The Magykal Papers (13 page)

E
XTRACTS FROM
S
EPTIMUS
H
EAP’S
A
PPRENTICE
D
IARY

I saved this from the night 409 was lost overboard:

NOTIFICATION TO CADET OFFICERS 2 AND 11.

Night exercise for Boys numbers 405 to 415. Cadet Officers 2 and 11 will:

• - Assemble Boys at midnight.
  
• - Silent-march Boys to waiting vessel at Slipway 5.
  
• - Embark under battle silence.
  
• - Advance vessel to Forest Landing Area 10.
  
• - Disembark under battle silence.
  
• - Complete night exercise 004a with double wolverine pit variation.
  
• - At dawn embark surviving Boys.
  
• - Return to Slipway 6.
  
• - All Boys to return directly to duty.
  

* * * * * SPECIAL ORDERS * * * * *

It has come to the notice of the Cadet Commander-in-Chief that some Cadet Officers have been assisting the Boys when in danger. This will NOT be tolerated. The Young Army is a Strong Army. ALL Boys are Expendable. Boys must sink or swim.

I saved this from my Young Army days.

******
THE YOUNG ARMY
******

Rules and Regulations Applicable to: Boy Expendables ranks I, II and IIIa. (for IIIb see Y.A.R.R. appendix 5c)

Kit Regulations:

• Uniform must be clean and pressed AT ALL TIMES
  
• Boots must be polished AT ALL TIMES
  
• Daggers must be sharp AT ALL TIMES
  
• Backpacks must be in battle-ready order and ready for inspection AT ALL TIMES
  

Any Boy in breach of above regulations will be allocated to the wolverine pit on the next Night Exercise. NO EXCEPTIONS WILL BE MADE.

All Boys will be issued with:

• Tunic. Gray. 2
  
• Leggings. Gray. Pairs: 2.
  
• Y.A. Standard-issue Belt. Leather. 1.
  
• Dagger. Short. 1.
  
• Cloak. Gray. 1.
  
• Socks. Gray. Pairs: 2.
  
• Boots. Pair of. 1.
  
• Backpack. 1. (For contents of backpack see Quartermaster’s regulations EB-B IVa.)
  

Chief Cadet Grade 1 Boys will also be issued with:

• YA regulation hat with peak. Gray. 1.
  
• Rabbit Fur Jerkin. 1.
  
• Superior Boots. Pair of. 1.
  
• Socks. Superior-grade Wool. Gray. Pairs: 2.
  
• Dagger. Long. 1.
  

Any rank insignia will be issued on the first of the month at the Commander’s Parade and will be sewn on IMMEDIATELY. Failure to do so will result in withdrawal of ALL privileges and allocation to the wolverine pit on the next Night Exercise.

STANDARD ARMY TESTS (SATS)

MidWinter Feast Day Program

Rank: Boy (Expendable) Number: 412 Age: 6

0400 hours

Pack Junior backpack according to Young Army Regulations.

0423 hours

Proceed to canteen. Regulation porridge to be eaten under battle silence.

0430 hours

Commence ten-mile march under battle silence.

1000 hours

Return to barracks.

1100 hours

All Key Stage One rhymes to be recited. Boys shall recite until word perfect.

RHYME 1.

Tomorrow’s Future Today: Young Army is the Way. Hooray!

RHYME 2.

On the Brink, Stop and Think.

RHYME 3.

Who in the Castle is Number One?

The Supreme Cust-oh-de-UN!

RHYME 4.

Friends are enemies; enemies, friends, We don’t need to make amends.

RHYME 5: Re: ExtraOrdinary Wizard. All Boys on Wizard Tower guard must recite this ten times before going on duty.

Crazy as a cuttlefish, nasty as a RAT, Put her in a pie dish, give her to the CAT!

Septimus, please note you will only practice the first four types of Spells until your sixth year. All Spells come in different levels of difficulty and
risk
. During your first year you will only do
level one
. I know you have tried at least two level threes (don’t think I don’t notice what you are doing in your bedroom), but
this must not continue
. Also note that these are simple categories and all Spells can be combined to produce compound Spells at an advanced level.

Read and learn pages 2 to 4 in Dan Forrest’s Basyk Magyk Primer, then list below the seven types of Spells with a brief description:

• 1. Servant Spells: e.g., to
  Find
  Find something that is lost
  
• 2. Creature Spells: to cause a creature to change
  
• 3. Matter Spells: to change matter
  
• 4. Personal Spells: to cause yourself to change
  
• 5. Extra-personal Spells: to cause another person to change
  
• 6. Perception Spells: to change how things are seen e.g., Projections
  
• 7.
  Other
  Spells: calling on the assistance of
  Darkenesse
  

A+
Very well done. Well remembered.

Use a mouse from the kitchen. There is no need to go all around the Tower making a nuisance of yourself and certainly no need
whatsoever
to go traveling up and down the stairs all day looking for one. We will prepare the CHEESE CHARM this afternoon.

Instructions: First catch your mouse (see above). Hold securely in both hands and give the mouse the
Cheese Charm
to eat. Look the mouse directly in the eye and chant the
Incantation
in a low voice so as not to alarm the creature:

M
OUSE OF
M
INE
, L
OOK AT
M
E
,
M
OUSE OF
M
INE
, Y
OU
W
ILL
B
E
,
M
OUSE OF
M
INE FOR A
Y
EAR AND A
D
AY
,
M
OUSE OF
M
INE
, Y
OU
W
ILL
N
OT
S
TRAY
.

When the mouse finishes eating the CHEESE CHARM, you will have your House Mouse. Now answer the following questions:

• 1. How do you treat your House Mouse?
  With respect.
  
• 2. Where will you keep your House Mouse?
  I may keep it in my pocket all day, but at night it must be free to come and go as it pleases.
  
• 3. What will you feed your House Mouse?
  I will feed it healthy food suitable for a mouse, and I will not give it sweets or chocolate.
  
• 4. Name five functions of a House Mouse.
  To be a companion, for running errands, to take messages to friends, to play board games and to fetch and carry small objects.
  

A-
Well done. Your House Mouse is a little on the frisky side, and you had some trouble getting it to eat all of the
Cheese Charm
, but you persevered well. Apart from that, it was very good. Do you really want to call it Boris?