The Madness Project (The Madness Method) (87 page)

“What’s he doing here?” Jig asked Anuk through his teeth,
and they both turned to Rivano who stood nearby.  “Clan Master?  What’s the
Prince doing here?”

“Perhaps you should ask him yourself,” Rivano said, smiling
patiently at them.

Anuk rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck, but Jig
prowled toward me like a lean black cat, eyes narrow, suspicious.

“Looking for a rematch?” he asked.

I laughed.  “Believe me, I’ve fought you too many times to
volunteer for that.”

He straightened up, scowling.  “We only fought once.  And
that dan’ even count.”

I gave him a reproachful look and pushed past him.  The Clan
mages shifted and parted as I approached them, leaving me a clear path to
Bugs.  Jig stormed after me all in a fury.

“What’re you about?  You stay away from him!” he shouted.

I ignored him.  My throat tightened as I knelt beside the
child’s body.  Deep inside I wanted to break down and weep for him, but I
couldn’t.  I couldn’t.  Jig and Anuk and the other skitters didn’t know me. 
Kor and Zagger didn’t know Bugs.  And Rivano?  He didn’t know how Bugs had
saved me, not just by catching the bullet that should have been mine, but by
giving me a reason to stand and fight another day.  I couldn’t grieve, because
I was all alone, and none of them would understand.

I laid my hand on Bugs’s head and closed my eyes, fighting
back the tears with every ounce of my will.

“I’ll make it worth it,” I murmured.

“Get back,” Jig hissed, coming up behind me.  “Leave him
be!”

I sighed and got to my feet, not caring if my eyes betrayed
me.  I’m not sure what it was—I know I didn’t Mask again—but Jig suddenly
dropped a step away from me, his eyes widening, mouth agape.  Behind him, I
caught a glimpse of Coins watching me with a strange knowing smile.

“Oy now, Shade?” Jig whispered.  “Is that possible?  You…you
disguised yourself as Tarik?”

I smiled.  “Sorry,” I said.  “You’ve got it backwards.”

“No,” he hissed.  “All this time?  You
liar!
  Wait,
are you here to have us arrested?  Did you turn us in?  Is that what this was
about, making us do all kinds of dodgy things so you could come kick us when
we’d already gone to mat?”

I shook my head.  “If anyone is about to be arrested, it’s
me,” I said.  “Think about it, Jig.  I’m a
mage
.  What does that tell
you?”

His mouth opened, and for a good minute he just stared at
me.  “Oh,” he said finally.  “I see.”

But he still glared at me, like he wasn’t entirely sure what
to make of me.  I watched the other kids sitting in the dust behind him,
because they’d heard enough of our conversation to guess the truth.  Some of
them looked positively excited.  Pika had a kind of smug look on her face, and
Coins just leaned back against the wall with his arms crossed, grinning.  I
imagined it would take a miracle to find anything that would surprise Coins.

“Look, it’s still me,” I said to Jig.  “I’m the same person
I was.”

“Shade wasn’t Tarik,” Jig said, withdrawing another step.

I nodded, flicking a glance at Zagger.  “No.  Tarik was a
pompous, self-absorbed idiot who didn’t care about anything.  But he isn’t that
person anymore.”  I smiled, sad.  “Shade changed him, made him better.  Almost
killed him in the process, but he came out stronger for it in the end.”

Anuk crossed his arms, tossing his head back.  “All fine and
good.  You’re Prince Tarik, so.  Just tell me I’m not going to have to start
bowing to you, because that’s not going to happen.”

“I’m not a prince anymore,” I said quietly.

Some of the skitters and a handful of the mages muttered in
surprise at that.

“I fought against you, once,” I added.  “Will you let me
fight for you now?”

Jig didn’t move.  He stared at me through the wild mess of
his hair, face drawn and cold as stone.  He had a haunted darkness in his
eyes—I’d noticed it as soon as he had approached me.  And somehow I thought I
understood why.  I just feared what it would do to him.

“Don’t let what happened with Kantian change you,” I
murmured.  “We’ve both done things we’d take back if we could.”

“You think I’d take that back?  I wouldn’t.  Not ever,” he
snapped, and turned away.  “Just leave us alone,
Your Highness
.  Give us
some peace, won’t you?  We’ve been through enough today.”

I snorted; I couldn’t help it.  But I just nodded and turned
away, because I didn’t really expect anything else from him. 

“Make yourselves comfortable,” I told Kor and Zagger.  “I’m
going to talk to the other mages.”

“They might have the same reaction this lot did,” Kor said. 
“They might not be ready to have a royal—even an ex-royal—as a leader just
yet.”

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.  “Maybe I should
just Mask as Shade and forget that I was ever Tarik,” I said.  “But I can’t do
that.  Not yet anyway, not with my mother still in danger inside the palace.” 
I looked at Zagger.  “I mean to go back for her.  I wouldn’t put it past Trabin
to…bypass the justice system.  Court trials are so public, you know.”

“One thing at a time, Tarik,” Kor said.  “You’ve got no idea
how long the road is you’re about to walk.”

I nodded and turned away, leaving them to follow or stay as
they chose—I rather didn’t care which.  But I hadn’t gone ten steps when the
air shimmered in front of me, and Derrin appeared out of nowhere.  He stared at
me, and I stared straight back.  Then, before I could stop myself, I had him
pinned against the wall with my revolver pressed against his temple.  A second
later I realized I had a ring of cold metal shoved against my own jaw.

“You bastard,” I hissed.  “It was always
you!
  And
all this time I trusted you!”

“When have you ever trusted me?” Derrin asked. 

His hand tightened on my shoulder; I shoved my arm harder
against his chest.

“Going to kill me now?” I asked.  “Is that what you mean to
do?  Because you’re just a mindless slave to those scientists and can’t make
any decisions for yourself?  Will you betray
all
your friends because
they tell you to, or just me?”

Derrin’s eyes widened, filling with something like horror.

“Shade!” Coins shouted, suddenly striding toward us. 
“Derrin, Shade, cut it out!  We can’t be turning on ourselves now, right?  Drop
those guns, both of you!”

Derrin’s face turned rather pale, and I stifled a smile. 
Coins
would
know just how to save me from having to explain my identity.

“Shade?” Derrin whispered.  “That’s not…that’s not possible,
is it?”

I Masked my face, letting Shade glare murder at Derrin. 
“Oh, it’s possible.  But I didn’t think
this
was possible.  That I’d
spend how many weeks living under the same roof as the man who tried to
assassinate me?”

“I didn’t know,” he said, turning his head aside.  “I don’t
even remember it.  I swear to you, I don’t remember!  You know what it’s like,
don’t you, learning what terrible things you’ve done that you can’t remember?” 
Utter horror passed over his face, draining it of every last bit of color.  He
jerked his gaze back to me, his eyes searching mine with something like desperation. 
“Oh God, Shade.  Hayli…”

He pulled the gun from my jaw, letting it clatter to the
ground.  His hand pressed against his head, his brow all creased with confusion
and terror.  I lowered my own revolver, slowly, and released my grip on him.

“Derrin?  What’s wrong?”

He tore at his hair, lips parted on a silent cry, eyes
shining.  I grabbed his shoulders and shook him, fiercely.

“Derrin!  What about Hayli?”

“I betrayed her, Shade,” he whispered, the words thick with
tears.  “Just like you said.  I thought I was telling her to find the other
mages and tell them where we’re hiding, but…but I remember now.  I triggered
her.  Sent her…”  He doubled over his knees, shoulders shaking.  “I sent her to
the Ministry.  Oh, no.  Forgive me.”

I took a step back, staring at him, numb.  My hands shook,
the fury boiling deep inside me until I could barely breathe.  Slowly, I lifted
the revolver.  Aimed it right at Derrin’s heart.  I couldn’t say a word.  In
the vague red corners of my vision I saw Coins and Zagger standing paralyzed. 
Kor with his hand hovering over the grip of his gun.  The Hole skitters and the
Clan mages in the background, watching, waiting.

“Kill me,” Derrin said, lifting his head to meet my gaze. 
“Just do it.  If this is what I am…if they will make me do this again and
again…I’m better off dead.”  He waited, lips trembling, then he threw his hands
out at his sides and shouted, “
Kill me!
”

He sank to his knees, head bowed, and waited.  The muzzle of
my revolver followed him, trained now on the top of his head.

Kill him
, the voice in my thoughts whispered. 
Kill
him.  Traitor assassin.  You know you will never be able to trust him.

I drew a thin, slow breath, and lowered my hand to my side. 
For a few endless moments I stood there, and Derrin knelt still, as broken and
terrified as me.  When I could finally make myself move again, I put away the
gun and grabbed Derrin by the arms, pulling him to his feet.  He kept his head
bent and turned aside, but through the static bond I felt his shame and grief as
strongly as if they were my own.

“Derrin,” I said.  He shuddered and raised his gaze to
mine.  “Help me.”

He let out all his breath.  “How can you trust me to help
you?”

“Look at all the lies,” I said.  My voice sounded thin and
strained, lost in the emptiness.  “We’ve all worn masks.  Everyone wears a
mask.  We’ve hidden so much.  Given so much.  We’ve betrayed each other and
hated ourselves for doing it.  But not anymore.”  I tightened my hands on his
arms.  “Not anymore, d’you hear?  Help me.  Help us mourn Bugs, and bury him so
he can ride the stars in peace.  Help me rally the mages and keep this place
safe.  And help me rescue Hayli, because I’ll die before I let anything happen
to her in that place.”

He straightened up, holding my gaze steadily for a long
while.  Then, just when I feared he would break and turn away, he lifted his
hand and clasped my arm.

“I will,” he said.  “God help me, I will.”

He released me and spun away, stalking away into the
shadows.  I almost feared he would Ghost and return to the Science Ministry,
but I had to trust him.  I’d made my choice.

After a moment I realized Zagger had come up beside me.  He
folded his arms, his face calm and unreadable as he watched Derrin retreat. 
When we lost sight of Derrin behind a jumble of machinery, he turned and
studied me quietly.

“You really trust that kid, knowing what you know now?” he
asked.

“I have to, Zagger.  I have few enough allies as it is.”  I
glanced toward the Hole rats, at Jig crouched in the shadows.  “Besides, could
I condemn him for a sin I carry?  We all need a chance to be saved.  God knows
I’ve needed more than my share.”  I sighed, rubbing a hand over my hand.  “You
were right, you know?  You said this was a madness project, and it was.”

Zagger bent his head.  “You’re very brave, you know that,
Your Highness?”

“I’m not
Your Highness
anymore, Zag,” I said,
laughing quietly.  “And I don’t know how you can say that.  I’ve been terrified
from the day this all started.”

He smiled.  “Of course you were,” he said.  “We’re all afraid
of something.  But it seems to me, a man proves his courage by what he does
when he doesn’t feel brave.”

“You make me ashamed,” I murmured.  “I’m not very proud of
most of the things I’ve done.”

Zagger just smiled.  “I didn’t say you had to be proud of
them.  But maybe you’ll find a reason to be proud of the man you’ve become.” 
He took a step away, giving me a small bow.  “I know I am.”

I didn’t watch him walk away.  My face burned, and my heart
burned, turning shame into confusion.  I’d made a liar of myself and betrayed
everyone I cared for.  I’d caused the deaths of more good people than I could
stand to count.  I’d driven my country to the brink of war. 

But I swore to myself and Zagger, to Hayli and Bugs and the
police sergeant, that I wouldn’t let any of it be in vain.  And even if my mind
was shattering and the night was fracturing around me, I would never let the
world see me fall. 

I meant to live.

And I meant to fight.

This book would never have come into existence without the
patience and support of my family and friends.  Major thanks are in order for
my sister-muse Shannon, who has always helped me find my direction (and
grammatical errors); for my mom, who is the most amazing person in the world
and not just because she’s always willing to listen to me; and for Valerie and
Natalie, my wonderful betas who helped me remember why I was writing this crazy
book in the first place.  Also, a huge thank you to April and Isaac (“Fedora”)
for providing the awesome photo for the book cover.  You guys are fantastic.