The MacKinnon's Bride (30 page)

“
What is this place?” she
asked him.

“
My chamber.”

“
You sleep here?” Page
asked with no small measure of surprise. Mentally she compared the
sparse room to her father’s lavish bedchamber—his so filled with
richly colored tapestries and manifold extravagances.

“
Aye.”

Page cast another glance about, her eyes
trying to perceive the room in a different light, but there was
nothing present to give her even the slightest clue of him. “It...
appears so... very... desolate,” she remarked, frowning.

“
It serves its purpose
well enough,” Iain said. “What need have I for finery when my eyes
willna see it whilst I sleep?”

Page’s own bedchamber had been as chaste as
a monk’s cell, but not by choice. To make it appear less so, she
had usurped forsaken baubles from her father’s home, stealing them
into her own chamber in order to enliven it. Her frown deepened at
the piteous thought.

Iain hadn’t moved from where he stood,
holding the burning taper. He was watching her curiously while she
studied the room, waiting, it seemed, for some response from her.
Curse him, too, for it seemed he was always watching! Scrutinizing.
Waiting.

The very sight of him elicited such
conflicting emotions, for while he was the one person in her life
who’d made her feel cherished, he was also the one person who
compelled her to see herself as she was.

And she didn’t like what she saw... save
when she looked into his eyes.

And even then, she recalled all of which
she’d been deprived.

He gazed at her as though she were
precious... and therein lay the heart of the matter, for she knew
herself as unworthy.

All those years she’d pretended she didn’t
care... he’d made them all a terrible lie. Aye, for she cared with
every fiber of her being—hurt with every last drop of blood that
was wrung from her heart.

And it was Iain MacKinnon’s fault, because
before him, she had been blissfully numb.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Tell me,” she
said irascibly, “did your mother never teach you better than to
fling unwilling women over your shoulder?”

His brows collided, and his jaw went taut.
He peered away. Good, let him suffer it, if he would! She might
have slapped him, in truth, for she was still blenching over the
looks his people were giving her as he’d carried her into his home.
How dare he treat her so commonly!

And then he turned to face her, and though
he deserved considerably more than her anger for treating her so
coarsely, Page regretted her outburst the instant she saw the look
upon his face. It was obvious she’d managed to wound him, and she
couldn’t help but wonder what it was that made his eyes seem so
melancholy of a sudden.

“
Och, lass,” he answered,
his expression sober, if not entirely contrite, “the burden o’ my
manners doesna fall to my minnie at all.” He cast a glance at the
floor, and then met her gaze once more, his golden eyes shadowed.
“I knew her not, y’ see.” The candlelight glinted upon his eyes.
The glimmer mesmerized her as much as his admission moved
her.

“
Oh,” Page said softly.
She felt a keen stab of guilt.

“
She died giving me
birth.”

Their gazes held, locked.

Embraced.

“
I... I did not know.”
More than she had, she sensed he’d suffered the loss of his mother.
It was wholly discomposing the way his simple revelation affected
her. With nary more than a few words, he’d managed not only to
defuse her anger, but to make her long to cast herself into his
arms and share his misery.

“
Dinna fash yourself o’er
it,” he said softly, nodding, his eyes fixed upon her still. “How
could ye have known?”

“
I never would
have—”

“
Hush, lass,” he broke in,
carrying a finger to his lips. “I’m no wee bairn to need suckling
at her breast. ‘Tis all right.” His eyes narrowed then, slitted,
lowered from her eyes, to her mouth, and then to her breast,
lingering there.

She knew at once what he was thinking, and
her heart skipped its normal beat. Her breath caught as she
followed his gaze to find that her body had somehow betrayed her. A
guilty flush crept into her cheeks, through her body, warming
her.

“
Nay?” she asked, gulping
in a breath as she lifted her face to meet his heavy-lidded gaze
once more. He was still staring at her bosom. And then suddenly
realizing what it must sound as though she were asking, she said
much more firmly, “Nay! Oh, nay, you are not!”

His lips curved ever so slightly and he
blinked, lifting his gaze once more to her face.

In the depths of his smoldering eyes Page
saw the stark intensity of his desire for her, and shamelessly
rejoiced in it. Her breath accelerated, and her heartbeat quickened
with the knowledge that he wanted her still.

Warmth flared through her. “Neither...
neither did I,” she revealed, swallowing convulsively. Her thoughts
scattered.

He moved toward her, and Page felt her legs
go suddenly weak. Heat suffused her. He stopped to set the candle
upon the brazier. “Neither did you what?” he asked softly.

“
Neither did I what?” Page
repeated dumbly. He turned to face her, lifted a brow, and she
recalled herself at once. “Oh! My mother! Neither did I know my
mother!”

“
I know, lass,” he
said.

Page’s brows knit. “How could you
possibly?”

His jaws clenched. As she watched, he closed
his eyes and sucked in a breath, and by those gestures Page
surmised he was trying to temper himself and his answer.

“
Because,” he answered
tautly. Anger swirled in the depths of his golden eyes. “No
mother—no mother worthy of being called so—would have allowed her
daughter to grow to womanhood without something so simple as a
name.”

Page felt the sting of tears come to her
eyes at the slap of truth, but she didn’t turn away. Jesu, she
refused to feel shamed by it! Nay, instead she would take refuge in
the outrage he seemed to feel on her behalf.

“
Nay,” she agreed. And for
the first time, acknowledged, “No mother would have.” She
unclenched the fist at her side, and then squeezed it closed once
more. “Nor a father,” she yielded, her voice shaky with
indignity.

“
Nay, lass,” he agreed,
closing the distance between them in a few easy strides. He reached
out with a finger to lift her chin. “Nor a father.”

Page felt herself begin to quake, though she
wasn’t afeared, she told herself. On the contrary, she was
titillated by the warm, gentle touch of his finger upon her face.
“Nay,” she agreed, her voice thick with emotion. A shiver coursed
through her.

“
I always blamed myself,”
she admitted to him, “for driving her away. My
mother...”

His brows drew together. “How could ye? Were
ye’ no’ but a babe? How could ye have possibly had anythin’ to do
with her leaving?”

Page shrugged and tried to look away. “I
used to dream of her face,” she said softly.

He lifted her chin, urging her gaze upward.
“I, too, once blamed myself for things I shouldna... but we canna
take the world upon our shoulders, lass.”

“
But my father blamed me,
as well,” Page yielded. “Impossible not to feel culpable when his
words and heart accused me every time he set his eyes upon
me.”

“
Ye deserved better...
Only tell me your heart’s desire,” he murmured, “and I shall give
it, if I can. I want to make it all up to you.”

Her breath caught on a strangled moan.

“
Anything,” he whispered.
“Anything at all.”

Her brows flinched. She reached out to place
tentative fingers upon his arm. Another shiver bolted through her
as she touched him, and he responded with a shudder of his own.

“
I want you to be happy
here,” he urged her. “I want you to make this your
home.”

Page swallowed. “I... I wish...” She forced
in a breath. “Only... to be known as Suisan... to you... to your
people. I... I don’t want them to know.”

“
Och, then Suisan ye are,”
he murmured low. “Bonny and sweet.” Another quiver swept over her
at the earnestness of his vow. “What else... Suisan... what else
would please ye? Merely ask and ‘tis yours.”

Page closed her eyes and swallowed with
difficulty. When she opened her eyes once more, she knew they
revealed her heart to him wholly. She couldn’t help it. Never in
her life had anyone spoken so sweetly to her.

Never in her life had she yearned for
someone’s love more.

And yet, she couldn’t ask for it. Dared
not.

“
Naught,” she lied,
swallowing once more. “Naught more.” She stared at his mouth, her
body betraying her. Even as she stood there, heat suffused her. Her
breasts began to ache with the sweet memory of his touch. Lord save
her wicked soul... mayhap the words would not come, but her Jezebel
body knew how to respond.

Try though she did, she couldn’t wrench her
gaze away from the sensual curve of his lips. Couldn’t stop herself
from yearning for the touch of his mouth upon her own.

The feel of his hands, warm and tender, upon
her breasts.

He lifted his thumb to her lips, caressing
gently, and her breath caught. Her head lolled back. Eyes
closed.

He moved to kiss her, but hesitated.

In a fit of fury, Iain had carried her up
here, to his bedchamber... with only one thing in mind. That, he
could scarce deny. And yet now that he had her here, he found he
could not.

Damn, but he’d destroyed the lives of the
only two women he’d had in his life—his mother and his wife—and he
couldn’t bring himself to ravage yet another.

Christ, but he wanted her.

“
Och, lass,” he whispered,
his heart racing. “If ye dinna cease to look that
way...”

She lifted her face higher, he thought,
opening her eyes, and blinking much too innocently. He lapped at
his lips gone dry.

“
What way?” she asked
quietly, her soft pink tongue darting out to moisten her
lips.

“
Waiting,” he whispered.
“As though ye were waiting...” He reached out with his free hand,
hooked it about her waist, and drew her closer.

“
And if I do not... what
will you do?”

It was a challenge, he thought. Damned if
she wasn’t making this more difficult for him. His heart leapt at
the look of acquiescence in her wide, beautiful eyes. So be it. He
wasn’t noble enough to refuse her invitation. He drew her against
himself, letting her feel him, letting her know.

He wanted her too damned much—far too
long.

His heart began to pound as he bent his head
forward a fraction, restraining himself still, for he wanted her to
be the one to dictate, beyond doubt, all that came to pass between
them. He wanted this, aye, but more than that, even, he wanted her
to want him.

Christ, but he’d wanted her long before he’d
ever set eyes upon her, he realized in that instant. Aye, for he’d
never realized how much he’d needed to see himself in the eyes of
an eager lover... until now... this very moment... while she looked
upon him with those yearning eyes... and tempted him with lips that
trembled so sweetly in anticipation of his kiss.

Och, but he wanted to kiss those lips,
wanted to devour them... wanted to love every inch of her
delectable body, then spill himself deep within her body as he’d
craved to do the first time. He’d wanted it so badly. Wanted it
now... though he knew he would not.

Never again could he bear to see the hatred
that had been so vivid upon Mairi’s face that fearsome morn. And
less could he endure it were it to come from Page, for Mairi had
never once gazed at him the way Page was gazing at him now.

He felt the air between them grow thick with
his need, and his nostrils flared with the luscious scent of the
woman standing so boldly before him.

“
What will you do?” she
dared whisper once more.

Iain’s body reacted with a violence that
nearly unmanned him, hardening him fully. He swallowed, hard,
trying to keep his reason.

One more time, he thought to caution her.
“If ye dinna walk away, lass... now... I shall be forced to show
you.” His heart quickened, his breath, as well, as she leaned into
him instead of drawing away. She lifted a hand toward his face, and
Iain caught her wrist, fearing her touch.

Once she set the warmth of her fingers upon
his flesh, he would be lost. She would be doomed.

Aye, for he didn’t know whether he could
find the will again to keep from planting his seed deep within her.
womb. Visions of her bearing his babe came swiftly to mind, and he
was at once torn. Torn between wanting fiercely to see her body
swell with his bairn, and dread of her revulsion.

“
Suisan,” she whispered
breathlessly. “Call me Suisan.”

“
Aye,” he murmured, his
voice sounding strange even to his own ears. “Suisan...” He
released her hand, letting her touch his face with the delicate
tips of her fingers. He closed his eyes

as she caressed his whiskered jaw, and a
shudder shook him at the gentleness of her touch.

“
Show me,” she whispered
boldly, and lifted herself upon the tips of her toes. “Show
me...”

chapter 26

Page could scarce help herself.

God have mercy upon her wicked soul. She
knew what it was she was asking—knew, too, where it would lead.