strangled sounds he was making. She didn't care if he came in her mouth. She wanted him to come. Wanted him to stop struggling for control—which she sensed he was—and just let go. Determined, she picked up the pace, lifting and lowering her head to the rhythm of the thudding drumbeat her own blood was making in her head.

But, just when she was sure he was about to come, he
grabbed her and dragged her upwards, his strong hands lifting her up over him then lowering her down so that she was straddled across his hips.

‘I want you with me,' he growled. ‘Here, put this on me,' he ordered in gravelly tones, shoving a condom into her hands. ‘Hurry,' he snapped when she hesitated.

She had a little trouble sliding the protective sheath over him but managed at last, amazed when he slid inside her with shocking ease, her internal muscles automatically taking hold of him in a vice-like grip.

‘Hell on earth, woman,' he choked out, his face twisting.

Laura's face fell. ‘Am I hurting you?' This was the first time she'd ever been on top in her life. Mario and Brad had both been the kind of males who would never allow a woman to take the reins during sex. ‘I'm sorry. It's just that I…I haven't done it this way before.'

He stared up at her. ‘You've never been on top?'

‘No. Never. I'm so sorry.'

‘There's absolutely no need for you to apologise.'

‘But I
hurt
you!'

His smile was rueful. ‘There's a fine line between pleasure and pain, Laura. I promise you that what I'm feeling is more pleasure than pain. Now, this is the way,' he said, cupping her buttocks with his large, strong hands and moving her.

She gasped. Oh, how heavenly it felt. She soon didn't need any help, riding him all by herself, faster and faster. His hips began to lift from the bed, pushing him even deeper inside her. She moaned and leant forward, her breasts swinging free of her chest wall, her bottom lifting slightly. Incredibly, the level of her pleasure increased with the change of angle, each forward thrust sending electric shocks charging through her body. Her climax hit with such blinding force that she cried out. Ryan cried out as well, his body spasming wildly within hers. She collapsed across his chest, her head coming to rest over his madly galloping heart.

It was then that she began to weep, her whole body sud
denly surrendering to a storm of emotion that she was yet to understand.

‘Hush, my darling,' Ryan crooned as he wrapped his arms around her back and held her tightly against him. ‘Hush. There's no need to cry.'

‘I know,' she choked out. ‘I'm being s…silly.'

‘Not silly at all,' he murmured. ‘Just…over-tired. Time for you to get some proper sleep, I think. And time for me to go.'

Her head shot up off his chest. ‘But you promised to stay the whole night!'

‘I've changed my mind about that.'

‘I don't want you to go,' she wailed.

‘Don't worry. I'll be back,' he said, and firmly put her to one side whilst he sat up and swung his feet over the side of the bed.

She only just stopped herself from grabbing him to make him stay, but couldn't help asking, ‘When? Tomorrow night?'

He sighed. ‘I know I shouldn't but, yes, I promise to come back tomorrow night. Unless, of course, you've changed your mind about becoming my girlfriend for real,' he added, glancing over his shoulder at her. ‘Then I could pick you up from your office, take you for drinks and dinner then back to my place for a very pleasant evening.'

Oh, how tempting it was to agree to his offer. So, why didn't she?

Because all the reasons why she'd rejected his original proposal were still there: he didn't love her. He would
never
love her. The fact that that realisation cut even deeper into her heart reinforced her decision to keep her affair with Ryan as short as possible. It worried her sick that she was already falling in love with him. How easy it would be to surrender to her emotional nature and just go along with whatever he wanted.

Don't do it, Laura
, the bitter voice of experience insisted.
Stay strong!

‘I haven't changed my mind,' she said much more firmly than she felt.

‘Fine,' he bit out as he climbed off the bed and reached for his clothes. ‘But don't go thinking you can have it all your way indefinitely, Laura. I'm not happy with this arrangement. Not happy at all.'

‘Really?' she couldn't resist saying. ‘I would have thought it was right up your alley—all fun and no responsibility.'

The look he gave her would have frozen mercury.

Laura might have panicked if it had lasted. But slowly the ice in his eyes thawed and a sardonic smile lifted one corner of his mouth. ‘I can see you would have been one hell of a criminal-defence lawyer. You really are wasted in corporate law. Which reminds me, don't forget to tell them at work that I'm no longer your client and that they'll need to send me someone else.'

Dismay curled her stomach. ‘But what excuse will I give them?'

Now his smile turned a little cruel. ‘That's your problem, Laura.'

‘N
O
!' Alison exclaimed in shocked tones for the umpteenth time.

Laura suppressed a sigh. Lord only knew how her friend would react if she told her the whole truth about her ongoing affair with Ryan. She'd actually contemplated lying when Alison had rung her first thing this morning, barely five minutes after she arrived at work. But in the end she'd decided that a sanitised version of the truth would still save her pride, at the same time satisfying Alison's by-then rabid curiosity.

So she'd confessed to having sex with Ryan again when they'd returned to Sydney yesterday, but made it sound like it had been her idea that he eventually go home rather than stay the night. But when she confessed that she'd refused to become his girlfriend for real, opting instead for a brief sexual fling, Alison's reaction had still been negative.

‘And you honestly think you can handle a strictly sexual affair?' Alison went on eventually in a calmer vein. ‘That might suit lover boy but it's not you, Laura.'

Laura refused to let her friend think Ryan was to blame for everything. ‘Try not to forget, Alison, that I've been a willing partner in all this. I want sex from Ryan as much as he wants it from me.'

‘He must be damned good in bed to get you into this state. You've never cared for sex all that much in the past, not even when you were madly in love. But, of course, he
has
had a lot of experience,' she added tartly.

‘Yes,' Laura agreed, wondering if Alison could be just a tad jealous. She was always saying that one's sex life went out the window when you had children.

Alison sighed. ‘You know, I envy you, in a weird kind of way,' she admitted, confirming Laura's thoughts.

‘Not as much as I envy you,' Laura retaliated. ‘I'd give anything to have a loving husband like your Peter and two gorgeous children. You have a fantastic family, Alison.'

‘I guess I do. It's just that… Oh, never mind. Look, don't take any notice of me today. I'm suffering from PMT; you know what it's like.'

‘Indeed I do.' Laura frowned as she realised that she didn't have any of the symptoms yet.

Feeling slightly panicky, she went over the dates in her head again and came up with the same result—her period was definitely due on Wednesday. It occurred to her that maybe PMT went away when you were having a fantastic sex life. Maybe her body had become more relaxed. Stress could do dreadful things to one's health. Or so she'd read.

‘What you need to do,' she told Alison, ‘Is to have more sex.'

‘Huh! And when exactly do I have time for sex? Those gorgeous kids of mine run me ragged.'

‘Make time, Alison. I'll mind your kids next weekend and you go away with Peter.'

‘Honestly? You'd do that?'

‘I've minded them before.'

‘Not for a whole weekend. You know, I think that's a great idea and I will take you up on it—eventually. But not this weekend. There's no point; I'll have my period.'

‘You and me both,' Laura said dryly. ‘Look, I have to go, Alison. I have heaps of work to do.'

Which was not strictly true. But she had to think up some plausible reason why she could no longer be Ryan's lawyer. It was sure to be the first thing he would ask her that evening.

But, as it turned out, Laura couldn't think of a reason—
not one she felt happy with. Already she was feeling hyped up about tonight. Hyped up and turned on. Thoughts of sex filled her head all day, so much so that by the time Ryan arrived on her doorstep shortly after seven she'd forgotten all about not having organised another lawyer. All she could think of was being with him. One look at his hotly glittering eyes and she knew he felt exactly the same.

They made it into the bedroom, but not the bed. And Ryan almost didn't use a condom—again! She was the one who reminded him just in time. When he swore, she laughed. Then he laughed. The delay was exactly what they needed to catch their breath and move from the hard wooden floor to the comfort of the bed. They even managed to remove their clothes before a burst of uncontrollable passion overtook them again.

Laura came the moment Ryan entered her, his own climax swiftly following. After his body stopped shuddering he collapsed across her, his weight almost crushing. When she pushed at his shoulders, he levered himself up onto his elbows and glared down at her.

‘I can't keep this up, you know,' he growled.

Her brain felt as glazed as her eyes. ‘Keep what up?'

‘Waiting all day to be with you. I nearly went insane this afternoon.'

‘Oh…'

‘Is that all you've got to say?
Oh
?'

‘I don't know what you want me to say.'

‘Say that you feel the same way. Say you'll stop this nonsense and agree to be my girlfriend for real. Then we could spend lunchtimes together and have proper dates. And weekends away.'

Again, she was tempted to agree. But the bottom line was that he still only wanted her for sex with some company thrown in. There would be no proposal of marriage at any stage.

She said the only thing that she knew would stop him in his tracks. ‘If I become your girlfriend for real, Ryan, I'm sure to fall in love with you.'

Ryan could not believe the crazy thoughts which ran through his head—mostly that he didn't care any more if she fell in love with him as long as she let him spend more time with her.

God, how selfish could he get?

Ryan rolled away from her, staring grimly up at the ceiling and wondering what the hell he should do. He didn't like it that he was becoming possessive of her. It worried him.

Laura could not believe how forlorn she felt when he abandoned her body. Forlorn and alone. He was lying right beside her yet he seemed such a long way away. She hated that feeling.

‘I'm sorry,' she said suddenly, not really knowing what she was apologising for.

He turned his head to look at her. ‘For what? Being honest? I like honest people. And I like you—very much so.'

‘I…I like you too,' she said, choking on the words as she realised what an understatement they were. Because, of course, she didn't just
like
him any more. She
loved
the man. It wasn't the thought of no more sex with him that terrified the life out of her but of never seeing him again.

It was a shattering realisation. Laura quickly turned her head away lest her face betray the truth.

‘I doubt you'd fall in love with me, Laura,' he said at that most ironic moment. ‘By the way, what did you tell your boss about why you couldn't be my lawyer any more?'

Laura cleared her throat. ‘I…er…haven't told him yet.'

‘Then don't.'

Her head whipped round to stare at him. ‘But why?'

‘I don't want another lawyer. I want you.'

‘What about your rule about sleeping with work colleagues?'

He shrugged. ‘Rules are meant to be broken.'

His nonchalance infuriated her, especially after all the fuss he'd made. ‘You can break
your
rule,' she snapped, ‘But I have
no intention of breaking mine. You're my client now and I do not have relationships with clients.'

He speared her with cold blue eyes. ‘But you don't have a relationship with me, Laura. You're just having sex with me. Which reminds me, I take it you don't want to call it quits tonight either, do you? You want me to come back tomorrow night as well.'

Laura's teeth clamped down hard. He was deliberately trying to goad her. But she refused to be goaded. ‘I guess that's up to you, Ryan. I can't force you to come.'

‘But you want me to.'

She lifted her chin in a defiant manner. ‘Yes,' she bit out.

‘In that case, I'll be here tomorrow night. But after that I suggest we have a week's break from each other. That should stop us growing too attached.'

She wanted to hate him at that moment.

‘What about our appointment on Friday afternoon?' she asked waspishly.

‘The contracts can wait another week. Things are a bit slow at the moment. Now, I really must go to the bathroom. Meanwhile, I suggest you go get that bottle of white wine that I saw in your fridge door last night. I could do with a drink.'

‘I was going to have that later with dinner,' she threw after him.

‘Good God,' he said mockingly as he strode from the room. ‘She's going to feed me as well. What a lucky fellow I am.'

Now she did hate him.

But not as much as Ryan hated himself. He scowled at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. What right did he have to say nasty things like that?

If you don't like the ‘strictly sex' arrangement Laura wants, then you should just keep on walking, right out of her life.

So why didn't he?

Be honest, you hypocritical bastard. It's just your pride lashing out. You really want to stay.

By the time Ryan finished washing his hands, he'd resolved
to stop being stupid and just give Laura plenty of what she wanted. But he wanted to make love to her; that was the truth of it.

Ryan shook his head at himself in the mirror. It was as well that he'd suggested they have a break from each other; he was becoming way too involved. He also revised his idea about keeping her on as his lawyer. But he wouldn't tell her that just yet. He'd tell her tomorrow night.