The Magic Fart (28 page)

“What What?” “Because it was your inattention that allowed the eegs and Spire to go astray,” Prior continued doggedly. “You must do penance by renouncing any further vengeance against any of these parties, returning Earth to normal temperature, restoring the sun’s corona, and unplugging the galactic black hole before it blows the galaxy apart. In addition you must spend a few hours away from your Favored Concubine.” Here the Concubine frowned dangerously. “You must treat a mortal woman as you would the Concubine, though she be not a hundredth as beautiful.” The Concubine’s frown faded. “And grant that mortal wretch a nice legacy: fulfilling her most foolish wish.” “Ludicrous!” EGG exclaimed.

But the Concubine touched his arm. “It is fitting,” she murmured dul

cetly. Before EGG could protest further, Prior continued: “The woman is

Smellie, a whore of the village of Nude-on-Toilet.” EGG nodded. “Done.” He vanished. That left just the Favored Concubine. “You’re rather clever,” she murmured to Prior. “And you’re cute. One day I may come to you for a tryst.” Then she too vanished.

That was it. “Well done, Prior,” Tantamount said. “There are indeed worthwhile qualities in you I did not properly appreciate before.” She turned to the demons. “Prepare the castle as it was, for our use this night, and stand by for further directions.”

“We hear and obey, O honored mistress,” the First Branch said, bowing. He had clearly figured out the new pecking order. The castle appeared, as it had first been, with five stories. “Come, dear,”

Tantamount said to Prior. “We have a night to celebrate.” “Just us, I hope.” “Just us for now. In the future, you may divert yourself with the demonesses and the succubus too if you wish, and even the concubine if she shows up, while I am with the demons. So we don’t get bored with each other. Fair enough?”

An open marriage, with her as the centerpiece. What more could he ask? “Fair enough.” “But it may take us some time to get bored,” she said, kissing him. It was more than a night in the castle, blissful beyond belief, but in due course they got on the magic carpet and flew to Nude-on-Toilet. “Look at that!” Prior exclaimed as they passed the village statue. “Now it looks just like Smellie!”

Smellie’s house was fancier than it had been. She came out to welcome them, now a lovely woman, as the demons made themselves scarce. “Micro! Veil! You’ll never believe what happened.” “We saw the statue,” Prior said. “Yes, I had this strange wonderful visitor, and we spent a remarkable night together. I swear, pleasure radiated out from his divine member! Then in the morning he departed, and I discovered the statue. They had made me the new Mistress of the Village. My utterly foolish dream came true after all! Can you imagine that?” “Actually, we can,” Tantamount said. “You are a deserving person.” Smellie eyed Prior. “Ordinarily I would insist on being your host tonight; it’s one of my duties. But with a woman that beautiful beside you, you won’t be interested.”

“No problem,” Tantamount said as she nursed Chance. “We’ll both be with him tonight, for the sake of variety.”

And as Prior found himself delightfully in bed with two beautiful and attentive women, an odd thought occurred. He recollected the Magic Fart. “I hope EGG remembered to unplug the galactic black hole.”

“It could get complicated, if he forgot,” Tantamount agreed. “There could be a cosmic stink.” Then she and Smellie set about making Prior forget about everything but the two of them.

Author’s Note

I wrote the original novel,
Pornucopia
, in 1969-70, but for some reason it took almost twenty years to get it published. I wrote the sequel,
The Magic Fart
, in 2002-03, expecting less of a problem with the marketing. Avenues exist now that did not exist then, such as the Internet.

My challenge was to write a book as naughty, dirty, and fun as the first. Close to half my life passed between the novels; could I still write as effectively as a senior citizen? I had saved stray notions in the interim, and used them, but for the most part it was contemporary writing. Readers will have to judge whether I succeeded in matching the level.

Readers may note that there are a number of inset stories within this novel. This is a technique I observed in the classic Arabian Nights stories, and I liked it and have used it in some of my novels. In this case, it was perhaps the only way to present some of the stray notions I had, that weren’t exactly jokes but also weren’t exactly complete stories. I hope they contribute to the larger flavor of the novel.

Will I write another sequel? I doubt it; I have pretty well squeezed out the otherwise untouchable notions, and should now be satisfied to write less naughty fiction. But it has been fun.

About the Author

Piers Anthony
is one of the world's most prolific and popular authors. His fantasy Xanth novels have been read and loved by millions of readers around the world, and have been on the
New York Times
Best Seller list many times. Although Piers is mostly known for fantasy and science fiction, he has written several novels in other genres as well, including historical fiction, martial arts, and horror. Piers lives with his wife in a secluded woods hidden deep in Central Florida.

Do you want to learn more about Piers Anthony?

Piers Anthony's official website is HI PIERS at
www.hipiers.com
, where he publishes his bi-monthly online newsletter. HI PIERS also has a section reviewing many of the online publishers and self-publishing companies for your reference if you are looking for a non-traditional solution to publish your book.