The Making of Americans, Being a History of a Family's Progress (48 page)

     Mr. Hersland then in the beginning of his middle living wanted mildly a little attraction in women but mostly then it was not a need in him, his wife then was existent to him, he liked well enough a little looking at women who made on him then some impression. So he liked a little to be with the second governess when she was with them and later when she was married to the baker. She was a big blond woman. She made a mild impression on him. He liked to give her advice and talk about little things and later to eat a cake while she sat there sewing. This was the beginning of his middle living.
     There was then in Mr. Hersland in the beginning of his middle living beginning to be very completely in him as repeating his way of eating, of thinking, of laughing, of talking, of beginning, of having impatient feeling, of being attracted by women. There was then in him beginning accented repeating that later would be louder and have less changing in repeating. Later what was now an attraction to him would be then a need in him, later there will be a history of him. Now there is enough history of him. Now there will be a history of Mrs. Hersland and the important feeling she had in her with the third governess Madeleine Wyman. Mr. Hersland had then in him now the beginning of his middle living repeating. This is clear now in him. Later there will be more description of this being in him as his children and his children's friends get to know it in him.
     The kind of loving women and men have in them and the ways it comes out from them makes for them the bottom nature in them, gives to them their kind of thinking, makes the character they have all their living in them, makes them then their kind of women and men and there are always many millions made of each kind of them.
     The kind of loving then women have in them and the ways it comes out from them makes for them the bottom nature in them, gives to them their kind of thinking, makes the character they have all their living in them, makes them their kind of women and there are always many millions made of each kind of them.
     Some women have it in them to love others because they need them, because these somehow are important to them, because somehow these they have for loving belong to them, many of such of them subdue the ones they need for loving, they subdue them and they own them; some of them who have it to be of this kind of women have it in them so lightly in them this being in them as to be almost of no importance to those they have around them in their living, to have their children belong to them only as a part of them inside them, these are of the kind of them who always own their children who subdue those they need in loving but these of this kind of women have it to have this that is them very gently in them and Mrs. Hersland was of such a kind of them, these have it in them to be it so gently in them that it never comes out in them with some it comes out a very little in them, these then have it to be so timidly in them some so dimly in them, some so gently in them, some so slightly in them that their children are only a part of them as having been once in them, it is with such of them only in such a way that they can ever own them; some of such a kind of them have it all so peaceably inside them that they have not in them the feeling of being themselves inside them, it takes some one around them to need them to be owned by them to make such a kind of one own them, to make such of them feel it inside them that they are themselves inside them, to give to them anything of an important feeling. There are then this kind of women many of them are very dependent all through their living but a little in them is an independent feeling and this comes out in them when there is any one around them who makes them own them and with such a one they are important inside them any moment in their living. These are of the dependent independent kind of men and women. Mrs. Hersland had a very little such a feeling with her husband when she was first married to him, she had it in her when she was a little resisting to him; she never would have had much more in her if she had gone on living the life that was for her the natural way of being, she had it a little more in her feeling with the Shilling family in her hotel living, it came to be strongest in her in her living with a governess and a seamstress and servants in the house with her and, for her, poor people, around her, with always inside her country house feeling of right rich living, with nothing in her daily being of such a living, which was the natural way of living for her. She had it then in her to feel herself inside her and it was then strongest in her and came out in her with the governess Madeleine Wyman who was for her the one who in all her living was the one whom she had power over, not as part of her, as her children were to her, but as outside of her. She fought with the family of Madeleine Wyman for her, she had a feeling then of herself inside her.
     There are then two kinds of women, those who have dependent independence in them, those who have in them independent dependence inside them; the first ones of them always somehow own the ones they need to love them, the second kind of them have it in them to love only those who need them, such of them have it in them to have power in them over others only when these others have begun already a little to love them, others loving them gives to such of them strength in domination. There are then these two ways of loving there are these two ways of being when women have loving in them as a bottom nature to them, there are then many kinds of mixing, there are many kinds of each kind of them, some women have it in them to have a bottom nature in them of one of these two kinds of loving and then this is mixed up in them with the other kind of loving as another nature in them but all this will come clear in the history of all kinds of women and some kinds of men as it will now be written of them.
     In the Hersland family during the middle part of the family living when the children were beginning to have in them their individual living, when Mrs. Hersland was beginning to have strongest inside her her own important feeling, when Mr. Hersland was strongest in beginning and making his great fortune, during this middle living they had as governess with them Madeleine Wyman and this is now part of her history with them.
     As I was saying some women have it in them to own those who love them, to subdue such then, these are of them who have dependent independent nature in them, they have resisting in them as their way of fighting. Some who have independent dependent nature in them and have attacking in them as their way of fighting, and have much strength in attacking have this way of subduing those they need for loving, this is another kind then of subduing from that in Madeleine Wyman or in Mrs. Hersland. Later there will be a history of all the kinds who have attacking subduing in them. Now there is a history of Mrs. Hersland and the moment she had in her with Madeleine Wyman as governess to her children and living with her, the time in her of the strongest being of herself inside her to her. This is now some of this history in her. This is now some of the history of Madeleine Wyman. This is now a history of the Wyman family and the struggle Mrs. Hersland made to keep Madeleine Wyman as governess in the house with her. This is the history of the nature in Mrs. Hersland and in Madeleine Wyman and in every member of the Wyman family. This then is to be now a long history of Madeleine Wyman. This is a history of the affection and the knowledge and the stupid being in her and the loving and the later living and the marrying of her and the death of her husband and her later living and her power of owning and subduing what she needed for loving and the nature in her and Mrs. Hersland's feeling for her and Mrs. Hersland's feeling inside her from the being with her and Mr. Hersland's feeling for her. Then later, in the history of the Hersland children, there will be more history of her. Now this is a fresh beginning. And now there will begin a long description of her.
     Many women have sensitive being in them. Many have it as a bottom to them. Some of such of them have attacking as their way of fighting, some of such of them have resisting as their way of winning. Some of such of them have yielding of them as their way of subduing, some of such of them have resisting as their way of subduing. Some have weakening in them from the sensitive being as the bottom of them, some nervous being, some creating, some loving, some suffering, some yielding, some resisting. Mrs. Hersland had sensitive being as the bottom to her being, sometimes this was in her as suffering, sometimes as loving, sometimes as resisting.
     Some then who have sensitive being as the bottom of them, some then of the many of them who have sensitive being as the bottom in them and have dependent independent nature in them, have resisting as their natural way of fighting, many then of this kind of them who have sensitive being as the bottom of them have not in much of their living much resisting. Many of such of them have not in their living very much fighting. Some have only for a little bit of their living real resisting in them, then they do not make any concession, then they have real resisting in them. Then the sensitive being in them turns into resisting being in them, this may lead to stupid acting by them, it is not stupid being in them, it is the way of fighting that should mean winning for them, when they have not enough in them for winning it often makes stupid acting, in them, it is not stupid being in them. Mrs. Hersland was such a one and it will come out in her living when she is herself inside her to her feeling. If came out a little in her in her loving, when she was young and a little resisting to her husband then to subdue him. It never showed in her with her children, not even when she was resisting her husband for them, resisting in her then was more nearly then attacking, it was defending them against him, sometimes it was real, resisting against him, it never was in her ever in her relation to any of them, they were always inside her to her feeling or they were big around her, too big and she was lost among them. She never had any feeling of herself to herself inside her ever with any one of the three of them. In her relation to servants and governesses and the families of them when any of such ones tried to be interfering then she was to herself then complete in resisting, then to herself she had not any concession ever to make to any one of them. She could have sharp angry indignation then, she could have strongly then inside her resisting, she never then could have inside her any conceding. She then often did very stupid acting, it was not in her, this resisting, stupid being, it was that sensitive being was not in her to the point of really creating resisting. It was that made her resisting then stupid acting, it was not in her then stupid being. This is clear now.
     Mrs. Hersland to herself was never cut off from rich right living. She was to herself cut off from Bridgepoint living, from eastern travelling, from southern feeling, she was not to herself cut off from rich living, she was to herself part of this being, in her Gossols living. She did not do much visiting but she was to herself always part of such living. She was to herself cut off from her family living, she was cut off from Bridgepoint living, she was in the west and eastern living was natural to her being. She had done travelling when she was younger, travelling with a cousin and a sister, she was now to her feeling cut off from such living. She was never to her dying, to herself, cut off from right rich being. She did not do much visiting, she was part of right rich being. This was herself in her feeling.
     She was cut off from Bridgepoint living, from travelling, from eastern living, she had this to herself in her feeling, later she went to Bridgepoint and she was a princess to them, she was a rich woman, Mr. Hersland had then just made his great fortune. She was a princess to them, she was not of them, she never was to herself ever after the beginning of her Gossols living, ever again part of Bridgepoint living. She was always to herself cut off from eastern living, from her family being. As I was saying when she went much later on a visit to Bridgepoint she was a princess to them. Earlier her early eastern living was a romance to her feeling. Always it was a romance to her feeling. Always even after she had visited them and been like a princess to them, for them, with them, eastern living was a romance to her feeling. Always she was cut off from eastern living, she never was to herself cut off from ordinary right rich being.
     Always then, eastern living, her early travelling, was a romance to her feeling, it was later a little a romance to her children. Later they had a sore feeling that their third governess shared it with them, that she owned the romance of the early living more than they owned it in them, more than it belonged to their mother in their feeling, it belonged then to Madeleine Wyman to their feeling, she owned the romance of their mother's early living, she owned then, later to their feeling, their mother's living, they had no freedom in their mother's living, later, in their feeling, Madeleine Wyman had the romance of their mother's early living as her possession. This was later a little a sore feeling in them, later when their mother's romance was no longer interesting to them, Madeleine Wyman had then come to own their mother and their father, to them. This was always a sore feeling in them.
     Mrs. Hersland had then all through her living her feeling of being always a right part of right rich ordinary being. Her children then were more of them the poor people living near them than they were of their mother's living then, though they were all of their mother's being then, all of her daily living then. Her husband was beginning then to be more then of the daily living around him than she was of him, of the men and women near them, not so much as the children were then but more than she ever could be in her feeling. He was then in the beginning of the middle part of his middle living, soon then he would begin to be more full up with impatient being. The children then as I was saying were more then of the living of the, for her, poor queer people around them than they were of their mother's living then. Her husband Mr. Hersland was beginning to have in him more feeling of brushing people away from around him, of being of them whoever it was that was at the moment near him. It was then, Mrs. Hersland had in her, strongest inside her, her feeling of herself to herself in her, she had then her strongest feeling of important being in her of herself inside her and she had this with Madeleine Wyman living in the house with her.