The Magic Queen (3 page)

“Goddess, how do we make it stop?” She set her cup down midair so that she could clap her hands over her ears. Baba had never mothered a child. They always seemed too ugly and obnoxious. But this phlegm-colored thing was now hers.

Balthazar proved yet again what a wonderful creature he was when he slithered around the child’s neck and squeezed a little—just enough to make the goblin’s green cheeks bulge and turn a rather pretty shade of light blue. The crying ceased.

“You’re bloody brilliant, my beastie.” She grinned, revealing several missing teeth.

He inclined his head in acceptance of her gratitude.

But now that pretty shade of blue was turning a ghastly shade of purple. “Um, my dear, should you not uncoil yourself a little? I’m no expert, but I do believe he might be suffocating.”

As though shocked to discover that he was in fact choking the life from the babe, Balthazar unwound himself. The goblin took in a shuddery breath. And like magic, the crying stopped.

“Well, that was surprisingly effective.” She grinned at her familiar, who winked back proudly.

Gods, the goblin child really was ugly and cute. All green and purple and blue.

She curled her lips. “Phlegm. That’s what we shall call him. What do you think?”

Balthazar nodded in agreement, and she smiled. She could actually be motherly. Who knew?

With a happy shrug, she snatched up the cup and tipped the green contents back. It tasted of horse piss and dragon scat. Her insides turned warm then hot then scalding, and exactly as it had with Phlegm, light flowed from her pores. Like heated wax in a sculptor’s hands, she felt herself take shape. Things were pushed up, out, in, and erased. Her hair grew out long and shone with a healthy light. Her liver-spotted hands became lily-white with nary a mark upon them. And her breasts no longer fell to her knees but were perky little globes that bounced when she moved.

She was about to cry out in agony when it was over.

“Oh, my. I shall never grow used to that, my dear,” she said in a voice no longer rusted and ancient sounding, but in one that rang like divine church bells on a clear Sunday morning. Glancing down at her arms, she smiled. She was the personification of youth and beauty once more.

She had the body of a nubile eighteen-year-old. Thankfully, her brain remained intact. It would have been hell if she’d lost all her wits just because she’d grown a pair of perky breasts.

“Well, how do I look, B?”

True to his word, he was taking great care of their new ward, gently rubbing the tip of his tail along Phlegm’s cheek. The pudgy pile of flesh now slept as peacefully as...well, a babe, she supposed.

He snuffled, grunted, and smacked his lips, and the region in her heart that had always been slightly empty seemed to expand and melt just a little.

“Oh, look at him grunting like a wee piglet. Does he require food, do you think?” she asked her pet.

“I would rather think so.” A dulcet, feminine voice ringing with authority snagged Baba’s attention, making her twirl prettily on her heels. Everything from here on out was going to be pretty. She simply couldn’t help herself. Standing before her were two Goddesses—one of Love, and one so ancient and elemental she made Baba seem a baby by comparison.

Aphrodite, dressed in her traditional Grecian snow-white robes threaded with veins of gold, stepped forward. She held out her hand, and a flash of light radiated from her palm. When it faded, only a bottle full of golden fluid remained. She moved like poetry in motion as she walked toward Balthazar and Phlegm. Her long golden hair trailed down to her ankles as she knelt beside them.

“Hello, little goblin. What has that mean ol’ witch done to you this time?” she cooed.

Baba snorted. “Mean ol’ witch.” Her words moved like music through the room, causing Calypso to shudder with apparent pleasure.

“Thank the stars you were not in crone form for this, dear witch. Your mate doesn’t stand a chance now.” Caly smiled.

“Oh, please,” Baba grumped. “You know I do not go with you because I wish a mate.”

Caly, who was in her elemental form—that is to say, a woman built of water with aquamarine blue hair that rippled down her back like a wave and was threaded through with giant, gleaming pearls—smiled prettily. But one would be a fool to see the pretty woman and believe her weak. Calypso had killed just as many as Baba had, perhaps even more. She was an elemental and to be feared by all, even Baba herself.

“So you do not wish to come?” Caly asked sweetly, but with a hint of fire.

“Have I a choice?” Baba shot right back.

“Well, no,” Calypso grinned as she glanced quickly at Aphrodite, who was now bottle-feeding the child with delight in her sapphire eyes. “If you hadn’t come willingly, I’d have drowned you and then made you come.”

Baba rolled her eyes, having no doubt that threat was true. “Then I come.”

“Oh, come on.” Dite smiled good-naturedly. “It’s not all that bad. You’ll have a male to sex you up on the cold, cold nights of—”

“Dite, shush—” Caly warned, and for a moment, the pretty façade wavered, revealing the woman of legend beneath, the one who was all things...

But Aphrodite didn’t seem afraid. She laughed and lifting up Phlegm, burped him over her shoulder with two hard thwacks to his back. Balthazar, traitor that he was, curled up around Dite’s neck, nuzzling her with his tongue. As a Goddess, she was immune to his deadly touch.

“Oh, that’s right, I forgot. Anyway, lots of sex, witch. Lots and lots of it with a hot piece of man meat.” Aphrodite grinned.

It hadn’t escaped Baba’s notice that the two conspired right in front of her. The summons she’d received this morning had been sparse on the details. She only knew that she was to be ready for their arrival this afternoon, to pack lightly, and to make sure she was out of crone form.

It’d been the very last thing she’d wanted to do, of course, but one did not say no to a goddess for no reason.

“Traitor,” Baba hissed playfully at Balthazar, who was still tonguing his favorite goddess. B opened his eyes lazily, grinned, and continued to lick her neck. “And I don’t wish man meat. I find them repugnant.” She directed the last to Calypso.

“Well, it’s only because you haven’t met the man we kidnapped for you,” Caly said innocently.

Baba realized that the goddess of the primal seas truly had no idea that kidnapping was wrong. Of course, not that Baba was one to judge. She had a few kidnappings under her belt too.

Apparently, this entire thing was a set up—a date, as it were—which was rather, well, odd. Why would the goddesses go to such lengths to set her up with a man? Why would they care about something so inconsequential?

Baba did not want for men. True, she’d gone through a bit of a dry spell lately. She always did when in crone form, but now she was maiden and could get any man, woman, or beast she wanted with a mere crook of her finger.

She’d had her fill of lust eons ago, and she found she rarely missed it and had never craved the intimacy of anything longer than a quick, fierce tussle now and again. There wasn’t a man alive who could change her mind at this stage in the game. So why bother?

She narrowed her eyes. “And why has this
honor
been thrust upon me?”

Judging by Caly’s pursed lips, she’d caught the sarcasm. Baba lifted a brow, waiting. She might not have the power of a goddess, but she was a mighty adversary in her own right, and the goddesses knew it.

“You’ll learn more when the time comes. Suffice it to say, your skills were required for the others to succeed. In the end, it was only fair to reward you in kind.” Caly shrugged.

If Baba could have laughed in derision, she would have. But she had a feeling that laughing in Calypso’s presence might be the very last thing she ever did. So she swallowed her groan of disgust and pretended not to be choking on a gag.

A man.

For her.

Good heavens above, what was this world coming to if the great and powerful Baba Yaga settled down to cook and clean? Just the thought caused a sliver of black ice to skate down her spine. She shuddered, thinking of allowing any male to come into her home and muck up her life.

Goddess forbid. Though a tendril of curiosity was getting the best of her. She could not deny it.

“And who is worthy of my hand?” she asked with laughing scorn. There was certainly no one of Kingdom who could qualify. If she’d been pushed to name one, she might have said Rumpel, but now, he was said to be married and disgustingly happy.

“A god. Of course.” Dite grinned as she danced around the room with a snoring Phlegm, which caused Baba to chuckle. She could appreciate a woman not cowed by the strength of men. Which god? Well, that remained to be seen. There were none in the Greek pantheon she’d allow to lay a hand on her.

“Dear gods,” she mumbled, knowing this was going to be a long couple of weeks. She’d probably kill her “mate” before ten days were up, and it would be all his fault.

“Yes?” both women said at once, blinking innocently at her.

“Huh?” Baba asked before realizing her blunder and shaking her head swiftly. “Nothing.” She held up her hand. “Let’s just go and get these tortures over with.”

“Yes, we shall. We’ve all the other players in place. You were our last one.” Dite wrinkled her nose. “We rather thought your male might be more amenable to mating you if you didn’t turn up looking like a dried-out hag.”

Mouth set in a droll line, Baba said drily, “How magnanimous of you.”

Dite waved her off. “Think nothing of it, doll. Are we ready?”

Phlegm took that moment to belch, causing Dite’s nose to curl in disdain. “Children really are quite vile sometimes, aren’t they? What is his name now?”

There was no need to explain to them that once this had been the villainous and feared murderer of the Northern lands. As Goddesses, they already knew.

“Phlegm.”

Caly curled her nose. “That’s rather disgusting. Surely you could have—”

“Phlegm,” she repeated. “His name is Phlegm.”

Dite nodded. “It fits. Well, Phlegm...” She tossed him up into the air as he slept, which caused him to wake up with fright and grab for her neck. “Are you ready to hang out with your auntie Dite for a few weeks?” she cooed in baby talk. Balthazar was still wrapped tightly around the goddess’ neck, also sleeping. His stillness made him look more like a piece of jewelry than an actual living entity.

Aphrodite tossed Phlegm up into the air once again. But it was impossible, even for a babe, to be angry with the goddess of Love. She was simply too perfect. He cooed, and then no doubt intoxicated by her charms, proceeded to suckle at the side of her neck, which only caused Dite to laugh.

“I’m rather surprised at you, Baba,” Caly said, not taking her eyes off Phlegm and Dite, “choosing to keep him rather than eat him.”

Aphrodite’s arms banded tightly around the baby as though to save him from Baba’s prodigious appetite and tossed her a dirty look.

Baba shrugged. “I haven’t eaten a child in a good quarter century now. Turning over a new leaf, you see.”

“Ohhh, well that’s progress,” Caly agreed happily.

Baba nodded. “I thought so too.”

“Well, Love, are we ready to go set the world on fire?” Caly’s smile was huge and not a little unnerving. The question hadn’t been for Baba though, and so she didn’t answer.

With a world-weary sigh, Baba stood by patiently as she waited for the flighty goddesses to cart her away to whatever new hell they’d invented. If the male so much as blinked at her wrong, she’d turn him into a newt. Oh, yes, she would.

“You’ll do no such thing.” Dite sniffed, then glancing at Balthazar, she asked, “Are you ready then, serpent?”

At that, Baba did frown. “And where is he going?” When she’d gotten their summons, they’d said nothing about B.

“Oh, he’s got his part in the trials. Have you not, little snake?” Caly scratched underneath his jaw, causing her traitorous familiar to grunt and groan like a puppy in heat. Baba rolled her eyes at him.

Dite swept past Baba—still burping Phlegm, cooing and
ahhing
over him—out the door and down the stairs.

Caly chuckled. “Carrots, love.” She leaned in to whisper conspiratorially, “Carrots get them every time.”

“What?” Baba frowned, for the life of her, not understanding what in the world carrots had to do with anything.”

“Oh, you’ll see. You’ll see.”

Chapter 2

If Baba thought she was going to receive some instructions when she got to wherever it was she’d gotten to, she couldn’t have been more wrong. The Goddesses had whisked her away to some strange, new dimension of time, laughed, and with a ta-ta wave, popped out of existence.

Baba stood in the middle of a beaten dirt path. The sun shone in soft amber and golden waves through the branches of trees so tall that they towered through the very clouds. As far as the eye could see there was nothing but trees, trees, and more trees.

Baba had known that she was going to be taken someplace for a trial of sorts. The summons she’d received by crow had told her that, but this hadn’t been at all what she’d expected.

Baba grasped the jeweled pendant hanging off the leather thong on her neck. The jewel was actually spelled with a shrinking potion. Trapped safely within were her most powerful vials of potions. She’d not known what kind of magick she’d need for this test, so she’d been thorough.

Screams erupted all around her, causing her flesh to break out in chicken skin One scream to the left, another to the right, and one straight ahead. And many, many more that echoed like dying raptors through the trees. Loud and shrill enough to raise all the fine hairs on her arms.

“Where in the bloody blazes have those demons taken me?”

The air tightened around her, the calling card of magick. Baba twirled and came face-to-snout with the strangest little imp she’d ever beheld: a twisted, deformed thing of limbs and soot-covered hair.

“And who are you?” she asked with wrinkled nose.

“Me name’s Peabrain,” he said gruffly and matter-of-factly. His face was an aged mass of wrinkles and liver spots, which made her rather fond of him, considering until about an hour ago, she’d looked the same. His arms dragged along the ground much like an ape’s would. He had froggy-looking legs and wore sackcloth that fell to his knees.