The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (118 page)

Who succumbed to her lover’s desire.

She said, “It’s a sin,

But now that it’s in

Could you shove it a few inches higher?”

There once was a lady from France

Who took a long train ride by chance.

The engineer fucked her

Before the conductor

While the freman came in his pants.

There was a young woman called Gloria

Who was had by Sir Gerald Du Maurier,

By six other men,

Sir Gerald again,

And the band of the Waldorf-Astoria.

There was a young woman from Bicester

More willing by far than her sister.

The sister would giggle

And wriggle and jiggle,

But this one would come if you kissed her.

There was a sweet lady who said,

As her new beau climbed into her bed,

“I’m tired of this stunt

That they do with one’s cunt,

You can slip up my bottom instead.”

There was a young fellow called Dirk

Who dozed off one day after work.

He woke with a scream

When he had a wet dream,

And polished it off with a jerk.

There was a young girl called McBight

Who got drunk with her boyfriend one night.

She came to her bed

With a split maidenhead:

It was the last time she ever got tight.

There was a young girl called O’Clare

Whose body was covered in hair.

It was really quite fun

To probe
with one’s gun,

For the target might be anywhere.

There was a young girl from Cornell

Whose nipples were shaped like a bell.

When you touched them they shrunk,

But when she got drunk,

They quickly got bigger than hell.

There was a young girl from Eskdale

Who put up her sweet arse for sale.

For two threepenny bits

You could tickle her tits,

But a shilling would get you some tail.

There was a young monk from Tibet,

And this is the strangest one yet –